I sat in my room, head on my knees as I thought. it's been a couple days since the incident and kenma hasn't called, texted or said anything.

I've been couped up in my room doing absolutely nothing. I haven't even been motivated to make anything new, my imagination has been a bust.

I haven't told anyone about it besides the people who saw and I made them promise they wouldn't tell anyone else about it...I didn't know what I wanted to do about the situation, I want him to be happy but...who knows. it happened, I can't do anything about it.

the screen of my phone lit up along with the sound of my ringtone going off, making my head turn to the device that was thrown across the room.

I've been getting calls from everyone and the constant sound of hiro banging on my door and calling my name made me want to scream.

I didn't want to leave the room, I felt embarrassed to go out in public. me, the girl who thought that someone loved her for real. it's embarrassing to get into my first relationship, almost die, survive, then a couple days later, get cheated on but I mean, life goes on.

I'll keep playing the jester.

the girl who's always smiling even when times are hard.

just so I don't worry anyone.

the ringing from the phone continued, my teeth clenching in annoyance as I got up, snatching it off the ground.

I sat back down, this time with my back against the locked door as I looked at the contact name

*

what did he want? he's called about 12 times in the last 2 hours.

I bit at my cheek, contemplating whether I should answer it or not. my finger slowly made its way to the green button, about to press answer until the contact faded away, my finger reverting to my side as my hand dropped along with my head.

this all pissed me off

everything

my friends piss me off

kenma pisses me off

my parents piss me off

I piss myself off for thinking all these things.

my eyes started to water, the feeling of my throat closing and my eyes hurting overwhelmed me.

I didn't want to do this anymore

I got up slowly, my fists clenching, phone in one hand with my nails digging into my other hand.

tears fell from my eyes, racing down my face as more came.

I wanted to break down, I wanted someone to be there and tell me that everything was okay and that it gets better but I was alone.

my phone started ringing again, the sound making me click into an instant rage.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP" I yelled, throwing the phone at the wall causing my mirror to shatter, the glass falling to the ground, one by one as I sunk to my knees, sobbing.

'i want it to be okay, can it be okay... please. let me find someone, someone that will make me happy and that will be there for me, tell me it's okay even when I know it's not...'

"Y/N! ARE YOU OKAY?!" Hiro's voice panicked through the other side of the door, the handle shaking in an attempt to open it.

"HELLO? ARE YOU ALRIGHT?"

"go away" I spoke, just above a whisper, my forehead on the floor as tears dripped onto my carpet.

"what did you say? I can't hear you! open the door!"

"go away" I spoke louder, the sound of the handle rattling came to an abrupt stop, soon following with footsteps walking away.

I lifted my head, my vision blurry as my hands started to shake. I looked up at my shattered mirror, soon looking down at the glass decorating the floor.

I saw the smashed phone in the corner of my eye, the broken sound of the phone ringing and the fuzzy screen lighting up making my breath hitch.

'this isn't fair...I never get anything...nothing to myself, there's always someone else.' i sighed, getting up from the floor with my hands flopped lazily to my side.

ଡ଼

I walked over to the shattered glass, picking a piece up slowly. I looked at myself, the mess I've become for someone who didn't even try for me. this was fucking ridiculous.

I grazed the side of the shard with my hand, the slow feeling of the glass cutting my skin made my eyes narrow.

I dropped the shard, looking at the cut that turned white, slowly turning a purple then a red colour as it poured out blood. I looked at it, fascinated as it dripped off my hand and down to the floor.

"That was pretty pathetic of me" I let out a breathy chuckle, dropping my hand to my side as I made my way to my bathroom.

I started to clean the cut, inspecting the 100 other scars I had from other people. the scars on my back, thighs, arms, and face. my whole body was damaged in some way, and not because of my doings, but because of other people.

this world really was pathetic, everything about it. I tried my hardest to see the good that everyone was talking about but there was nothing.

I grabbed the first aid kit from the top drawer, grabbing some tissue to dry the wound that didn't stop bleeding. it didn't even hurt, it just bled.

I opened the white box, grabbing some bandages out before wrapping my hand with it.

I looked at the cloth underneath, the crimson red colour dying the whole thing almost instantly.

ଡ଼

kuroos pov

"kenma, what the fuck is wrong with you?" I spoke, rubbing the bridge of my nose.

"I don't know..." he muttered in response, clicking away at the Nintendo that was placed between both his hands.

"you aren't going to call, text or even explain anything to her?"

"..."

"wow. get the fuck out" I raised my voice a bit, grabbing my phone off the bench as kenma looked up at me with wide-like eyes.

"bu-"

"get out before I hurt you" I spoke again, walking away to my room.

the sound of kenma getting up and walking out the door made my mind go at ease. I opened y/ns contact, calling her number again for the 100th time.

to my surprise, after a bit, she answered.

••••

"y/n? are you okay?"

her voice sounded muffled like

her phone was broken.

"yeah sure, did you want me to get re-"

"I just told him to get out before I hurt him..."

"Alright, see you"

----

I hung up the phone, chucking it on the bed as I walked back out to the kitchen.

'what the hell was going through kenma's mind? what happened to make him do THAT of all things? bipolar ass motherfucker' i rolled my eyes, pulling some food out of the fridge before slumping down on the couch.

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