The morning sun made the yellow weeds glow in the morning breeze. I stared at the fields, thinking about the first time Kinnick showed me our house. It seemed majestic that day. The wind floated through the car as we listened to a song that made me feel alive. A light settled over his truck that felt like starting over, and seeing him with a smile on his face looked like the beginning of forever.

In the house, down the street on the right, we were building a life that stole us away from reality. In the living room, there were windows that reminded me of the night I first knew I loved him. In our bedroom, I was safe from nightmares. Living there was the first time I could get away from them. On the front porch, he proposed to me.

Before John could get to me, I pulled away from the side of the road. I was done with running to someone else for help, even when I needed it. So, I GPS'ed the closest hotel. I don't know if I can fully process the events that unfolded in the kitchen. Kinnick has never acted that way toward me. He hasn't so much as raised his voice at me before this morning.

My chest was fluctuating as the pain rippled through it. It never seemed to stop. The pain wouldn't go away, and I knew it was because my medicine was also the cause. How could everything be fine when the person I assumed was my salvation was fine with me leaving? He watched me walk away without caring. How did I go from everything he wanted to be everything he wanted to get away from?

Everything was fine last night. We had no problems. He was laughing at Miles and me. In the bedroom, he told me how much he supported me. The night before, he was telling me he will always be in my heart, but it broke. Now other than pain, what is left of him?

I wanted to be with him. In his arms, I wanted to feel safe. The feeling consuming my body was one only he could get rid of, but this a new kind of hurt. He said he didn't want to be around me. He blamed me for choosing how to get better.

When I got to the hotel, I pulled my car around the building. I don't need anybody recognizing my car. John started blowing up my phone, calling over and over again. I answered the call because I realized this wasn't his fault, and I did call him first.

"Bo - where are you?" His voice came through in heavy puffs.

"I need some time alone," I ran my fingers through my hair. "I'm sorry for dragging you into this. I should have thought about it -"

"No, no, no," he snapped. "I want you to call me if you ever need anything. I don't care what it is. You need something, call. Are you okay?"

"I am going to be staying with a friend for a few nights."

"Not to be rude Bo, but you don't have many friends outside of our group."

I let out a breathy laugh. "I'll be okay, John."

"I love you, Boston."

"I love you too, John."

"Remember, call if you need anything."

"I promise."

When the lady at the front desk handed me a key card, I found myself relaxing at the idea of getting away. Even if my nerves were skyrocketing, I knew I needed this. I needed to be alone. Tomorrow, I will go back to get my things. Tomorrow, I hope I don't have to see him.

I slipped into the shower, hoping to rid the tension in my muscles. The water fell down my face as tears joined it. Room service would be bringing up my things at any time, and I should be trying to look normal. I didn't know what that meant right now.

When it felt like I had no more tears to cry, I stepped out. I slipped into a robe before tying my hair up with a towel. Room service didn't take long. He was at my door moments after I got out with a tray of chocolate-covered strawberries and wine. I slid him a twenty-dollar bill before closing the door.

Staring at the tray in my hands made me think of Vegas. It made me remember all of the things that happened in the bathroom, on the bed. It made me remember him, even when I didn't want to. He was in everything now, and I couldn't escape it.

I slid onto the bed as more tears came down my face. My eyes were sore. The pain in my head was knocking, and I felt exhausted. It wasn't even noon. I covered myself with the blanket as I brought the bottle of alcohol to my lips. If anything was going to help me sleep, it would be this.

It didn't take an hour for me to have the bottle gone. I was calling room service for another. My fingers were tingling, and my body felt weightless, but the pain in my heart was still dragging me down. When I heard something at my door, I tried to stand to answer it, but I had no luck.

Before I could ask who it was, the door popped open. "Bo?"

Trevor? My head filled with confusion. How did he know I was here? No one knew where I was. I didn't tell anybody. My phone is dead, and the last person I talk to was John. Yet, here the black-haired boy is, coming toward me with a bottle of wine in his hands.

"Room service said this is yours."

"How did you know?"

"Bo, I am very smart when it comes to tracking people down."

"Great," I smiled sarcastically. "Lucky me."

"No ring?"

I looked down at my hand. "Nope."

"It was that bad?"

"What are you doing here?"

"I am here to make sure you are okay."

"Are you going to come sit down or not?"

He sucked in a deep breath before coming toward the bed. I patted the spot next to me, watching as he obeyed and slid in next to me. I popped the top off of my bottle before offering him the first drink. He declined, though.

"Why are you here?"

"I already told you."

"Well, everyone says you have feelings for me."

He chuckled. "I guess it is that obvious. Isn't it?"

"Do you want to kiss me?"

"Bo," his face went white.

"It was just a question."

"Why?"

"Who wants me if Kinnick doesn't?" I felt the lump in my throat getting bigger. "He said he didn't want me around. Who would want me around, Trevor? You guys aren't going to want me either."

He reached out, grabbing the bottle from my hand. "Something is wrong with him. I love him. He has done a lot for me, but he is an idiot. We are always going to want you around, Bo."

I shrugged. "Why do the people I want never want me? The people I love more than anything in this world hurt me. What have I done to deserve any of this? I know I have trust issues, and I can be a lot to handle sometimes, but I just thought that I found someone who was okay with that."

"It is okay," he promised.

"But it's not because, in the end, I learn that I am disposable," I stared at his hand as it intertwined with mine. "How much pain can someone take?"

"You are really drunk right now."

"I am really hurt right now."

"I know, but I am here, and John is always there," he looked at me. "We are all here for you."

"Kinnick said the same thing," I put on a smile for a second. "Where is he now?"

"He loves you. That doesn't go away overnight."

"Will you stay with me?"

"Bo, you are drunk -"

"I am not asking you to sleep with me," I snapped. "I am asking you to stay here because I need someone to wake me up when the nightmares come."