Ʀey walked through the halls, making her way towards her new room; the room she would share with the prince. She didn't want to be anywhere near him, she certainly didn't want to share a room with him.

She went to the bathroom and changed from her elegant white wedding dress into her nightgown. She did her nightly routine, brushing her hair and washing her face. It felt strange to have a bathroom all to herself, normally she had to wait her turn to use the maid's bathroom.

When she had finished, she walked over to the window and looked up at the stars. "I'm sorry, father," she whispered. She couldn't help but feel that she had betrayed him by marrying the man who had killed him, but it hadn't been her choice. Her king and queen had asked something of her and she had obeyed, they seemed to be desperate for her to say yes and she didn't want to let them down.

She went over to the bed and laid with her back facing the empty place where he would sleep, she didn't even want to look at him when he came in. She didn't want to share a bed with him, but she didn't have a choice. This was his room, his bed... she couldn't exactly kick him out.

As she lay there, she couldn't help but think of her father. For so long she'd been strong but somehow being near Kylo Ren had made the pain resurface as if it had happened only yesterday.

She felt as though she couldn't be strong any longer, she had to let out the pain she'd been holding in. She hadn't truly cried since her father died, but now she felt as if that wound had been reopened all over again.

She allowed a few tears to slide down her cheeks. She didn't want to be married to that monster and see what he would do when he came in. She didn't want to be with him at all, let alone in that way.

꧁❀꧂

Ben stood alone in a corner, his parents were busy, his bride didn't want anything to do with him and he was alone. He knew that part of the reason his parents had arranged this marriage between them was because of what he had said, that no one would ever love him. But this had only served to prove that he had been right. That Snoke had been right.

The celebration was still going on, but it had begun to die down, so he decided to leave. He wasn't looking forward to it. He had never shared a room with anyone and he didn't feel comfortable with the thought of it, but he hoped he would be able to apologize for... whatever it was that he had done, and make amends. He didn't want them to spend the rest of their lives this way. His parents argued a lot, but they always found a way to work things out. That's what he needed to do with Rey.

He went over to his parents. "Goodnight mother, goodnight father."

Han nodded. "Goodnight son."

His mother reached up to kiss his cheek. "Goodnight, Ben."

He offered her the ghost of a smile... a smile that was void of any joy. He hadn't truly smiled since he had been sent to train with Snoke. When he was a child he had always been so happy, he had smiled all of the time. But that time was gone, it felt so wrong to smile when his heart was in a thousand pieces.

Ben turned and left the ballroom. When he reached the door to his room, he stopped remembering that it wasn't just his room anymore. It was his and his bride's. He knocked on the door, wanting to respect her privacy.

There was no response, so he knocked again.

Rey laid on the bed with her back facing the door. Her cheeks were streaked with tears, and her eyes were blurred. She heard a knock on the door open behind her, she knew it was him and she trembled slightly. The tears poured out of her even more, wetting her pillow. He hadn't kissed her at their wedding, but she didn't know what he would do when they were alone.

Still, he received no reply, so he opened the door thinking that she must have fallen asleep. He saw her lying there with her back towards him. He wasn't sure if she was asleep or just pretending to be. Either way, there was no way he would be able to get to sleep until he apologized. He didn't want to wake her, but he had to set things right.

"Rey?" he asked softly.

She didn't respond or turn to look at him. She hoped that he would think that she was asleep, but it didn't work, he knew that she was awake. He could tell by how she reacted when he spoke her name.

He leaned over and gently touched her shoulder. "Rey... I'm sorry if I hurt you," he whispered.

She clenched her fists as anger welled up inside of her. She wanted to scream at him so badly, to shout in her loudest voice and tell him how much he had hurt her. But she kept her lips sealed, not wanting to make things worse.

He saw her move slightly, but she didn't reply. He couldn't understand why she was so upset. He didn't know what he had done, the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her. He frowned, feeling guilty, even though he didn't know why. Maybe Snoke was right, he was a terrible husband. He wished that she would just tell him so that he could make up for it somehow.

He came around and knelt in front of her. He saw the tears that streaked her cheeks and he felt a stab in his chest, had he hurt her that bad?

He reached over and wiped her tears away. He saw the fear in her eyes as he touched her cheek and suddenly he realized...she was afraid. She was afraid to be alone with him. She didn't trust him because she didn't know him, she didn't know that he would never touch her without her consent.

Ben gently wiped her tears away. "You don't have to be afraid of me, my lady."

"I'm not afraid," she snapped.

But the look in her eyes betrayed her and he could see through the lie. "I know that you're afraid that I'll touch you, but I'm not that kind of person Rey. I want my first..." he swallowed hard, struggling to find the right word. "...kiss or anything more than that to be an act of true, genuine love."

She looked at him surprised. "You've never kissed a girl?"

He shook his head. "There is little time for love in war. And I was waiting for the right one," he said quietly. "I promise not to touch you or kiss you in any way that will make you feel uncomfortable. I promise I will wait until we come to love one another."

"What if I never love you?" she whispered.

"Then I will never touch you."

Rey swallowed hard, surprised by the kind gesture. "Thank you, your majesty." She looked down at the floor and let out a sigh. As the future queen, it was her duty to bear the future ruler of Alderaan. "What about your heir?"

"If you never love me, I'll tell the council to appoint someone before I die."

"Thank you, your majesty."

"Did I hurt your feelings earlier?" he asked, concerned.

She didn't reply, it felt like her voice had been silenced.

"Please tell me the truth, my lady," he begged after several moments of silence.

She opened her mouth, about to yell all of the cruel things she'd planned to say to him if she ever met him face to face. But she stopped herself, if she even began to say the things that she felt towards him she would most likely get herself into trouble. She probably wouldn't be able to keep herself from telling the whole truth. That she had planned to kill him if ever they met. It would be treason if she told him how she really felt. "It's not something I can talk to you about," she said at last.

"Rey, if something is troubling you, you shouldn't keep it to yourself," he said, realizing as he spoke the words that he was doing the very same thing. "I'm your husband now, I'm here to listen." He looked at her intently, ready to listen. He could tell that she was just as broken as he was. Just as broken as his knights had been when they'd come to him and all he wanted to do was help her as he had helped them.

Just because you're my husband doesn't mean that I'm going to talk to you, she thought.

His eyes pleaded with her. Rey looked at the floor, not wanting to meet them. "Thank you, but I don't feel like talking."

He looked at the floor, trying to hide his disappointment. He wanted to be there for her, but apparently, he was doing a very good job of it.

"It's late, I'm a little tired so if you don't mind I'm going to sleep." Even though she said 'if you don't mind,' she said it more like 'leave me alone' or 'go away.'

He ignored the rudeness in her voice and replied gently. "Do you need anything before we go to sleep?"

She shook her head.

He nodded, then he walked around to his side of the bed.

Rey heard him moving behind her and she slid as far away from his side of the bed as she could get until she was laying on the very edge of the mattress. If she moved even an inch farther, she would surely fall off of the bed. She held her breath, waiting for him to climb into the bed next to her, hoping that she had slid over far enough that she wouldn't be anywhere near him. But after a while, she turned to look behind her and found that he was gone. Her brow creased, then she felt someone watching her. She turned to see Ben laying on a couch in the room.

"Goodnight, Rey," he whispered. He had no intention of sleeping with her when they had only just met. He wanted her to be comfortable, even at the cost of his own comfort. The couch was a little harder than the bed, and not long enough given how tall he was. He had to keep his knees bent to fit, but he was willing to make the sacrifice. He wanted to show her that he would never force her into anything that made her feel uncomfortable. He had only gone to his side of the bed to grab his pillow and a blanket.

Rey was again surprised by his efforts to make sure that she was comfortable, even if it meant sleeping on the hard couch so that she could have the bed to herself. "Good night," she mumbled, watching as he adjusted his pillow.

She laid back down and turned away from him. Maybe she was wrong about him. If he didn't care about her at all then he wouldn't care if she was comfortable. As she thought about it, she realized that he must care about her very much to put her so far above himself when he barely knew her. She was just a servant while he was a prince, she hadn't expected him to give up his bed for her. She realized that he did care about her, but he couldn't possibly love her. How could a prince love a servant girl? It just wasn't possible. He was only doing this out of obligation, just as she was.

There was a part of her that wanted him to truly love her, despite who she was. It was the thing that she had wanted more than anything else, for someone to love her for who she truly was. But she knew that as the princess of Alderaan, she could never be her true self again, she had to be who the kingdom needed her to be. She couldn't roam the forests alone or go hunting, things that she'd once done for survival but found herself missing. As the prince's bride she couldn't do those things, no one would accept it not even Kylo...Ben, whatever he called himself. And that's what she hated the most, her whole life she'd only been afraid of two things: losing those she loved and losing her freedom. And now she'd lost both and it was the prince who'd taken everything from her.

She still couldn't forgive him. She hated him for who he truly was, and how could she expect him to love her even though she didn't deserve it when she refused to do so in return? How could she expect him to give something that she knew she would never be able to return?

(GIF banner by dunleejane )