I follow my dad, feeling a little broken inside. My wolf has fallen asleep in a sulking fury over not being able to den up with his new family. The sudden withdrawal from my mind is like being doused in ice water.

Along with his retreat comes a flood of awareness. I can feel the stares of Braxton and Ili on my back. I shut down the bond with Ili as much as I can, so she doesn't realize that my wolf is unconscious for the first time in weeks.

I don't want her to know how I feel. I can't let her know, because, without my wolf to egg me on, the guilt is sharper, more refined, narrower. My wolf only cares about Iliana, and by extension, Braxton.

I loved Georgina. I shouldn't have. It was all based on a lie, on a stack of lies, but my feelings were there. I loved her and she loved me. Even with the bullshit with Conner... we were fighting that week, longer than a week, truthfully. My wolf was turning more and more feral without Iliana. He was enraged at my plan to reject his mate for Georgina. He no longer wanted Georgina by that summer and it was causing my love for Georgina to fray at the edges. She knew it, picked up on it, and made that mistake with Conner. It gave me the excuse to leave her, but I was already standing with one foot out the door.

And even then, it was all Georgina. I never spared Ili a thought. My truemate was dying. Ili could have died. Would I have even mourned her properly? I barely knew her, which is all my fault, and it kills me to think she could have disappeared that easily and I wouldn't have even known.

A sweat breaks out on my back. In my wolf's mind, it's so easy. He and Ili are mates. He loves and wants her. Simple. For me, I understand that with her Claim on me, Ili gets to see all that love I had for her so-called sister. She gets to know that my feelings, drugged or not, were genuine. She gets to know that I feel guilty for killing Georgina, even if it had to be done to protect Ili.

I would make the choice again. I would kill Georgina a thousand times to save Iliana, but can I say I would have done the same a year ago?

I wouldn't have. Fuck me. I wouldn't have made that choice a year ago. Maybe I could have saved Ili's life if Georgina attacked her. I like to think that I would have tried to save her, but can I really promise that I would have even it meant Georgina would die?

I suck in a deep breath. Whatever is wrong with me is bone-deep. I'm rotten to the core and Iliana is bound to me now, forced by circumstances to Mark and be Marked way before we were ready.

Thank the goddess for Braxton. It's mind-blowing that I'm happy for another male shoving his way into our mating, but at least I know he loves her. Ili deserves to have a male who put her first who didn't fuck everything up in the past.

I follow Dad into an office. He pauses, looking at a picture on the wall. I pause, too, because sitting at a small table nearby is a weeping, red-eyed Mom.

Fuck.

"Mom," I greet her stiffly. The sweat on my back has dried, cold, as I scramble fast as I can to pull on a pair of shorts Dad thrusts into my hands as Mom averts her gaze.

I sit across from Mom. The chair is one of those thick, leather office chairs, big enough to hold me, that spins but doesn't have wheels. The table is dark, polished wood that gleams in the soft lighting. It's a very posh office, but I'm so nervous it might as well be aluminum benches and linoleum tables in a high school cafeteria.

"Sean," Mom whispers. She's wringing her hands together on the table in front of her, her mouth pinched together as if she's holding back more tears. I haven't seen Mom for months. My wolf turns his back, laying down in defeat. He has never been comfortable with her and I don't know why. I don't a lot of things, I think.

"I'm sorry I ever took you there," she whispers.

Dad comes up behind her and rests his hands on her shoulders. His jaw is held tight. His eyes, just like mine, are dark and shadowed with some remembered grief.

I can't possibly sit up any straighter without my spine cracking in half. "What place, Mom?" I say, but I know... I can't remember, but I know.

"Tell the story from the beginning, sweetheart," Dad says.

Mom nods. She lifts one shaking hand and pats Dad's hand as if to say, 'I'm OK.' She doesn't look OK. She looks wrecked. I hope she wasn't in the courtroom today, but I didn't even know Mom and Dad were coming here, so she very well may have seen more of me than any mother should ever have to see of her son.

"Your dad and I weren't together for a very long time," she says quietly. Dad's head bows. I know this story, or at least I think I do. Mom and Dad didn't get back together until I was ten. He messed up and thought a she-wolf was his mate. At least, that's the story I was told. "I was angry. I didn't trust him. I didn't want to," she adds softly.

"Dad cheated on you," I say bluntly.

Mom winces. "Sort of," she mumbles. She takes a deep breath. "He left me, while I was pregnant with you. I was alone. No family, very few friends and I felt more abandoned and scared than I ever had before."

My wolf curls his lip at Dad. It's hard to picture Mom, alone and only twenty-three, an abandoned human mate and pregnant with me.

"Gamma Lyall found you," Dad says softly, prodding her along.

Mom nods. "I moved to ClearHowl and your dad found us." A weak smile crosses her face. "The day you were born was the first time I'd seen him in months."

I nod. I know this story, too.

"I thought we could co-parent. A lot of people do it successfully. You were most likely going to be a shifter, so you needed the pack. You needed your father, but I wasn't interested in having that sort of a relationship anymore." She falls quiet, biting her lower lip.

"What changed?" I finally ask after the silence stretches.

"You were being bullied," Mom says. "Your wolf wasn't emerging. I heard... I was contacted by Dr. Honieker. He worked with Alpha Alex, so I trusted him. It was the worst decision of my life."

I swallow. "What did he do to me?" I whisper.

Mom starts to cry, so Dad steps in. "If they can force a human to have a wolf spirit, then they can suppress a wolf spirit, too."

I jerk with a start. "They suppressed my wolf?"

"We believe so," Dad says. "It explains why your wolf is so feral. Why you didn't shift until Conner did. It also explains how you could be so entranced with a fake bond." Dad leans over and kisses the top of Mom's head.

"I knew something was wrong when you brought up Georgina for the first time," she says softly. "You must have been nine, almost ten. You were so entranced. You said to me..." she sucks in a shaky breath, tears slipping even faster down her cheeks. "You said, 'she's the perfect female for me, Mom.'" Mom lets out a choked laugh. "It was an almost exact echo of what your Dad said to me on that... on that day. 'The perfect woman for me,' is what he said."

Dad rubs Mom's shoulders, his face grey and haunted. "I felt the bond with your Mom," he says in a clipped voice. "But RoughPaw was ass-backward, stuck in the past, and completely prejudiced. I thought I could stay in the city with your mom and just... live with my mate in secret. Then I met Alice," he spits her name out.

I nod, my jaw set in a hard line. My wolf snarls at the name. It's a hated name in ClearHowl. "Alice was like Georgina. A fake mate. A fake bond, but when I felt it my prejudice allowed me to choose the she-wolf. The human was a mistake," Dad says. He brings his hand up and rubs it over his face.

"I was so afraid, at that moment. When you started doing talking about Georgina that way," Mom takes over, squeezing Dad's hands again when he returns them to her shoulders. "I knew that something was wrong. I suspected the lab."

"Why send me to the lab in the first place?" I ask desperately.

Mom frowns. "Dr. Honeiker reached out to tell me that he would be able to coax your wolf into emerging in a way that wouldn't hurt you. He convinced me that a half-human male might have a wolf that would destroy him. He made it sound so obvious. No one questioned him, least of all me, but he wasn't telling the same story to everyone."

"I had never heard of humans having feral wolves," Dad adds. "But... then you didn't shift. And when it finally happened, your wolf was wild, and... you were still in love with Georgina."

I nod, staring at the polished mahogany table absently. "I still should have known that Georgina was fake. I did know. I knew, my wolf knew, that Iliana was our truemate."

"I think they were brainwashing you," Mom whispers. "You would say the same thing, like a robot, over and over, how Georgina was perfect." She shares a glance with Dad. "We were scared, but no one knew what to do. We told Lyall, but nothing could be proven. The lab was ours and no one knew that Dr. Honieker was in the council's pockets. We decided that maybe Georgina really was your mate and your human side and your wolf side just had trouble connecting."

"I didn't realize just how deeply they had affected you until I saw you with Iliana the first time," Dad said quietly. "You looked at her the same way I looked at your mother all those years ago. As if you had let go of the only thing keeping you sane."

I nod, swallowing bitter bile. I was an experiment. They fucked with my wolf, with my bond, with my head. "It took Mom ten years to forgive you," I say quietly to Dad.

Dad nods. "Iliana is a she-wolf. She seems to have forgiven you. We just wanted you to understand, Sean, how some of those pieces fit together. And... we're sorry. We only wanted what was best for you."

Everyone wants what is best for me. What about my female?

A knock on the door interrupts my next question. It swings open a second later. Beta Teague pokes his head inside. "You and Braxton need to go speak with Alpha In. Right now."

—-

When I was eleven I went on a school field trip to Hoover Dam. The lake above the Dam was placid, the water deep and still, but when we stood on the Dam's concrete walkway I could feel the steady thrum of machinery and rushing water humming through the soles of my feet.

Under my exhaustion thrums that steady beat of agitation. My she-wolf is sitting, head bowed, exhausted but with the same thread of fear keeping her awake. Deep inside me the dam keeping all my hurt and fear at bay is slowly leaking. I fear it will burst and drown me.

"Silky Wolf," the Great Wild Luna smiles at me with pink-tinged teeth. I look up at her. She and I are so different. Just like Alpha Alex and the Alpha King Inuit are so different. They are wild and powerful while Alpha Alex and I are delicate and... silky.

"Hello Luna," I rasp out. My eyes stray from her golden ones to look at the door Sean followed his Dad through, then they flit to Braxton, in deep conversation with his brother and dad.

I'm eternally grateful for Luna Willa to stop and talk to me, so I don't feel so alone. My she-wolf's head comes up, then slowly lowers again as if the effort is too much.

"Your hurt is as deep as the lake, Iliana," the Luna says to me.

Tears spring to my eyes. I try to blink them back, but when the great Luna envelopes me in her blood-splattered arms, I break down.

She pulls me away from the council's chambers, just like Braxton did earlier. We travel away from the noise of all the other wolves, but instead of the feverish need pulling at me, lust and love battering my thoughts and she-wolf to smithereens, her arms feel like a port in the storm.

"I have spoken to Mactiir," she says quietly. "And the Smart Alpha... his ideas," she says a bit wryly, "they are different, yes?"

"Alpha Alex?" I ask her. She nods as we walk down a corridor, then another. "He is smart. What... what idea are you talking about?" Honestly, there are so many ideas... too many to keep track of.

"He wants to prepare us for our eventual revelation to humans," she says simply. We step into a brightly-lit corridor. A wall of glass, modern and sleek, rings one side of the hallway. We are a few stories up, and the outside sprawls the city of Louisville. We walk to the glass and peer down. Far below our feet, humans bustle past the council's building, completely unaware of the carnage the glass and metal tomb above them holds.

"Look at all of them," I mumble. It's not often wolves are in human cities, despite the council putting themselves smack-dab in the middle of it all. This is a sight I've seen only a handful of times my entire life. I look sideways at Luna Willa. She must be even more startled, but she looks composed, her eyes narrowed on the bustling city below.

"They will panic, some of them. Some may celebrate us. A few will try to destroy us. Many will settle back into their lives, accepting the new reality," she says quietly. Her hand presses to the glass, "we must write new rules. New laws. Wolves must stand strong. You..." she smiles and looks at me, "the Smart Alpha sees you as a model she-wolf."

I stare back at her, then admit, "because I'm so human."

"It is not a bad thing. Or a good thing," she says. "It just is. You are dainty; delicate, pretty, fragile. On the surface, you are like a doll."

I swallow miserably at her description. Brax calls me 'doll.' It hurts. It hurts that he's not next to me. It throbs, an open wound, that I've been relegated to nothing more than a pretty face and a convenient replacement for other females. My she-wolf is quiet. None of her proud posturing today. She's too spent.

Luna Willa's smile grows. "If I walk outside what will they do?" she asks me suddenly.

I nearly jump out of my skin, I'm so startled. "That's a terrible idea!" I blurt out.

She laughs. It's a deep, melodious sound, filled with power and strength. "Pretend I am clean of blood. What will they do?"

I look at Luna Willa. Really look at her. My she-wolf and I are so impressed with the Great Wild Luna that all we can see, honestly, is the strongest female we have ever seen. Beautiful, the way you admire a tiger in the zoo. I look back at the city below. Now that I think about it, humans would probably react to Luna Willa the same way they would an escaped tiger.

"They would be afraid," I say lamely.

"Yes," she admits with no shame or concern, "but you... humans will love you. I understand Smart Alpha's choice. You are a good pick." She tilts her head to the side and stares at me, "the perfect choice, I believe."

Her hand strokes my hair gently, "but you are sunken sorrow. You weren't hollow, like your males, but you were fractured; split, broken. Now your fragments have filled them. They are full, but you are still desolate."

Desolate. I am desolate. Empty. Fractured and split apart, as Luna Willa says. I can see it, the ground my she-wolf rests on, layered with deep cracks as if it hasn't rained in months.

I start to cry again. She shushes me, enfolding me in her arms. "You will help us because it is who you are, but we must help you, first. Come with us, Iliana. Come north, live with the Pack. Fill all your vacant spots with family and love. Heal your fractures."

"My males?" I ask her, hoarse. I can't... I can't leave them. It would break them all over again if I left.

Her voice becomes colder. "They are not the concern," she says. "Maybe they can join you." Under her breath, but still audible she whispers, "if you choose them, still. If they earn it, the fools."

I start to hiccup embarrassingly. "My skating," I rasp. Oh, goddess, it hurts to even mention it. Skating was my thing with Mom.

The Luna hums, "the Smart Alpha wishes you to skate. Do you want to?"

"I don't want to disappoint anyone. I promised Will..." my voice trails off. I promised a human man that I would skate with him, help him compete on the circuit to earn a spot at the Olympics. If wolves are revealed to the world will there even be an Olympics? Would wolves be allowed to compete? We are physically stronger, typically. I mean, I'm not... then again, that's why I'm the "perfect" choice, right?

"You can skate if you wish. Or not. You will heal, and be friends, family, pack. Come north with us, Iliana."

I take a breath, a shuddering, deep breath. Tired. I'm so tired. Luna Willa is right, Braxton and Sean have taken me into themselves, but I still feel so bereft. So alone. I look at my she-wolf. She doesn't stir. She is just like a lifeless caricature of her usual self, too exhausted to protest. "I agree, then. I want to go. I just have to tell them I'm leaving."

"If you wish to."

I hesitate. "I don't want to."

"Then we will go, now."

Every mile the truck covers feels like it's loosening a small piece of me. It hurts to leave my males, especially when my phone blows up. Luna Willa stops it as easy as sending one quick text, I assume to her mate. My phone falls silent, but the bonds inside me lurch and quail and rage as my males deal with my abandonment. My she-wolf lies down and closes her eyes.

Oh, goddess, I've abandoned them. For the third time in less than an hour, I start to cry in Luna Willa's arms. It makes it worse when my phone suddenly rings again and Bailey's name flashes across the screen.

I answer this call. "Bails? I'm sor-"

Bailey cuts me off with a loud snap, "No. Don't apologize. Ha. Teach those numbskulls a lesson."

My mouth drops. Stammering, I say, "b-but I'm the Beta? A-and, what about the alpha female spot?"

Bailey laughs a little coldly. "Well, Uncle Alex has that covered. I swear, and he made me put up with all those girls for weeks... Anyway, Uncle Alex says that because Inuit and Willa are the true alpha and luna, that any Challenges issued to me are actually issued to Willa."

"She would kill them," I say faintly. Luna Willa smiles faintly next to me.

"So, don't worry about anything here. Especially the parameciums. We can hold down the fort while you-" I hear her hiss to someone in the background, "yes, I'm including you in that group. Leave Ili alone."

Bailey comes back onto the phone. "Conner would like me to request that you call him every day while you, and he quotes, 'train,' up north."

Gratefulness for my alpha and luna washes over me. Conner is covering my butt, claiming that I'm training with the RustHowl when it was never even mentioned. He can explain my absence for months based on 'training.'

"Thank you, Bailey," I whisper.

Her voice softens, washing over me like a gentle waterfall, "and you have to call me twice a day, alright?"

I hum in acknowledgment, "I will."

"I love you, Ili. Take care of yourself, OK?"

"OK, you too," I whisper.

I hang up the phone and stare at it in absolute dread. Turning, I look at Luna Willa as a thought pops into my head, "what about Dad and Phoebe?"

Luna Willa's golden eyes bore into mine. "You worry for yourself, Iliana. Remember all your pieces."

She has tiger eyes. Absolutely hypnotizing. Against my will and in direct contrast to the anxiety racing through my veins, my eyes drift closed. In Luna Willa's arms, I drift into an uneasy sleep, my stomach aching from missing my males.