I wake up hours and hours later, when the truck rumbles to a stop at the Canadian border. A wolf is manning the immigration post. He looks inside the truck and lowers his eyes respectfully when he sees Luna Willa. We're waved through without having to provide any paperwork at all. My skin feels a little icy. I'm not sure if it's because my body needs my males, or because of the proof of the power this northern pack already has over human institutions.

"We will be home in another three hours," Luna Willa says quietly.

I nod and fall back asleep. Anything to avoid the sense of sorrow and bewilderment leaking through my bonds with my mates.

When I wake up again the world has changed. Mammoth trees block out the sun as we drive through a thick forest. I thought Colorado had the best forests, but this is something otherworldly. A break in the trees opens up, and we pull over to skies the open with breathtaking suddenness to reveal rolling hills and a backdrop of snowcapped mountain peaks. The Rockies are familiar here, but so different.

I step out of the truck, feeling tingles in my legs as blood rushes through my skin.

"New bestie!" the tiny blonde flies at me with a screech and a smile that stretches from ear to ear. I tense, my emotions raw and battered, but my she-wolf doesn't flinch when Luna Willa just smiles at the female.

"Hi. I'm Innie. I'm not a wolf. You're Ili, right? We have matching names. This is yours," she babbles so quickly I can't make sense of it. She's shorter than me, but I don't have time to duck before she's draping something over my head.

I stumble back a step before catching myself, realizing that I'm not under attack. My hand flies to the necklace and I lift it to stare at half of a best friend's charm. A storm cloud with jagged lightning. The blonde, did she say Innie? holds up her side with a bright white cloud and a rainbow.

"It's nice," I say lamely.

She wraps her arms around me tightly. "It will all be OK, Ili." I don't have time to hug her back before she drops her arms and looks at Luna Willa. "I saw a necklace that's a heart with all these pieces. You can customize how many. I want to get it, but Goonie still refuses to wear my necklace. He's an ass. Maybe Tyler can wear his half, too? But that's not fair." Innie turns back to me. "Would you be upset if Tyler has two bestie necklaces?"

Is it crazy that she makes me miss my friends back home and I've only been gone a minute? Is it even crazier I'm slightly offended that she gives everyone a best friend's necklace? "No," I respond quietly.

"Innie is a Death Pixie," Luna Willa announces blandly. "She will live at the Lake with her males." Firmly, but gently, she steers me around to face a beautiful, large log house... mansion.

Out of the house pours wolves. Hardy, thick, happy wolves. They greet Luna Willa with the familiarity of family. Behind them are pups. So many pups.

"Hello, Iliana." A tall, lanky male, maybe nine or ten years old, greets me solemnly with his doppelganger at his side. "Welcome to RustHowl." They both nod their heads in small bows, respectful of an older she-wolf, but also not an acknowledgment of my dominance over them.

This was the formal greeting I expected. It came from a pup. A scary-looking pup, but still... The adults merely shuffle me inside, herding us all into a large, two-story room with a fireplace burning merrily and a long table groaning with food.

"I'm an elder, now, Ted. We both are, embrace it," a female (who isn't that old) is scolding a grinning male. In her hands is a pie. She points with her pinkie as the male attempts to find a clear space for it. He's going to fail, unless they start stacking the dishes full of food on top of each other, like a delicious game of Jenga.

I have a very specific diet. A training regime. I am supposed to gain a minimum of a pound every two weeks through a careful balance of caloric intake and weight training. I'm told what to eat and how much, but none of these wolves know that.

I sit, overwhelmed a bit at the noise and the banter. I wish I could just eat and eat, but I know the guilt will be too much. I can't let go of that routine. It may be the only thing I have that is familiar in the next months. Frustrated with myself, I'm startled again when a plate full of food is set in front of me. I look down. It's a perfectly balanced meal. Even the dessert is the correct portion.

I offer the 'elder' a small smile. She pats my head. "Eat up, pup. We're playing Scrabble after dinner." She points over her shoulder at Luna Willa. "This one always wins. Always. Are you good at Scrabble?" she asks me hopefully.

A few of the other wolves, with names I can't remember, also look at me with hope that dies when I shake my head. "Not really."

"Oh, well, that's OK. We'll just have to team up, again."

"I should be able to use other languages," Innie pipes up.

The male next to her kisses her cheek, "babe, you can't spell. And, no, we have no idea how to spell in French or Spanish or... Quechua."

"I can spell Spanish words," I offer without thinking.

"Yes!" Innie fist pumps. "Spanish counts. I call it."

I find myself smiling and relaxing as the table begins to laugh and argue good-naturedly. Tension drains out of me. This is a good place.

—

Our paws pound the earth. The other male's echo mine, stride for stride, as we run north.

We won't make it. We know we won't, but we keep trying.

Snapping teeth, a snarling maw, flashes in front of our eyes in a heart-stopping glance. We veer away, avoiding calamity, our legs stumbling, exhausted.

We are turned around. West. We need to go north. Our doll is north.

Again we swerve. A tree trunk, gnarled and twisted, makes for good cover as we scramble to change our direction.

The king is there before we are. A slam of a body much larger than ours sends us reeling. We run, escaping the wall of teeth and fur, but we are going west again.

No, not west! North. We need to go north!

This place smells familiar. Anger and despair and rotting guts pollute the air under the sweet scent of the forest. The sting of metal in our noses is last to register.

By the time we realize it, it is too late. Steel slams shut. Locks twist. Panting males stand on feet, naked and covered in sweat, to stare at us through the thick, barbed fence.

The other male snarls, flinging his body at the fence. We are about to do the same, but then we remember. The other male forgets, or maybe he doesn't remember. His howl pierces the air as the electric shock travels through his body.

We shift back to feet. It isn't easy. My wolf retreats, heartsore and confused.

"Fuck you!" I scream. "Fuck you, Conner. How could you do this to us?!"

My brother stands at the fence, staring at me with solemn eyes. "This is for Iliana."

My anger leaves me in an instant. "Why?" I rasp.

"She needs to heal without two dominant males breathing down her neck. Without this pack tearing her in two because she is too giving."

"We are her mates," Sean stands next to me. He is crying openly.

"Let her heal," Conner says quietly. "Or she'll run herself ragged for you and this pack until it destroys her."

"Our mate is safe?" Sean asks.

"She is with Luna Willa."

In unison and without another word, Sean and I turn and stumble to the cave. I shift back to paws and curl into a tight ball, whimpering. Sean comes back and drops next to us. It's cold in this place.

—

Willa pats the shiny red vest I'm wearing. She wavers in front of my eyes as tears fill my eyes.

"Are you certain you want to do this?" she asks me.

I glance at the skating rink. Yup, another brand-new facility, paid for by Alpha Alex, has just opened in RustHowl. Will is already inside. Poor guy has now been dragged up here from Colorado by a billionaire and most likely wondering why the reclusive Alexander Clear cares so much about skating.

"I miss Mom," I whisper. It's been a month, but the wound is still fresh. Keeping busy up here helps. Not a day goes by when I'm not surrounded by pack. The Elder Cottiere has taken a special interest in me. Old wolves are awesome. Scary, though. Even Inuit is a little afraid of them, judging by how he and the other younger males will conveniently disappear whenever the elders show up at the ranch house.

"I know," Willa hugs me gently. I inhale her woodsy, scent. "I like this human male with my name," she says as she pulls away.

I smile. It is funny. They're both blondes, both named 'Will' and that's where the similarity ends.

"OK, I'm going inside," I tell her. "To skate." Without Mom or even Dad. By myself, with Will and all the coaches, but by myself.

OK, Iliana Thomas, stop being ridiculous. I clutch the charm that Innie gave me. It's like a little talisman, a reminder that people like me. The past month has reminded me that I'm an extrovert. I like being around other wolves. In the last year or two, I had withdrawn from everyone so much that I lost that part of myself.

I walk through the doors to see a grinning Will. "Hi, Will."

"Ili," my human skating partner and friend hugs me. "These people literally scare the shit out of me," he murmurs into my ear, "but I flew on a private jet up here. Awesome."

Will and I separate. A little spurt of guilt darts through me. I shouldn't be too comfortable with hugging Will. I have two mates, after all. What would they think if they knew I was resuming training with Will?

I stiffen my spine. I am doing this because I truly love to skate. I'm doing this for Mom. I'm doing this for the fate of wolves because Alpha Alex has a plan. I'm doing this because Innie and Willa and Inuit's baby female, GB, love to pretend they can skate, too. I'm doing this because the ice is where I am queen (according to Willa, the actual queen). I'm doing this for me.

—

"Fuck you!"

"Fuck you!"

"Fuck you!" Braxton's body slams into mine, hands grappling. I have a better grip on him than he does on me, but he's maneuvered himself to have better leverage.

"Fuck. You."

"Yeah, we get it, you want each other's dicks. Fucking concentrate, get me?" Conner snarls.

A hint of sweetness curls through the air. "Honeygirl, are you... are you filming them?" Conner, the big, bad alpha, pouts as his mate thoroughly distracts him from training.

Bailey hides her phone behind her back. "Um... I have to go work, now."

"Hey, Honeydoll, why are you recording them and not me?" Conner jogs after his mate like a little puppy.

"Keep your hits strong. You look weak," Orion takes Conner's place smoothly, his eyes narrowed on us. Brax and I flash fang back. We're two feral monsters, alone but together. This training is the only interaction we are allowed to have with the pack, probably because it's a brutal, violent battle for dominance and blood every day and we are just perfect for it.

"That's enough for today," Orion says ten minutes later.

"Our lives are fucked up," Braxton mutters to me as we walk away without looking back. We have a long trek to go "home." The mountain is half an hour away if we run on paws.

We do our 'jobs' for ClearHowl remotely in the cabin we live in together. We spend all day sifting through data and communicating with Bailey about what we've found. Then we come out, have our 'training,' beat on other males until there's only the two of us left, then we go back inside.

We haven't seen our Ili in three months. Haven't spoken with her in thirteen weeks. Haven't seen her face in forever.

"We need a better cabin," Braxton mutters as we arrive home. The steel gates are open, the electric field is off, but the fence remains.

"Why?" I ask him. The log cabin is better than the cave. Not that it's really for us. It's for the computer equipment. We have a small kitchen and two cots. Luxury.

"For Ili," Braxton rasps. He turns his head away from me, unsuccessfully hiding his tears.

"We can't bring her here. This is a glorified prison, Brat."

"Then what else are we going to do?" Braxton asks me, sounding desperate. "We have to do something for her other than leaving her alone! It's been three months!"

"Yeah," I mumble, looking around the cabin. Neither of us is brave enough to say it outloud; this place feels like home.

"Maybe Ili won't like being isolated," I say to him.

"Then we build something else, but Sean... c'mon... we need to convince her that we care. That we're thinking of her, every day."

"I do think of her. She's all that I think about," I admit softly. I blink as I look around the mountain. It's true. Everything except Ili has faded into nothing but noise.

"What about Georgina?" Braxton asks me casually.

I nod, accepting the blow. "She's part of a past that... doesn't even feel real. I keep wondering what was I thinking? Even with the drugs, shouldn't I have knows she wasn't the one for me?"

"You knew Ili was your mate," he points out, but not meanly. We do this every so often, talking about our feelings and shit.

"I did," I murmur, but it's half-hearted. "It was strange... Iliana is so beautiful, but I didn't think so? How did I not see it? Even objectively, like admiring a pretty sunset or some shit."

Braxton nods. "You were fucked up. Honestly, if they brainwashed you into thinking Georgina was great, then they could have also convinced you that Iliana wasn't perfect."

"Yeah." We're both quiet for a beat. "So, a better cabin?"

"For Ili."

—

"Conner caught me filming them," Bailey whispers. "So embarrassing. Everyone thinks I'm a perv."

"A genius perv," I say, giggling as the video she uploaded finally opens. Sigh. "My mates are sexy beasts. Too bad I have to emotionally heal and can't... I don't know..."

"No nookie for you," Bailey agrees. She sounds smug. Conner probably got all jealous when she was caught taking this recording of my males. Sigh, again.

"I miss them," I blurt out.

I can hear Bailey's shrug through the phone. "Alpha Alex says that Auntie Cassie says that you should have a fairly long period of recovery. She thinks you should meet your mates on equal footing."

I hum. Auntie Cassie knows all about psychology, but she also told Willa that she wasn't my therapist and therefore couldn't offer advice. She and Uncle Mattie are busy with the rescued she-wolves. I don't blame them for taking care of those females, first. I can't imagine what they went through in those facilities.

"I can't believe they're living in their prison. And they won't leave?"

"They only come out for training," Bailey confirms. "Ouch!"

"What's wrong?" I sit up in my bed, the covers falling off of my head. Yes, I talk to Bailey while hiding under my blankets. I live with super-wolves who can hear through walls. The blanket gives me the illusion of privacy.

"Babygirl is kicking me," Bailey says. "I'm fine. It just took me by surprise. Anyway, Dad wants to know if you liked his care package."

I start to giggle. Hank is traveling. I think he may actually be doing reconnaissance for Alpha Alex, but wherever he goes he sends souvenirs back to Bailey and me. "I like the palm tree. Do you think he's in Florida or Hawaii?" I ask.

"No wolves in Hawaii," Bailey responds. "I'm thinking Florida."

"It's cute, but Willa confiscated it and took it to her greenhouse."

Bailey laughs. "Is that why she called Dad out of the blue demanding more plants? She wants a cactus."

"She's building a new greenhouse to grow plants for exotic poisons," I whisper.

"That's fabulous," Bailey breathes back.

"Do you think I can do one of those conjugal visit-type things?"

Bailey dissolves into laughter.

—

"This pack in Maine is hiding something." I scowl at the numbers scrolling through the screen. "Money, wolves, possible another facility."

"Reports back from the field indicate that the wolves patrolling the grounds are not from one pack," Sean adds. His voice is flat, monotonous.

"Hired mercenaries? Uncle Devel's team won't be able to penetrate deep into territory without exposure."

"Drone images show at least three possible facility locations," Seans says with boredom dripping from every syllable.

"Numbers of mercs are at least forty, possibly more."

"Who gives a fuck?" Sean mumbles.

I turn off the com and stand, striding to a despondent Sean. Grasping the back of his neck, I drag him to his feet, turning him to face me. "What the fuck is the problem, Sean?"

"I want to be out there," he rasps. "We should be out there. We are the best warriors ClearHowl can offer. Orion says we would be the best in RustHowl."

We both fall silent at the mention of RustHowl. There's a boiling resentment for the pack that offered Ili an escape, churning in our guts.

Sighing, I close my eyes, lean in, and press my lips to him. "You need a distraction?"

"Not without Ili," he mutters. "What if she feels it and it hurts her?"

"She can't be hurt by her mates fucking," I remind him. I've done the research. I've become obsessed with learning all I can about bonded mates.

He wraps his arms around me. "She's happy. You can feel it, too. She's happy without us. It's been six months. She doesn't need us."

"So what?" I ask him gently. "Are you going to give up on her?"

"Never!" he snarls back, ripping himself free of my arms.

Without another word, I turn and walk outside, awareness prickling down my spine as Sean follows me. On the mountain, we will rage at each other, tear each other apart until we're both bleeding. It's how we are, what our wolves need to cling to the remnants of sanity that still exist.

Twenty minutes later, my teeth sink into his neck. I've won this time. Mostly because Sean isn't fighting with his whole heart. He's despondent and a thrill of fear goes through me. I have to keep him strong, keep us strong, for Ili.

I skate my hand down his hard abs to his erect cock and grasp it, hard enough to hurt.

"Fuck!" he comes back to life, raging in my grip. I stroke him rapidly, punishing him, my other hand gripping his ass, slipping around to sink two fingers into his hole. He howls, coming apart, his warm spunk shooting out onto my belly. Carefully, I withdraw my teeth before my body decides to make mating venom.

I shove his head down. He obeys, growling and snapping, but when he swallows my dick he doesn't bite.

"Yeah, baby, just like that. Swallow like my little bitch." Grunting, hips humping his face, I unload into his mouth. His throat works over me, flexing strongly as he milks me down.

When he releases me and sits up I start to wrap my arms around him, panting, bleeding, and sweaty.

The phone rings inside the cabin. It's Bailey's ringtone. Just that easily the afterglow is extinguished. Fucking work.

"Fucking hell," Sean snaps. We surge to our feet and rush to the cabin. Sean gets there first and hits the receiver. "Luna?" he grunts.

"I'm patching Ili through," Bailey announces cheerfully.

Sean and I freeze. I look at him. He gapes back at me, eyes wide, mouth open.

"Hello?"