"I find my place in between your arms, in between your tender kisses and soft whispers of 'It will be alright', in between the warmth of your embrace, and the scent of your neck, and the fierceness of your touch, I find my place lost inside your soul."

Cynthia Go

"Do you think you're going to find your mate this year?" I asked Daniel as we waited outside the pack house. Today was the day we would set off for Idaho, the Mating Rotation beginning in just a days time. Thane and I had awoken our usually time at 6:00am for our morning training session, but the scheduled trainee sessions would be cancelled until our return.

Most of the trainees had gathered, around 19 wolves in total waiting to begin the journey to Idaho for this years Mating Rotation. It was impossible to miss the nervous energy that hummed between them all. After all, meeting your mate was a sacred thing, something most wolves dreamed of their entire childhood. A wolf could meet their mate as early as sixteen, but the majority found each other around eighteen, and of course it was almost unheard of for a wolf to meet their mate past the age of twenty - not with the Mating Rotations serving so well to integrate the young pack wolves.

"If it happens, it happens," Daniel shrugged, but I noted the coy smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

"Come on," I laughed, nudging him. "It's okay to be excited you know."

"I know, I know," he breathed, smiling a little wider now. "But... Is it wrong that I don't want to meet them yet?"

"What do you mean?"

"I wanted to finish my training. If I meet them now, it's going to be so much harder to last the remaining year." So Daniel had not been one of the new trainees that arrived in Colorado when Nero and I had. He'd either been here for a year already - if he'd signed up for the two year training program - or four years.

"You want to continue your training? Even if you find your mate?" I asked, slightly surprised. When Mitchell - my brother-in-mating had met Margaret, he'd just finished the first two years of his five year training and was eager to move to Idaho to be with her. He hadn't seem to regret his decision at all.

"I've worked hard this past year. I've learnt so much, grown a lot, but I know I have so much more to learn. I think our sparring session was evidence of that. I want to continue to better myself as much as I can, and I just don't think I can do that if I cut my training short."

"Wow," I commented, immensely impressed by his ability for self-reflection and awareness. Not to mention that he was one of the first pack wolves I had met that didn't seem to be so obsessed with the idea of settling down with their mate. Perhaps it was only Idaho wolves that were like that. "That's really admirable."

"Plus, I don't want to leave Riley alone. He needs as much support as he can get and I figured he'd be training here for at least a year. He doesn't have anyone else left." With his father dead, Riley was now an orphan. I knew his mother - the Nevada Alpha Female - had died during childbirth, as many female wolves did. Conception was difficult for wolves and child birth even more so, despite their quick healing. That was, after all, how Amy - Jack's mate - had died, along with their child.

I really had misread Daniel when I first met him. Sure, he had been a total ass, and that was just going to remain a fact. But he wasn't just an ass, he wasn't just some two dimensional character I could write off as one thing. He was an ass, he was cocky, still to be trained; but he was also a loyal pack wolf who cared about Riley, who grieved losses, who was capable or recognising his weaknesses and mistakes and wished to better himself.

I heard my name being called out, and turned to see Nero swaggering towards me with a grin on his face.

"Who's ready for a road trip?" Nero didn't even look towards Daniel, didn't acknowledge the male at all.

Daniel rolled his eyes, shot me a look and turned away to join the other wolves from the Nevada cabin. It looked like Daniel was not lying about his distaste for Nero. It wasn't like he was without a point either. Nero did get special treatment, I couldn't argue that. He stayed in the main house after all, and not in the Arizona cabin with the rest of the trainees from his pack. He ate with the inner pack and spent an a lot of time with me and Sandra. I could understand why that might frustrate Daniel.

"Road trip?" I asked with an arched brow.

"You and Alpha Harris are driving aren't you? You won't be travelling with the rest by foot if you can't shift. Thought I could join you, have ourselves a little party," he laughed.

That wouldn't help things at all, if Nero travelled with Thane and I rather than the rest of the wolves.

"Hmm, and perhaps I was hoping for some alone time with Thane?"

"You're hardly going to be fucking in the car, are you?" He asked mockingly.

"Nero!" I laughed, cheeks flushing. "That's not the point. You're running with the rest of the wolves. You don't get to be lazy in the car, it's not fair on everyone else."

"Fine," he sighed, pouting. "But I want a full tour of Idaho from you once we all arrive, I want to be introduced to your family as your best friend, and I want to stay with you while we're there," he negotiated.

"You will get a tour and an introduction, but you will stay in whatever cabin you're told to and that's final."

Nero narrowed his eyes. "Someone seems to be settling into the role of Alpha. I hope you're not too important now to be friends with little ol' me."

"You're such an idiot."

***

Nero did in fact travel with the rest of the wolves to Idaho, escorted by two enforcers I recognised as the ones who had found me with Sandra after the mountain lion attack. I couldn't remember their names but they had offered me smiles before the group commenced their long journey. As they would all be travelling in their shifted forms, they were able to travel the most direct route. It would still take them over eleven hours to arrive, and with breaks and hunting food factored into their journey, they would be camping overnight in the forest before they arrived in Idaho inner territory.

Thane and I's journey would take over thirteen hours by car, and after a ten hour drive with minimal breaks, we had finally pulled over to rest for the night.

Unlike my first two trips with Thane, we hadn't stopped at a motel, but instead were also camping in the forests. Unlike Nero and the other trainee's, we had the luxury of a tent.

The others could stay in their wolf forms throughout the night to stay warm, but I didn't have that option. In fact, I was still shivering as we settled into the tent for the night, and I was infinitely thankful to be sharing the 'bed' with Thane and take full advantage of his body heat.

We hadn't kissed since this morning, and he hadn't touched me other than to hold me as we awaited sleep. His head was buried in the crook of my neck, his mouth only a breath away. It didn't worry me, but it was surprising considering the fact that his dick was currently hard against my ass in our current position.

"Thane?" I asked, whispering.

"Yeah?" He grunted, voice thick and sluggish as I interrupted his sleep.

"When we get there, to Idaho, are you going to fall into your usual act of a cold, reserved Alpha?" Are we going to pretend I'm nothing but another pack member?

It would explain the unusual lack of intimacy between us - I had learned rather quickly that Thane was a very affectionate male. The wolves in Idaho would be able to scent Thane on me if anything happened between us so close to our arrival.

"Does the thought of that upset you?" He asked slowly - hesitantly. I felt his arm around my waist tighten.

"No," I answered honestly. "I'd have to have a rather large ego to be bruised by something like that. I'm pretty confident with myself and us. I just want to know what to expect, and if I need to watch what I say while we're there."

Thane didn't answer my question, avoiding it with his own, "Do you want to tell people?"

Were we playing some weird mind games right now? Why wasn't he being direct with me?

My hand brushed over his own that was settled on my stomach, grabbing it to thread my fingers through his. I shifted so I was no longer laying on my side but my back, neck arched towards him. I made out his face in the darkness, so the frown that marred his handsome face.

"I have absolutely nothing to hide," I assured him, squeezing his hand gently. "I'd be happy to tell my family, but I understand that you have a role to fill around the other packs. And if you need to hide our relationship to do so, then I won't tell anyone. I'll keep my distance. But I don't want to be caught off guard when we get there."

"Thank you," he breathed. I recognised the relief in his expression. Had he been worried that I would be angry? Or was he worried that I wouldn't want to tell anyone about us? "I hadn't thought this through, if I'm being honest. I just wanted you to be able to see your family again. I know how hard it was for you to leave them; I know how upset you were." Yes, of course, he had heard me crying that first night after leaving Idaho. "I think it's best for now that we keep up pretences. Until Adriel and I can discuss how things might change considering our relationship."

"What happens when you mark me?"

Thane's eyes darted towards my neck at the first mention of the word 'mark'. "What do you mean?"

"We can hide the bond for now. But once you mark me, I won't be able to leave the Colorado without a wolf scenting you on me. I don't... I don't want to be restricted to Colorado all my life."

"You won't be," he sighed. "I promise. We'll figure it out."

I nodded, and that was seemingly the end of the conversation as Thane re-adjusted his hold on my and settled into his pillow. We didn't speak, but I knew when he had finally drifted to sleep, all the while sleep seemed to allude me.

I would see him tomorrow; Jack.

What would I say to him? What could I say that would make this any easier?

He was the male I had loved and then rejected, a male who I knew still cared for me deeply. As much as I missed him, I knew for certain I was not looking forward to reuniting tomorrow morning.

***

When we finally arrived in Idaho, it had take me more than a minute to readjust to the familiar sights. I recognised all the wolves I saw, those who I had grown up amongst, but Beta Maria was the first friend I found.

Thane had already stalked off upon our immediate arrival - of which I had already been informed he would do. He needed to re-group with his enforcers so they could debrief every detail of their journey and reassure him that the trip had gone smoothly. And then he would need to speak to Jack, as was customary for another Alpha visiting his land.

Beta Maria had been the one to 'escort' us into the territory, the Beta Female running in wolf form ahead of the car. And it had taken me all of two seconds once we had come to a stop to leap from the vehicle and embrace her fiercely.

We had been speaking now for at least ten minutes, the majority of our conversation consisting of me filling her in on every detail of my training - taking extra care to avoid focussing too much on Thane's participation - when we were interrupted.

"Emily." The sound of my name, breathless on Jack's lips had me tensing where he stood. Beta Maria glanced over my shoulder with a frown. I didn't have the strength to turn around and acknowledge him, not when there was a fear beginning to eat away at me from the inside out. I had almost forgotten, enjoying Beta Maria's company so much, that I would have to face Jack today. I certainly hadn't thought it would be so soon.

The last time I had seen Jack had been in Nevada. He had begged me to not return to Colorado. I had rejected him, begged him to stop. I still remembered the feel of his lips brushing mine, still remembered the way my gut lurched. Perhaps this was a mistake. I shouldn't have come here, no matter how much I wished to see my family again. I wasn't sure I was strong enough to endure this confrontation.

"Emily," he spoke again, my name a soft whisper. I felt his fingers grasp my wrist gently, tugging me until I spun to face him.

He looked tired. Tired, but hopeful as he appraised me, his eyes skimming my face. He wouldn't find what he was looking for. I couldn't offer him a smile, or any semblance of reassurance that I had returned for him. I didn't want to give him false hope, more than my presence alone had already done.

I couldn't say anything. The words catching in my throat as I stood before him, frozen, mouth agape. What could I possibly say that would make this any easier?

I was brutally aware of Beta Maria's retreating figure. I wanted more than anything to ask her to stay, or for Thane to reappear by my side. Was Thane searching for Jack now, or had he already spoken to him? As much as I prayed for the comfort of his presence, I knew that I was not the best at hiding my true feelings. Jack would instantly spot my affections for Colorado Alpha.

Jack's soft smile flattened. "Are you hear for the mating rotations?"

"Yes," I responded curtly, wrapping my arms around myself. Jack shifted, and I noticed a muscle in his jaw twitch.

"You're still looking for your mate then?" Something about his tone of voice seemed... Disappointed.

I felt a small ounce of resentment for Jack grow in the pit of my stomach. This wasn't fair at all, for him to hold distaste towards my believed desire for a mate. I was not his. He had had his mate, and however horrible it had been to lose her, it was not my duty be with him now. I had every right to keep him at arms length, as I had done for some many months prior to my departure for Colorado.

"Isn't that what most wolves would do in my position?" I deflected.

Coward, I reprimanded myself internally. You have a mate. Tell him.

I knew I should tell him. The sooner he found out the easier it would be. But Thane had asked me to keep our bond to myself and I knew for certain that Jack would not take the news well.

Despite this, at the mercy of his solemn expression, the urge to spill the news was growing.

I had to escape this conversation. I need to escape him, so I could collect myself and plan on how to handle this difficult situation.

"Which cabin have you assigned to Colorado?" I asked, when it became apparent that Jack had nothing else to stay.

"You're staying with him?" Jack's brows pulled into a deep frown, the corner of his lips wilting.

"I am a part of his pack now," I said, almost too sharply. Had it been any other wolf with Thane there would be no question as to them staying in the Colorado cabin.

"I thought you'd stay with your family," he grunted. "It's the same cabin that was assigned for the meetings. Two bedrooms."

My pulse jumped at the mention of the separate bedrooms. Did Jack suspect my relationship with Thane? Or was I being paranoid?

I was all too aware that only one bedroom would be used. Even if Thane and I could not be intimate together for the duration of our stay, there was no chance I wished to stay in another room entirely.

"I'm going to get settled," I murmured, eyes shifting away. It was ridiculous the guilt I felt right now. There was no reason for me to feel guilty, I had done nothing wrong. Yet that wounded look on Jack's face at my dismissal nearly wrecked me.

"Can we talk...Later on today, can we talk privately?"

I swallowed back a lump in my throat, not finding it in me to say anything in response. I offered him an abrupt nod, and turned away.