"No one knows what lurks within the shadows, which is why I hide in them"

Running. That's all he ever did and he was good at it. He ran from his problems, from his home, from his past, heck he ran from Death himself. Little did he know, sometimes they have a way of catching up to you and not in the way one would expect.

• • •

Moving out from home, thousands of miles away to go to college, Red thought that it would be an end to all his troubles. He wasn't a social being and was more than content with his two best friends, if football were a person then that would be the third. Life was going to be easy, uneventful and hopefully as boring as possible.

Too bad a mysterious, leather-jacketed jerk had other plans.

I can see how the image used represents your story and genre. I took off several points because there wasn't a lot of creativity I could find in your cover. The font used doesn't give me an action/romance genre feeling, and there's a lot going on in the photo. Instead, I suggest finding an image that focuses on just one point. For example, you could have a silhouette of the man, but more clear and eye-catching. The title should complement the image and look part of it, but in this cover, the image and title look like two different things. You are free to keep it as it is, but I also have some amazing graphic designers featured in my reading list.

From reading your blurb and seeing your cover, I can immediately understand the contribution your title has to your story and genre. It's memorable and represents your story. I took off a point because it's a common title. This would be an obvious title for the story based on the blurb, but could there be a deeper lesson/theme throughout the story that your readers could connect to at the end? "Living In the Shadows" is also pretty common, and if you search it up on Wattpad, there are a lot of stories with the same title in varying genres.

You did a great job at conveying your story through your blurb. It was easy to read and understand, but you had some grammar errors. For example, you'd need to end the dialogue with punctuation, you have comma splices, and misplaced commas. You can check out the grammar section to learn more about how to fix this, but if you have specific questions regarding your grammar errors here, feel free to reach out so I can help!

From the contents of the beginning, I was immediately intrigued. You did a wonderful job at keeping several details at bay so I would keep reading to find answers. You provided descriptions that helped me understand your protagonist's current predicament and dove straight into the story. I found some grammar errors, which I've addressed in your chapter reviews. I noticed that you didn't address your protagonist's emotional/mental state. Was your character disoriented, exhausted, or in pain? Try to describe that on a more emotional level to help your audience understand and sympathize/connect with him.

You had the occasional slip up with your punctuation/capitalization regarding your dialogue. Your dialogues are typically accompanied with dialogue tags (she said, he yelled, they shouted, describing the way someone says something), and action tags (she grinned/he sighed/they walked away, basically an action). A dialogue tag is a continuation of a dialogue sentence, meaning that the dialogue itself should end in any punctuation but a period, and the beginning of the dialogue tag is never capitalized, seeing as it's not the beginning of a new sentence. The opposite goes for an action tag, which is a separate sentence. That means the dialogue should end in any punctuation but a comma, and the beginning of the action tag is always capitalized.

Example of dialogue + dialogue tag: "'I'm okay,' she said." OR "She said, 'I'm okay.'"

Example of dialogue + action tag: "'I'm okay.' She forced a smile." OR "She forced a smile. 'I'm okay.'"

I noticed that you tended to leave out punctuation in your dialogues. Just like ending sentences, dialogues need to be ended as well. Just because you add a dialogue mark to the end doesn't mean it's a complete sentence. It isn't complete until you add a punctuation mark at the end. I've pointed out some examples of this below.

You had a lot of comma mistakes. Keep in mind that commas are used to separate different clauses within a sentence, whether they're independent or dependent. An independent clause has a subject (who/what is doing the action) and a predicate (the action being done by the subject). Oftentimes, a sentence has two independent clauses, joined together with a conjunction. In the sentence, "I cried then Billy ran away," there are two independent clauses here. One is, "I cried," and the other is, "Billy ran away." Both have a subject and a predicate, and they're joined together by the conjunction, "then." Because of this, the two clauses still need to be separated with a comma, the correction being: "I cried, then Billy ran away."

Dependent clauses are just like independent clauses: they also have a subject and a predicate. However, dependent clauses are exactly like what they sound like; they're dependent on another clause. They don't make sense by themselves. For example, the clause, "I decided not to," has both a subject and a predicate, but it needs more context to make sense. There should be another clause attached or a sentence before it that it depends on making sense. When joined to another clause with a conjunction, the dependent clause should still be separated with a comma as well.

Commas are also used to separate an introductory phrase or word before the main clause. In the sentence, "Today I went to work," the independent clause is "I went to work," where the subject is "I," and the predicate/action is "went to work." The word "today" is not included in the clause, and therefore should be separated with a comma. The correction would be: "Today, I went to work." This is a lot of information to take in, but try to keep these rules in mind for the next time you're writing.

I noticed the amount of comma splices used as well. A comma splice is joining two different independent clauses together, and separating them with a comma, but not a conjunction. An example of this is: "I went to work, I drove in my car." These are two different independent clauses, "I went to work" and "I drove in my car." They both have predicates and subjects, and are separated with a comma. However, you must separate them with a conjunction as well. Without a conjunction, this turns into a comma splice. You have two options in this case. You can either replace the comma with a period and turn it into two different sentences, or add in a conjunction. In this case, the correction can be, "I went to work, and I drove in my car," or "I went to work. I drove in my car." You have many cases of comma splices in your writing, which I've pointed out for you. There were many that I haven't pointed out, so make sure to do that.

I was impressed by the lack of spelling errors/typos in your writing. However, as there are several instances where you're forgetting punctuation in your writing, it looks like you're in a rush with your writing, and you could easily have typos that I haven't found. I suggest thoroughly editing or proof-reading before uploading on Wattpad to avoid this, just in case.

You have a smooth way of narrating your story, and it helped me enjoy it more while reviewing it! The plot is going strong in the right direction, and I didn't find any contradictions within your writing. I took off a few points because I couldn't find much action in the story from the action genre except for the prologue, and the first five chapters didn't really match up with your blurb. I'm going to assume that the action shows up later, but don't wait too long to introduce it, as your action readers may get bored.

You incorporated humor and personality into your characters, and that helped your story come to life in a way your plot may have lacked. I was able to tell each character apart and connect with your protagonist, which is good, as that shows the same is probably the same for your audience. Your grammatical errors are somewhat muddying your writing, as a lot of their dialogues include comma splices. Because of that, the way they talk or act seems similar. I suggest tackling your grammatical errors first, and that'll help with your characters' voices.

I appreciated your smooth writing style. You incorporated a variety of vocabulary and diction choices that kept your story and narration interesting. You had repetition with your grammatical errors, so just like your characters, the quality of your writing voice will significantly improve once you've cleaned those up. Additionally, I suggest experimenting with and incorporating more writing techniques, such as metaphors/similes, sensory detail, figurative detail, etc. This will enhance your story and hook in your audience at the most crucial moments of your plot.

I saw no problem with your story pacing. It was overall very smooth, and your transitions weren't obvious or awkward in any way. You have no need to focus in this area. The only thing is, again, your grammatical errors. As they're repetitive, it can sometimes feel like the chapters are dragging.

In the first paragraph, you need punctuation to end the sentence.

"They were right in the centre, if I didn't know any better, I'd assume my head had some sort of bull's eye on it." (p.3). You have a comma splice. A comma splice is joining two (or more) clauses together with a comma, but without a necessary conjunction (and/or/as/but/etc). To correct this, you can either add a conjunction or replace the comma with a period. I typically suggest the latter, as shorter sentences make for clearer readability. Correction: "They were right in the centre. If I didn't know any better, I'd assume my head had some sort of bull's eye on it."

"It gave that weird buzzing sound, it seemed like it was about to blow up." (p.5). You have a comma splice here. Correction: "It gave that weird buzzing sound. It seemed like it was about to blow up." Additionally, the sentence structures used here seem pretty similar, and both sentences start with the same word. I'd suggest rephrasing it to avoid the structure repetition.

"His name was Arun H. or at least that was what was engraved onto the badge pinned above his pocket." (p.7). You're missing commas here. Correction: "His name was Arun H., or at least, that was what was engraved onto the badge pinned above his pocket."

"He sighed, not from exasperation but more for getting my attention." (p.9). You have another comma splice here. Again, I suggest replacing the comma with a period. Additionally, I suggest replacing some of the filler words. Correction/Suggestion: "He sighed. Not from exasperation, but more to get my attention."

"I didn't show it though." (p.20). The word "though" is redundant here, and seems to be adding weight to the sentence. I suggest removing it entirely.

"I pushed it away, water droplets spilt on his khaki pants, forming darker shades of circles on it." (p.25). You have a comma splice here. Correction: "I pushed it away. Water droplets spilt on his khaki pants, forming darker shades of circles on it."

"He kept the glass back and didn't really seem to care." (p.26). The unnecessary adverb is putting weight on the sentence. I suggest removing it, but this is optional. Suggestion: "He kept the glass back and didn't seem to care."

"Then Daddy must've told you to take up civils and you being the obedient son obviously agreed." (p.36). You're missing commas here. Correction: "Then Daddy must've told you to take up civils, and you, being the obedient son, obviously agreed."

"Sooner or later, I'll be meeting you again, we'll see how you answer then." (p.43). You have a comma splice here. Correction: "Sooner or later, I'll be meeting you again. We'll see how you answer then."

"Dude, you should've seen Kelly though, she's got like the biggest assets ever" (p.1). You need punctuation to end the dialogue, and this applies to paragraph 2 as well. Correction: "Dude, you should've seen Kelly though, she's got like the biggest assets ever."

"Dude you won't believe it, I was in my room, Savannah comes in all her glory, and then..." (p.5). You need a comma here, and you also have a comma splice. Correction: "Dude, you won't believe it. I was in my room, Savannah comes in all her glory, and then..."

"I zoned out as Kevin's glorious tale of a, highly doubtful, threeway seemed to totally distort reality as he went on and on without pausing." (p.6). You have unnecessary commas here. Instead, I suggest replacing them with em dashes. Correction: "I zoned out as Kevin's glorious tale of a--highly doubtful--threeway seemed to totally distort reality as he went on and on without pausing." You also have repetition with "as," so I suggest restructuring this sentence to avoid that.

"I gave him a thanking smile in return." (p.16). I suggest replacing "thanking" with "thankful." Correction: "I gave him a thankful smile in return."

"Can't blame them though as we were playing against a pretty useless team and it was surely an easy win for us this evening." (p.18). You're missing some commas, and you have a tense slip-up. Keep in mind to stay consistent with past tense. Correction: "Couldn't blame them, though, as we were playing against a pretty useless team, and it was surely an easy win for us this evening."

"I texted back a thank you and that we won, I also replied that I would call back once I was in the room and begged my brain not to forget." (p.25). You have a comma splice here. Correction: "I texted back a thank you and that we won. I also replied that I would call back once I was in the room and begged my brain not to forget."

"Decisions decisions." (p.30). You need a comma here. Correction: "Decisions, decisions."

"They dig exotic guys" (p.31). You need to end the dialogue with punctuation. Correction: "They dig exotic guys."

"Dude, you're Indian, you are exotic, not necessarily endangered considering the population but you know what I'm talking about." (p.33). You have comma splices here and misplaced commas. Correction: "Dude, you're Indian, you are exotic. Not necessarily endangered, considering the population, but you know what I'm talking about."

"He always got on my nerves with that perfect jawline, pitch-black eyes which you could get lost in, flawlessly sculpted nose that I wouldn't mind breaking to satisfy my ego and to top it all of, his toned muscles which proved to be a constant reminder of the fact that I almost never worked out." (p.48). You have some misplaced commas, and "of" should be "off." Correction: "He always got on my nerves with that perfect jawline, pitch-black eyes which you could get lost in, flawlessly sculpted nose that I wouldn't mind breaking to satisfy my ego, and to top it all off, his toned muscles, which proved to be a constant reminder of the fact that I almost never worked out." Additionally, this is an abnormally long sentence, so I suggest rephrasing it to be in several sentences.

"Firstly don't tell me to relax and secondly, you don't know shit about me to make that comment, and what if I am one?" (p.54). You need some commas here. Correction: "Firstly, don't tell me to relax, and secondly, you don't know shit about me to make that comment, and what if I am one?"

"I pushed him away hard, a little too hard maybe." (p.57). You have a comma splice, and I suggest adding a comma. Correction: "I pushed him away hard. A little too hard, maybe."

"'Uhm,' I paused, thinking whether this was a good idea or not." (p.4). The action tag should be a separate sentence from the dialogue, and the punctuation within the dialogue should reflect that. I also suggest rephrasing this to flow more smoothly (optional). Correction/Suggestion: "'Uhm.' I paused, thinking whether or not this was a good idea."

"Jay turned to look at me again with amusement painted all over his face, 'Interested now, are we, Red?'" (p.9). This should be two separate sentences, as the action tag is not part of the dialogue. The punctuation should reflect that. Correction: "Jay turned to look at me again with amusement painted all over his face. 'Interested now, are we, Red?'"

"Just answer the question, man" (p.10). You need punctuation to end the dialogue sentence. Correction: "Just answer the question, man."

"Not quite, I don't know, he doesn't really like labels." (p.19). You have a comma splice here. Correction: "Not quite. I don't know, he doesn't really like labels."

"I snorted, 'Sure, I'll definitely do that.'" (p.27). The action tag is a separate sentence from the dialogue. By using a comma separating the two instead of a period, you're indicating that it's the same sentence, when it shouldn't be. Correction: "I snorted. 'Sure, I'll definitely do that.'"

"We shook hands, congratulated each other for the game and spoke a bit about our upcoming matches before entering the house." (p.33). When writing a "list," each "item" should have a comma afterward (except the last), including the second-to-last-item (known as the Oxford Comma). Correction: "We shook hands, congratulated each other for the game, and spoke a bit about our upcoming matches before entering the house." Notice how the comma precedes the conjunction.

"That is until a girl accidentally kicked it and it could finally rest in peace." (p.36). You need commas here, and you also have a tense slip-up. Correction: "That was, until a girl accidentally kicked it, and it could finally rest in peace."

"Maybe, I am a little tipsy" (p.40). You have an unnecessary comma here, and you need to end the sentence with punctuation. Correction: "Maybe I am a little tipsy."

"I snorted, like hell I would let him take me anywhere much less back to my room." (p.54). You need a comma here, and you have a comma splice. Correction: "I snorted. Like hell I would let him take me anywhere, much less back to my room."

In paragraph 64 and 68, you need punctuation to end a sentence.