The journey was long and hard, like Peter's nipples in the cold wintry air, making their way to Mother Russia. Peter had no problem carrying his boyfriend over the ice and snow of the harsh winter.

"We have not much further left to go!" We can make it!" The mysterious man said happily.

"Yah...I hope so." Peter kissed his boyfriend's forehead again. They made their way up the mountains and harsh winter snow. They didn't realize that somebody was following them close behind.

Peter took a rest and laid his boyfriend down onto a fallen tree, laying him in the leaves and stroking his face.

"You two are very close, no?" The mysterious man commented, Peter nodded.

"Oh yah, I love Nagito with all my big fuzzy heart, I'd die in a labor camp for him y'know, it's that kind of love!" Peter smiled happily.

"I had a love like that once...He was a fine man, strong square mustache and a powerful fascist ruler."

"He sounds pretty good."

"On our wedding night...he didn't show up, he dumped me for an Italian jerk!"

"Those fucking Italians!" Peter hated Italians.

Peter's stomach growled, and he groaned. The mysterious man looked at him with concern in his eyes.

"What is wrong Peter?" The mysterious man inquired.

"I gotta go to al baño :(!" Peter ran over to a bush and you know damn well what happens you kinky fucks.

The mysterious man leaned over to Nagito and smiled, stroking the sleeping boy's face gently while whispering;

"Soon you will be mine Nagito..." A noise came from another bush not too far from Peter's pissing bush.

"Who's there?" The mysterious man inquired, out stepped a familiar figure. It was Bob Duncan.

"I'm taking my boyfriend back!" Bob charged towards Nagito's body and smiled maniacally. The mysterious man threw himself onto Bob and punched him in the face.

"He is mine now!" The mysterious man pushed Bob down and they landed near a cliff. Bob knew he couldn't win against the mysterious man, so he whispered one last thing before falling.

"Y'know Jo....he'll never love you... he'll always be dedicated to me." Bob threw himself off the cliff and ripped off the mysterious man's hat. It flew down along with Bob.

"Shit..." The mysterious man whispered, covering his face with his giant scarf.

"Oh hey mysterious guy I'm back!" Peter called out. The mysterious man covered his face and waved.

"Let's continue on..." The mysterious man mumbled.

They traveled farther and farther, past the land of Tumblr, Schnitzel Land, and Google +. Peter grew tired and fell, but he held Nagito tight.

"How much further till we reach Russia?" Peter inquired impatiently.

"Oh! We are already here!" The mysterious man lifted his hand and revealed the wonderful land of Mother Russia. Peter gasped and ran down the hill.