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Gulf felt numb. He stared off into the distance as he laid on his bed. His knees pulled up as he hugged his pillow. The room felt dark although the sun was shining outside, what could have been a summery day felt more like an ice-cold winter night. Gulf just felt numb. How many days has it been? Weeks? Months? He didn't know. He stopped counting. He was a shell of himself as he tried to process his thoughts. What had happened?

He remembered waking up in the hospital, his head hurting and bandaged up. He was trying to regain his memory back as he was engulfed in a tight hug by his mom. She had been waiting for him to wake up, and once he did tears streamed down her face. He had asked what had happened and the story she told him was obviously a lie. He knew it was. He hadn't been in an accident at all, he knew the truth as he remembered everything clearly. The soft words Mew had spoken to him as he had carried him to his car. The soft caressing on his stomach and the soft kisses to his head, he remembered.

He wished he didn't, it pained his heart as the truth was more than he could take. He wished that it had all been a lie and he still was happily going on with his life. Now he didn't know what to do anymore. His heart longed for his touch; his body longed to be held by him. But what he was, was wrong for him. It scared him to the core. The nightmares that still haunted him were too real. How could anyone live with that! He didn't tell a soul about it. One thing he knew was that this wasn't just something to be outed. The moment he was hospitalized and his family got the news they also heard he was pregnant. His mom had hugged him and told him it would all be all right. Maybe she had sensed that it wasn't something planned and she didn't judge him from hiding it. His dad was a different story though. He was more quiet than usual now. He had hugged him and squeezed his hand and told him he would beat up the man who did this to him as a joke but Gulf still felt his uncertainty. Who would react like that when they're child was in the hospital, beaten up and pregnant with no lover in sight?

His family did notice how quiet he became. How he was less and less talkative as they tried to cheer him up at the hospital. How his mother held his hand and squeezed softy every time he startled awake. She must have thought it was because of the accident but what he really saw was blood, everywhere, every time he closed his eyes. He did this to him. But how angry he was, he couldn't hate him. They both had kept secrets from each other and now they both had to suffer the consequences.

He had come home 4 days ago and he had yet to eat something. The moment he had opened his door he had crumbled down. The past weeks of recovery had been at his parents' house but the way they looked at him in pity was suffocating. He loved that he could finally be himself more now that he didn't have to hide it anymore. He had smiled at them when they wanted to and he had said to him everything was alright. He couldn't stay and he had left to go back to his own place. His mom had pressured him to stay and just take a break from college. He could come live back home and just raise the child there. He had laughed and told them he was alright. He had masked his emotions and waved goodbye.

They thought everything was alright. They thought he was going to class. They thought he wasn't suffering at all.

He hadn't heard anything from Mew at all the last weeks. He didn't want too either. He was scared, angry, confused, heartbroken. At first, he had let it go. He didn't want to see him at all but after a few days he had texted him, and when he hadn't gotten a response, called him. Even then Mew didn't pick up. Gulf wanted to scream, he needed answers, and the one he needed to give him those wasn't there. Now here he was numb to his feelings. His omega had been quite too for some time now it stopped whining after all those weeks.

Gulf sighed and shifted. He needed to do something; he couldn't stay in bed for the rest of his life. The past few days he had decided to take a break from college. He really didn't have a choice with a baby coming soon. He would go back to his parents' house and start his family there. It would be so much better for the child to grow up, and he could return when the child would be older to finish his study. His mom had said to come back so maybe that would be the best to do for now. Gulf pulled himself up as he threw the pillow down. Another sigh left his lips as he stood up. He really needed to eat and clean up the stuff he had yet to unpack from when he returned home. Maybe he would be able to out his mind of off the sad truth for some time. He walked to the kitchen and found some just on date pre-made dinner. He had to take care of himself and the baby or he would neglect its health too. He wasn't alone in this anymore and that made it all seem a little better. He had his little bean to take care of and keep his thoughts from wandering too much. As he ate the food and found some ice-cream as dessert, he cleaned his little apartment. It felt good to do something again. He grabbed the overnight bag that he had taken from home. His dirty clothes were still inside it and they needed to be washed. As he emptied the content on his bed something fell out. It seemed like a picture? Gulf curiously grabbed it and smiled sadly. It was a picture together with Mew. They had taken this when they had come back from the cinema.

Their smiles were so bright you could just feel how happy they were together. Gulfs smile faltered remembering those times. He tried to hold back his tears as he slowly sobbed. He was once again reminded of something that was not there anymore. He slowly sat down between the mess on his bed and stroked his finger over the chiseled jaw of Mew. He missed him. He couldn't deny that. But so many questions were left unanswered he didn't know if they were able to figure this out. If Mew was ever going to come back. He had been waiting, waiting for weeks now and he was getting tired of waiting on something that he didn't even know was real. What if this was the end?

He turned the picture over and saw something written on the back, he didn't remember ever writing something on it and it seemed to be written quickly. This was Mew's handwriting. His heartbeat sped up and he read what was written. He read it once, twice, four times.

I'm sorry that I have to leave you like this. But know that I love you with all my heart.

Even though I've never said it out loud. It's time for me to set things straight before I can be with you again. So please, wait for me. I will take care of you and our baby for the rest of our lives.

I love you, Gulf. My omega, my everything. You are the strongest and most beautiful person I've ever met and I can't wait to start a family with you.

Wait for me.

His eyes kept reading the words and tears spilled over. Mew must have written this when he was unconscious. The picture trembled in his hands as he grabbed his phone. Please, let him pick up this time. Please, please. Just don't leave me alone any longer.

The weather had changed from the warm summer day to a heavy thunderstorm and the rain was beating against his windows. The room was dark as the sun was gone now and the only light was coming from his phone as he called Mew. He held it against his ear, holding his breath. Please, please. He was desperate right now and his heart was hurting. His omega was one again whimpering and Gulf just wanted to hear Mew's voice. Please, pick up. More tears fell as it went to voicemail and Gulf sobbed. He needed to find him. Where could he be! Why did he leave him alone like this!

He jumped up still holding his phone to his ear as he called Mew again and again. Nothing.

He grabbed his shoes and slipped them on in a hurry. Please let me find you. Please pick up. Please just anything! He opened his door and ran outside in the pouring rain. He couldn't feel it. He just needed to find him somehow. As he ran out, he stopped dead in his tracks. There in the rain, standing with his phone in his hand. Soaking wet, was Mew. Gulfs heart jumped as he saw him. He was really there. He really had come for him. All the things he wanted to do to him. All the things he wanted to scream at him vanished. He whimpered. He wanted to slap him, he wanted to beat him but all he wanted now was his arms around him.

"Mew...why..." he sobbed and tears streamed over his cheeks. He saw Mew's clothes sticking to him from the rain as Gulf slowly walked closer to him. Mew met him halfway as he opened his arms for him. Gulf cried as he wrapped his arms around him and sobbed into his shoulder. He was trembling as Mew pulled him even closer and tighter against him. He was beating his fists on his Mew's back as he cried. Why was he feeling like this, he should be mad, angry, he needed answers but right now it felt good to be in his arms again. He smelled him once again and his omega whimpered too. How he had missed this. He felt Mew caress his back as he kissed his cheeks and head over and over again. He whispered apologies in his ear as he held him. "why..." Gulf kept repeating as he kept his head on Mew's shoulder and Mew kept caressing him and whispering apologies in his ear. They stood like that, not feeling anything from the rain as they were both soaked by now.

As Gulf shivered from the cold Mew started talking.

"let's get inside first, baby. I'll tell you everything." he said in a hoarse and tear-filled voice. Gulf looked up and saw the pained look in Mew's eyes too... He hadn't been the only one feeling like this. He held Mew's face in his hand as he stroked his fingers over his cheek. Mew leaned into his touch and sighed. Gulf felt conflicted with his feelings right now. He had wanted to scream at Mew and push him away as he had caused him terrible things, but he couldn't, he saw the pain in his eyes and he could feel his sorrow. How he had missed his touch, his arms around him.

Their eyes glided over each other's faces before looking deep into each other's, Gulf breath hitched and his heartbeat quickened. His lips quirked into a small smile as he could finally feel those sparks again that one Mew could give him. Mew slipped his fingers around Gulfs neck and he slowly pulled him closer. Their breaths fanning each other's faces, nosed touching before Mew pressed his lips on Gulfs softly. Gulfs breath hitched as he felt the wet lips glide over his own. Their hair plastered against their heads, soaking wet, but they didn't feel it. They slowly kissed as soft pecks were exchanged before Mew pulled back. Gulf almost chased after the missing feeling of Mew's lips on his. But Mew stopped him with a finger to his lips as he smiled.

"let's go inside first." Mew whispered as he grabbed Gulfs hand and pulled him to his apartment.

Gulf shivered from the cold now that he was inside and felt the wet clothes sticking to him. Mew had pulled him inside and was now standing before him.

"shower first, you need to warm up." Mew said as he caressed Gulfs arm. Gulf nodded slowly but he didn't want to be parted from Mew at all. As Mew walked further into the apartment Gulf grabbed the back of his jacket on a whim. Startled he pulled his arm back, feeling embarrassed that he was suddenly so needy. "what is it? You need anything?" Mew asked as he walked back to him.

"uhm... you're also soaking...." Gulf mumbled and looked down fidgeting with his wet shirt.

"I can shower after you. Don't worry." Mew said. Gulf looked up through his lashes feeling a bit embarrassed form what he wanted.

"or... you can shower with me." he whispered. He hoped Mew heard him because he definitely wasn't going to repeat himself. He felt his heart hammer in his chest as he waited for Mew's response.

"anything you want, baby." Mew whispered as he slipped a finger under Gulfs chin and smiled at him. Gulf couldn't hide his own shy smile as they walked to the bathroom. It felt as if they had been together for years as if nothing had happened but the tension could be felt in the room, the unanswered questions. They stripped off their wet clothes and threw them in the hamper as Gulf moaned as he stepped into the shower. He forgot how small it was as Mew slipped in behind him. They were squeezed together as they let the water soak their shivering bodies. Without having to be asked Mew washed Gulfs hair and body. It felt intimate but it wasn't sexual at all. They both knew this want the time or place for feelings. Gulf washed Mew too and they smiled as they faced each other. The water dribbled down their bodies and Mew's hands caressed Gulf skin as Gulf leaned into him, his head on his shoulder as he let Mew massage his tight muscles. As Mew's hand wandered down, he stopped. He uncertainly asked; "can I?" Mew looked up at Gulf with questioning eyes and Gulf smiled.

"you can. It's yours after all." he said and laughed. The tension easing as Mew grinned too. After that it was silent. Mews hand wandered down over Gulf belly and stopped over the very obvious little bump. He sighed and a short nervous laugh escaped Mew's lips. Gulf felt his heart swell as he watched the little gesture. He almost wanted to cry from watching Mew's hand delicately caress the skin. The feeling of his big hands around the little bump had him trembling.

"hey there little one." Mew whispered as he wrapped his hand around the protruding belly. Gulf held his breath as he looked down. This felt so right. As if nothing was wrong, but he knew he needed answers. As Mew looked up again his smile faltered as he saw the look in Gulfs eyes.

They turned off the water and Mew dried Gulf off before he dried himself. Gulf found some clothes for mew to wear and they slipped into the warm and comfy clothes before Mew pulled him against him and laid with him on the bed, huddled together to keep each other warm, Mew wrapped an arm around Gulf and slipped his other one over Gulfs belly, softly stroking his fingers over it. Gulf laid his head on Mew's chest and felt the comfort of Mew's heartbeat against his face. It soothed him and he waited silently for Mew to start talking. He felt how Mew kept his hand on the pregnant belly and Gulf smiled before he looked up with concern as he heard the deep sigh coming from Mew. Mew as looking at the ceiling.

"I'm sorry." Mew started. Gulf held his breath, waiting for what was to come.

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