The next morning I wake up to the blinding sun hanging low in the perfectly clear sky, not a single cloud dotting it's rich blueness while each bird sings happily as they descend from their morning flight; their happy demeanour mirroring my own good mood. I slowly and carefully stretch out each individual limb and release a long sigh as my body aches in all the right places, acting as a happy reminder of last nights events. It would appear, in our haste to undress, I forgot to shut my curtains and with the brightness now forcing its way into my eyes, I begrudgingly shift onto my side, further snuggling into Aidan's rock hard chest. His arms instantly tighten around my waist and I relish in the feeling of our naked body's firmly pressing together in an intimate way, mine perfectly moulding into his.

"Morning, beautiful." he grunts, sleep clearly manipulating his voice to take on a rougher edge.

"Morning." I reply, pressing my lips softly to his tattoo, not quite getting enough of its sentiment.

Aidan stiffens against my touch, his breaths soon becoming ragged and rushed, which more or less hints towards his loss of control and while I seemingly take over the situation, I notice his cheeky smile deepening.

"No regrets?" he asks, rather abruptly which instantly causes me to stop what I'm going to stare up into his slightly glazed over eyes.

"No regrets." I confirm, stroking his stubble, finding it incredibly sexy on him. "You?" I question, ever so cautiously.

"None." he confidently replies and with a flip of my waist, he has me trapped between him and the bed.

Hot, wet kisses are then carelessly placed all over my upper body and with his attention soon shifting further south, I wrap my hands firmly around my bed sheets and prepare myself for the much anticipated inevitable. Unfortunately, it doesn't come as quick to interrupt the moment is the sound of Anna entering my apartment, courtesy of her spare key, seemingly heading straight towards our current location.

"Anna, wait!" I warn, just as Aidan removes himself from his position enough to cover his dignity.

Seconds later, my door swings open, revealing a rather startled looking Anna, who although praises herself on having a rather laid back manner, looks just about as shocked as they come.

"What the fu-"

"Shit, Anna can you give us a sec. I'll be out in a minute." I plead, further hiding my embarrassment by burying my face into my hands.

Oddly enough, she doesn't protest and leaves without uttering another word; the slight slamming of my bedroom door more than suggesting her utmost disapproval.

"Fuck!" breathes Aidan, jumping from the bed to redress but pauses when he realises none of his attire actually made it into my bedroom last night. "That's not how I planned this morning going." he explains, grabbing a towel off my chair to wrap around his hips and looking like nothing less than a Greek God stood, deliciously at the foot of my bed.

"I know, me neither." I express, following suit as I too, begin to change into more suitable clothing.

I nervously pull on a red sun dress and mill over any potential excuses that come to mind, annoyed when I come up short.

"What are we going to say?" I ask, hoping Aidan can shed some light in my direction.

"Well, darling I don't think there's a lot we can say. She caught us in bed together, she's not an idiot. We'll just have to go with the truth." he replies, flattening in hair in an attempt to undo all my handiwork from the previous evening.

"Which is?" I quirk a brow, not entirely sure what last night meant in regards to our future with one another.

"I have no idea, Amelia." he admits, looking suddenly exhausted, which in turn, makes me feel guilty.

We stare at each other for a little while, both of us to scared to speak before I realise Anna is still waiting for us in my living room, no doubt expecting a rather in depth explanation as to what the hell is going on.

An explanation I'm unsure I can give her.

I pull my focus from Aidan and head towards the door, cringing when I step out to see my bra and top sprawled shamelessly on my carpeted floor; Aidan's coffee-strained shirt and jeans within the mix.

"Anna, look-" I begin, before brutally being cut off.

"Please tell me he's no longer engaged!" she practically begs, looking past me and over my shoulder. "Tell me you're both single and reunited last night after realising you're both still in love with each other." she continues, the overpowering desperation in her voice proving too much.

"Anna, I- we just- Aidan is still engaged to Sophie." I whisper, quite frankly having to force the words out of my mouth.

"Last night wasn't planned and we just-" starts Aidan but not even a second into his sentence, he's abruptly stopped.

"No! You don't get to do this, Aidan. You don't get to hurt her like you did four years ago." she snaps, mortifying me in her telling off.

"Anna, please don't." I retaliate, hating how everyone automatically forces the blame on him when I'm essentially the one who ended things.

"Why, Amelia? He fucking walked away from you and deserves to feel shit about it." she retorts, her already high pitch tone raising slightly as she angles her body towards Aidan, stood to my left. "I love you, Aidan, like you're my own brother and Lord knows there's no one I'd rather my sister be with but not like this. She deserves you, all of you and if you can't offer her that, then you need to walk away." she demands, finally flipping the switch on my internal anger.

"You don't get to make that decision for me, Anna!" I yell, infuriated by her suggestion. "I know what we're doing is wrong but don't stand there and judge us like we're idiots. Do you think I asked for this? Do you think I want to be in love with a man who is promised to another woman. I need you to be on my side while I figure out what the hell is going. I need you to be the one person I can rely on to support me through what is quite potentially the most difficult time of my life. I don't need a patronising lecture and I certainly don't need you barking out accusations left, right and centre." I fume, clenching my hands together and balling them into fists. "Everyone is always so quick to put the blame on someone when the truth is we both screwed up. We were eighteen for fuck sake; just kids who both had a tough year. I'm constantly reliving that part of my life because every damn person around me is so quick to mention it. I don't need constant reminders, I know what happened, I know I went through a crappy stage." I conclude, seeing both hurt and rage flash through her features.

"A crappy stage?" repeats Anna, almost mockingly so. "I think attempting suicide goes beyond 'a crappy stage'." she shoots back, quite literally knocking the breath out of my lungs.

Our intense back and forth comes to an immediate stop as soon as the room around me begins to spin; Aidan's vice-like grip on my shoulders possibly the only thing keeping me grounded. I can't believe Anna just revealed my most vulnerable moment in passing, as if merely mentioning this mornings weather and with Aidan of all people present to witness it.

"Darling, please look at me."

I'm suddenly snapped out of my haze as his voice comes into focus, finding myself being forcefully turned to face him, his frantic eyes searching mine in a desperate attempt to seek out some answers.

"Please tell me it isn't true." he begs, while his fingernails harshly dig into my bare flesh. "Please Amelia, I need to know you didn't try to kill yourself." he pleads, offering my body a slight shake.

"Get out." I whisper, my voice barely audible due to my chosen volume. "Both of you need to leave." I ask, pulling away from his grip.

"Amelia, I'm sorry-" begins Anna, before thankfully reconsidering and keeping her mouth shut.

She casts her eyes downwards in shame and I ignore the instant urge to ease her worries. She had no right expressing what she did and what's worse, her statement is incorrect.

"I'm not leaving until you talk to me." ensures Aidan, sounding firm in his order.

"Please. I just need to be alone right now." I reply, feeling the ever threatening flow of tears submerge as the familiar sting attacks my eyes.

I feel utterly deflated.

"And I said I'm not leaving until you talk to me. Please Amelia, I'm worried sick." he pushes, once again taking my body into his own arms.

Luckily, I dodge his attempts and head straight for my front door, making sure to grab my keys and phone before flinging myself out of my house.

I don't think they quite grasp the fact that I am in dyer need of being alone and if they refuse to leave, then I'll simply take matters into my own hands.

Even if Aidan is begging me not to.

~~~~

Pulling up outside my Dad and Hannah's house roughly twenty minutes later, I'm relieved to find my tears have almost completely dried up, although the slight swelling around my bloodshot eyes more than reveals the current turmoil I'm undergoing. I quickly kill the engine and exit my car, sprinting my way to their house, both wanting and needing someone to confide in. With the doorbell pressed and the cogs turning in my head, I replay last nights events in my head, desperate to feel anything that might make not wanting to do it all again that little bit easier.

"Amelia, is everything alright, sweetie?" asks a rather concerned Hannah, reaching out to place a loving hand in my shoulder.

Her soft voice interrupts my internal battle and as I look past her to see a sleeping Ethan and a seemingly absent Emily, I quickly blurt out my next question.

"Is Dad home?" I ask, very nearly on the verge of tears again.

"No, honey. Just me, what's happened?" she questions, just as I break down and allow the ever persistent tears to flow.

I bury my face in her shoulder, revealing my deepest emotions as I not so subtly drench her T-Shirt with my dramatic sobs, all awhile losing any regard for our nosey neighbours potentially watching.

"I love him, Hannah." I cry, suddenly aware of her moving me inside the house and into a seated position on the sofa. "I thought it would be easier, I thought we'd both move on after this." I carry on, thankful for the tissue she shoves under my nose.

"Sweetheart, I need to you calm down, you're not making any sense. I thought you and Aidan were fine, what's brought all this on?" she questions, genuine concern flashing through her soft eyes.

I blow into my tissue, careful as to not wake Ethan up and dab at my eyes to try and conceal some of my erratic emotions. Hannah patiently waits for my explanation and while I'm suddenly wary of revealing my reasonings, I understand I can't keep this secret to myself for fear of going completely insane.

"I slept with Aidan last night." I tell her, relieved when I'm met with non judgmental, slightly surprised eyes.

She remains in her seated position next to me for a few short seconds but soon straightens her back and engulfs me into a motherly hug that instantly has me crying all over again.

"How about I put the kettle on and make us some tea." she suggests, moving away from my ever trembling body. "You can start from the beginning and we'll figure out what you're going to do." she smiles, already moving towards the kitchen where my ears are met with the sound of running water.

I nod my head, even though she can no longer see me and taking it upon myself to check on a peacefully sleeping Ethan, I ache at the beautiful sight of him, soundly dreaming in his pram.

I very stupidly allow my mind to mill over what my own son would've looked like had my pregnancy gone smoothly; finding my imagination painting up the perfect image of a mini-Aidan. I smile at the thought and although it's a dream I'll never be able to live out, it's a fantasy I'll forever cherish and no one can take it away from me.

My baby never got to see the light of day but that certainly doesn't mean he ceases to have once existed. When it first happened, I was encouraged to open up about my loss but I didn't care much for the idea back then. Instead, I buried it deep down within but with Aidan showing up again, I find myself thinking about it more often than not and oddly enough, it doesn't hurt as much as it once did.

I think about what happened every day and although Aidan's reappearance should be bringing up bad memories, it appears the exact opposite is happening. When I'm around him, I feel like the once care free, happy girl that is hopelessly in love with her boyfriend, surrounded by great friends and a loving family.

He brings out the very best in me and I'll be an idiot to let him go again. I've learned from my mistakes and I'll be damned if I left history repeat itself.

I may only have him for one month but I'm certainly not letting him slip through my fingers again.

~~~~

❤️