hey !!

i've just come back from Paris & thank you for 1000+ reads! that's beyond amazing also thank you for all your sweet messages/comments i appreciate/love them so much.

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Empty.

Drained.

I feel like everything has been sucked out of me and I've been left here alone and abandoned.

I don't know my own body anymore I look at myself and just see nothing but an empty face staring back and I hate it. I feel like I'm not even in my own body, that instead I'm just floating above everything like I'm not there, watching over everyone.

Standing outside of college feels like the first day all over again, people walk past me, don't even notice me as I stand outside the door looking in.

It's a normal day for everyone else, how is it so simple for them? When I feel like I'm fighting everyday. I'm exhausted and I've only just begun the day.

"Darc" Issac stops next to me, "I'm here" He smiles. I smile back but I just can't feel anything.

I walk inside, people turn and look at me. There looks are full of interest wondering what happened to me, I don't spare them a look. I feel like an animal in a cage.

I can feel and hear my heart pumping in my chest, tears coming up to my eyes, my body heating up, my chest tightening.

I grip my hand into a fist feeling my finger nails dig into my palm as I keep myself together, I feel eyes still on me from every corner as I make my way to my favourite hide away spot.

I know Isaac is beside me but I feel like I'm only living inside my head, all I can hear is my thoughts. I push the door leading to the stairs open, luckily it's empty because no one ever uses these stairs. I only come here to hide away under the stairs because no one can see me.

"Darc, are you okay?" His voice makes me flinch and his eyebrows frown with sadness, "Stop it" I snap.

"Stop what?" He looks taken back, "Looking at me like that" I huff.

"Darc, I care about you" He sighs and I instantly regret snapping at him, "I know, I'm sorry" I lean against the wall and rub my face trying to feel a sense of life in me.

"It's okay" He doesn't move or try to comfort me, we haven't been physically close lately. I haven't hugged him since that day at the hospital. I haven't been close to anyone except when they forced it upon me.

"You're gonna have to try today Darc" He frowns, "I know you don't want to be here but we all care about you, we're getting you help" He stands in front of me, I just stare back at him, bored.

I can tell he's slowly getting frustrated with me, "Darc, you're going to have to start caring" His voice tries to remain calm but the irritation is showing.

I shrug. "If you want to get better you're going to have to apply yourself to, it only works if you want it" His eyes glare into mine, none of his words go in, they're all muffled.

Instead I find myself taking note of his appearance, a pair of denim jeans paired with a white hoodie and a bomber jacket, he looks good.

His hair is messy but it's cute, I wanna go mess with it, tangle my fingers through it, "Darcy are you listening?" His eyebrows frown again.

His lips look inviting and his eyes are piercing. I walk over to him and press my fingertip to his chest just out lining the words written on his soft hoodie.

My body still feels numb at the contact, my body always used to race with fire whenever Isaac was around. I miss it.

"Darcy" His voice is softer now, more gentle, I liked his harsher tone of voice, it was sexier.

I feel his finger under my chin, lifting it up so I'm looking at him, "Darcy, where have you gone?" His eyes are sad as they look down into mine.

"I don't know."

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I managed to get to class, 15 minuets late but no one told me off, the teacher watched me walk in and sit down but didn't say anything.

I've never been late but right now I really don't care. It's Maths and English today, hopefully tomorrow doing art will put me in a better mood.

"Me and Isaac broke up" Ellie whispers next to me. We're doing some stupid warm up paper to 'wake up us' as Tim, my Math teacher says.

"Were you even together?" I raise my eyebrows, carrying on with my work sheet as I talk to her.

"Yes! We slept together" She sounds defensive, "Hardly a relationship" I shrug.

"Yes it was" She folds her arms, her voice frustrated. "Did he ask you to be his girlfriend? Did you ask him to be your boyfriend?" I finally look at her, she's boring me and I want this conversation over with.

"No" She says sheepishly and I roll my eyes, "Then it wasn't a relationship, it was just sex" I go back to my worksheet unfazed by her annoyed glare. She gets up and walks out the classroom, so dramatic.

I can see Issac looking at me from another table with a straight face, I look at him then go back to my work. Before we came into class he told me to be nice, I don't think I've been nasty so I don't know why he's giving me that look.

I carry on with my work, the sooner I get this done the sooner this class is finished. Tim gives us a practice test that I want to rip up and burn but unfortunately I have to do it.

"Darcy! I've missed you" Henry comes up to me at lunch break when I'm in the queue for breakfast, "Hey" I smile.

"Everything okay?" He stokes my back giving me a frown, "Will be when I can get out of here" I shrug with a laugh.

"I relate. I hate Math's and English, can't be bothered with these practices test" He rolls his eyes.

I ask for a drink and some food when I get served at the counter, I'm hungry all the time now for some reason. I can feel myself starting to dribble but stop myself when I get passed the food.

"O girl that look nice, can I have some?" He reaches over to take some but I smack his hand away, if he wants food he can get it and pay for it himself.

"Someone hangry" He tuts, I glare at him and carry on eating. I used to hate eating in front of people, scared of what people might think if I made a mess. Right now I'm shoving food into every corner of my mouth.

"Oh damn, he's lookin so good" I'm almost convinced Henry's pupils shape into hearts when Eric walks through college.

"How's that going?" I raise my eyebrows, signalling the whole Henry fancying the pants off a straight guy.

"It's really good!" His smile expands into a contagious beaming smile.

"What's happened?" I say in between chewing chunks of food.

"He followed me on instagram!" His excitement vibrates through him, I smile.

"Henry, I meant like, in real life" I sigh, "Darcy, this is real life" He points his eyes wide at me, tilting his chin out.

"You know what I mean" I finish my food, opening my drink.

"Yes yes, I know what you mean, but that's the closest I've got" he frowns, I feel sorry for him, he's completely in love with someone whose straight. That must kill him.

"He's going to a party tomorrow night" He gives me a devilish look. I nod unsure.

"I'm also going to this party anddd...so are you" he winks.

"You want me to come?" I laugh. I can remember being petrified last time, this time I don't feel anything close to that.

"Yes! pleaseeee?" he takes my hand squeezing it, "You can help me" He pleads.

"With what?" I raise my eyebrows, "Making him fall in love with me, duh"

"Okay, I'll come"

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