I want to snatch Ili's hand back into mine, but she evades me by sliding away just as her mom and sisters walk into the room.

"Hi, Beta Sean," Phoebe's little smile makes me slightly less tense. She's a cute kid, more of a mix of both her parents. Ili has Gerald's coloring while Georgina is a spitting image of Jackie, or her birth mom, I guess. Phoebe has Gerald's grey eyes with Jackie's blond hair. She'll be real pretty, and I can feel the bond with Ili make me protective of her baby sister.

I frown a little. I never felt protective of Ili while dating Georgina. Even before, when we were kids, I always felt... oddly uncomfortable around Ili. It makes me wonder if my wolf knew she was ours, and I was so hellbent on ignoring him that I didn't see it.

I pull out Ili's chair, growling under my breath slightly when she tries to skip away somewhere else.

"Hey, Phoebe," I cover up my annoyance with a smile for the little girl. I sit down next to Ili, ignoring the spot at the head of the table that a high-ranking wolf usually would take. Conner won't announce my demotion yet, but I still don't belong there anymore. Besides, this way, I can hold Ili's hand underneath the fancy ivory lace tablecloth if she lets me. A male can hope, right?

We all start to eat. Jackie makes some small talk, and Phoebe chatters on about her third-grade class and their pet hamster. It's actually kind of funny. A hamster amongst wolves.

"A hamster?" Ili asks her doubtfully. "Is his name Morsel?"

Phoebe gasps indignantly, "no! He's Fuzzy!"

I barely hold back the snicker at Ili's question. Phoebe glares at me. "You and Ili are meanies," she grumbles.

"Sorry, Bee," Ili chokes out around giggles.

I want to kiss her. There is nothing I want more at this moment than to turn to her and kiss my mate's smiling mouth and share that joy. My wolf stares at her, more alert than he's been in a long while. I can't put more drugs in my system after whatever they pumped into me in the infirmary.

He and I have to settle with snatching Ili's hand with mine and squeezing gently. She tugs it away with a little scowl that makes my wolf look at his mate with a hint of pride at her stubborn insistence in ignoring us.

"Sean, I got the apartment next to yours! I was ranked high enough in the last bouts that I got in!" Georgina chirps.

It startles a low growl out of me. I had forgotten that Georgina was even here. Memories and feelings crash down on me and my wolf, confusing the shit out of me. I always knew where Ili was. I told myself it was because I wanted to protect Georgina from her bully. I tried to avoid Ili as much as possible, even when she was Phoebe's age.

Georgina led me around like a horse with blinders. I stare at the female I loved so much with new eyes. Georgina is still beautiful. Blonde hair curled to perfection, makeup artfully in place, blue eyes sparkling. Her broad smile reveals perfect dazzling white teeth.

A sharp pain hits me. My wolf batters against my consciousness. My eyes turn to Ili's profile, and my heart skips a beat when I see the perfect slope of her nose and the curl of her rosebud lips. Ili possesses a subtle elegance. She isn't showy like her older sister. Her beauty is classic; a Renaissance painting come to life as if someone stole her right off the gallery wall.

There is a beat of silence before everyone quietly congratulates her. Everyone except Ili and me. I watch my mate stare out of the dining room window, her face perfectly composed except for the hard glint in her grey eyes.

"This gets you a little closer to alpha female, right?" Jackie asked excitedly.

"Probably," Georgina replies, before her smile turns smug, "I'm the best female fighter in the pack, but nothing official can be announced until Conner claims his luna. It's too bad that I couldn't go with you back in September, Sean. Mom, Sean is training me. He's so good!"

I grab Ili's hand under the table again.

Georgina's happiness makes me want to kill someone. My wolf is watching her intently, like a rabid beast who wants to kill. I wonder if she senses his attention and thinks he is watching with a different sort of predatory stare.

"Sean?" Georgina's smile falters when she turns to me. The others at the table fall quiet, too, all eyes on me. I have no idea what my face reveals, but I know it damn sure isn't happiness. Georgina is indeed training with me, even if I have other trainers deal with her. Alpha Alex is letting her take the apartment next to mine. Ili is going to hate me even more. I can't tell Iliana and her family how unlikely it is that Bailey will allow Georgina to be her alpha female. Unlikely, ha. It's fucking impossible. Bailey is probably plotting Georgina's death as we speak.

"Isn't it nice that you'll be together?" Jackie interjects nervously. Gerald is silent, watching me with knowing eyes. I fucked his older daughter, and he must know that I'm no longer interested in Georgina, even if the female herself and her mother are in denial. He's a male, an intelligent wolf. Gerald knows. He's a male, too.

"I'll be sad to see you leaving our house permanently, of course. My eldest," Jackie continues to babble.

Everyone is still staring at me. I pull myself together. "I'm afraid that I came tonight to... well, take away another daughter, Jackie." I force a smile. "Ili is also moving to the packhouse. My mother and father will be caring for her. Alpha's orders," I announce. My voice is cold, almost a snarl. I am holding Gerald's gaze while he stares back at me. Ili is still staring out of the window.

Gerald's wolf comes to the surface, a father protecting his pup. I stand up so abruptly that the chair I am sitting in is knocked back into the wall. Gerald rises to his feet, as well.

"Ili," I say softly, "come with me. Now." I need her with me. I can't take this. My mistakes are circling me, strangling the hope that Ili will forgive me. I can't believe Georgina's manipulations in just this conversation. It's a clusterfuck.

"Ili, you stay exactly where you are," Gerald counters. His eyes are hard on me, peering directly through my bullshit to the truth; I just know it.

A growl slips out of my mouth. "Ili comes with me."

"She is staying with her family."

I chuckle cruelly and, with one hand, slam my fist down on the dining room table, separating me from Gerald, sending it crashing to the floor as it breaks down the middle. Jackie's scream is cut short as it hits the floor, sending food everywhere.

Georgina and Jackie retreat behind Gerald while Ili steps in front of a stunned and crying Phoebe.

"Everyone out!" Gerald orders. The females start to retreat, except Ili. She steps toward me, ignoring her father's warning growl.

"This was not the way to tell them," Ili tells me in a harsh whisper. Her eyes condemn me for a fool, and I agree, but the rage in my wolf won't be quelled so quickly. He's not a sleeping beast in my mind right now, and I'm struggling to control him.

"You are not leaving this house," Gerald snaps toward his daughter.

"Daddy," Ili turns her back to me to look at her father. "This is an alpha order. I'll be fine."

"You haven't been fine in over a year!" Gerald suddenly shouts, anguish filling his voice.

I almost sink to my knees. My wolf is shuddering, partially paralyzed as he staggers on four feet that won't coordinate correctly anymore. "She'll get better with my parents," I find myself promising, but really I mean, she'll be better with me. She's my sweet babydaisy. I'll take care of her. "Alpha Alexander has ordered this."

Gerald takes a step toward us. "Why your parents, Sean?" he asks menacingly.

I mirror his step, getting closer to Ili's back. "Daddy, stop it, please," she tells him gently. "I already agreed to this."

Gerald's eyes flash between us. I can see the calculations in his eyes. Then, I see the conclusion. " My Ili, you- you're not... MateLess," he mumbles, dawning horror and comprehension clear to see.

I shove Ili to the side as Gerald pounces, leaping over the broken table in wolf form. His rage is so high that he shifts without another word exchanged. I take his wolf down without shifting myself. Gerald used to be formidable until he suffered an injury to his spine that nearly ended his life six years ago. The fact that he can still shift is admirable, but he can't take me down. Despite my injuries, I'm much stronger, and I'm still years from my prime.

"Don't Sean," I feel Ili grasp my shoulder futilely as I wrap her father in a chokehold. Gerald shifts back, writhing in agony as I tighten my hold to cut off his air supply. "Sean, stop!" Ili wails.

With a shudder, I shove myself away from Gerald. My wolf wants to finish him. He knows about Ili being my mate. If he acts on this knowledge, he can turn Alpha Alexander on me, and I'll lose her. Shit, I can't lose Ili.

"Gerald," I rasp out. Gasping for air and red-faced, Gerald meets my eyes. "I can Claim her now, understand?" I reach out and grab Ili, her back to me, and run a finger down the side of her neck to her collarbone. She freezes, prey to my predator when I stroke her skin. "I can Mark her and take her outside to the woods. If I bond to her, I can have her naked under me in seconds, and nothing you do will stop it. We would Mate in the dirt." I step closer to her, nudging my half-erect dick on her. I run my nose up and down her soft cheek while maintaining eye contact with her father. "I can do it now, Gerald."

"The Mark wouldn't take," Ili challenges me in a shaky voice.

I snarl from my gut, the sound horrifying a small part of me with how evil it sounds. I'm losing my wolf. He's going to win this internal battle for the first time in years. The truth enrages him; with how badly Ili hates me, it's possible our Mark would become infected and just fade away from her skin.

"I'd Mark you again and again," I say. I see Gerald stiffen in horror. It's an awful promise. Forced Marks always hurt like hell. I would be torturing my babydaisy if I did that. I inhale her soft scent again. "My mate. You are my mate." The words are guttural and not mine.

"You are a mate betrayer." The claim falls in the room like lead.

The words tame my wolf, just a bit. I straighten, still holding Ili, but not as close. "I know." It's an awful accusation, the sort of thing that ends lives and destroys packs. A mate betrayal has long-lasting consequences. Suicide, illness, weakness. I refuse to take my eyes off of Gerald to look at Ili. She is living proof that a mate betrayal has serious consequences.

Defeat fills him. I can see it in his eyes and when his shoulders drop in defeat. "Don't Mark my daughter," he says quietly. "I'll stay silent. Don't Mark her. Don't Claim her." He already knows the consequences of my utter stupidity. I must look half-feral. Insane without my mate's acceptance.

"She almost died, Beta," Gerald tells me.

I growl again, pressing my mouth to Ili's skin. "I know!" I press my teeth to her cheek. I'm not producing mating venom, but I can feel it welling up. My wolf is trying desperately to Mark Ili.

"Georgina?" Gerald asks. I feel Ili flinch in my arms. Another growl escapes me.

"Is not mine!" I snarl. My left hand drops lower, from Ili's stomach to her hip, then thigh, squeezing her to me. My hips jerk into her, hard flesh meeting what little softness she has.

Gerald nods slowly. "I won't say anything," he promises again.

"I'll hold you to that," I reply, "remember what happens if you say a damn word to anyone, including your mate."

A muscle in Gerald's jaw ticks, but he nods again. "Understood."

"Ili, go pack up, babydaisy," I say softly in her ear before kissing it. It feels good to be able to touch her as her mate in front of someone else. It's always just been the Moon, me, and Georgina, two of us plotting like snakes, and the third watching, cool and remote. Conner, Bailey, and now Gerald knowing about us makes this real.

Ili turns in my embrace to meet my eyes. "You owe my mother a table, Beta," she says coldly. Hatred simmers in her eyes. It makes my chest seize, and a cold sweat breaks out on my back. My wolf tosses himself against the barrier of drugs and years of dormancy in response, the effect making my stomach lurch threateningly.

I stroke her cheek, and she jerks backward, spins on her heel, and leaves her father and me in the devastated dining room.

I look at Gerald, who steadily looks back at me. "I'll have a table, and a cleaning crew sent over right away," I tell him blandly. He says nothing as I leave the room. The house is quiet, with no sign of any of the females. "Tell Ili I'll be back in one hour. Make sure she's here, understand?"

He nods, and I turn to leave, hiding my shaking hands in my pockets. I walk out the front door and drive my car around the block, parking it behind Tim Saunders' garage. Leaning my head back against the seat, I let myself cry. She truly fucking hates me, and I don't blame her at all.

---

I pull down my suitcases from the shelf in my closet. Three of them, zipped inside of each other like Russian nesting dolls, are heavy enough that they thump against the floor. I haul them over to my bed, fury and fear with Sean's assholeness making me strong.

Furiously I wipe my eyes before unzipping the largest case. Ribbons from all of skating competitions spring out. Backstage passes, the thin, multi-colored bands are tied on the handles of the medium-sized suitcase. I finger a faded purple one sadly. Seattle's Skating Showcase. I got to see the ocean on that trip. A couple of months later, I was supposed to go to Florida for a national competition. It was right before Sean and Georgina ripped my world apart. I had been so excited. I heard the ocean in Florida is different from Washington.

I won my age group in Seattle. I was on top of the world.

My fingers shake as I dial Braxton's number, hoping he picks up the phone. My she-wolf won't stop pacing. She looks like an Angry Bird with her fur puffed out and her canines exposed.

"Hello?" the husky feminine voice who answers makes me flinch so hard I bobble my cell and almost drop it.

"Um," I mumble, tears choking my voice. I close my eyes in despair, so embarrassed and upset that I almost hang up. Goddess, who is this female answering Braxton's phone?

My gut clenches. Rumors have been swirling for weeks about Braxton hooking up with a RustClaw female or two. I don't know why our pack gossips about him when none of the other males who went north to train had relationships up there. I had dismissed the rumors entirely, but maybe they're true? Maybe-

"This is Ili?" the female asks.

"Yes," I whisper.

"I will get your foolish male for you," she announces. "He is wrestling with my Mactiir."

Relief makes me stagger. This female is the luna. My she-wolf perks up, finally, after the horror-show of dinner. We've heard stories about Luna Willa, the Queen of the North, but listening to her casually call the TrueBorn Alpha King 'my Mactiir,' is making hysterical giggles rise in my throat.

There is a pause on the phone. I strain to hear movement or voices, but all I hear is the sudden grunting of males. "He is in the chokehold," Luna Willa tells me abruptly. "Mactiir, release the Fool Pup. It is his female."

"That's confusing, Qitsuk. You used to call Sarj 'Pup.'"

"Sarj is grown now."

"So is Braxton," the Great Alpha argues back. Is he choking Braxton now? I can hear muffled shouting that sounds like Braxton's voice.

"He is a fool for treating his chosen in that manner," is her clipped response. "You are holding him incorrectly."

The inappropriate laugh bubbles over and spurts out of my mouth, unbidden and idiotic. I clap my free hand over my mouth, terrified of offending a female that everyone knows you just... don't offend.

"I am not!" comes the huffy response. Alpha Inuit Genome sounds like a pup at that moment. Another giggle eeks out, and I grasp my face harder.

"He is able to move his right lower limb," Luna Willa points out.

"Damnit, he's getting better, Qitsuk. That's all. It's only his foot anyway." I hear a grunt, Braxton's muffled shout, then, "see? Better?"

"I suppose," comes the reluctant response.

"Ili?" comes Braxton's voice. Finally.

"You can breathe?" I blurt out like a nincompoop. My she-wolf settles a bit, her fur smoothing out.

"It's a restraint designed to immobilize instead of cutting off the air supply," he explains. "Luna Willa insists that I learn them all. By 'learn,' she means I spend hours being restrained by the biggest alpha in the fucking world."

"I thought you liked me?" Is the scariest alpha teasing Braxton?

I hear a throat clear, and Braxton says softly, "I'm sorry for attacking you, Ili. I know it's not enough to make up for what I did." He makes an odd noise as if the air has been squeezed from his lungs by 'the biggest alpha in the fucking world.'

"I don't want to talk about it," I say abruptly. "I already forgave you, right?" My stomach sinks to my toes. I hate this. I swore off males and here I am calling Braxton like a stupid, weak female.

"Did you?" Braxton wheezes, sounding skeptical. "I'm not going to be angry with you if you don't let it go right away, Ili. And, I'm sorry I ignored you for years-"

"Please tell me what else you're learning," I interrupt him.

"Ran the mountain," he responds immediately. Pride infuses his tone. "And Sarj is teaching me more about all the tech-"

"Training is boring," Luna Willa says to me. "Wait a moment. The males are all listening."

I think,... did she just walk away from Braxton in the middle of our conversation? Those damn inappropriate giggles come back.

I hear faint rustling sounds, then a door firmly closing. "You may tell me what is making you sad now," she tells me bluntly.

Just like that my sorrow is back. As if she dredged the words straight up from the depths of my soul, I spill my guts to the most intimidating female I have (never) met. A stranger who talks to me as we've known each other for years and orders males twice her size (in my imagination at least) around.

Luna Willa is quiet for a long moment, then she asks me, "what do you want? If you could write your own story?"

I let out a breathy sigh, hoarse from telling my story in muffled whispers and choked sobs. "I don't know," I tell her.

"You do."

"I would want Sean to be faithful and my sister to not be a cunt." I blurt out. "And I would want Caroline to live so that Braxton could be happy," I have to force the last sentence out.

"You do not want to give up Fool Pup," she says flatly. "The past is not undone. Tell me what you want now."

I inhale slowly, then confess my darkest desires to this female in the North, "I want my mate to beg me for forgiveness. I want him to shun my sister publicly and for everyone to know what they did. I want Braxton to be mine, but I don't want to let Sean go. I want to be Bailey's alpha female, and I don't want to be in trouble because I lied about being MateLess."