"To find but one, just one other - another which recognises, grasps your uniqueness... another which makes less painful the question which surround your rarity, another which respects and exalts it...

then still, to kiss their mouth, to embrace the open mouth that is so capable of multiplying your darkness, your completeness... O, I say now,

that is love, true love..."

Segovia Amil

Sandra was the first to find us; along with a handful of enforcers that were still in their wolf forms, prowling forward and taking a closer look at the scene. Sandra was the only one to have shifted back into her human form, naked and unashamed as her wide eyes took everything in.

I pealed back from Nero's embrace, balance slightly askew as I did and my knees nearly buckled beneath me.

"Holy shit..." Sandra swore at the sight of us.

Benjamin Russo and David were dead on the ground. Javier unconscious. Daniel was dripping wet as he stood over Russo's body with one hand blood-stained. The three of us: Nero, Riley and I were looking as if we had just fought our way through a natural disaster. And my bloodied knife was still clutched in my right hand.

I briefly wondered if I'd ever be able to get all of this mud off of me or if was now a permanent addition on my body. And the blood... Somehow it felt heavier against my skin, and I found my eyes falling back towards David's body.

I had killed someone.

The realisation hit strikingly hard. So quickly had I gone from barely beginning my training to killing another wolf.

I didn't know what I had expected to feel; but as it stood I felt nothing, just a numbness where I knew I should feel something.

Sandra stalked over to Russo's body. She cast Daniel a wary glance, and kicked at Russo's shoulder with the tip of her bare foot, as if to check if he were really dead. But it was clear as day that his heart was no longer beating, even my half-human hearing could confirm it. That, and the sight of his throat brutally cut and the amount of blood that coated him was more than enough confirmation.

Daniel stood stiff, and hadn't move at all, I realised, since he had killed Russo. Instead the large male was still staring at Riley - at his young Alpha, who in turn had not stopped staring at Russo's lifeless face. Daniel hadn't even reacted to Sandra so close to him, face pinched in concern as if he expected Riley to fall apart at any second.

"Gods Sandra," Adriel exclaimed, appearing through the trees as he tugged on a pair of shorts, only one other enforcer accompanying him. "Put some damn clothes on."

"Embrace the wild," Sandra tutted, spreading her arms out and gesturing at the trees around us, providing everyone with an eyeful of her chest - not that anyone even batted an eyelid at the nudity despite Adriel's teasing. "We're wolves not humans. No need for modesty."

"Where are the others?" I asked, clearing my throat, watching Adriel crouch down beside Javier - no doubt checking he wasn't about to come too at any moment. He didn't bother to check on David. I shifted on my feet, brushing up against Nero who still stood so close to me. I felt his hand brush my own before he grasped it and offered me a comforting squeeze.

How was he feeling now? In this aftermath of death? What were Daniel and Riley thinking, as still as two stone statues, barely a reaction from either of them?

Sandra jutted her chin back towards the house, "They took off in the opposite direction. Harris is probably at the complete other side of the territory still, and Lorcan was searching that way." She gestured vaguely to my right. She shrugged, "No sense waiting for them. Grab a leg ladies."

The group of wolves that had arrived accompanying Sandra all shifted back into six women of various builds and heights. The closet one to me was a short dark skinned woman, who offered me a vicious grin as she passed. All of the women, in fact, offered me similar smiles. Not in any way unkind, but exactly as I would expect a hunter to smile at the end of a hunt. A satisfied, deadly grin well acquainted with death, and perhaps somewhat proud of me for my kill.

"Have you been introduced to my hunters before?" Sandra asked.

"No," I answered hoarsely, watching the females move with with ease as if they were well acquainted with corpses - which I supposed they were, being hunters. "The only enforcers I've been introduced to are Taron and Zahra."

"You're all so antisocial," Sandra said. I wasn't sure if that was directed at me or the ladies currently lifting the corpses out of the mud. Probably both. I had after all made zero effort to get to know any of the enforcers and I'd been here more than a month - but no one had approached me either. "Taron and Zahra are more Lorcan's group, warriors. These are the wolves you want to get to know."

"Stop trying to recruit Emily," Adriel laughed, long blond hair dancing as he shook his head in disbelief, rising to his feet and turning to Sandra with an arched brow.

"I'm not, but..." Sandra grinned. "If she wants to join us that's up to her."

"Recruiting me? I didn't realise the enforcers had different roles... different groups," I interrupted.

"I can't imagine anyone would want to work with you," Nero cut in, spearing his Uncle an amused look. "Sandra all the way, I say. Or is it a women only club?"

"We'd eat you alive, trainee," that first, dark skinned female laughed as she and the others hoisted David's limp body up. "Give it a few years and maybe you'd be up to it."

Adriel barely even blanched at the sight of the dead male being carried directly past him, didn't so much as spare it a glance. "What happened exactly?"

The question was directed to me, but it was Nero who spoke up beside me, laying a reaching arm cross my damp shoulders to tell every detailed he recalled. I shivered - either from the cold wind and rain that continued to fall or the details of my own violence, I couldn't be sure.

The others didn't visibly react to the story, only listening. Adriel's bright blue eyes darted between the two of us, still stood there stiffly, coated in mud, blood and sweat.

"You both look disgusting," Adriel wrinkled his nose at us when Nero's account finally ended. "You should go shower."

"Wow. Thank you Emily and Nero for saving our asses," Nero drawled sarcastically, his arm withdrawing from me as he stepped back towards the house. "We appreciate you so much, Emily and Nero."

Nero barged past his uncle, intentionally shoving the male against the shoulder as he passed. Adriel only laughed, instantly on the younger males heels.

"From what I've just heard you did absolutely nothing, Emily did all the work. Hell, Daniel did more work than you."

Sandra rolled her eyes watching the two of them go as they continued to squabble. It was rare if the Uncle and Nephew weren't arguing in each others presence. "Idiots."

I smiled faintly as I watched them go.

"You okay?" Sandra asked, offering me her arm.

"Yeah." I nodded. I slipped my right arm into hers and let her lead us out the woods back towards the house while the enforcers dealt with the bodies. I only turned back once, as if to assure myself Riley really was safe now, and found him buried tightly in Daniel's arms. The two males were silent as Riley pressed his face into Daniel's chest but I saw his shoulders shaking, and I could see the pain in Daniel's expression. It wasn't the sight of an Alpha and Beta, not yet; that relationship would come later, as Riley aged into his position. It was the sight of a young pup needing the love and comfort he had been denied, and a loyal male willing to stand by his side.

***

Alpha Harris was who awaited us by the porch when Sandra and I returned, still arm in arm. He stood with perfect posture, arms cross tight against his sturdy chest as he waited patiently for us to saunter closer, his expression hard and unwavering. Other wolves were around him but he kept his gaze steadfastly on me. I didn't hurry my movements at the sight of him, perfectly content to enjoy the slow walk back with Sandra.

The Head-Hunter didn't seem to mind that I was absolutely filthy, that I was smearing blood against her skin. I supposed she was used to it. We had walked the entire route back together in silence, a slow relaxed pace through the trees until the field and the house came into view once again. The rain had finally eased but the cold temperature remained. My body felt far too numb to even register it though, even if I were shivering beside Sandra.

Sandra slowed her steps beside me even more, and from the glint in her eye I knew it was intentionally meant to tease Thane a little. That mask of his cracked ever so slightly, and I saw the slow smirk twisting at the corners of his mouth.

When I finally stood before him, he allowed his eyes to graze over me only once before he met my stare.

"Nero told me everything already," he said curtly. "You good?"

I nodded.

"Good." He blew out a huge breath, shoulders slumping as his posture relaxed. Gone was the fierce Alpha, my Thane taking his place. He held open his arms. "Now come here so I can hold you to reassure myself you're still here. My instincts are going crazy right now."

"You think I might be a mirage?" I asked, teasingly and stepping closer only an inch. "A dream maybe?"

He reached for me but I swiftly side-stepped him, laughing as I did.

"Cheeky thing," he growled. In one motion Thane grabbed me and had me slung up over his shoulder before I could dodge him.

"Thane!" I cried, laughing loudly, right arm slapping against his back as blood rushed to my head. "What are you doing? Put me down!"

He carried me into the house, ignoring me entirely as he headed immediately for the stairs. "Think we're going to have to up your training if you're so easily caught off guard."

"Sorry, who was it that saved Riley just now? You or me?" I jabbed at his back with a pointed finger to emphasise my point. He laughed, body shaking beneath me as he did.

"It was all you," he drawled. "And now you're in desperate need of a shower. Mind if I join you?" I felt one of his hands graze from my calf to thigh and I had no question about what exactly he had in mind as his hand settled there. Pervert. He didn't even seem to care that we were still surrounded by his pack, not bothering at all to hide his desires.

"Get a room!" I heard Adriel taunt from somewhere deeper in the house.

"We are," Thane called back humorously. Sandra was cackling from outside and muttering something along the lines of, 'horny bastards'.

"I never took you for such a show off," I mused, kicking my legs slightly. It was no use, Thane's hold on me was too tight, and short of actually fighting my way out of his arms I was stuck strewn across his shoulders like a satchel of meat. "Are you going to carry me all the way up the two flights of stairs to your bedroom?"

"Our bedroom, if you like," he corrected, sounding awfully smug. "And if you want to get down you'll have to out manoeuvre me. Consider it part of the training that you've missed."

"Considering my left arm is fractured right now, I don't think so," I snorted.

Thane paused in his ascent, his grip on my thigh clenching.

"I thought you said you were good?" He asked, voice tight.

"I am."

He huffed, "A fractured arm is not good. In fact, I'd argue it's quite bad. Any other injuries?"

"It's already healing." I rolled my eyes, not that he could see it. "And nothing else more than a few scratches and bruises."

He only huffed again.

Thane took me to his bedroom and did in fact shower with me, but we did little more than hold each other under the hot water, gentle hands helping to clean one another. And when we had dried off I was the first to climb into his bed - despite the fact that it was barely the afternoon.

He had taken one look at me, entirely nude buried beneath his bed sheets, and not hesitated to join me. I didn't doubt he was needed elsewhere after everything that had happened, and yet here he was, perfectly content to lay beside me.

"Did you find Russo's mate?" I asked quietly.

"No," he sighed. "Sandra caught her sent and followed it to the edge of the territory but we didn't find her. When Javier is conscious again we'll question him."

I hummed but didn't respond. A beat of silence stretched between us.

Once again my thoughts strayed to the sight of David's body.

"Are you okay?" Thane asked softly from behind me, a heavy arm draped across my naked waist. His fingers were dancing a delicate path up and down my abdomen and the sensation served well to relax me. "I know the first time... it can be a lot. Do you... regret it?"

"No," I answered honestly, swallowing back the lump in my throat. "I think that's what I'm struggling with. I don't feel anything about it, really. Does that make me cruel?"

"No." Thane was quick to answer. "I think what you did today makes you strong. You acted to save Riley and protect the pack. You put the safety of others above all else. You didn't kill David with maliciousness, did you? And you kept Javier alive, which is more than some wolves would have done in your situation."

I shook my head.

"My mom's... humanity," I said for lack of a better word, "meant she always had a different sense of morality that us. We're wild wolves, loving and loyal, yes, but also violent and vicious in ways that are wholly different to humans. She raised me and... that sense of morality of hers was always present when she regarded certain aspects of the pack - training and fighting. I knew she never quite understood the wild of a wolf. I almost feel guilty for what I've done knowing it pulls against so much she believes in, but more guilty that I don't regret it at all."

"It's okay to feel like that. It's... it's always a difficult situation, and there may be times that you wonder if things could have been done differently. Even I question myself at times, even after all these years. If you want to talk through it we can."

"Honestly, I just want to sleep right now," I confessed. After the fight my limbs and core ached and my arm was still healing. I had finally began to feel the warmth in my fingers and toes once again, and as Thane continued to drag his hand back and forth across my skin in such a gentle rhythm it had my eyes drooping with every breath.

"You're probably exhausted; neither of us slept very well last night anyway."

I felt him press a kiss to my neck and hummed in satisfaction. With his chest pressed against my back, his legs entwines with mine and the delicious heat of his body curving around me like a weighted blanket, I didn't want to be anywhere else but here.