I am afraid

I'll always want more love

Than what I deserve

More than you're capable of giving

More than any cup that leans towards me can hold

I am afraid

I'll always be cruel and selfish

Taking more than I can give

For how is it even fathomable

Broken jars can't be filled to the brim.

I think what it boils down to is that,

I'm afraid

You'll hate me the same way

I hate the ghosts from my past

I'd rather embrace your disappointment now

than your hatred tomorrow.

And finally, maybe the worst of it all,

I am afraid

That you will convince me of my worth

And I'll believe in everything you say like it's gospel

Only waiting for the other shoe to drop

and then I'll be left feeling terrified again

****

The Big Sad was very active last night.