do hate you, just not in the way you know.

your definition of hate comes without grievance, it's cold, sharp, and leaves the world burning. making everyone else choke on the ashes of your loathing.

you hate everything because you love nothing.

though i haven't known you for long, tom. i know it's true. love is something that blooms and festers in ones soul - you're void.

yet here i am, waiting outside as rain coats the courtyard in gasoline - of course it'd storm the day you take me out.

glaring up at the sky i sigh, i adore the rain but i feel this is foreshadowing to something i will dread. or love.

there's a fine line between the two.

again i think to you tom, and how you love nothing but hate everything. i wonder if you once loved too much to where you can't feel anymore. and that's why you're cold.

i wonder if you felt too much and your heart turned to stone - or perhaps you were just born that way.

still, with enough force even that could break.

i don't know why i feel so driven to be the one who deals the blow - but there's a yearning i feel to do it. perhaps it's my greed or my pride - but i truly don't think anyone else is capable.

or daring enough to try.

life was short and you're interesting, why not?

berkley, your voice twists between the droplets and i turn and you look haunting. pale in grey light of day.

my own ghost - yes mine.

your lips tilt, ready for our date? the words are strange coming from you - teasing - i blush despite myself and blame it on heavens tears.

do you have an umbrella?

a you merely tsk and take hold of my hand - i don't get the chance to revel at the warmth of you, i thought you'd be ice to touch - the world bends and breaks and my lungs cave - we're in a back alley behind the three broomsticks.

my mouth gapes as i stare up at you - how?-

i have my ways, your thumb soothes the crease between my brows - the feeling overwhelming my senses that i don't even feel the rain.

you're terribly close - you seem to notice as well and turn, come along berkley.

i follow after like a stray, feet splashing in puddles and it's freezing - my wool coat not being nearly warm enough now that you've revealed your own hearth.

you hold the door open and i'm not sure if i should say thank you, it's the right thing to do - the polite manner - you're nothing of the sort so i keep walking.

as i do, a warm breeze wraps around me like a python, squeezing the dampness away, over my shoulder i see you slipping your wand into your coat - ruffling your now dry hair.

not a moment is wasted after we sit down - what do you need me for?

your head tilts to an angle, a rather endearing sight. it contradicts the sharpness of your features.

would you not like a drink first?

i'd rather you tell me why i'm here.

because you agreed.

my eyes narrow, you're always skating around the point.

i blink and two butterbeers are sat on the table - tankards gleaming and foam bubbling. you take a sip of yours and watch me over the rim - somethings different.

picking up the beverage it lingers at my mouth as i observe you.

you're being nice.

a hand reaches forward and you tilt the drink to my lips with your pointer finger - eyes dark in the dim lighting - drink.

i find myself doing as told.

it's not poisoned - i would know.

you give a dry laugh, why would i poison you?

shrugging i nurse the beverage in my cold hands, i have a list.

enlighten me.

what do you need me for?

you lean back and sigh, as if i was the one being unreasonable.

you're rather clever at potions, considering your disadvantage. you wave off the last statement as if it were fact.

if you're trying to get me to help you, try harder. insulting me will get you no where.

not even if i outweigh it with praise?

i grin, you would praise a mudblood?

i took one out on a date, didn't i?

i bite my lip, i plan to say no to whatever you propose. it would be smart on my behalf - but curiosity has a way of luring one in.

what could you possibly need help with? you're top of the class, never slipped up. i'm good but not near your rank.

you take another drink, don't cut yourself short.

i'm just being honest.

i have plans to run an... experiment of sorts. you have a keen eye, i'd appreciate your input.

why not get one of your dogs to help?

my comment made you smile - i'm not sure if it was genuine but the sight was akin to something holy - especially the dimples in your cheeks.

have you seen malfoy's track record with successful potions?

then why is he in n.e.w.t's?

wealth works its wonders.

and did you buy your way in?

you blink at me, the action looking slow and your lashes dusted your cheeks for a moment.

i wouldn't need to.

right, because of your intellect... i trail, i want to say something more. something to tear at you, to get an ounce of a reaction.

leaning forward your face was much too close, i could see every hair in your brow and the way the shadows bent around your nose as if vermeer was playing with the light.

say it, your voice was dare.

i smile gently, mimicking what i remember of my mother when she was about to deal judgment- your gaze flickers to my mouth - back up - i feel dizzy but i surge on.

if you had wealth you wouldn't need intelligence. it goes one way or the other. you either cheat the system due to being a genius, or throw your mind away the moment you realize money will do the thinking for you.

you're an odd one though, tom.

you parade yourself as a pureblood yet there's not a drop worth of funds to your name - even if you're an orphan, surely centuries worth of lineage would have your back -

your finger rests beneath my chin and shuts my mouth. my argument drowns when your thumb runs along my bottom lip - tugging.

will you help, then?

my body tilts forward as you pull away, i blink - am i right?

will you help? you persist.

i sigh, leaning away from you. you're suffocating. if i say yes will you tell me?

i'll think about it, the words echo in the tankard as you take a sip.

shutting my eyes for a moment i weigh my options - say no and you might leave my company, which i've grown pathetically attached to. say yes and it could be my downfall.

looking at you again you're quiet and watching, patient. as if you already know what i'm going to say.

damn you.

yes.

splendid.

now tell me.

you grin, no.