Chapter 865

Awakening

The pitch black

of the inside of my eyelids

didn't last very long.

Or so I thought.

I had lost track of time.

How long had it been?

Chapter 866

Awakening

It was painful to open my eyes,

like they had been glued shut.

They protested against the light,

streaming in through my eyelashes.

No, let us sleep more, they said.

I would be willing to comply,

the blissful comfort

surrounding me was tempting.

Yet, wasn't it time to leave?

Chapter 867

Awakening

I groaned

and with much effort,

forced my eyes apart,

throwing light into the depths of my soul.

What seemed like sunlight filtered through,

its cheerful golden beams,

a powerful epiphany,

too jubilant for my eyes.

With the return of my sight,

it was enough to bring me to my senses.

The blissful comfort suspending me

on a cushion of gentle caress

wasn't enough to keep me.

Where was I?

Sluggish thoughts

were slow to decipher

the world around me.

But it was enough to realize

that I was not alone.

Chapter 868

Awakening

Sudden realization dawned on me.

A strand of golden brown hair

dancing on my neck.

The hot silky warmth against my skin.

My numb arm tingling with a thousand pins.

Stirring beside me, up and down,

in a placid subdued rhythm.

The scent of orchids and mango.

Chapter 869

Awakening

I tried to sit up, wildly,

cranking my head up,

leaping off towards the ceiling.

But I couldn't move.

My arm was pinned.

I twisted so I could see.

Maybe I shouldn't have.

Maybe I should've just gone back to sleep.

And awaken from the dream

at another place, another time.

For a moment,

I could only hear breathing.

And the pounding of my heart.

Chapter 870

Awakening

"Mmm.."

A sound directly next to me,

right against my chest.

It sent a flurry of sparks

along my spine,

threatening to swallow

my foggy mind.

She moved,

her bare skin,

smoothly

sliding

against

mine.

Chapter 871

Awakening

My mind was empty.

There was nothing.

Because nothing could save me.

But myself.

I struggled and pushed desperately,

screaming soundlessly,

stumbling away,

out from under her

soft creamy curves

exposed and glorified

in the morning sun --

My head violently disagreed

as I attempted to sit up,

a shrill burst of white hot pain

drilling through my temples.

"Shit."

Chapter 872

Awakening

"Shit. Shit. Shit."

I pressed my thumbs into my temples as hard as I could.

I rubbed and rubbed. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.

I had to be sleeping still.

"Sei..."

Her voice sent shivers along my spine.

I spun around.

Chapter 873

Awakening

She hadn't moved.

She was on her side,

her back to me,

light washes of heavenly yellow

following the contours of her naked body --

I quickly averted my eyes.

Fresh pain speared through my brain.

The truth was too painful to bear.

What had we done?

What happened?

Chapter 874

Awakening

On the thinly carpeted floor,

was a sight to behold,

my wordless answer.

From the front door,

a trail of clothes,

strewn piece by piece

towards my feet.

Piece by piece,

unwinding my nerves,

agonizing reality.

But piece by piece,

an unravelling mystery,

of something I couldn't recall.

I withdrew my toes

far away from the mess.

This was the answer?

The final answer I was given?

Chapter 875

Awakening

My mind was still senseless, shameless,

no logical processes or common sense

to bring me relief or to bring blame.

It felt like it was smug and satisfied, happy and content,

sappy hormones governing my lack of response,

relaxed like an unwilling sloth.

Please. Please.

I willed my mind to think.

What had happened?

Please. Please.

Tell me this is all a dream.

Tell me this isn't the answer.

It can't be this.

Anything but this.

Chapter 876

Awakening

She was still asleep.

That was the only relief.

What would I do if she wakes up?

Do I leave her here?

Was I supposed to stay?

Were we supposed to talk?

Was I supposed to accept.. this?

I stepped nimbly across the room,

throwing on my clothes as I went.

I needed to get out of here.

I needed a clear mind.

Chapter 877

Awakening

The wet facecloth did the job.

A tired mask of horror looked me straight in the eye,

distorted and twisted in the mirror.

Good morning, it said.

It was a slap in the face.

This was an answer I didn't want.

If this was an answer

from God,

or from the Devil,

I would've rather never asked.

I had betrayed all that I knew.

Everything I believed in.

Reality was merciless.

Not even pausing for a breath.

I knew that this was a point of no return.

Chapter 878

Awakening

I had killed Aoi.

In my soul,

I had wrenched her out

and dashed her to pieces.

With my own hands.

My fragile Aoi.

No.

She was no more.

She was no longer in my heart.

There was no forgiveness.

If I could've done this,

I must not call her mine.

I must not.

I must not hurt her any more.

I was the worst ever.

Chapter 879

Awakening

My hands trembled and shook.

The soap washed off reluctantly,

white foam bubbles filling the gleaming sink.

The sink turned dull.

I stared at my hands like they did not belong to me.

These hands. Couldn't be mine.

They felt so grimy, sticky, dirty.

I just washed my hands.

What was going on?

Chapter 880

Awakening

How could I do this to her?

She was crying just last night.

Was she crying all night?

Or was it her?

Or was it him?

The drink.

No, it couldn't be.

It must be my fault.

I mustn't blame anyone else.

I asked for an answer.

Was the answer not good enough?

Chapter 881

Awakening

There was a high pitched yelp

outside the door. A rustling of blankets.

"Shit."

She was awake.

She was awake.

What do I do?

What do I say?

What happens now?

I don't even know what happened!

Chapter 882

Awakening

My heart hammered against my ribs,

echoing through my entire frame.

Amplified a hundred times

by the throbbing headache

that adorned my skull

with tightening thorns.

Yet, I had no idea why it did.

I swore under my breath,

hand grasping the golden door knob,

a white knuckled grip.

Was I to accept this answer?

Was she my answer?

Chapter 883

Awakening

I swallowed hard and

threw open the door,

stepping out into

whatever awaited me.

Stepping out into

a new reality

that surely couldn't be mine.

A new answer

forced ruthlessly upon me.

The only thing that spared my sanity,

was my stupefied mind.

The curtains were wide open,

blinding me with intense light,

the holy embrace of the sun,

searing me from head to toe,

purifying my body.

I couldn't see anything.

There was silence.

Chapter 884

Awakening

My eyes slowly adjusted

to the morning radiance.

And slowly,

I could make out

her sitting form,

naked legs sideways

across the bed,

bare shoulders

disappearing

into the folds

of the white bedsheets

clutched tightly

in her hands

against her chest.

The sunlight

illuminated her back,

glowing edges

around her body

enshrined her

shapely outline.

Tousled hair

splayed against her

perfect smooth skin,

magnifying her

refined features,

like that of a princess,

now deflowered

and tainted.

I stared at her,

unable to peel

my eyes away,

no matter how

hard I tried.

She stared at me mortified.

Chapter 885

Awakening

There was silence.

Neither of us moved.

Not an inch.

I didn't dare breathe.

Was she angry?

Did she hate me?

Did she remember everything?

I couldn't even remember what happened.

How can I face her?

How can I stand in front of her like this?

Chapter 886

Awakening

"Sei..."

Her lips moved slightly,

just enough to make the soft sound,

music tinkling in my ears.

I remained silent.

I looked down at the ground.

She looked down at her hands.

There was an awkward tension in the air.

Though I didn't recall anything,

the answer was clear.

We both knew what happened.

Just like we had always known everything left unsaid.

This time, it was the same.

Chapter 887

Awakening

"I'm sorry."

I finally breathed, unable to bear it anymore.

Those words were not enough to repay everything I had done.

Everything I had done to her, and put her through.

Her tears, her pain, her innocence.

Everything I had done to Aoi.

Everything I had done to everyone around me.

Everything I had done to myself.

Everything I had ever done.

Right from the beginning, it was all wrong.

Everything I had done. Was all wrong.

It felt like one big dream.

Perhaps, a nightmare, that never ended.

It went deeper and deeper until I've lost everything that had been before.

She was quiet.

There was nothing left to say.

She hated me.

Ashamed, I headed to the door.

Chapter 888

Awakening

"Sei..." Her voice called out after me.

I froze.

"Where are you going?"

Her voice soft and hesitant.

"I'm sorry..."

A million sorry's wouldn't be enough.

"I know you don't want to see me."

My fingers tightened around the door handle.

I could not believe what I was saying.

To be this ashamed and embarassed.

I felt like I was naked still, exposed,

her stare scorching my back.

This was not the first time I hated myself.

"I love you, Seiji."

Chapter 889

Awakening

What?

I must have heard wrong.

"Sei..." Her voice pleaded with me.

"I love you. I love you so much."

Her voice lingered in my body like electricity.

Travelling along every bit of my body,

releasing every bit of torment inside of me.

"Please don't go."

I turned around.

"How can you say this after what happened?"

Her eyes filled with pain.

"How can you not understand?"

"How can you not understand how much I love you?"

"Ever since the first day I saw you."

Chapter 890

Awakening

I leaned against the door.

Ever since the day we met.

By Aoi's bed side.

Even though she knew

that Aoi...--

But did Aoi?

Was it Aoi that allowed us to meet?

Did she...

What was going on?

Airu...

why was she in my life?

Why was she the answer?

"Sei... I'm so happy it's you."

Chapter 891

Awakening

"I was about to cry...

I was so scared that it wasn't you...

I was so scared it was someone else..."

Tears welled up in her eyes.

"If it was someone else I would surely kill myself."

I felt an involuntarily twinge of anger sweep through me

at the thought of her in the hands of someone else.

Someone else taking away her innocence,

feasting his eyes on her uncovered body,

his hands defiling her milky skin.

I suddenly trembled inside with a powerful menace.

I had a feeling I would kill the person myself.

But...did I have to kill myself too?

"I'm so happy it was you." She repeated, blushing.

Chapter 892

Awakening

I paused.

Her eyes were fixed at a spot

next to her knees now,

avoiding my puzzled stare.

"You..." I struggled with my words.

"You don't remember what happened?"

She flushed a dark shade of red and looked away.

"I'm sorry..." She looked ashamed.

"It was my first time... and I don't remember it at all."

She didn't remember.

Chapter 893

Awakening

I crossed the room slowly,

each step a walk on

torrential tempest waters,

conflicting feelings

clouding my judgement.

She was next to me,

by the time I looked up,

from my unfocused daze.

Her sweet skin beckoned,

every curve starting to -

I stopped myself and eased onto the bed.

I felt her shift back a bit,

nervously, pink heat with embarrassment.

"I don't remember either."

"What?"

She stared at me, searching my eyes for an answer.

Her own eyes, amber in the morning light.

They shone with such tenderness.

Was it because of me?

"You don't remember?"

Her voice broke,

struggling to keep her mixed emotions at bay.

I nodded, ashamed.

Chapter 894

Awakening

Her lips trembled

from feelings

even she couldn't

comprehend.

My heart ached,

from shame,

from embarrassment,

from her sudden confession,

from watching the confusion in her eyes.

I was filled with insatiable... affection for her.

Her slight form, vulnerable, exposed.

A hand over her lips like she was trying to hold something back.

"Airu..."

She avoided my gaze,

devastated at my outright admittance

of our flawed memory.

Chapter 895

Awakening

Suddenly, she was in my arms,

her skin pressed tight to me,

blanket falling from her shoulders.

She fell against me,

soft and fragile,

weightless and fluid,

our bodies melting together

like they had been separated

for far too long.

I felt her sigh.

All that was between us

was a thin bedsheet

and my t-shirt.

But I didn't care.

The mind was stubborn

but the heart would take over now.

She was my responsibility.

I wouldn't let her cry anymore.

I would protect her.

I wouldn't mess up again.

This time, I will repay my mistakes.

From this moment on.

To many things happened.

To many things changed.

There's no turning back.

To accept this.

As my answer.

Chapter 896

Awakening

"I'm sorry...

I'm sorry that I don't remember."

"But," I paused.

I held her closer.

"I will take responsibility."

Chapter 897

Awakening

"Airu..."

"I love you."

Chapter 898

Awakening

"I love you."

My heart swelled

with powerful passion

churning rivers

of hot liquid magma

that I could not withold

any longer.

All the unspoken.

Was finally said.

With each word,

the winds of change,

the flow of time,

had finally touched

our world.

Change had transformed

all that we knew.

Our world was now

complete.

Chapter 899

Awakening

I felt her sigh,

her chest heaving against me,

an uneasy breath

escaping her shaky lips.

Slowly, but surely,

she started to relax,

her tense muscles

knotted and doubtful

unwinding beneath her skin.

Her head nestled on my chest,

happily, content, safe in my arms.

Safe in the eye of the wretched storm.

Chapter 900

Awakening

We would remain silent and still

for the next segment of timeless moments.

For the first time,

our feelings

were harmonious,

proclaimed in words

into the world around us.

Whether or not anyone was listening, it didn't matter.

It was a message to ourselves.

That from now on, I would not push her away.

That from now on, we will forge a future together.

Instead of lingering on to the past, that could never be repaired.

Chapter 901

Awakening