CHAPTER 19

James Confession

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A boy of fourteen years was raised as an only child and seemed to be the only youngster in the family asides from his cousins. He had always been an easy target for the bullies to pick on ever since middle school came into his life. He hardly had any friends lest only a handful of them, and nearly all his hours in school were spent being ostracized. His bullies constantly called him names, taunt and ridicule the poor boy until he was labelled unfairly as a social slacker.

With his reputation in school going down the drain, playing the guitar was for him to find refuge from the painful life he was avoiding. Somehow, it was the only skill he regarded as a gift. It wasn't an object for him to escape from his problems. Escape wasn't the word to fit in his vocabulary. He would often preferred the term freedom.

He felt a tinge of freedom and hope deep in his coaly eyes whenever he played the guitar from his fingertips. Even before Lena could prepare herself during their lesson, she didn't expect the boy to start playing along the instrument and it was clear he owned a special talent like none of her students she had taught before. It left a melancholy chill as he proceeded the rhythm like air floating about the room. Later on, he realized it was a distraction and needed to stop himself at once from further playing the guitar.

And so, he allowed his new music teacher to begin the lesson.

The music sheets were settled neatly on the stand and Lena began her first lesson with the introduction of playing the song "Autumn Leaves" as she played it perfectly fine just the same whenever she played the piano. Once she was done, she asked Kenneth if he could try and do the same piece.

"I'll give it a go." was his soft answer yet firmly put in a manner so obedient. The swarthy pair of Indian hands gently imitated the song she played with the help of the music sheets displayed in front of him. Within the hour of their lesson, she advised and corrected his errors as she should do, but not in a condescending sort of way.

He took it quite well, not to mention, his dark set of eyes were seen neglected and had the ennui appearance in the last hour she saw. It was now glowed in mirth when she spoke to him and she noticed the sudden change. His squared jaw was fixed and for a boy of his age, he was appealing to look twice. He was the type of person who would seem dark and aloof at first, but when you get to know him it won't be worth a bother anymore.

"Take this with you, Kenneth." said Lena, as she gave him a guitar pick that was meant to be a gift.

"I don't need it, Ms. Foster."

"I know you have one yourself. But I feel as if I must give it to you since you deserve it. Here—" she persisted, much obliging in her part.

Kenneth took it reluctantly out from her hand and returned an appreciative little nod to her. He gazed quietly at the guitar pick and thought it was the color he did not have before. The color was black, written in a simple quote,

Don't let the color of this pick define your music.

Every so now and then, the metaphor became something significant for him.

He knew his capability when it came to music and behind the meaning of those words, it was true that music had brought colors to his life and dreams.

It was now a new part of his life.

After an hour of their lesson gone by and finally over with, Lena got an hour to catch up with James in a place nearby the theatre where beside the building, a bowling alley took place. James stood at the front building, waiting for a certain someone to appear when Lena came around the corner of the pavement near the area.

He was wearing a leather jacket, almost as dark as his raven black hair all over his head. He stood while his hand was safely hidden under his pocket, and the other hand was steadily holding a hot cup of cocoa. Without even a sip of it, and it was an indication that he was about to offer it to her. Noticing this sweet gesture when she arrived, Lena colored.

Why does he always have to make me blush every time?

He smiled when he noticed the color upon her cheek grew clear.

"For me?" Lena approached rather bashfully before he was about to give it to her.

"Yes. Don't you like it?"

"I do. I just had a cup of hot tea an hour ago. Oh, where's yours?"

"I finished mine. I thought I might buy one for you, too. So, I did."

"How kind." she was in genuine surprise and felt very obliged.

Then, a general second of stare between the two prevailed.

James tried to break the air of silence and to her great relief, he did. "So, uh—do you want to take it? Because I think this is getting hot already."

Lena's pupils dilated. "Oh, yes," She snapped back into reality and accepted his offer when he handed the hot cup of cocoa to hers.

"Thank you."

When they entered inside the long huge room, the straight narrow lane was approximately about a sixty feet long. In the corner of the lanes were filled in bowling pins, and each lane had a gutter on each side.

A few elderly folks were idling in the corner or gathering around the area behind where they would play cards or chess, with tobacco smokes in their hands and they were somewhat contagiously filling the room in an unpleasant air, especially for some of the guests who were none-smokers. They both walked past these folks and a few of them stared and shot glares at them without a reason to, except it was a way of showing their superiority side.

"I hope they don't trouble you much," James said quietly. "They are not exactly here for bowling." He added.

Lena gave a shrug. "They are old. I don't expect them to."

"We don't have to do it here if you want."

"It's fine," Lena replied briefly. "You came up with the idea in the first place."

"That's why I am willing to give you a chance if you want to change the plan. These old chaps are the sole reason why everyone is uncomfortable. They should be kicked out by the owner of this place."

"James, I don't mind these people." Lena looked up at him with a reassuring smile. "Bowling isn't a bad idea."

"You sure?"

Lena nodded. She followed James the moment they carried on. She was trying to examine his posture and movements in the way he threw every ball with force a man could put. Meticulously and carefully she observed this, she later learned and studied the basics.

Once it was her turn, she carefully picked up the ball and inserted her fingers into the holes. She threw it, but unfortunately, it did not hit the pins the same way James did before, instead, her ball ended up being stuck in the middle of the lane.

"I'll take care of it." James volunteered, and away he ran to pick up the ball.

"I'm sorry. This is my first time—" She stammered in mortification over the silly action she just displayed.

"I better stop now."

"Hey," he protested in a drolly frown when he came back to return the ball.

"You just started it. You can't give up that easy!"

She chuckled nervously at his reaction, and her complexion glowed suddenly which marked her womanly beauty. It somehow had an effect on James whenever she acted that way. It was the same with Lena when James laughed or made silly prospects or dreamy notions in his side.

It did reveal his bright spirit and she imagined if she knew what it would be like to hear his boyish laughter when he was a kid. Though it sounded a bit odd if she found herself in love with his boyish past and not the man himself.

She spoke at last.

"I give up, James. You can still play while I am in the background."

"That won't do. Now, you do as I teach you how to throw the ball."

"You don't have to."

"But I want to, all right." retorted James gruffly. Then he straightened himself composedly.

"Come on, it won't take long. I'll show you how to do it." While he was holding the ball, he gently held her hand and tucked her fingers into the holes.

"Toss it as if the weight doesn't mean anything to you."

"I'm—I'm not good at imagining things like Serena." She confessed then James sighed.

"I believe you can do anything, Lena." Those were simple words he uttered, yet it touched her, and it encouraged her confidence even more so. She inhaled her breath and exhaled a few seconds after, closed her eyes and opened them again. She let go of it, and the ball did roll and knocked over some of the pins at the end of the corner.

Lena gasped, astonished by what she did as much as James. He lifted a triumphant smile and whispered, "Try that again later on." So with that, she did again.

They reached back to James' place downstairs where Axel greeted them with a friendly bark when they entered.

"Calm down, Axel. Be nice, my boy." James ordered, kneeling on his knees while tickling the life out of his dog.

No wonder Serena always visits his place

Lena grinned before the sight. He looked as if he was daunting because of his size, but the dog was actually adorable, to begin with. Especially when he rolled over his body in that fashion.

"I understand why my little sister always comes here for an excuse." Lena began, recalling her sister going out several times from the house.

"You should know how they got acquainted. The kid didn't move an inch as many would often do. She's a fearless one. Did she tell you about our first meeting?"

"She did," Lena nodded. "She was supposed to be in school during that time."

He raised his head and grinned where his dimple revealed. "The little gal skipped school, eh?"

"Yes," flatly. "I don't know why I didn't get to punish her."

He made a low scoff. "I think because you always yield." He acknowledged and knew one of her weaknesses.

Lena got a chance to observe around, looking at the memorable pictures of James and his grandmother in the old house.

"This place still looks the same," Lena remarked, aware of her setting foot in the household of Amelia Allan. "I think she prefers this."

"That's right. She wouldn't want anyone to change it." James responded, smiling.

By then, he rose to his feet and found himself staring straight at her green emerald eyes. Her soft and demure lashes, her delicate chin and her arched brows were altogether lovely. Her fashion was quaint and odd, but this made it even more captivating at least for him. He stood there, near to her and gently swept her hair aside from her face. "By the way, I need to tell you something, Lena."

As he spoke in a somber tone, Lena thought he was about to kiss her in that spot. From where they stood, it looked like they were about to. But nothing happened until he averted his gaze and walked to the window.

"These whole years it's been a burden to me. I can't seem to know why but I suspect you knew I've changed. It's true. The years of staying in the city have robbed my soul, Lena. It did real good."

He gazed back at her again, and for a moment she was sure and did notice the change in him. She knew the signs before when they were reunited with each other and Lena thought it was something she couldn't look deep into. The man she thought he ought to be when he came back was different. Wasn't he the same person or sweetheart before? It was not something she was accustomed to, and she had known him for a long time. Even when he was gone, Lena had always pictured him as this positive fellow who would save her from the painful life she had been struggling as well. Now the memories and dreams were not the same anymore.

He was a lover in her youth, but was he a fighter? If only she knew.

"Is this why you came back?" Lena broke the silence softly.

"I knew I had to come back, Lena. What else is there left for me? Other than my work, of course. I don't regret living in the city." He answered, tucking his hands in his pockets.

"The problem I had set myself in was entirely different. It was their lifestyle. I never find it really necessary, it seems. At least for a soul like me. The new world I entered was competitive. Busy. It made me someone I am not familiar with. My parents told me to move away from here for a fresh start. A new life. They think it'll ease my pain for the loss of Gran, but it didn't. They told me to cut off contact with my friends, including you. That's why we've never been in touch ever since, Lena." He carried on explaining,

"They thought it would be better for me to forget everything and everyone here. I gotta admit, there are times when I believed in it. I thought running away from my problems would heal my pain. Now I realized I had wasted almost a decade of my life just to do what I thought was right. Just because I thought my grief would go away eventually. Well hell, it didn't go as I expected it to be. God, I made a fool of myself!" He lifted his hand from his pocket and his fingers pressed over his eyelids for fear if he shed any manful tears.

Lena drew closer and sank into the armchair where Amelia used to sit long ago.

"What made you think that you're a fool?"

He looked back at her and smiled faintly, not breaking his gaze.

"I am. I'm a coward, Lena. A coward and a fool. I couldn't face life. Its been a part of me. Almost my whole life. I used to say to my buddies that life was a joke. Now I'm starting to think I am the joke."

She saw the face before her fell into a shadow, the dimpled cheeks were not around, the flashing eyes were no more, and those silvery eyes of his own were dark and weary from life. He looked away and stood by the window.

For the first time, she pitied him.

"I don't believe you are, James." Lena consoled.

"You are not a joke to me. It's hard without her and I felt the same, too. I always treated her as if she was my own grandmother. I missed her, let alone you, James, you were her grandson. You took care of her a great deal and If she was here, I know she'll be proud of you. Proud of your success, proud of you as her grandson. She couldn't bear to see you like this—"

He was rigid and still but then interrupted slowly.

"I haven't told you this but I've been drinking a lot recently. I don't know if I would consider myself an addict but I take it once in a while if I feel down. Not sure how my gran will ever be proud of that—" He faced her.

"Lena, look at me." He walked closer to meet her gaze again and knelt beside her where she was sitting.

"Do you think I am capable enough to change?"

"Yes. I know you can."

"And if I stopped—" he paused, staring under her gaze. "Would you care enough to have feelings for me?"

She was rather stunned by this question. "I don't know. But I've always cared about you since the beginning. I still do."

He sparked in eager hope. "Then wait for me, Lena."

For a moment, she wanted to speak her mind and say, I always have.

But she brushed the thought and remained silent so it would be safely hidden as a secret. She did not have the pluck to reveal it in front of his face.

She'd rather not tell.

Thank you for spending the time to read. If you want to see more chapters on 'A Mindful Old Soul', just stay tuned and I will update it through my Instagram account in @artdays17. Hope you enjoy it and have a lovely day.