Raising my glass up to a loud clink creates a domino effect of brightly uttered out mumbles of gratitude, alongside a joyous chorus of cheers, each one giddy with anticipation.

"Right girls, food. What we having? Chinese or pizza?" questions Anna, taking charge of the situation whilst rather generously taking a large swig of her white wine.

"Pizza! Always pizza." replies Sally, seemingly delighted by prospect of stuffing ourselves silly with cheesy goodness.

Having decided it was much needed and long overdue, I invited Chloe, Jess, Hayley, Sally and Anna around for girls night with strict instructions to supply the evening with copious amounts of alcohol and junk food, because even us girls deserve to pig out every once in a while. Besides, it's necessary to partake in a healthy dose of girl talk and although today marks one week exactly until Aidan leaves for England, the pair of us decided it would be good for us to spend the night apart, with friends.

Which is why Aidan and the boys, and by boys I mean Drew, Dylan and Kyle, have all opted out for their own version of guys night and I believe are doing so with a pub crawl inspired night out. According to Kyle, who is texting Hayley nonstop, they're on their third bar already and with Dylan promising to get them all "positively hammered" I can only image the state they're going to come home in.

That being said, Aidan and I have baby sitting duties tomorrow evening, having offered to do so for my Dad and Hannah so I don't expect him to drink too much. Originally, it was only supposed to be me, Ethan and Emily but Aidan suggested helping out and offered to bring April along for the ride, promising an action packed sleepover.

This afternoon, we went grocery shopping for the occasion and loaded up on the essentials; candy, soda and most importantly, face masks. "They'll love it!" I'd promised Aidan, who looked rather reluctant at the time but proceeded to shove the items in our basket and pay for them at the checkout. I even managed to persuade him to buy Frozen on DVD because, well, why the hell not?

"Oh Christ, Drew has send me a picture. Look at the state of this!" laughs Jess, flashing us all her phone screen to show us a picture of Dylan in a somewhat compromising position with a signpost.

"Oh great, I'll be looking after his drunk ass tonight." sighs Chloe, sipping cautiously on her drink now, too wary of exceeding her limit, no doubt.

I allow myself a silent giggle at the expense of Dylan and his drunken antics before pulling out my own phone, composing a quick text to Aidan.

I hit send and leave my phone on my kitchen counter, deciding afterwards to rummage through my drawers in an attempt to locate the many pizza menus I know I have hidden somewhere. I manage to find two before my phone beeps, alerting me of an incoming text message and while passing the menus over to Anna, I reach for my wine and phone, opening the unread text straight away.

So much for not drinking too much, Aidan.

I do nothing but roll my eyes at the attempt he so willingly makes at composing a decent enough text message and focus in on the various spelling mistakes and appalling grammar, all hinting towards his far from sober mind. I then laugh, hoping his night out provides him the head space he's been so desperate for lately. It's no secret how Aidan and I feel about one another so it makes logical sense that we spend as much time as humanly possible together before he leaves. Still, it's not healthy to be doing so and I've noticed his decline in mood lately.

Since we returned from New York he's been acting odd, making a point to hide his phone and getting jittery every time it goes off. Only last night, when I accidentally saw an incoming call coming through from Sophie, did he loose his cool. He got very angry and proceeded to take the call in the next room, slamming the door behind him as he went. Granted, he apologised afterwards for his abrupt behaviour and while I assured him it was okay, I'd be lying if I said I weren't slightly concerned for his well being.

Angry sex. That's eventually what it had boiled down to. Taking me from behind while slamming his hips into me like I was the root to all his problems had left him grunting like a raging bull, high on fury. And the way his nails had dug, hungrily, into my bare flesh has now left me marked and bruised, which may well have left some people in a state of alarm but not me. I'd been more than happy to accommodate his needs, even enjoying the experience slightly.

"Babe, we've decided what we want, what you having?" questions Hayley, interrupting me from my rather vivid daydreaming by loudly slurping on her orange juice.

"Ham and pineapple pizza, please and throw in some garlic bread! I love that stuff." I reply, sliding away my phone and entering my living room, which now resembles a party, thanks to the small gathering of people in it.

Hayley quickly writes down my request and presents it to Sally, who then proceeds to place the order through the restaurants website, before proudly announcing we're eligible for free delivery, much to everyone's delight. We then carry on chatting aimlessly about various topics for a while, stopping only when food arrives to plate up the carb induced coma I'm sure we're all about to fall victim to. This leaves us in a comfortable silence while we eat, the muted sounds of everyone enjoying their food the only noise that can be heard, until Jess chooses to speak, that is.

"So how was New York, Amelia? Did you see anyone you used to know?" she asks, absentmindedly chewing on a piece of pepperoni and directing her line of sight straight at me.

"Oh please," interrupts Hayley, loading her plate up with more chicken wings than she can physically stomach, "her and Aidan probably never left the hotel room the entire time! Do you know how hard it was to get him to agree to guys night? I had to practically pry him away from Amelia's hip!" she laughs, clearly unaware of Jess and Chloe's knowledge, or lack thereof, in regards to mine and Aidan's relationship.

Shit balls.

As if right on cue, the pair share a knowing glance before simultaneously breaking out into laughter, Chloe almost chocking on her garlic bread in the process.

"Leave it to Hayley to spill your deepest, darkest secrets, huh?" laughs Anna, triggering a head nod of agreement from Sally, sitting across the way.

"Shit, sorry, did they not know?" enquires Hayley, suddenly sporting a mortified expression, as if somehow apologising can undo her words.

I shake my head in her general direction but offer up a friendly smile, keen for her to know that I in no way blame or resent her for indirectly spilling my secret.

"We didn't know per say but we had our suspicions." admits Jess, offering me a subtle wink. "Thanks for confirming things though, Haylez." she adds, laughing once again at the expense of poor Hayley and her minor slip up.

She looks just about ready to die from embarrassment.

"So you and Aidan. What's the deal?" questions Chloe, all previous signs of playfulness gone as her serious expression comes out.

"Not what you think." I quickly reply, keen to be as clear as possible in my way of explaining things. "We're just seeing each other until he goes back to England." I add, feeling the all too familiar rise of bile in my throat at the mere mention of his departure.

"Right, but are you sleeping with him?" asks Jess, certainly not beating around the bush.

I share a quick glance with Anna and whilst preparing myself for the inevitable lecture that is sure to come as a direct result of being honest about my arguably wrong relationship with them, I close my eyes for a moment and inhale a deep breath, hoping to just about manage to get through this.

"Yes, I'm sleeping with him. I have been for a few weeks now." I admit, hating the deafening silence that bergrurdgenly follows.

Thankfully, neither one of them seem disappointed or even remotely angry by my revelation and while I'd half expected at least one of them to hit the roof, I thank the heavens above that they don't.

"Sophie?" enquires Chloe and does so rather reluctantly. "I assume she's still in the picture." she adds, somewhat sympathising with me as apposed to judging me.

I nod my head, tenderly, whilst risking another side glance at Anna. It's no secret she disapproves and the last thing I want is to further provoke the situation by bringing up his fiancé.

"It's a scandal at best!" interrupts Sally, lightheartedly rescuing me from a potential train wreck of a conversation. "We've all been there honey, I know I have." she adds, quite tactfully turning the attention on her.

"Why, what scandals are you currently living?" questions Hayley, suddenly excited and desperate for the latest piece of gossip.

Sally and I exchange a quick look and while I know she's far from ready to be open about this, seeing no other option, she rather abruptly states, "Screwing Amelia's boss during work hours."

The room instantly fills with various gasps of the shocked sort and while I send Sally my silent gratitude, Anna rather boldly offers up her approval in the form of a high five, easing the tension some.

"You Sally, are my kind of girl!" she prides, pointing her manicured finger at her torso and bobbing her head up and down, extremely impressed.

Afterwards, conversation appears to rather happily circle around Sally and her sinful reveal, thankfully taking the heat off of me and my ever impending problems. By the time everyone is ready to go home, we've established that her and Carter's somewhat unprofessional relationship started a little under three weeks ago, spurred on by a late night at the office and a shared bottle of wine. "It just happened." she had claimed. "One minute we were compiling documents, and the next I was bent over his desk, screaming his name."

TMI, Sal!

I'm likely never getting that image out of my head.

"Thanks for tonight, I really enjoyed it." interrupts Hayley, once again pulling me from my thoughts as she gathers her keys from her jeans pocket, preparing to take all the drunkards home. "And sorry for letting slip about you and Aidan. Honestly, I thought they knew." she apologises, seeming genuinely distressed by her actions.

"Hayley, stop beating yourself up about it. It's not a problem." I try to reassure, knowing full well it's doing no good. "They already knew and besides, even if they didn't, I would never blame you. I'm the one sleeping with an engaged man, you're not the bad person in all this, I am." I continue, thankful for the others starting up a conversation between themselves, guaranteeing Hayley and I a moment of privacy.

"Oh babe, that isn't true and you know it. You're not a bad person, you're just in love with a man who belongs to someone else. Have you tried talking to him? Both Kyle and I think he's making a mistake marrying her. He can't love her, not like he loves you anyway." she soothes, somewhat helping with her sober thoughts.

"Hmm, it's not that simple though, is it?" I reply, hoping to hear a firm "fuck, yes it's simple! Stop being such a realist and ask him to stay with you!" but of course, life is shitty sometimes and as Hayley remains silent, I know she agrees to some extent. "He has a life over there now. A home, a job, a real chance at starting a family. I don't even know if I can have kids. Physically yes, but emotionally? I'm scared shitless that if I try again it'll all go to pot. Besides, if Aidan isn't the Father, I really don't see the point." I admit, briefly checking the others, happy in the knowledge that they still can't hear us. "It's Aidan or nothing, and since he belongs to someone else, I choose nothing. But it's fine, I'll just buy a cat and die alone." I suggest, eventually making her laugh.

We stay silent for a moment and although no words are exchanged, I know Hayley will have my back, no matter what. She acts more like a sister to me than anything, always looking out for me and my best interests. It's sickening really, thinking about all the things she and Kyle have done for me in the past when I have done nothing in return. Though, it's not that I don't want to reciprocate the favour, but in regards to having their life together, Kyle and Hayley are pretty much sorted, so what is a broken little girl like me to offer them?

"Hayleybobs, home time? I'm knackered." moans Anna's slightly slurring voice, essentially cutting all ties to mine and Hayley's heartfelt moment.

She parts on a small smile and I make a point to wave them all off before tidying up a little and taking myself off to bed, desperate for my ever buzzing mind to switch off. Hayley's right, Aidan surely can't love Sophie like he loves me or he wouldn't be cheating on her in the first place. But we don't always marry for the right reasons and while I want him to stay, asking him to do so is simply not my call.

Don't fuck this up for him, Amelia. Stick to the plan and let him be happy.

~~~~

It's 2.36am in the morning when I'm so very rudely awoken by a constant banging on my front door; the risk of my neighbours sleep being compromised being one of the many factors that forces me out of bed in the end. Begrudgingly, I make my way over to my front door, not even a little bit surprised to find Aidan, blind drunk, waiting for me.

"Ameeeelia." he smiles, physically having to make an effort to keep his head upright. "I missed you, darling." he adds, pushing himself off of the door frame and all but throwing himself at me in an attempt at cuddling.

"Wow. Fun night, huh?" I laugh, and although I should feel somewhat pissed off at being woken up at this god awful hour, I simply don't have it in me to be angry with him.

His navy blue shirt has ridden up, showing of a healthy dose of midriff and while the material is creased to the absolute maximum, he couldn't look any more attractive even if he tried. Hazel eyes, although bloodshot, boar into mine and crinkle at the corners with a timid head nod that would more than suggest he's seeing double.

"Yep, made better by seeing you." he delights, only slightly slurring on his words, which is a surprise really, considering how drunk he is.

Out of nowhere, big hands latch onto my hips and while they not so subtly slip down my pyjama bottoms, his lips caress the smooth skin under my earlobe, gently relaxing me.

"Hmm, taste so good." he mumbles, his dirty intentions only all too clear. "I can't wait to see you in white, darling. I can't wait to marry you."

What. The. Fuck.

His words well and truly bring me crashing back down to reality and I'm suddenly not so keen about having him close to me. Does he think I'm Sophie?

"Marry me, Amelia?" he continues, suddenly grabbing my face between his hands. "Marry me, please."

For a moment, his eyes clear of all haze and I swear in that second he's completely sober but he soon reverts back to his drunkem sate when I remain silent in my turmoil.

"Aidan, you really are drunk." I scorn, hurt by his words, whether they were intended or not.

It's a wicked trick of fate, hearing that pivotal question spill from his lips like it was the most natural thing in the world to him. Drunk or not, he's a fucking idiot for saying it.

"Come on, let's get you to bed." I suggest, noticing his head getting progressively limp.

"I don't want to go to bed, I want to marry you. Why don't you want the same?" he asks, sporting a sudden somber expression. "All this, everything I'm doing," he adds, gesturing his hands in between our two bodies, "is for you. I didn't want to lie but it's important that you don't know."

The words keep spewing from his mouth in an endless blur and as I try to focus my mind on their meaning, I come up short, in no way enlightened by his revelation.

"Aidan, what are you talking about?" I question, very abruptly cutting him off.

His erratic behaviour, while originally grating on me, is beginning to panic me and I find myself gently stroking his arm, desperate to calm his anxiety. This entire time we've been focused on me and how I plan on dealing with things once he leaves but never once have we looked at this from his prospective. Sure, Aidan is the one with the flash job and the fancy home but at what cost? Money doesn't buy happiness and for the first time in my almost twenty two years of living, I'm witnessing that for the first time.

Aidan is unhappy, broken even.

"Aidan, look at me. Tell me what's wrong." I plead, grabbing his deadweight head and forcing his gaze to level with mine. "Tell me and I can help."

He slowly and hesitantly rests his forehead to mine and with a slight tremor to his body, begins to cry. His face twists, painfully, into a contorted expression and the way in which his wet tears soak through my pyjama top proves unbearable for me to watch. So, seeing no other option, I eagerly grip either side of his face and pull his head down to rest on my shoulder, making sure to vigorously rub his back while I do so.

"Shhhh, it's okay, I'm here, remember? I'm right hear."

The fact that these are the exact words I uttered to him on the night his Mom died certainly doesn't go amiss and if his ever tightening grip around my waist is anything to go by, he's noticed them too.

"Come on, let's go to bed." I suggest, trying to sound encouraging, much like a Mother would her child.

Unfortunately, my light tone fails to work on this occasion and I only make it as far as the living room sofa before I give up and collapse onto it; Aidan trapping me by curling up into a fatal position on my lap. His refusal to let go only makes me hold onto him all the more tighter and although no more words are uttered for the remainder of the time he's awake, silent gestures are all he needs.

Eventually, his sobs subside and I'm left with a broken man at my disposal; cheeks streaked red with dry tears and lips cracked from getting himself so worked up. I land gentle kisses to his forehead and continue to stroke away any stray strands of hair, both needing and wanting to ease some of the pain. He seems peaceful for now and I take this opportunity to really study his profile, ingraining every last feature of him to my memory. The way the corners of his mouth twitch ever so slightly as he dreams and the slight heaviness to his breath as he sinks further into sleep; both simple things that all add up to why I'm so deliriously in love with him.

From underneath me, his body lets out an almighty sigh and in a moment of weakness, I allow my selfishness to take over, temporarily loosing sight of what's important as I rest my head back and look to the ceiling, almost in a pray-like position. Perhaps that is what I am doing, because while I've never been particularly religious, I find myself talking to a greater good, hoping that whoever he or she is, they don't judge me for what I'm about to do.