《An Italian's Virgin Escort (IRS Book 1)》Chapter 34
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(Chapter 35 updated in Inkitt. Enjoy)
Leonardo Point of View
That's right!
I really hope everything goes as planned. I need to marry Lilliput as soon as possible before she pays off for her so called freedom.
The speed she's going with, she might as well pay off the two hundred million and I need to stop that at any cost to make sure that she's tied to me forever and what best way other than marriage can hit two birds with one stone.
Now that the preparation for the happy wedding is going on in full swing, I need to finally get my balls out and profess my love for her before wedding.
Phew...
Just proposing is left out and I'll do that in a couple of days.
'What about the apology?' My conscience retorted suddenly making an entry after so many months.
Apology?
'Well, sh*tter, you need to apologize to her for many things. Should I list out for you? One, for making her life hell when she became your PA. Two for taking the engagement decision yourself without consulting. Three, for buying her and torturing her verbally. Four, for being paranoid and not listening to her full story and judging her for her profession which is nothing but a tag. Five, for taking her precious thing forcefully and painfully and you damned shitter didn't even apologize later. Six, for making her insecure and feel worthless. Seven, for being an a** and declaring the wedding without consulting. Eight, making it hard to have her own way and for leaving her no choice on her own life. Nine, for forcing her into many things which she's not interested into. You did a lot of stuff which needs to be well apologized.' My conscience yet again retorted with a blow.
But what my conscience just pointed out was true. Not only did I took her life decisions into my hands, I also violated her in my blinded rage. It's true that I need to apologize her for everything before wedding itself to make things clear and back to normal.
Hmm... So, how does one apologize?
"I think you have finally lost it Mr. Bianchi." I heard an exasperated sweet voice of Lilliput.
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She entered into my study room with a force and closed the door with a bang.
Ouch... my ears!
"It's Leo for you Lilliput. We are getting married in four days and you need to send the honorifics to a vacation. From now on call me Leo and only Leo." I said nonchalantly avoiding her heated glares and tightly wrapped fists.
I don't think now is the right time to apologize her seeing her seething like a wild bull.
"I will not marry you, Mr. Bianchi." She declared, narrowing her eyes in disbelief. She sounded like marrying me is a sin and somewhere deep within I felt a little hurt and offended.
"And you think you have a choice?" I asked inching towards her and holding her hand in a light grip.
"Mr. Bianchi, I don't know if you noticed before or not,but let me tell you something. The reason I want to pay you off and be free is not because of you and not because of what you did to me." She sighed and her crestfallen face pinched my heart.
She looked desperate.
She looked suffocated.
But what can I do? I don't want to lose her.
"I want the freedom for myself. Look Mr. Bianchi, It's not like I hate you or it's not like I don't like you. I – I like you. But – "
"Then what's the problem? If you like me, why can't you be happy with this wedding?" I asked cutting her off. She sighed and went silent for a minute trying to get her breathing to control.
I, on the other hand, rubbed her back soothing and thinking about what exactly is the problem then, when she likes me too.
"Because I don't think this like stays for longer period." She said after a minute. I distanced myself from her a little to look at her.
What does she mean it might not stay longer?
"If you are suspecting infidelity from me then I'll promise you that I will have only you in my life." I explained her clearly to make sure her insecurities are well cured. But she just inched back from me and looked at me with an accusing gaze.
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"It's not about infidelity. Put yourself in my shoes and tell me. Would you marry me if you are in my situation? I like you for sure but it may not stay that way for long time because all my feelings, emotions and actions are tied up. I'm suffocated. I was in very tight hold and spying eyes from long years. I couldn't do anything I wanted. I had not liberty to take decisions for my own life. I was a puppet and still I am. But the difference is you alone can play me now. When my wings are tied up, how can you expect me to fly? I cannot feel anything as long as I'm into someone's hand. I cannot love someone wholeheartedly when I didn't experience the same love for myself. I don't know what I'm capable of. I don't know what kind of person I am. I don't know how I will react to different conditions. I don't even know what I feel for myself. Do I pity myself? Do I like myself? Am I proud of myself? Did I achieve anything worthy to be proud of? I don't know any of these because I was dictated my whole life. I was never allowed to have my own thoughts." She cried out and sat by the wall hugging her knees.
She didn't cry aloud but those fiercely flowing tears are enough to deliver the pain that she's going though. That she went through. I wanted to hug her and pat her back soothingly. I want to tell her that I would be good to her and will treat her like a queen. I want to tell her that she has every right to do whatever she want when she is with me.
But somehow, words didn't come out of my mouth. They got stuck in my throat and for the first time in my life, I was flustered not knowing what to do, what to say.
"When you don't even know what you feel for yourself, how can you love someone, Mr. Bianchi? How will know that, yes this is love and I love that very person whose name can make my heart go wild? All the effort of paying you off is to know myself. To explore what I am. To use my wings, not to fly but to experience how they are used."
And at that moment I felt like someone punched in my guts. I felt like I need to punch the person who was so heartless to take her to such dangerous place. I felt the animalistic primal urge to tear that person limb to limb and kill him thousand times.
"Shh... Lilliput. Ssh. I understand – "
"No you don't. You can't. You will never understand it not even a percent of what I am feeling right now. If you really feel for me, then release me. Let me go. If you've really felt my agony, then untie me from these invisible bounds." Her words stumped me.
Leave her?
Can I?
Other than feeling apologetic for her, I also love her. Can I give her what she's asking for?
Will she return to me back once she finds her own path?
Will she ever think of returning to me?
I was in a state of quandary not knowing what to say. I want to release her but not having her in my life anymore killed me.
I want to keep her but the very notion of her hating me day after day pierced me. Being a Businessman, I took many tough decisions in my life but in this particular case I couldn't decide at all. It feels like I will be the one losing something in either case.
I let her go, then I'll lose her.
I marry her, then I still lose her.
In either cases I lose her and I'm so petrified by the current situation. What lose I prefer now?
Not able to think or decide anything, I just hugged her body close to me "Be ready by 6 in the evening tomorrow. We are going for dinner." I whispered softly, and left from there being utterly disturbed.
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