When a french woman, who claimed to be a typist came to stay at Steph's guest house, she got suspicious about her strange activities.

Trying to ignore the different thoughts in her mind, Steph continued to live with her best friend Cynthia, and a beautiful girl Melody in her inherited guest house.

Things got worse when the dead body of a wealthy man was found in the town with a piece of paper. And that piece of paper alone made everyone grab their hair in frustration...

Dead bodies of members from three different families continued to appear with the same piece of paper, and the police was still clueless after 4 weeks.

While helping to clean the cellar of a mansion, Steph found an old journal- which held some answers.

You impressed me with your professional and eye-catching cover! (but I'm not surprised, seeing who designed it...). The color scheme is intriguing and I appreciate how everything is neat and easy to see. I can also see the representation the cover has for your title, story, and genre. Kudos to your designer!

I was surprised at how quickly I became interested in the story from the title! It's unique, creative, and wants me to learn more. It also gives me hints on what your story is about, and I'm eager to learn more about the plot. Your title is short, easy to remember, and seems to describe the contents of your story. It left a good impression on me from first glance, and I could jump straight into the story with no negative lingering impression or wary expectation.

I immediately found several grammatical errors from your blurb, and I found you tend to use weak verbs and unnecessary descriptions within your blurb. For example, "French" should be capitalized, you have misplaced commas, and as "police" is a noun describing a collection of police officers, "was" should be conjugated as "were." You can check out the grammar section and use any suggestions you see there that may apply to your blurb, but if you still need help, please ask! Additionally, I found that the pacing of your blurb was inconsistent. You lingered too long in the beginning, but the end of the blurb was just one sentence: "While helping to clean the cellar of a mansion, Steph found an old journal- which held some answers." I suggest shortening down the rest of the blurb to fit the pacing here. That means you don't need to describe reactions from side characters. It's better to keep to the main details. For example:

1) A French woman claiming to be a typist stays at Steph's house while Steph lives with her best friend and a mysterious girl (you could expand on the girl—why is she mysterious?).

2) A wealthy man is found with only a note that clues into his death.

3) More deaths keep happening, each body left with a note.

4) Steph finds an old journal which may hold answers to the mysterious deaths.

Notice how I took out the location of the deaths, the location of the journal found, unnecessary names, and the reaction of the police. That can all be included if you choose to have a full synopsis, and besides, this information will come out throughout your story.

I got a good impression from your hook. You jumped straight into the story with dialogue and an intriguing hook, and you spared me no details in your narration. I noticed some grammatical errors from your first few sentences, which I'll go more into detail with in your chapter review. Additionally, I'd suggest writing out any numbers between 1 and 10 to remain professional and not break the flow of the story. Additionally, I suggest establishing the setting as quickly as possible—clearly your protagonist is in a lounge full of other people and couches and a TV, but where exactly is she? This isn't clarified until way past the hook, which can make your audience hesitant to dive into the story without this obvious detail.

You had the occasional slip up with your punctuation/capitalization regarding your dialogue. Your dialogues are typically accompanied with dialogue tags (she said, he yelled, they shouted, describing the way someone says something), and action tags (she grinned/he sighed/they walked away, basically an action). A dialogue tag is a continuation of a dialogue sentence, meaning that the dialogue itself should end in any punctuation but a period, and the beginning of the dialogue tag is never capitalized, seeing as it's not the beginning of a new sentence. The opposite goes for an action tag, which is a separate sentence. That means the dialogue should end in any punctuation but a comma, and the beginning of the action tag is always capitalized.

Example of dialogue + dialogue tag: "'I'm okay,' she said." OR "She said, 'I'm okay.'"

Example of dialogue + action tag: "'I'm okay.' She forced a smile." OR "She forced a smile. 'I'm okay.'"

You had some comma mistakes in your writing. Commas are used to separate different clauses. There are two types of clauses: Independent and dependent. They both have subjects (who/what is doing the action), and a predicate (the action being done). The difference between the two is that an independent clause can stand alone as its own sentence, while a dependent clause depends on another clause to make sense. If more than one clause is joined together, they should be separated with a comma. For example, this sentence, "I cried, then Billy ran away," there are two different independent clauses. One is "I cried," and the other is "Billy ran away." You'll notice that they're separated with a conjunction and a comma. You often misuse commas in this sense or forget to add them. Commas can also be used to separate an introductory phrase or word before the main clause. In the sentence, "Today I went to work," the independent clause is "I went to work," and you'll notice that it has a subject "I" and a predicate "went." The word "today" is excluded, and needs to be separated with a comma. The correction is: "Today, I went to work."

While you didn't have any spelling errors/typos (well done!), I noticed you misused some words in an odd context. For example, you'd say someone "did" lunch or "took" the name. I've pointed out some examples below. You also misused a word or two, which I've also pointed out. If there's a word you aren't completely sure of, I encourage you to look it up to make sure!

You left a strong impression on me with your well-crafted chapter. Although I didn't learn much, there were no filler scenes, and I was able to remember the quick introductions of each new character. There were some moments you could have expanded upon your descriptions, however. For example, what did Matilda look like, and what exactly was Steph's first impression of her? Was she glamorous-looking or dressed humbly? Clothes can tell a lot about a person, and you can hint at her role in the story by (briefly) describing her wardrobe. I suggest spending more time on the impression she leaves on Steph, as that can rub off on your audience. There was also a lack of emotion. I didn't flinch in surprise when Steph poured water on Cynthia or feel sad when she explained Melody's background. Although it's just the first chapter, you can deepen the plot by adding more layers, and that can be done through emotions. It's a fast way to get your readers hooked and will leave a lasting impression.

As I've mentioned before, I suggest taking more time to expand on your descriptions of them. Your chapter is relatively average in length (if not on the shorter side), so there's room to add more! For example, you can go more in-depth with Melody's relationship with Cynthia and Steph, any trauma that might have stuck with her from her mother's death, or you could have fun describing the look on Cynthia's face when Steph woke her up. A character's reaction can say a lot about his/her/their personality! Additionally, you can also include personality traits. I suggest establishing nervous habits, instinctual body language, and more. If you don't plan on introducing the things I've mentioned in the first chapter, just make sure to incorporate it somewhere in the coming chapters to build more personal connections between your characters and readers.

It was very easy to become engaged with this chapter with your writing style. There were a few grammatical errors that I've pointed out for you, and by clearing those up, the quality of your writing voice will automatically improve. You also include direct descriptions and direct the story with clear narration. I noticed you use a lot of adverbs (a word that modifies a verb/adjective/any other word group). These are all the verbs ending in -ly, like furiously, happily, sadly, etc. These can have weak impacts on your audience, so I suggest avoiding adverbs. I've pointed out some examples down below. Additionally, once you've tackled everything else, I suggest experimenting with similes/metaphors, figurative language, and sensory detail. These writing techniques will bring your writing style to a whole other level, and I'm sure your audience would appreciate it as well.

In the first chapter, your story pacing remained consistent all the way throughout. There were no awkward transitions that broke the flow of the story, and I didn't have to go back to reread something. There were a few times you included descriptions that didn't fit with the context, which broke the story flow and felt awkwardly placed. I've mentioned one example in your chapter review, but with nothing else to nitpick at, that's it!

"'The latest sighting of the royal necklace was in The National Museum of America.' the television's voice rang out in the lounge, earning the attention of people sitting there." (p.1). This is dialogue and an action tag. The action tag is a separate sentence, and should be treated as such. Therefore, the beginning of the action tag should be capitalized, as it's the start of a new sentence. Correction: "'The latest sighting of the royal necklace was in The National Museum of America.' The television's voice rang out in the lounge, earning the attention of people sitting there." Additionally, the TV itself doesn't have a voice, right?

"'Hello.' the man beamed at everyone." (p.5). The action tag is a new sentence from the dialogue. Therefore, the beginning of the action tag should be capitalized. Correction: "'Hello.' The man beamed at everyone."

"... I asked the plump woman as I inspected the kitchen with my deep blue eyes." (p.10). I found the description of her eyes to be surprisingly placed and unnecessary in this scene. The color of your protagonist's eyes doesn't exactly matter at this moment. Instead, if you're trying to gather a visual for your audience, describe her physical appearance while she takes a trip down the memory lane. For example, she could compare her eyes to her mother or recount a stranger complimenting her eyes. Of course, with the right timing. Don't provide flashbacks unless helpful to the plot in some way.

"'Alright,' Mrs. Brown gave a small laugh." (p.13). The action tag should be a separate sentence from the dialogue. As the tag isn't describing how Mrs. Brown says something; the laugh comes after she speaks, it should be a separate sentence. That means the comma in the dialogue should be replaced with a period to show the sentence ends and another one begins. "'Alright.' Mrs. Brown gave a small laugh."

"... I picked it up and emptied it strenuously on the brown-haired girl." (p.15). Unless the jug of water was extremely heavy, this action should not be strenuous (meaning requiring a lot of exertion/effort).

"WHAT THE FREAKING HELL IS THIS MISS STEPHANIE WHITE?" (p.16). You need a comma here. Correction: "WHAT THE FREAKING HELL IS THIS, MISS STEPHANIE WHITE?"

"'... I can get you in jail even for waking me up!' Cynthia said, pointing a threatening finger towards me." (p.19). As the paragraph prior to this one already has Cynthia speaking, I suggest joining this paragraph with the previous one. Additionally, since we already know Cynthia is speaking, and her name is mentioned from paragraph 18, you can refer to her as "her/she."

"I came to wake you up more than five times missy!" (p.22). You need a comma here. The word "missy" is not included in the main clause, and this should be shown with a comma. Correction: "I came to wake you up more than five times, missy!"

"a little girl came skipping into the room, her beautiful red curls bouncing around her tiny shoulders and our dog, Scarlet, at her heels." (p.26). The beginning of this sentence needs to be capitalized. Correction: "A little girl came skipping into the room, her beautiful red curls bouncing around her tiny shoulders and our dog, Scarlet, at her heels."

"... I said, looking at the fluffy white dog inquisitively, who wagged her tail furiously." (p.27). You have some repetition with your sentence structure here, as you basically repeated it twice. Additionally, you used two adverbs in this sentence (inquisitively and furiously), which I'd advise against. Suggestion: "... I said, looking at the fluffy white dog. She wagged her tail furiously."

"There were only four guests at the moment, so space wasn't an issue." (p.34). This exact sentence is used in paragraph 31. It looks like you accidentally wrote it again here.

"After I had done my lunch..." (p.35). The typical way to say this would be, "After I ate lunch..." (optional) as most people don't describe "doing" their lunches.

"... I grimaced when she took my name." (p. 38) Don't you mean when she "said" her name?

"Matilda noticed my gaze, and whether intentionally or unintentionally I don't know..." (p.43). You have a tense slip-up here. Correction: "Matilda noticed my gaze, and whether intentionally or unintentionally I didn't know..."

"Why did she reply after some time? As if she just remembered that Matilda is her name?" (p.51). You're referencing when your protagonist asked Matilda if she was having lunch, so I suggest having her call out, "Hey, Matilda," instead of just "hey" for this to make sense.

This was a fun chapter to critique! You narrated this scene in a neat and organized manner, and there weren't many obvious grammatical errors I found. However, they're still there, so I suggest applying my suggestions when editing or writing in the future. You also tend to use a lot of adverbs, so I've provided some alternatives in the chapter review above, and I suggest expanding more on your descriptions. It enhances the reading experience for your audience, and it will also strengthen your writing style!