Quickly grabbing my keys and shoving them in my pocket, I exit my apartment with a sense of excitement and joy surging through my stomach; a huge smile slapped across my face.

Yesterday, Aidan had called to ask if I wanted to help Kyle and Hayley prepare for their big move, claiming, "It's boring and tedious but gives us an excuse to hang out." I of course agreed, practically jumping at the opportunity to spend more time with him and was firmly instructed to be ready for 11.00am, where he would be picking me up.

Keeping true to his word, moments ago I received a text from him, alerting me of his arrival and as I frantically descend the stairs, eager to meet him, I can't ignore the new found spring in my step.

For the first time in a long time, I feel happy.

"Hey, smiley." laughs Aidan as soon as he sees me, no doubt noticing my ever growing grin and bright eyes.

"Hi, yourself." I happily greet back, following him towards his car where he kindly holds the door open for me, ever the gentleman.

Once I'm comfortably seated, Aidan closes the door behind me and proceeds to enter through the driver's side, gracefully sliding in his seat while eying me expectantly. Instead of starting the engine straight away, like I'd expected, he offers me an intense stare and a dazzling smile, all awhile his forest-green eyes drink in my less-than-glamorous appearance. Seemingly checking me out, I decide to do the same back and notice the navy blue jeans that hang elegantly over his perfectly sized hips, with his top half consisting of a rather snug fitting, grey T-shirt hugging his every muscle, marvellously leaving nothing to the imagination. His hair seems thicker than usual and is pushed back, casually creating a laid-back vibe that has me thinking Aidan could probably wear a bin bag and still pull it off, brilliantly.

"Why the big smile today?" his deep voice sounds, successfully succeeding in momentarily distracting me from my ogling, only to have me swooning more so over the delicious tone he just used.

He waits, patiently, for my answer and as I sit there, studded into silence due to my mouth feeling dryer than sand itself, he shoots me a knowing smirk as if to say 'I know exactly what put that smile on your face' and with that thought lingering in the air surrounding us, he finally puts the key in the ignition and starts the drive to his former home, my once favourite place to be.

----

The drive doesn't take long at all and I find it seems to pass by even quicker as Aidan and I chat about random topics; Chloe and Dylan's recent engagement being the main one. We both express our joy at their sudden inseparable behaviour and as we take a long overdue trip down 'memory lane', my mind and body are instantly put at ease, the unbelievable amount of happiness surging through me, helping in its doing so.

"So, what does Kyle and Hayley think about our 'arrangement' to only hang out with other people present?" I eventually ask as we pull into his driveway.

It suddenly dawns on me that I have yet to step foot in this house since we broke up and with the release of a thousand uncomfortable knots, as well as an awfully intense wave of nausea washing over me, my entire body freezes.

Why did I agree to this?

"Amelia, are you okay?" Aidan questions, obviously sensing my new-found panic; desperate to gain some knowledge as to why.

I quickly nod my head but I'm aware that my sudden inability to inhale a steady breath betrays my pretence at 'being fine' and as I slam my eyes closed in a futile attempt to calm my anxiety, Aidan reaches out to grasp my hand in his.

"Darling, you're scaring me. Tell me what's wrong." he all but begs, stroking my knuckles with his thumb and no doubt staring at my painfully contorted face.

I desperately try to cast my mind on happier thoughts but as the sudden realisation that mostly every good thing to ever happen in my life either died or disappeared out of my life four years ago, a strangled sob leaves my throat in a depressing squeeze, causing Aidan's grip on my hand to tighten.

"Jesus Christ, Amelia. Look at me, please." he speaks, voicing his painful pleas, grabbing either side of my face and forcing my head to angle in such a way that enables him

ample access.

I hesitantly peel my eyes open, instantly relaxing at his familiar touch and as I frantically shake my head with intentions of forgetting my impulsive outburst, Aidan seems to be having none of it.

"Tell me what you're thinking," he whispers, his mouth only a mere inch away from my own. "and so help me God, if you even think about lying to me..." he adds, not daring to finish his statement, to which I'm rather thankful for.

He's worried and when Aidan is worried, he gets angry.

Seeing no other option but to confess, I open my mouth, ready to spill the truth and notice how my heartbeat picks up a beat as I take in the breathtaking sight of Aidan in all his glory.

"I just haven't been here since-" my voice cracks and I momentarily have to pause in fear of breaking down, "since we were together." I finally finish, turning my gaze away, too cowardly to gage his reaction at my sudden revelation.

His hands, still on my cheeks, begin to gently caress me and with no other warning, a slow, tender kiss is placed at the corner of my mouth, shocking me to my very core. Reacting instantly to the gesture, my body heats up with pure bliss and as I stare into his glowing eyes, preparing myself for the undeniable amount of regret I expect to see in them, I'm shocked when I'm met with nothing but love.

His lips, soft like cotton, are still lingering on my skin and with a simple move to my left, I could easily attack and take what I have undoubtedly been dreaming about since the day he walked out of my bedroom with eyes full of tears and a heart full of pain. Instead, I remain impressively still and completely relish in the satisfying feel of having all-things-Aidan surrounding me, taking over all my senses.

"What was that for?" I find myself asking, scared to hear his answer in fear of it being an act of pity.

He pulls away, slowly using his thumb to trace the, now, burning area of his ever lingering kiss and although I've encountered many intimate moments with Aidan, nothing compares to this, right now. His hungry gaze, along with the physical restraint I can sense he's holding in, strangely charges the air around us and with the sexual tension increasing by the second, I both fear and encourage any potential actions.

"Christ, don't make me apologise for kissing you, Amelia," his voice is hoarse with a clear sign of lust. "You have no idea how much it physically hurts to see you in such a state of pain and I don't think you realise that I'd literally do anything to have you forever smiling." he states, his eyes boring into mine before a darkening expression slowly claims them. "Almost anything. There are some things I simply can't do." he sighs, his words seeming to have a subtle relevance to our shared past and his inability to change how things have ended up.

"Thank you." I whisper, conscious of the ever growing smile, creeping it's way across my face. "I think it may have worked." I laugh, deciding to humour the situation before our less than considerate actions compromise not only mine and Aidan's new-found-friendship but his relationship with Sophie.

His eyes, once again, meet mine and as we seem to engage in what can only be described as an intense staring competition, an unspoken moment passes between us, conveying the deepest of our emotions that even the most poetic words in the English language couldn't do justice.

I love him.

"Good and in answer to your previous question, Kyle and Hayley have no idea about us talking again, let alone you being here today." he admits, a smug smirk claiming his face. "So good luck with that." he mocks, opening the door and stepping out, making his way towards the front door.

Oh, that little shit.

----

Inside, everything is just how I remembered and with the very familiar feeling of nostalgia rippling through me, I'm oddly comforted by being here.

"Finally! So much for 'I'll be ten minutes'. What was so important that you had to bail on-" Kyle's eyes widen the second they land on me standing next to his brother and to say he's in a state of shock would be a massive understatement.

Kyle, speechless, I never would've thought.

"I brought recruitments." Aidan states, the forced humour in his tone creating a tense atmosphere.

Saying nothing, Kyle's eyes shoot to Aidan, to me and then back to Aidan again in a matter of seconds, the very prominent silence proving deafening.

"Babe, what should I do with these?" comes Hayley's voice as she too, enters the living room, stopping short once her gaze settles on me. "Holy fuck, have I just transported back in time four years?" she gushes, unable to hide her shock at seeing Aidan and I in the same room as one another.

I awkwardly glance to my right, silently portraying my utmost disapproval for Aidan not having warned them about my presence today. What did he think they would do? Completely bypass the fact that even though we haven't spoken to each over in over four years, we now seem to be establishing an abnormal friendship, in the hopes of finding some closure on the feelings that we both still have for each other.

"No you haven't but a lot has happened since you've been on your honeymoon." Aidan replies, causing both Kyle and Hayley to respond with an uneasy glance to each other as they undeniably mistake Aidan's words for something else.

"Define exactly what has happened before my imagination runs wild, will you?" Kyle speaks, finally breaking his silence in a tone that suggests he is less than happy with this.

"We're friends and I'm here to help you, that's all." I quickly voice my opinion, keen to ease the tense pressure currently building in Kyle.

I sense his apprehensions about mine and Aidan's reunion and a subtle, silent plea to Hayley is all it takes for her to respond to my unspoken demands, ending the tension.

"Oh, well that's great. The more help the better, isn't that right babe?" she speaks, nudging Kyle towards the end of her statement, sending him some seriously threatening glares.

"Umm, yeah sure." he just about manages to squeeze out before clearing his throat and turning his attention back to Aidan. "Can I talk to you for a sec, alone." he demands, rather than asks; making it pretty obvious to everyone, exactly what it is he wishes to discuss with Aidan.

"Yep." Aidan replies, shooting an apologetic look my way, before following Kyle into the kitchen where I assume their private chat is to take place.

Luckily, Hayley doesn't mention anything about her and Kyle's new found discovery when we're left alone and instead, dives straight into telling me all about their fantastic honeymoon, claiming it to be 'most romantic time of of her life' not to mention 'exhausting', which I can only assume is down to one particular activity most newly weds experience on their honeymoon.

"We're trying for a baby straight away." she suddenly admits, blushing at her sudden revelation.

"Really? That's amazing." I announce, genuinely happy for them both, "I can't wait to be an honourable aunt." I joke, causing a mischievous smile to appear on Hayley's face.

"Maybe you can skip the 'honourable' part altogether. What's happening with you and Aidan?" she asks, seemingly unable to suppress her curiosity any longer.

My eyes instantly grow wide at her insinuation and I'm quick to extinguish that thought from her mind.

"Not bloody that, that's for sure." I state, causing a tiny giggle to fall from Hayley's mouth. "We're just trying to be be friends until he goes back to England. He thinks it will help us find closure." I explain, carefully watching her reaction as she takes in the meaning behind my words.

Besides, he's still engaged, I silently add, cringing at the very thought of it.

"And what do you think?" she asks, offering me a serious look along with a stern expression.

She means well and I immediately appreciate her attempts at being less judging than what perhaps Kyle is currently being but the slight waver in her voice doesn't go unnoticed and I can sense that she too, is unsure about things.

"It's worth a try, I suppose." I sigh, still not fully understanding my true feelings on the matter.

I've been convincing myself these last couple of days that this whole set up is purely innocent and one hundred percent essential to my mental wellbeing but with the nagging voice in the back of my mind constantly slating my inability to tell my very protective, albeit sometimes overbearing friends and family about mine and Aidan's 'agreed arrangement' it begs the question; is what we're doing morally wrong?

He is promised to another woman after all and although not directly on the lips, he did kiss me.

"Well I guess only time will tell, just be careful, yeah?" Hayley says, squeezing me into a much needed hug just as Kyle and Aidan re-enter the living room, their chat apparently having gone well.

"Right, here's a box, you and Aidan are making a start on mine and Hayley's bedroom. Babe, we'll sort the kitchen." Kyle orders, thrusting a box in my arms and showing me a wicked smile, "and so help me Lord, if I catch you two 'napping' on our bed, I'll lose my shit." he adds, mortifying me in the process.

It's nice to see the Kyle we all know and love has got his sense of humour back- Dick!

"Funny. I'll bear that in mind." Aidan replies, taking another box and making his way up the stairs, presumably to Kyle and Hayley's bedroom.

Shooting a rather unimpressed look at Kyle; I quickly try pushing past him, only to be stopped with a gentle hand being wrapped around my wrist.

"He told me about your 'agreement' and although you two being alone in our room hardly follows the correct guidelines, I trust you can both just about manage to keep your hands to yourself for an hour." he says, his tone authoritative like an older, over protective brother, which I suppose he is. "Talk to him, Amelia because I honestly don't think he's happy with her." he continues, shocking me with his words, along with his sudden change of heart. "Fix it." he whispers, finally letting me go and entering the kitchen where I hear Hayley turning the radio on.

Fix what?

His words confuse me and as I slowly drag myself up the stairs, joining Aidan in their bedroom, I silently decide to ignore Kyle's pleas in 'fixing things' between Aidan and I. His implied opinion on Aidan's unhappiness has to be a mere misjudgment and nothing else. He has a great job, a wonderful home and beautiful fiancé; what gives me the right to interfere with that.

Sure, I may not be best pleased with the situation and to some extent, I wish it was me he was marrying instead but I no longer hold the right to feel conflicted when it comes to Aidan and his future plans.

I gave up that privilege when I broke up with him and I'm only just, now, realising the severity of that decision.

I made a mistake and I'll forever have to live with it.

I ruined everything.

💔