Gods, you're a menace Emily.

Will, I apologize in advance for whatever you read and I'm about to read.

During the fic:

What the Hades, Jase get out of my cabin.

I don't care what I missed; sleep is more important! Go away.

Yes, it is very one sided but not because of my sister.

Annabeth isn't clingy when she's upset, you idiot. But, seriously, a blue burger?? What's your problem, Perce??

I'm not a lovesick puppy for Percy! His face is average at best; I don't want to stare at him all day. What the hell.

First off, Annabeth is like one of my best friends; I don't want her to disappear. Second off, I hate the beach. Too much sand and deadly water.

Percy, you literally have water powers that keep you dry. You don't need to get naked to swim.

With the killing Annabeth, again! I don't hate her!

No, you most certainly cannot ask me for advice.

Whoa. No. I don't like Annabeth. Not like that, anyway. I am hella gay; like, I vomit rainbows.

Percy, you're an idiot. You're dumping Annabeth for "clinginess"?

Annabeth.... And Reyna? Huh? Reyna is straight, babes. Sorry to break it to you. So is Annabeth, by the way. Super straight. Like - I talked to Reyna about this once - she can't even imagine being with another girl.

Oh, and Annabeth isn't a weak, blubbering mess. She's way too strong for that and knows what she wants when she wants it.

My cabin isn't that dark.

Why was I just chilling in my boxers exactly?

Get away from me. No. Nonononono. Get away! Percy if your lips touch mine, I will punch you in the mouth.

The Stolls don't do that; try Leo or anyone else in his cabin.

Oh, Percy. I'm gayer than Adam Lambert.

Get out! I'm naked, Percy! Out of my cabin, now!

Oh my gods Eros you-- get away from me! I don't love Percy! I love William, excuse you.

Get off of me, Percy. Go away.

I'm going to cut off your balls. Get off of me. Get away from me.

Annabeth, I personally apologize for this fic. You're amazing and this isn't at all what I think of you.

Oh thank gods, Will is kissing me.

So Will is evil??? And so is Hazel??? What???

So, wait, it's not Haz?

And Percy can break magical chains with one slice? That's cool I guess....

Octavian?! What?! I'm so confused.

Do I really smell like death and vanilla? Gross.

After the fic:

So... We're married?? None of the problems were solved??

Nothing makes sense.

I'm really confused and Annabeth wasn't characterized well.

Everything was weird and confusing and disgusting.

I know it didn't actually happen, but I'm going to go scrub my mouth free of possible Percy germs and kiss Will to replace them.