"Maybe we were together in distance but apart at hearts." I whispered my eyes fixed at the brown ones, trying to figure him one last time before whatever we had fell apart.

***

Eliana Parker, a twenty five year old medical resident, who had a seemingly perfect life but she had been through a lot. From the pain of losing her parents to the constant struggles of life, Hannah stumbled across her strength.

Asher Anderson, twenty seven year old surgeon who had it all -money, family, grades but he lacked contentment. An event in his life changed him from his coolest version to his coldest version.

It is said that, 'Maybe, if you can't get someone out of your head they were never meant to leave. Perhaps, they were meant to help change you into the person you have been waiting to become.'

But what happens when two souls encounter each other again but one of them is adamant on breaking the other to the extent that, maybe the change that it evoked was bad for them?

Your cover is simple and organized. The image used hints at the genre (romance) and the title is eye catching and fits with the cover. The "together" of the title is hard to see because it blends in a bit with the background, but that's just me being nitpicky. The image used is also a pretty safe option for a story in the romance genre. Keep in mind that many writers use an image with silhouettes of a couple kissing or embracing and layer the title on top of that. Since you're using a pretty similar structure, it may resemble covers of other stories, so you might have competition with your story when readers compare story covers. If you ever decide to replace your cover in the future, I suggest using a cover that may be surprising or unconventional for a romance story (but still fits in the genre). That way, your story will stand out.

I'll admit I'm a bit iffy on the title. This title, "Apart Yet Together," could apply to so many other stories, and not just in the romance genre. It's not very memorable or unique, and it has an obvious connection with your story. Is there a deeper theme running through the story that relates to the title? You can keep it as it is, but I also suggest finding a title that isn't as conspicuous and can be interpreted in different ways. A great title makes readers become excited when they reach the end of the story and finally realize the meaning of the title. This title probably won't do that, as the meaning is pretty evident from the start.

I noticed several grammatical errors right from the start of your blurb. For example, you had misplaced commas, comma splices, (un)necessary filler words, and tense slip-ups. A grammatically correct version of your blurb would be:

"Maybe we were together in distance but apart at heart," I whispered, my eyes fixed on the brown ones. Trying to figure him one last time before whatever we had fell apart.

Eliana Parker, a twenty-five-year-old medical resident, had a seemingly perfect life, but she had been through a lot. From the pain of losing her parents to the constant struggles of life, Hannah stumbled across her strength.

Asher Anderson, twenty-seven-year-old surgeon who had it all -money, family, grades, lacked contentment. An event in his life changed him from his coolest version to his coldest one.

It is said that, 'Maybe, if you can't get someone out of your head, they were never meant to leave. Perhaps they were meant to help change you into the person you have been waiting to become.'

But what happens when two souls encounter each other again, but one of them is adamant on breaking the other to the extent of that? Maybe the change that it evoked was bad for them?

I also removed any repetition and incorrect punctuation. But even with this correct version of the blurb, there are still several things wrong here. First off, your structure. The structure you used is pretty common across all romance stories on Wattpad: You have an excerpt at the top, a description of the girl, then the description of the boy, then you end the blurb with a "what if?" Not only that, but your descriptions aren't very relevant to the story itself. As a reader, I don't want to know any ages or job occupations unless it's directly related to the conflict. For now, the blurb should only contain the main characters, the triggering action (the action that starts the story), the conflict, and maybe hint at some obstacles along the way. Additionally, you wrote "It is said that..." but it seems that you wrote that yourself, not that it's universally said everywhere. In that case, I suggest removing "It is said" and replace it with something else that lets your audience know it came from your head.

I noticed a few grammatical errors from the start of your first chapter. I'll mention those later in your chapter reviews. Additionally, I noticed you started the story off with an alarm clock, and warning bells immediately went off in my head. Starting the story with someone waking up for school is a pretty cliché start and not original enough to capture my attention. Additionally, you didn't even describe her waking up. Why start with her waking up if you're just going to move on? Perhaps instead, you should start when it's important to introduce the character. For example, she could be doing some self-reflection, or doing something she enjoyed. This helps your audience become engaged and connect with your protagonist. I noticed you have a lot of telling, not showing, so I suggest expanding upon your descriptions to hook in your audience and avoid info-dumping.

You struggled with your punctuation and capitalization with dialogues. If your dialogue is accompanied with a dialogue tag (he said, she yelled, they shouted, describing the way someone says something), the dialogue tag is a continuation of the dialogue sentence. For example, it doesn't make sense for the clause, "She said," to be a sentence by itself. Therefore, it's part of the dialogue sentence. The dialogue should end in a comma to indicate that the sentence isn't complete, and the start of a dialogue tag is not capitalized, as it's not the start of a new sentence. The opposite goes for action tags. If your dialogue is accompanied by an action tag (she grinned/he sighed/they walked away, basically an action), the action should not be part of the dialogue sentence. The dialogue doesn't help the action tag make sense; the action tag should be a sentence by itself. Therefore, the dialogue should end in a period to signify the end of the sentence, and the start of the action tag should always be capitalized, as it's the start of a new sentence. Of course, the punctuation may vary. Exclamation marks and question marks can end a dialogue regardless of the tag accompanying it, as long as if it's a dialogue tag, the dialogue never ends in a period, and for an action tag, it never ends in a comma.

Example of dialogue + dialogue tag: "'I'm okay,' she said." OR "She said, 'I'm okay.'"

Example of dialogue + action tag: "'I'm okay.' She forced a smile." OR "She forced a smile. 'I'm okay.'"

You had a lot of comma mistakes. Keep in mind that commas are used to separate different clauses within a sentence, whether they're independent or dependent. An independent clause has a subject (who/what is doing the action) and a predicate (the action being done by the subject). Oftentimes, a sentence has two independent clauses, joined together with a conjunction. In the sentence, "I cried then Billy ran away," there are two independent clauses here. One is, "I cried," and the other is, "Billy ran away." Both have a subject and a predicate, and they're joined together by the conjunction, "then." Because of this, the two clauses still need to be separated with a comma, the correction being: "I cried, then Billy ran away."

Dependent clauses are just like independent clauses: they also have a subject and a predicate. However, dependent clauses are exactly like what they sound like; they're dependent on another clause. They don't make sense by themselves. For example, the clause, "I decided not to," has both a subject and a predicate, but it needs more context to make sense. There should be another clause attached or a sentence before it that it depends on making sense. When joined to another clause with a conjunction, the dependent clause should still be separated with a comma as well.

Commas are also used to separate an introductory phrase or word before the main clause. In the sentence, "Today I went to work," the independent clause is "I went to work," where the subject is "I," and the predicate/action is "went to work." The word "today" is not included in the clause, and therefore should be separated with a comma. The correction would be: "Today, I went to work." This is a lot of information to take in, but try to keep these rules in mind for the next time you're writing.

I noticed the amount of comma splices used as well. A comma splice is joining two different independent clauses together, and separating them with a comma, but not a conjunction. An example of this is: "I went to work, I drove in my car." These are two different independent clauses, "I went to work" and "I drove in my car." They both have predicates and subjects, and are separated with a comma. However, you must separate them with a conjunction as well. Without a conjunction, this turns into a comma splice. You have two options in this case. You can either replace the comma with a period and turn it into two different sentences, or add in a conjunction. In this case, the correction can be, "I went to work, and I drove in my car," or "I went to work. I drove in my car." You have many cases of comma splices in your writing, which I've pointed out for you. There were many that I haven't pointed out, so make sure to do that.

You often slipped up in your tense. Whether your story is set in past or present tense, you need to pick one and stay in it. If you're in past tense, you should use words such as "didn't" and "wanted." If you're writing in present tense, you should use, "don't" and "want." I've shown a few examples where you slipped up your tense below, so keep this rule in mind for future writing.

I noticed that you had unnecessary capitalization, or you were missing capitalization in certain places. The beginning of a new sentence, a certain person, place, or thing, must always be capitalized. The next time you capitalize (or don't capitalize), keep this rule in mind. Titles should always be capitalized unless there is a possessive pronoun in front of them. For example, "Mom" is capitalized when used alone. However, when you say, "my mom," it doesn't have to be capitalized. You were confused with this rule throughout your writing, and you also capitalized unnecessary words, which I've pointed down below.

You struggled with conjugating certain verbs in your sentences. I've pointed out several examples for you in your chapter reviews, but I highly suggest researching this topic more thoroughly on your own.

There were several times I caught spelling mistakes/typos and repetitions with your vocabulary. I've pointed them out for you in your chapter reviews, so when writing or editing in the future, I suggest searching specifically for these mistakes. I also suggest expanding your vocabulary and choice of diction, as incorporating more interesting language in your writing can help your story come to life and keep the readers engaged. By using repetitive vocabulary, the story drags and the readers may feel like they're reading the same things over and over again.

Your plot seems to follow a typical college romance story. There wasn't a lot of originality or creativity in your five chapters, and I wasn't surprised by any scene presented. It was very predictable, and because of this, it was hard to stay engaged. Additionally, you had several plot holes, and you were inconsistent with your facts. For example, it seems that you cannot decide whether his name is "Steve" or "Steeve," and while Asher's last name is Anderson, you called him "Asher White" once. These mistakes made me confused, as I wasn't sure which was a fact and what was a mistake. I suggest keeping your facts consistent and solidified while writing them down. There were several scenes throughout the story in which I was confused, because you didn't pause to explain something or went over something so briefly that it completely slipped my notice. I suggest slowing down to thoroughly explain something to avoid confusion with your audience. You also had a lot of unnecessary scenes. For example, you started off two chapters in a row with your characters waking up by an alarm clock. Instead of reflecting upon that, you then described them doing their morning routine and going to school. If nothing was going to happen, why even mention it? I suggest cutting back scenes that aren't useful to the plot so the conflict is more clear.

Your characters seem pretty generic and one-dimensional. You didn't focus on giving them much life. For example, all of your characters were similar. They all smirked at least once, and they spoke the same way. You didn't establish personality traits, habits, hobbies, and tendencies/body language in certain scenes. This made your story feel flat and lifeless. I suggest reflecting upon their decisions and actions for your audience, so they can connect better with your characters and sympathize with them. Additionally, don't provide any unnecessary information that isn't relevant to the current scene. For example, why would you talk about Eliana's dead parents while she's getting ready for school? You didn't provide a solid, distinct connection between the two, just mentioned them in a passing as though letting your readers know this. As a reader, I wouldn't have felt bad for her because I had no idea who Eliana was yet. Instead of info-dumping as soon as you introduce a character, let these details out slowly. The tension will naturally build, and the impact will last longer for your audience.

Your voice is simple, which made it easy for me to understand the story (most times). However, that's all your writing voice has going for you. There is no signature or marker in your writing style that helps me understand this is you. To be honest, there are so many writing styles exactly like this; with the bare minimum. I suggest adding writing techniques, such as similes/metaphors, sensory detail, figurative language, etc. This helps the reader understand you as the author behind your writing, and if they don't stay for the story, they'll stay for the writing. This also provides personality for your writing voice, whether it be dramatic, humorous, or whimsical. You also have a habit of telling instead of showing. If your audience cannot see the scene as though through a camera, then you're not doing a great job at describing it to them. For example, instead of just saying "Sally is sad," explain why she is sad. How is she sad? What is her body language, and what is the setting?

Your transitions were abrupt and lacking. There were several times you moved on from one scene to the next without even providing a proper transition. For example, one moment, Eliana and her friend were choosing a dress for a party, and the next, they were ordering drinks at Starbucks. You need to introduce the setting, any changes in mood, and how much time has passed (if necessary). Your story pacing was also contradictory. In your scenes, you told rather than showed, and many details were left out. This made your scenes feel rushed, but that the same time, many of your scenes were filler scenes and irrelevant to the plot, which made the story feel slow. I suggest removing filler scenes, working on awkward transitions, and staying consistent with your story pacing.

"Shoving my notebook in my bag, wearing my white coat and locking my room, I wore my converse and headed for my class." (p.3). You need a comma here. Correction: "Shoving my notebook in my bag, wearing my white coat, and locking my room, I wore my converse and headed for my class." Additionally, why is it important for your audience to know she put on her converse? This is a pretty awkward and generic way to transition from scene to scene, and the waking-up-scene itself is redundant to the chapter, so you could remove that entirely and avoid an awkward transition.

"I am a first year student at Stanford." (p.4). You have a tense slip-up. Make sure to stay consistent with past tense. Correction: "I was a first-year student at Stanford." Notice the hyphen I've added as well.

"Becoming a doctor was last on my list or to be exact never on my list." (p.4). You're missing commas here. Make sure to use commas to separate clauses and notice how commas typically precede conjunctions. Correction: "Becoming a doctor was last on my list, or to be exact, never on my list."

"Saying 'my dad was and my mom was' is something I'm still not used to." (p.5). You have tense slip-ups here. Correction: "Saying 'my dad was and my mom was' was something I was still not used to." Additionally, mentioning the protagonist's parents' deaths in the first chapter is very cliché. Especially as it has nothing to do with the plot at the moment, or even the scene. Your readers don't need to know this, and they probably won't sympathize with your protagonist because they don't know her yet.

"Today I'm attending my first class for which I'm unexpectedly very excited for." (p.7). You're missing commas here, and you also have tense slip-ups. Correction: "Today I was attending my first class, for which I was unexpectedly very excited." I also removed the "for" at the end as you already have "for" after the comma. Also notice that I added a comma.

"I was walking towards a guy who's back faced me just when I was about to ask him, a guy from nowhere appeared taking me by surprise." (p.9). Here, "who's" should be "whose," as you're being possessive, and "who's" is a contraction for "who is." Additionally, you have a comma splice and I suggest splitting this into several sentences. Correction: "I walked towards a guy whose back faced me. Just when I was about to ask him, a guy from nowhere appeared, taking me by surprise." Notice how I removed unnecessary filler words to make this more direct and added necessary commas.