Ƭhat night, Rey sat with the royal family for the evening meal. As they ate, they were all silent. But it was not a pleasant, companionable silence, it was awkward, and heavy with tension.

Finally, Queen Leia broke the silence, seeming to be unable to bear it any longer. "It was a beautiful wedding."

Rey nodded, she couldn't deny that it had been a beautiful wedding. She had never seen the castle decorated so elaborately, nor had she tasted finer food.

"You were the most beautiful part of the day," Ben told her shyly in a soft voice. It was the first time he had ever told a woman that she was beautiful, but he felt that the words were not adequate. He couldn't seem to find the words to express what was in his heart. Nor could he find a word that could truly describe how he saw her. He only hoped that she wouldn't be offended by what he had intended to be a compliment.

Rey blushed fiercely, she wasn't used to receiving such compliments, especially from someone as important as a prince. But what made her blush even more, was how sincere and genuinely shy he was as he said it, as though he meant it and had never said it to anyone else. Even though she didn't like him in the slightest, it did make her feel good to know that he thought that she was beautiful.

Han looked at his queen and winked. Leia smiled, in return.

"It certainly was the wedding of the decade," said Han.

"I'm sorry that we didn't get to invite any of your family, Rey," said Ben, feeling a bit guilty. He had wanted to ask her about it, maybe they could invite some of her family to a special meal or something to make up for it.

"I don't have any family... not anymore," she answered sadly, he could hear the heartbreak in her voice. It made his own heart break, he wished that he could give her some form of comfort. That was probably the reason she seemed to struggle with her emotions, he'd seen the same thing in his knights who had all lost their parents at a young age as well.

"I'm so sorry Rey," he said, wishing that he hadn't mentioned it. She seemed so close to tears that a part of him wanted to go to her and give her a hug to comfort her, but he wasn't sure if she would welcome that.

She gave him a sad smile and nodded, trying to remember the words of her friends. She was trying to forgive him and put the hate that she felt towards him in the past. "Love your enemies," she repeated silently.

He felt his heart leap, it was a sad smile but it was the first she'd ever given him.

"It's okay, your majesty, you didn't know," she whispered.

Ben sighed in relief, he didn't want to do anything to hurt her. He opened his mouth to tell her that she didn't have to call him: "your majesty," but his mother spoke before he got the chance.

"What was your family like, Rey?" she asked.

Rey hesitated.

"I'm sorry, it's okay if you don't want to talk about it," Leia said.

Rey knew that she was only trying to get her to talk about it to make her feel better. She knew that Leia was only trying to listen, just as she had when the queen would talk about her son.

Rey took a deep breath, giving in. They were her family now, if she couldn't talk to them who could she talk to?

"My mother died when I was a baby," she said. "She died giving birth to me."

"I'm sorry Rey... my mother died when I was a baby too. She died giving me life," said Leia.

"I'm sorry your majesty," said Rey.

"You can call me Leia," she reminded her gently.

Rey nodded.

"And your father?" Han asked Rey.

"He was kind and always looked after me. He was always there for me... at least until I turned seven and he had to leave for the war," she said, changing the story slightly. Her father hadn't left. He couldn't, not since there was no one to take care of her. But she didn't want to talk about it anymore than she had to. "I was all alone and I missed him dearly."

Han nodded.

"What became of him?" Ben asked gently.

Rey felt anger and hatred well up inside of her again. She wanted to yell at him, to tell him that he killed him. She locked her lips. She tried to suppress her anger, and her desire to hurt him in any way that she could. Her hands clenched into tight fists in her lap.

Ben noticed that she seemed upset. "I'm sorry, Rey."

"Well, you should be!" she snapped, then she stood and hurried out of the room.

Ben watched her leave with a heavy heart. Once she was out of his sight, he looked at his parents. "I didn't mean to hurt her."

"We know, Ben," Leia said gently.

"I truly care about her, with all of my heart. But she..." he sighed deeply. "...she hates me."

"Rey isn't a hateful person, Ben," Leia replied. "It's probably not easy for her to talk about her family."

He nodded, but deep down he knew that Rey did hate him. He could see it, he could feel it when she looked at him.

"I'm sure that she doesn't hate you, Ben," his mother continued, trying to reassure him.

"She does," he answered. "But that's what I deserve. I'm not a good person, mother. I deserve her hatred." He was quiet for a moment before he continued. "It's natural to hate those who hate you. But I can't hate her, I know that I deserve it. But she is kind... and innocent... and wonderful. She deserves all the love in the world. So I will love her no matter what she says or does to me. I can't hate her, I can only love her."

Leia smiled at him, then she grew serious. "I think something is troubling her. She's not acting like herself. I think that you should talk to her."

"Me?" Ben asked, she didn't want to talk to him, she didn't even want to be around him.

Leia nodded. "Love isn't always easy, you have to be there for her even when it's not easy."

Ben nodded. "I want to...I'm just afraid that she won't feel comfortable talking to me about whatever it is that's bothering her."

"All you can do is try," Han answered.

Ben nodded. "I will."

꧁❀꧂

Later, Ben came to his room to find Rey laying on her back, looking up at the ceiling. He took a deep breath and walked over to her. "I'm sorry Rey," he whispered.

She didn't answer, she didn't even look at him.

He fixed her blanket, pulling it up to her chin as if she was a small child. He tenderly placed his hand on her forehead. "I truly am sorry. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but I fear that I have. The only thing I want in life right now is to be a good husband to you, but I've already failed. I promise from now on I will try to do better."

She didn't reply, but at least he had made amends on his side and that did make him feel a little better. "Goodnight," he whispered, then he walked away.

꧁❀꧂

The next morning Rey and Ben ate breakfast with King Han and Queen Leia.

Ben sat at the table until Rey had finished eating, then he stood and offered his hand to help her up from her seat.

She glared at him, she didn't need his...or anyone's help standing. She wanted to say: "I'm not helpless, I can stand perfectly fine on my own," and she would have, only his parents were watching. She did not pity being rude to him, only she didn't want to disappoint the man and woman she loved like a mother and father.

"My lady, I need to speak to you," he said politely.

"Yes?" she asked, ignoring his outstretched hand.

"Alone," he added in a whisper.

She held back an annoyed groan, she didn't want to speak with him. She certainly didn't want to speak with him alone. But she took a deep breath, knowing that refusing would only make his parents think less of her. She nodded, then stood not taking his hand.

He lowered his hand, unable to hide his disappointment that she hadn't taken it. Then he left the dining hall with her following behind. He led her to a sitting room and sat down on a couch, gesturing for her to sit down next to him.

She sighed in obvious annoyance but took a seat beside him. She kept as much distance as possible between them.

Ben looked at her for a long moment, then he took a deep breath. "Listen, Rey...I'm sorry for asking about your father yesterday, I know it's not easy for you to talk about."

Rey nodded, looking away from him.

"But you shouldn't keep it to yourself, you won't feel better until you talk to someone about it." He reached over to take her hand and she looked at him. "I want to be here for you, I want to listen when you need someone to talk to and comfort you when you're in pain. I don't want you to be alone...you don't have to be."

"You don't understand...you'll never understand," her voice was a mixture of pain and anger. Her pain was like a knife in his chest, he couldn't bear the thought of his wife in pain. He would have taken that pain away and borne it for her if it were possible. But he did understand what she was feeling, more than she could ever fathom.

"I do. There are things that I can't talk about...things I can't tell you...things I can't even tell my own parents."

"But they were all your doing," she said accusingly. "At least you have your parents. My father was taken from me."

Rey was surprised when he didn't react in anger. Instead he gently rubbed her back as if to soothe her. "So do you, my parents love you. They would listen if you needed to talk to them."

"Then why don't you talk to them? You take them for granted. You may not have them forever," she replied a little harsher than she had intended.

"Some things are... some things are complicated. I don't want to hurt them, especially my mother. She would never forgive herself," he said.

"For what?" Rey asked louder than she had meant to. "I'm tired of the secrets."

"I can't tell you, the pain is still too near. And if I tell my parents, I may lose them again. They wouldn't believe me."

"You lost your parents because you chose to. Why did you betray them? They love you, they love you more than you deserve."

Ben looked away, before replying. "You don't understand, no one will ever understand."

"Then tell me why," she pressed. He killed her father and she wanted to know why. She couldn't just ask him directly, but she would at least know why he had chosen Snoke over his parents. "How do you know that I won't understand if you won't tell me?"

"Do you know how it feels to hate yourself...to fear yourself?...to be called a monster for so long that you start to believe that it's true?" he didn't raise his voice, but there was obvious pain in it.

"It is true, you are a monster," she replied coldly.

"I told you that you wouldn't understand. You will always see me the way everyone else does. You'll never see me as anything but a monster." He stood, turning away from her, he didn't want her to see the tears in his eyes. Maybe she was right, maybe he had lost his parents because of his own choices.

"I only want to help you, Rey," he whispered at last. "But I understand if you don't want to talk about it. Some wounds never heal... some leave scars that will hurt for the rest of your life."

She looked at him, he spoke the words as if from experience and she wondered what scars he bore. She didn't care what he'd gone through, but she did want to why he had done things he had.

"If you ever need to talk, I will always listen. And if you don't want to talk to me about it, I know that my parents would listen to you. You need to talk to someone about it."

Once he was gone, she buried her head in her hands. What was she supposed to do? Tell him the truth? She couldn't.

꧁❀꧂

That night, Ben's sleep was fitful with nightmares. He had always struggled with them, especially after he left to train with Snoke.

He witnessed memories, a young girl murdered before his eyes, a man he'd killed by mistake, two girls he'd been forced to leave with nothing in the wake of battle. He saw the darkest moments of his time with Snoke, images of the threats Snoke had made becoming a reality. The images would flash, ever changing from one horror to another never giving him a respite.

Rey was jolted awake as she heard him screaming. She sat up and looked over at him where he slept on the couch. He was tossing and turning. Even though he had stopped screaming, she could still hear him whimpering and talking in his sleep. He was having a nightmare, she realized. What would Kylo Ren have to fear? She wondered if she should wake him up, she wasn't sure if it would be a good idea. She didn't know how he would react. Besides, she didn't care if he was having a nightmare. Even though he was making so much noise that she wouldn't be able to get much sleep.

Just as she was about to go over and wake him up, she noticed that his eyes had snapped open suddenly. She didn't want him to know that she was watching him, so she laid back down and closed her eyes.

Ben sat up and looked over at her. He'd had a terrible nightmare, and even now when he was awake he was terrified. A part of him wanted to go over to her as he had gone to his parents when he was a small child. But he didn't think that she would be willing to listen to what was troubling him. Or to let him sleep beside her so that he wouldn't feel alone. He was alone, he always would be.

He looked at her, she was sleeping so peacefully. He didn't want to wake her anyway. He didn't feel like going back to sleep just yet. He stood up and walked across the floor as quietly as he could, then he stepped out onto the balcony. He looked up at the star-filled sky.

Looking at the stars had been his only comfort during the past few years. He would often beg God to set him free, to let him somehow find away back home so that he could die in peace. The only reason he'd fought to survive was to make amends with his parents, it had been the only reason he had to live. Until Snoke he met Christopher whom he loved like a brother. Now he was living to somehow find a way to free him and his other knights from Snoke's clutches. And now more than anything he wanted to live for Rey, he wanted to help her as he had helped his knights who had suffered the same grief as she.

He understood why she would sometimes lash out in anger, many of his knights had done that at first too. Often losing a parent could cause some anger and he knew that it was the only emotion that could hide deep sadness. And he was sure that she blamed him to a certain extent because her father was killed in the war in which he had taken part in. He wouldn't give up on her, eventually she would be able to laugh and smiled as he was sure that she once had.

Rey sat up as she heard him walk across the floor. She looked at him where he stood on the balcony. She wondered if she should go and ask him what was troubling him, but she didn't want to talk to him. She sighed, then laid back down and tried to get back to sleep, but she couldn't. She felt conflicted, was she doing the right thing?