"a unicef contribution of 13 cents will feed a child for a month." kelso read.

"man, living in africa must be great. everything's so cheap." kelso said.

"if you ask me, man, unicef's a scam." hyde said.

"if we ask you, everything's a scam." donna said.

"yeah, she's right." isabella said.

"everything is a scam." hyde argued.

"oh, lighten up. remember how much fun halloween used to be? making costumes, trick or treating." eric said.

"what is trick or treating?" fez asked.

"only the best part of halloween." isabella said.

"well, you put on a costume, you to door to door and say, trick or treat, and people give you candy." jackie told him.

"oh, you got to be kidding me. they just give you candy?" fez said.

"the best part of halloween is getting the crap scared out of you. one year i saw the legend of sleepy hollow, i couldn't sleep for, like, a month." eric said making everyone go quiet.

"they give you candy? just like that? no strings?" fez said.

"yes, fez. get over it." donna said.

"hey, eric, you remember when we went to that haunted house one year-" isabella began.

"shut up." eric told her making her laugh.

"hey, you guys, you know what? my church is going a haunted house." jackie said.

"i really don't think anyone's gonna be scared by a bunch of episcopalians." donna said.

"unless they have chainsaws. let's go see the texas chainsaw massacre." kelso said.

"michael, i told you, i don't like texans." jackie said.

"funny, i don't think they like jackie's." isabella said jokingly.

"i know. we could go to old main." eric said.

"our old grammar school?" donna asked.

"yeah, sure, you know. a dark, burnt out, boarded up school. very creepy. we could... you know, we could tell ghost stories." eric said.

"free candy? even if you're not from this country?" fez asked.

"yes!" kelso shouted.

"hey, why'd they burn down the school, anyway?" donna asked.

"oh, they said it was arson." jackie said and everyone looked at hyde.

"what? i was out of town that week." hyde said.

"hmm. how convenient." jackie said.

"so you're telling me that if i showed up at someone's house and say, trick or treat, they'll give me a free piece of candy?" fez asked.

"yes!" everyone shouted.

"oh, i don't believe you." fez said.

after that, they got fez a batman costume and took him to get some candy.

"trick or treat." fez said as the person put an apple in his pillow case.

"an apple? where's my candy, you son of a bitch?" fez asked before the door slammed in his face.

-

the gang went to the movies and isabella sat between hyde and fez.

"man, she deserved it. she had sex. and like all movie sluts before her, she must die." hyde said.

"fez, are you scared?" isabella asked seeing the look on his face.

"no. she was about to take her shirt off." fez said before isabella threw popcorn at him.

-

after the movie, everyone went into the old school.

"look at this dump. no wonder hyde tried to burn it down." fez said.

"you know, fez, a man died in that fire. a gym teacher. coach... smith. some say his specter still roams the halls to this day." eric said.

"take a la-a-a-p... give me 20. walk it of-f-f-f..." hyde began which freaked out kelso.

"all right, guys, let's just cut it out, okay? you're scaring the women." kelso said.

"the only scared woman i see is you, kelso." isabella said.

"am not." kelso said.

all the sudden, one of the windows made a noise and kelso freaked out.

"out of my way!" kelso shouted as he pushed jackie to run away.

"kelso, it was the window." hyde told him.

"yeah, i knew that." kelso said.

"out of my way?" jackie said.

"no, i didn't say that." kelso said.

"yes, you did, just before you knocked her over." fez said.

"no. i... i was protecting you." kelso said.

"protecting me?" jackie asked.

"yeah. i was trying to draw the ghosts away from you. ghosts are attracted to movement. that's a scientific fact." kelso told her.

"you know what? i don't care. you're an idiot, and science is stupid! girls, let's go." jackie said stomping away.

"damn it." isabella said.

"gee, wonder what we're gonna talk about." donna said.

"good one." isabella said laughing at donna.

"god, i can't believe michael pushed me out of the way like that." jackie said.

"me neither. i figured he'd use you as a human shield." donna said.

"donna, the most noble thing a man can do is lay down his life for a woman he loves. ideally, while she's still young and can remarry." jackie said.

"that was oddly specific." isabella said.

"do you know who protected me there? fez." jackie said.

"well, he had to. he's batman." donna replied.

-

"hey, guys, we found something scary." donna said as the girls walked into the room where the guys were.

"yeah, it was in the principals office." jackie said.

"oh, my god. those look like... like..." eric said.

"they are. our permanent records." donna said.

"wow! our permanent records. uh, you know what? they probably left these here after the school burned down." kelso said.

"hey. pinciotti, donna. well... looks like someone we know had a real hard time keeping their clothes on in kindergarten." hyde said.

"what? it was just a stupid phase." donna said.

"i'm sure glad that's over." eric said sarcastically.

"oh, listen to this. i fear that despite steven's high IQ, he's a born troublemaker and is destined to be the smartest man in his cell block." kelso read.

"not that far off." isabella said.

"what? they couldn't have known that in second grade. steven willfully and maliciously destroyed isabella ramirez's shoe box diorama of the four food groups." hyde read.

"that was you!" isabella shouted.

"you're a monster. a horrible, horrible monster." donna said.

"yeah, real funny, but i didn't do it." hyde said.

"you know what's really funny, hyde?" eric asked.

"what, forman?" hyde asked.

"heh, heh. i broke the diorama." eric said.

"you?" hyde and isabella said.

"bella's was better than mine. i had to smash it. i left out dairy." eric said.

"how could you?" isabella said.

"you know, that's when everybody turned against me. they pegged me as a bad kid. and once that happens, you're labeled forever. you ruined my life, forman." hyde said.

"no he didn't. hyde, no offense, but with an alcoholic mom and an absent dad, you were bound to end up in jail sooner or later." jackie said making hyde glare at her.

"hyde, i said, no offense." jackie said.

"yeah, right. let's see what that file says about you, jackie." hyde said.

"go ahead. i have a perfect record." jackie said.

hyde picked up jackie's file and he let out a laugh.

"what?" isabella asked him.

"would anybody like to know what jackie's middle name is?" hyde asked before jackie let out a scream.

"jackie's middle name is..." hyde began.

"no!" jackie shouted before hitting hyde with the file.

"i hate you!" jackie said.

"it's beulah." hyde said.