Twenty two; it feels no different than being twenty one, much to my absolute annoyance and dismay. Granted, I expect the heartbreak plays a huge part in said disappointment but I'd at least expected to wake up this morning with a new found sense of clarity and the ability to stop thinking about Aidan-sodding-Richards. Instead, I got Anna's heavy arm clinging to my waist, having not been able to convince her I'm perfectly capable of sleeping on my own.

She all but moved in ten days ago when Aidan first left and has failed to pick on on my 'I'd much rather be alone' suggestion ever since. I get it, she's just trying to look out for me and my wellbeing but honestly speaking, I have no breathing space to think. Every day she's had me doing some wacky activity that I'm sure is a distraction tactic. Only last week did she insist I get my roots touched up because "new hair means a new you", apparently and that's nothing compared to Monday's antics. We spent the entire morning shopping for the perfect birthday outfit and ended up being poked and prodded within an inch of our lives. Why the woman at the fancy boutique felt it necessary to measure me I'll never know? Still, there's method behind the madness and I know Anna is just being the overprotective sibling she's always been.

I'm sure I'd be the exact same if the shoe were on the other foot.

"Happy birthday, honey! I can't wait to party tonight."

I'm currently stood in my kitchen sporting a shirt five times too big for me and a pair of panties I should have parted with a long time ago, all awhile balancing a talking Sally between my ear and shoulder. She called me five minutes ago, essentially interrupting me from very cautiously staring at the present Aidan left behind, and has not stopped talking since. Detailed discussions of Kelly, the HR manager at work, momentarily distracts me from the ever lingering thought of what Aidan could have possibly gotten me and although disinterested in the entire conversation, I fake interaction for the sake of my friend, who I recognise is clearly attempting to cheer me up.

"So, tell me, what presents have you opened so far?" she questions, genuinely intrigued. "Have you opened mine? It'll work wonders on your bad mood." she adds, certainly not holding back in her opinion.

"Yes, I opened it." I reply, sounding slightly sarcastic in my methods of response.

I took one look at the bag labelled Adults Toys and disregarded it for another time. Even so much as thinking about sex is enough to set my stomach off into a whirlwind of uncomfortable twists and if it's not with Aidan, it's simply not worth thinking about.

"You didn't like it?" asks Sally, unmistakably sounding hurt by my reaction.

"I didn't not like it, it's just too soon." I explain, thinking back to the bright blue, vibrating object which I can only assume is meant for 'personal use'. "It's been ten days since he left, believe it or not I don't have a particularly high sex drive right now." I joke, hoping to make her laugh.

Thankfully, it appears to work and whilst she uncontrollably giggles down the line, I allow my eyes to linger ever so slightly on Aidan's present, once again curious about its contents. Im in awe of the sheer amount of effort and skill that has gone into wrapping it and I almost don't want to open it in fear of ruining a perfectly good job. But of course, reluctancy to do so will lead to a lot of what if's and if there is anything I hate more in this world than coffee, it's regret.

"Are you okay? I haven't upset you, have I?" asks Sally, cautiously addressing the fact I've just brought up Aidan in our conversation.

I dramatically roll my eyes to the empty room and mutter out a silent, I would be if everyone stopped treating me like I'm some imvilid but obviously don't dare vocalise my actual thoughts. Instead, I respond with a very respectable, very rehearsed, "I'm fine", the two letter phrase becoming somewhat of living mantra for me these past few days.

Thank god she can't actually see my face. She'd sure see straight through my lie.

"Amelia, come on, you don't have to lie to me, you know that." she replies, seeing, or rather hearing it anyway.

"I'm not lying, I am fine." I defend, needing to both get my point across and have her believe me.

The truth is, I do feel fine. Obviously I miss Aidan terribly and would give anything to have him back but it isn't like the last time. There's no moping around feeling sorry for myself, or any sickening depression sneaking its way into my body at an unforgiving pace. The simple fact of the matter is not only did Aidan teach me how to love myself again, he taught me how to accept life for what it is and learn to roll with it. We don't always get what we want and half the battle is realising that and proceeding onwards anyway. I'm much happier in my own skin and for the first time in a very long time, I feel strong enough to move on with my life.

I'll never get over him, that's something I've come to accept but that certainly doesn't mean I don't have potential to be happy in life. After all, I did promise him I'd try. And that's exactly what I'm going to do.

Try.

"Okay, just try to have fun today, you deserve a day off from all the heartache." she says, or rather demands. "We'll see you tonight." she then adds, indeed referring to herself and Carter, who have now become somewhat serious and are tagging along to the birthday celebrations this evening.

Jess and Chloe have some big reveal planned and although I admire their efforts, I'm much rather stay indoors and stuff myself with junk food.

"Yeah, see you tonight, Sal. Say hi to Carter for me." I laugh, knowing already that she spent the night as his and will likely still be there. "And thank you, for the present and for the last week or so." I add, needing her to hear my sincere gratitude.

Truth be told, Sal has been my rock at work and between her, Hayley, Jess, Chloe and Anna, I really have had no reason to even slightly dwell on the past. In a way, I have them to thank for that, although distraction methods have a way of failing at times and I find at night, when they're not around, Aidan plagues my dreams to an extremity. Every evening, without fail, he appears to me dressed in a three piece suit and as I slowly make my way down the aisle towards him, decked out to the nines in a beautiful white dress and gorgeous heels, I suddenly lose the ability to move and watch in horror as Sophie comes along and claims him as her husband, instead.

It more often than not results in me waking up sobbing and I partly blame that for Anna's reluctancy to leave. She sees this on a daily basis and although I can pretend to be fine on a basic level, there's only a degree of certainty in which I can lie to. There is simply no escaping the hurt I feel at him leaving me. There's no escaping the love I'll never have.

"Don't mention it, honey! Later!"

Just before we disconnect, I hear a manly voice travel down the line and wonder what on earth Jess and Chloe are up to for Carter to be asking which tie best suits his shirt. This 'surprise' was supposed to be a casual gathering of sorts, yet as the day goes on, I'm growing more and more suspicious. I swear to god if they've planned a huge party for us, I'll scream. It's not that I want to be ungrateful or anything but surely they'd understand I'm in no mood to be so socialising with a large group of people, all awhile acting as though my entire world has not recently been tuned upside down.

That being said, today is not just about me. Thanks to my parents and their ability to procreate at such a rapid pace, Anna and I share a birthday and she's entitled to enjoy it as much as anyone on their special day. Because of that, I decide it's for the best that I open Aidan's present now while she's still sleeping. That way, should I wish to have a little cry, I can do so in the privacy of my own company.

So, without further ado, I pick up the small box, detailing its smooth outline and then, eventually building up enough courage to tare back the sticky tape, delicately remove the paper to discover a simple black box with a velvet finish. I cautiously run my fingers along the soft surface before clasping my fingers under the seam and pulling open the lid; surprised at what I come face to face with.

The picture I took of myself and Aidan in New York stares back at me with the words 'Amelia, my darling, always' written underneath on the white strip. I don't fail to notice those are the exact words written on my non-existent engagement ring and before I know it, tears are freely rolling down my eyes as I openly sob in the middle of my kitchen, thankful that Anna is still soundly asleep in my bed. I clutch the image with an aggressive desperation and bring it closer to my eyes to view the man I miss with all my heart. Of course he couldn't keep this, if Sophie had saw it she would know about us and that would essentially ruin everything for him. Still, it would've been nice for him to have kept something to remind him of our time together but I'm realistic in the knowledge that he couldn't.

Fortunately, I finally manage to calm down enough to stop the tears from flowing and quickly blow my nose in a tissue before placing the photo face down, suddenly growing too weak to look at it. Upon doing so, I instantly notice something written on the back in smaller letters; a username and password. Unsure what it's for, I grab my laptop and bring it to rest on the kitchen counter, typing in the web address provided by Aidan's neat handwriting. I then fill in the details and once in, discover it's some sort of online blog site for undiscovered writers, myself included, apparently. I instantly recognise the article titled 'How to wear the correct shade for you' and frown through my confusion before the reality of the situation hits me at full force. I'm slightly bewildered but find myself uncontrollably laughing at Aidan and his sneaky ways.

He's only gone and typed up every last article I've ever written and posted it online with beautiful images to match. For a while, I aimlessly search through the earlier posts and notice various comments from people stating how much they 'enjoy my writing' or 'adore my advice'; each one making me deliriously happy and strangely enough, confident. If people actually enjoy my work this much, perhaps my dream to become freelance isn't as unrealistic as I'd originally thought.

"What are you giggling at?" interrupts Anna, leaving my bedroom in what can only be described in a zombie-like state.

Instead of answering, I turn the laptop screen around to face her and watch as her brain registers what is being presented to her.

"You didn't tell me you started a blog!" she accuses, looking slightly offended, but proud nevertheless.

"I didn't." I reply, defensively so. "Aidan did."

Her eyebrows shoot up at the mere mention of him and while still scanning the contents of the screen , rather impressively states, "Babe, you have over five thousand subscribers and look, this guy works for Fashion Weekly magazine and has commented saying how great you are!"

At this, I join her in looking at the comment left by Simon West, chief editor at Fashion Weekly and squeal when I come to realise how real this is. This is huge!

"Wow! And Aidan did all this without you knowing?" she asks, still aimlessly scrolling.

I nod my head and take a seat on my kitchen stool, suddenly not feeling too great. I'd give anything to be able to call him now, to thank him for doing this but of course, that would mean breaching our 'no more contact' agreement and not about to interfere with that now.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to bring him up. I've made you all sad now." apologises Anna, scooting her body next to mine as a way of nudging me, a sign of affection.

"Don't be sorry, I'm fine." I reply, hoping to sound as sincere as I feel. "I know you think I'm not and I don't blame you, all things considered but you have to trust me. It's not like the last time, I feel different. I'm miserable right now because I miss him but I'm not depressed and I can assure you I don't ever plan on going down that route again. I know I won't find another man like him but we can't be together and the sooner I come to accept that, the better it is for me. Just give me a little time to get over it, okay?" I conclude, feeling rather relieved afterwards.

She seems rather appreciative of my explanation and while nodding her head in understanding, boldly takes hold of my slightly trembling hand and gently positions it in her own.

"I do trust you, I just like to keep an eye on things." she informs, offering up a lopsided grin. "You really are the bravest person I know. I've never known anyone to have so much shit thrown at them and still come out on top afterwards. I'm proud of you." she whispers, warming my heart with her generous words. "I have a feeling this'll all work out for you, Amelia. I just know one day you're going to be really happy."

Had I not already been so emotional I may have had the strength to hold back the tears but her words metaphorically hit me straight in the chest and I find myself shedding a tear or two at the intensity in which they register at.

"I am happy." I quickly defend, needing her to know this. "I'm happy I knew him." I elaborate, further thinking about Aidan and our time spent together. "And I'm happy I got this last month with him."

At this, she all but launches herself at me and whilst wrapping her arms firmly around my shoulders, squeezes me into a bone crunching hug.

"Wow, what's this for?" I question, offering up a simultaneous giggle that undoubtedly portrays my surprise.

"I just love you, that's all." she explains, needing to say nothing more than that for me to squeeze her back. "and happy birthday." she continues, bring my attention back to today and it's true significance.

"Oh yeah, happy birthday, too." I reply, grinning at the fact I momentarily forgot we were turning twenty two.

Talk about being side tracked.

Although, it's to be expected really as I don't normally put much thought into my birthday but for some reason, this year feels important to me. Perhaps its a metaphor for finally moving forward in life without the added stress of the last four years weighing me down. And while the idea of starting my twenty second year of life without the one man I've only ever loved feels about as appealing as gauging my own eyes out, I refuse to live the rest of my days in denial. Aidan loves me, I know that, but our time together is up and although accepting that is easier said than done, I understand that eventually I'll have to and the sooner I do, the better.

"You know, I have a feeling this will be our best one yet." interrupts Anna, pulling away from our embrace to look me dead in the eye, emphasising true sincerity behind her words.

I offer her a small, appreciative smile and nod my head in agreement.

"Yeah? Well, I'll toast to that. Come on, I'll make us some tea." I reply, flicking the switch on the kettle and positioning two mugs on the counter top. "Here's to being twenty two!"

~~~~

Meeting up with Jess and Chloe proves far more energy consuming than originally thought and although being treated to a one hour body massage and a thirty minute manicure, I feel anything but relaxed. Their constant talk of all things non-Aidan related is exhausting to keep up with, not to mention incredibly unnecessary. It's obvious there a huge elephant in the room and everyone's insistence to not address it is drawing more attention to the fact that he is no longer here.

"Did he get back to London safely?" I abruptly ask, rather rudely interrupting their discussion regarding today's weather.

Both Chloe and Jess share an awkward exchange with Anna and whilst all three of them shift uncomfortably in their seats, I merely roll my eyes at their uncalled for reaction and turn my attention elsewhere.

"It's okay to talk about him, I just want to know if he got there okay." I defend, enjoying the feeling of my scalp being lightly massaged by the beautician who earlier introduced herself as Juliet.

Her fingers work like heaven over my skin and I have to suppress the sudden urge to vocalise my appreciation for fear of scaring the poor woman away. I had thought it was odd that Jess and Chloe brought us here in the first place but their claims of the entire thing being mandatory as this evenings 'surprise' venue may not let us in if we are anything less than pristine essentially tipped me over the edge. So for their sake, Anna and I have endured a full body wax; legs, arms and a Brazilian, Suffered through getting our makeup done and now, all four of us are subject to getting our hair styled.

At least the complimentary champagne is going down a treat.

"Yeah, he got back safely." offers Jess, saying no more on the matter before changing the subject to this evenings outfit choice. "So, your dress for tonight is red and off the shoulder? You should definitely have your hair up for that." she instructs, really giving me no option in regards to choosing myself.

Laughing, I go along with her bossy demands and agree to having my hair styled into an up do position, silently giggling when Juliet shoots me a 'dare we agree to anything else' look. By the time she finishes, my freshly coloured caramel locks are neatly pinned up, held in place with rather elegant crystal clips, each one shimmering under the salons florescent lighting as I turn to further inspect her work. She's done an immaculate job and with the occasional loose stand hanging freely over my shoulder, I have to admit I've never seem my hair in such a pretty way before.

"Do you like it?" asks Anna, looking just as beautiful in her own loosely curled style.

"Yes!" I express, making Jess and Chloe laugh as they too, appear with similar looking hair to Anna's.

"Wow. You two look fab! Amazing even." cries Chloe, looking as though she may break down into actual tears at any given moment.

Seeing this, Jess decides to crack a joke at her expense, mocking her for being so emotionally inclined and even goes as far as accusing of her being pregnant for being so in tune with her feelings lately.

"If I were pregnant, I wouldn't be able to do this, would I?" she scoffs, whilst rather generously taking a large gulp of champagne, which results in her almost chocking on the damn thing.

I immediately laugh and realise I'm doing so for the first time in ten days; my ability to do so somewhat shocking me slightly. It sounds dramatic but I'd half expected to never experience the emotion associated with laughing ever again, yet here I am, cracking up at the expense of my almost dying best friend.

"Chloe! You'll ruin your makeup!" yells Jess, desperately trying to wipe away the champagne dribbles she is so insistent on making.

Anna and I simple watch on from the sidelines and snicker at the pairs hilarious antics whilst offering no real support on the situation, other than videoing the entire ordeal.

"Are you filming this?" scolds Jess, sounding much like a mother telling off her children.