[WARNING!! This chapter contains many things that people find triggering. Do not read if you are sensitive to harsh material. ]

Multiple type of doctors kept on talking to me about Lily. She was on life support and they kept warning me that she might not make it. I refuse to believe that Lily is going to die, but deep inside of me she is already dead. Which made my sanity fade and it's kept on fading.

I don't know how much longer I can keep up with my insanity before I let it completely engulf me. I couldn't feel anything, everything felt dark. I was numb and until Lily is in my arms I will be fine. I won't accept that she's dying in a hospital while I'm outside her room doing absolutely nothing.

I run my fingers through my hair multiple times. I look at my side where there was a a women sobbing to herself.

I hate this hospital.

I really am terrified. I never wanted to feel the insanity of losing your best friend; your entire world.

"Adrian come on you can not be here anymore." My mother said as she touched my arm.

I just looked at her. I know she wants me to do something productive but how could I?

I don't even know what to expect once I hear...

I still can't.

It hasn't even been a year. How could I lose it so soon?

I stand up and walked out and I go to Lily's room. "Sir you can not be here?" Said a nurse.

I don't care anymore to be honest.

"Well I don't care I will be in here for as long as I want to be here." I tell the nurse and I could tell she was from another pack.

"She is my mate and I.. I need to be here."

Her face immediately changes she gives me a pity look and then looks at Lily before walking away.

I don't understand why this happens. Why must people lose everything. I just barely started living. I feel like that's the only that's going through my mind.

I don't want to go insane and harm myself or others. But without a doubt I know I'll die soon if she dies today. I just wanna scream to everything that holds the power of life. Beg, keep on begging so they don't my life away. I never the one to beg. But everything changes.

I glance at her one more time and I just knew it was time. I had to go before even this breaks me. I don't know anymore. I don't know where to go. I'm just gone and gone.

I walked out knowing the truth. Why keep faith when we all just die. I don't want to give up, but with everything happening, it's crazy. I feel like I've been here for years without a single sign.

Not even a second later I hear her heart monitor drop and doctors run in. I just stand there watching them rip my last hope of having a life.

I close my eyes and run off.

"Adrian! Wait up!" I hear a voice yell from the waiting room. I couldn't even recognize it anymore. I can't recognize anything anymore. I've gone blind to this world.

I transform and started running to the next town over. I don't know why I was running that direction. Something is pulling me to that area. I keep running until I hit snow. Looking at the snow I howl and began my run again.

I could hear wolves running behind me. Even if I couldn't recognize them anymore, I think Jake was in one of them.

"Adrian stop running away from it. You know not everyone dies, you have to be strong." I hear Jake voice from a distance.

It made me immediately turn towards him. Once I could properly see him I go back into my human form and run to him. As I run I could feel horrible rage, pure hate, for those words he just said.

Once close enough I grab him and gave him a solid punch, hard enough that he hit the floor.

"Don't talk to me like you know how this feels. You don't know the feeling of feeling completely useless." I spits out to him.

I could see the light shock and hurt in his eyes before turning completely cold.

"You're right. I don't know how it feels to lose your other piece of your soul, but I do know that you can't act like a five year old. You are the next alpha, try acting like one." He said, getting off the ground.

I growl at him. "You don't know anything."

I clench my jaw waiting for him to say something.

"I don't know anything? Adrian, you're joking right? I helped you through everything don't say I don't know anything."

I unclench my jaw knowing that he speaks the truth.

"You have to remember you are not alone you have a pack to take care of." He spits out.

"Take it."

He looks at me in confusion.

"Take the pack. You would be a better alpha than I'll ever be." I slowly speak knowing that I just betrayed my people.

I could hear some gasps. Some of the wolfs look hurt, and I am sorry, but I can not go on, not like this.

"Take it?... take it. Did you just tell me to take the fucking pack?" Jake screams at me. I couldn't even nod before I feel Jake's fist collide with my right cheek.

"What's the matter with you? You can't just betray us like that. Do you not have a sense of dignity left in your pathetic self?"

I lick my now busted lip.

I glare at him and punched him back, but this time I right hooked him and landed a solid punch on his stomach.

I hear him gasp for air.

"Dignity? My dignity been gone since I lost Lily."

"Lost Lily? You fool. She's still alive. You should be with her. Why are you letting her be alone."

He breathes in and tries to hit me again, but I grab his fist.

"I will break your hand if you talk about Lily. You think she's alive? No, she's gone." My voice wavers towards the end.

"...Her heart is still beating."

Once he said those words, a rush of pain came across my entire body.

I let go of Jake hand and fall to the ground, puking blood.

Jake looks at the blood with such a raw look and looks behind him. All the members stared at me.

I grab my stomach and groaned, begging for Jake to kill me.

"What happened? Are you bleeding internally? Why didn't you let the nurses check on you?" He grabs me and called over some of the pack members.

They picked me up and they began to walk toward the hospital.

I was in so much pain that I didn't want to get better. I just wanted to die.

"S-stop.." I gurgled out.

"No, Adrian you are going to the hospital."

After a couple of minutes I could see the buildings again, but we still in the forest.

I see my mom standing by the edge with a hard look on her face.

Jake stops and looks at her. I slip out of their arms and fall down.

I hit my chest and coughed up more blood.

"Hurry we have to get him to the hospital." Jake says to everyone.

My mom walks up to us and grabs Jake arm.

"No doctor and save his pain."

"What are you talking about. He's coughing up blood, we can't just leave him like this." He says, pointing at the blood on the floor.

"Jake, everyone you must understand, and trust me this pains me more than everyone here. He's my only son." She cries out the last part, her strong demeanor breaks.

"Adrian I'm sorry. But her heart gave up. Lily's dead."

I blink at her. I wanted to laugh. Why, well because I am the worst mate that ever walked on this earth.

I let her die.

I smile at Jake and whispered, " Kill me. Or I will."

My mom sobs began to become muffled as my mind slowly went to blank.

I felt numb. I actually have no idea what it is that I'm feeling. Hearing those words made my pain gradually decrease. It could be that my sanity completely left me, turning me into a psycho with no emotions.

I get up and walked the other way. Where something was calling me.

I drag my body with me.

It was as if I'm learning how to function my body once more.

I fell a couple of times before reaching my destination. On the other side of the forest was a giant cliff. I could hear waves splashing against each other.

I slowly walk towards the edge and looked at the pitch black ocean.

I look behind me and I could clearly see my mom, Jake, the rest of the pack. Their lips moved but I couldn't hear them. All I could hear was the sound of the waves.

It's hard for an animal like myself to die. Sure we have our weaknesses but because of our healing; it could take awhile.

I've seen wolves jump of cliffs before and it looks like they are in excruciating pain. There is the chance we might die of hypothermia, but again it might take awhile, or in general die because of the drowning.

Sure the fastest way would be silver bullet or decapitation.

But desperate times call for desperate measures and I need to be gone.

It hurts...

Knowing I'm pathetic.

That I couldn't do anything for Lily.

My eyes burned. My head hurt like never before, felt as if someone just bashed into my head and picked at every nerve. My entire soul is broken.

I wanted to do nothing but rip it all, myself.

I stare at my hands knowing that I could just do it myself, that I didn't have to wait for something to take them off.

I bring my hands closer to my left eyeball.

I push my fingers in, digging in deep, not caring for the pain.

I could feel blood drip down my face. The noises behind me got quiet.

I then pluck out my eyeball. I could feel an immense pain. Ignoring the pain I squeeze the eyeball and watched it burst.

I wasn't worthy for these beautiful body parts that makes life a wonderful fortune. I look at the sky once more and I saw Lily.

I gasp and looked at her. Even if this was a hallucination, I was seeing someone that I didn't deserve to see. Giving her one last look. I grab my right eye and pull it out of it socket. Bringing back the immense pain before I completely go numb. I stared...

I stared at my new life.

Pitch blackness.

Absolutely nothing.

Wether it's light or darkness. It's completely empty. It made you feel alone.

I squeeze my right eyeball in my hand, yet this time only feeling it burst.

I could feel people near me; touching me. I'm not sure if they were screaming or encouraging me.

I couldn't understand light to darkness. My mind has given up completely and now it is just an organ with no functions.

I didn't even know what to do next. Do I beg them to kill me or just fall down and let myself drown.

I grabbed my face out of desperation.

I slowly wrapped my hand over my neck.

I could just snap my neck...

I try standing up only to get pulled back. I push who ever it was and ran forward feeling a gush of wind and immediately falling down toward the rocky sea. Hearing louder noises from above I fall faster until I made contact with the rocky sea.

I could feel some of my bones snap and once I touched the ocean.

I realized my left leg and arm were now completely useless.

With whatever strength, I had left I pushed myself toward the deep sea and let my self sink.

I could feel my entire body becoming numb. My entire existence is numb. I could feel my body give up as I began to breathe in water. My lungs felt cold and useless the only thing I could hear was my dying heartbeat.

I couldn't help but think of Lily as I spent my last seconds.

The way wind blows her hair giving me a better scent of her. The way she smiled when she was happy. The way she looked when we made love. I forever will love her and only her.

~~~~~

It wasn't supposed to be like this. It really wasn't.

I stare at both of their headstones. They were both connected as one great stone. In the left side it symbolizes Adrian and on the right it was Lily's.

I don't know what went wrong. Was it doomed from the start?

Mrs. Black says that everything happens for a reason. Yet, I can't except this reality.

"Jake.." I feel Mrs. Black hand on my left shoulder. I blink back to reality and realized we already finished with the funeral.

"They were all great people.." I mumbled.

I could hear many pack members crying for losing their loved ones. Adrian and Lily were not the only ones that passed away.

I walked away from Adrian and Lily's stone and looked at the rest. They were all good soldiers that died with pride and honor.

Some people still had their own opinions in the matter as well.

"Did you hear.. the so called alpha died out of cowardliness."

The pack was a mess. Mr.Black claims that it will eventually calm down and go back to how it was.

But I can not agree as there will be people gone from this world that had an impact to many of us.

After a couple hours people gone home to grieve and others went home grateful that there loved ones where alright. However, overall it was a somber day for everyone.

In the end it was just a selective few staying with their passed away loved ones underneath them. Some people were in a way happy as they believed that they were surrounded by all their deceased loved ones even if they are not visible.

I walk back to Lily and Adrian's tombstone. Mr. And Mrs. Black must've gone home as there was no one around.

I read the wording of each one slowly to make myself understand.

In the top middle in big lettering it said, "HERE LIES"

Underneath on the left side it said,

"

A great son and a wonderful friend. A person with a powerful heart who fought for his place and shall be missed by all."

On the right side, even though they were not married. Mrs.Black decided that they should have the last names.

"

A great daughter and a wonderful friend. A person that gave smiles and cherished everything she had. She will be missed by all."

I smiled feeling my tears finally fall. I breath in everything around me and knew they were happy and finally together.

They will forever live on in our hearts.

~~Fin~~

I would like to say thank you for everyone that read My Mute Mate. This has been a long ride and I am glad that it has finished. Although I will miss it at times, it was interesting. So, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the support and criticism which I will gladly learn from.

~