Independence! Ryder thought being independent would be fun. He is going to university and has no worry about money.

He is gifted a house by his parents near his campus. Something carefully planned by his sister, in the aim of making him become independent and down to earth. Used to a life of comfort, where he had housekeepers and his mom do everything for him, is his sister's plan not doomed to failure?

He cannot cook! He can't even crack an egg. Well, at least he only knows how to use the microwave. He is not used to doing any of the simple household chores. He doesn't know anything about it.

His life is a fiasco until his mom hires a housekeeper for him.

But what happens when the housekeeper does not turn out to be as expected. How far can a housekeeper change someone's life?

The cover itself does a great job at representing your story genre and title. It is neat and organized. The only thing I'd like to point out is that it doesn't represent only your story. Any author could use the same image to represent their own story. If you ever choose to update your cover, I suggest making it unique to only your story.

The title itself is pretty generic. There are a lot of books in your genre that use "Innocent" in the title, and many variations of it, such as this title. I can't exactly see a definite connection between your title and the blurb, and this title could apply to a lot of stories on Wattpad. Of course, you can keep the title as it is, but keep in mind that if you choose to rename it, it should be something specific to only your story (ex: character's name, specific location, symbolic object, etc).

The first thing I noticed were your tense slip-ups. When you write, you should write in one tense, whether that is past or present tense. You incorporated both in your blurb, so I suggest keeping your tense consistent when editing it. Additionally, you could shorten down your blurb to expand more on the important details. If I were to edit your blurb and shorten it down (in present tense), it would look like this:

Independence! Ryder thinks independence would be fun, especially since he is attending university and has no reason to worry over his financial state.

When his parents gift him a house near campus, a carefully crafted plan from his sister is set into motion; one with the aim of making him truly independent and down to earth. Used to a life of comfort with his mothers and housekeepers, is his sister's plan not doomed for failure?

With no experience for household chores, his life is a complete fiasco—well, until his mom hires him a housekeeper. But when said housekeeper doesn't turn out as expected, he has to wonder: How far can a housekeeper change someone's life?

I didn't stray much from your original structure to help you see the points that would be good for fixing. However, if you choose to edit/rewrite your blurb, I suggest experimenting with different formats and structures to find the best way to present this information.

I immediately got a good grasp of the mood of the story. Clearly, your protagonist is under distress, and you conveyed that well. At first glance, I did spot a few grammatical errors, but I'll address that in your chapter review. Additionally, I felt that your beginning was a bit bare. How can you expand upon Ryder's frustration? Instead of focusing on the physical aspect of his anger, try to describe his inner conflict. What is his reasoning and reflection?

You had some misplaced commas. Keep in mind that commas are used to separate different clauses within a sentence, whether they're independent or dependent. An independent clause has a subject (who/what is doing the action) and a predicate (the action being done by the subject). Oftentimes, a sentence has two independent clauses, joined together with a conjunction. In the sentence, "I cried then Billy ran away," there are two independent clauses here. One is, "I cried," and the other is, "Billy ran away." Both have a subject and a predicate, and they're joined together by the conjunction, "then." Because of this, the two clauses still need to be separated with a comma, the correction being: "I cried, then Billy ran away."

Dependent clauses are just like independent clauses: they also have a subject and a predicate. However, dependent clauses are exactly like what they sound like; they're dependent on another clause. They don't make sense as themselves. For example, the clause, "I decided not to," has both a subject and a predicate, but it needs more context to make sense. There should be another clause attached or a sentence before it that it depends on making sense. When joined to another clause with a conjunction, the dependent clause should still be separated with a comma as well.

Commas are also used to separate an introductory phrase or word before the main clause. In the sentence, "Today I went to work," the independent clause is "I went to work," where the subject is "I," and the predicate/action is "went to work." The word "today" is not included in the clause, and therefore should be separated with a comma. The correction would be: "Today, I went to work." This is a lot of information to take in, but try to keep these rules in mind for the next time you're writing.

You often slipped up in your tense. Whether your story is set in past or present tense, you need to pick one and stay in it. If you're in past tense, you should use words such as "didn't" and "wanted." If you're writing in present tense, you should use, "don't" and "want." I've shown a few examples where you slipped up your tense below, so keep this rule in mind for future writing.

You had unnecessary capitalization as well. Titles should always be capitalized unless there is a possessive pronoun in front of them. For example, "Mom" is capitalized when used alone. However, when you say, "my mom," it doesn't have to be capitalized. You were confused with this rule throughout your writing, and you also capitalized unnecessary words, which I've pointed down below.

I didn't notice any spelling errors or typos. However, I noticed you tended to misuse filler words or, in some instances, not use them at all. I suggest expanding your vocabulary as well, as your choice of diction is on the simpler side. With more variety with your vocabulary, you can enhance the reading experience for your audience and have them more engaged with the plot, as well as help them get a better grasp for a particular scene or setting.

It's hard to tell with just the first chapter, but I like the concept you're using here. The plot is headed strong in a clear direction, and I was able to understand your protagonist's mindset and sympathize with him. I felt that your first chapter was a bit sparse, however. There were many details that you could have included, such as some more background information for his former way of living. That way, it can be easier for your audience to understand his despair and struggles. Additionally, if he was trying to be independent, I think it would make more sense for him to call a housekeeping agency of some sort instead of asking his mother. Try to describe the setting more in depth, as I didn't get a good idea of his current place. I got how messy it was, but what about when he first moved in? What about his life in university? I suggest adding these details to have more layers and depth in your first chapter.

There were some moments where your protagonist repetitively had the same thoughts. I suggest introducing more of his inner conflict than just focusing on the part that contributes to the plot. That way, you can involve more layers of his life to keep your readers engaged. You could also take the time to establish character traits, such as physical appearance (but don't overdo it!), personality traits, habits, hobbies, etc. This makes your character come to life and will compliment your plot nicely. So if your readers don't stay for the plot, they might stay for your characters instead!

Your writing style is simple and minimalist, which is great because it's easy to read and understand your writing without having to go back once or twice. I feel that with practice, you can up your game and incorporate more layers into your writing! For example, you had the bare minimum of descriptions. You focused on the important aspects of the plot, and while it's good to not stray from the path, it's also nice to let your readers take a look at the pretty flowers as they pass by. Don't be afraid to show off your writing capabilities, and you will improve over time! You can also practice incorporating writing techniques, such as similes/metaphors, sensory language, etc.

I found your transitions to be very blunt. While that doesn't break the flow of your story, you can still soften it up with more descriptions and a smoother transitioning sentence. For example, if your protagonist calls his mother, don't just say he decides to call her, then switch to them speaking on the phone. Describe how long it takes for his mother to pick up--maybe within a second, because she's worried about him, or after a minute or two, as she has other priorities, etc. Describe the tone of her voice, and this sets her personality for your readers. Describing things like this makes your story come to life and makes your transitions more seamless.

"'Know what's being responsible.' My sister, Leah had said to me." (p.4). You're missing a comma here. Additionally, this should be one sentence, not two. The dialogue tag is a continuation of the dialogue, and the punctuation/capitalization should reflect that. The period in the dialogue needs to be replaced with a comma to show that the sentence continues, and the beginning of the dialogue tag shouldn't be capitalized (as it's not the beginning of a new sentence). Correction: "'Know what's being responsible,' my sister, Leah, had said to me."

"She wanted me to be something on my own and not just a rich, successful businessman's son, not a spoilt child." (p.4). I suggest splitting this up into two sentences, as it may confuse your audience. Suggestion: "She wanted me to be something on my own and not just a rich, successful businessman's son. Not a spoilt child."

"'I want you to stay alone, I mean, to manage your life by yourself.' She said." (p.6). You have misplaced commas here. Additionally, the dialogue tag should be part of the sentence, and the punctuation/capitalization regarding your dialogue should reflect that. Correction: "'I want you to stay alone. I mean, to manage your life by yourself,' she said."

"She had read way too much of romance novels..." (p.7). I suggest rephrasing this as you have unnecessary filler words. Correction: "She had read way too many romance novels..."

"The longest time I stayed with one girl was, I think about three months." (p.7). You have an unnecessary comma. Additionally, you don't need to add "think" as it adds weight to the sentence, and it isn't entirely necessary for your audience to know it's a rough estimate. Correction/Suggestion: "The longest time I stayed with one girl was about three months."

"My sister's lecture about finding true love had an impact on me and I didn't want to end up with a chick who was only after my money and that was why I here today." (p.9). This sentence is on the longer side, and it's also poorly worded. I suggest separating it into several sentences and adding necessary filler words. Correction: "My sister's lecture about finding true love had an impact on me. I didn't want to end up with a chick who was only after my money, and that was why I was here today."

"I missed her so much but I am still angry at her." (p.10). You have a tense slip-up here. Try to stay consistent with your tense (past tense). Correction: "I missed her so much, but I was still angry at her." Notice the comma I've added as well.

"I don't know why I don't like him." (p.10). You have more tense slip-ups here. Correction: "I didn't know why I didn't like him."

"Back there at home, my mom did everything for me and there were maids also but here I was completely alone." (p.14). You have unnecessary filler words here, and this is also poorly worded. Correction/Suggestion: "Back at home, my mom did everything for me and there were maids, but here, I was completely alone."

"First of all, I can't cook!" (p.15). You have another tense slip-up here. Correction: "First of all, I couldn't cook!" This correction also applies to your next sentence.

"The second time I tried, the clothes were only halfly washed." (p.16). Here, "halfly" should simply be "half." You should also add a hyphen here. Correction: "The second time I tried, the clothes were only half-washed."

"'Hello!' She said." (p.19). This should be one sentence. The beginning of the dialogue tag shouldn't be capitalized, as it's not the beginning of a new sentence. Correction: "'Hello!' she said."

"Hey mom!" (p.20). You need a comma. Additionally, "mom" should be capitalized, as there is no possessive adjective in front. Correction: "Hey, Mom!"

"Yeah, but mom." (p.22). Again, "mom" should be capitalized. Correction: "Yeah, but Mom." This also looks like an incomplete sentence, and it completes with the following sentence, so I suggest combining the two together to be one sentence.

"'I need a housekeeper.' I finally said trying not to sound desperate." (p.22). The dialogue tag is a continuation of the dialogue, and the punctuation regarding the dialogue should reflect that. You also need a comma. Correction: "'I need a housekeeper,' I finally said, trying not to sound desperate."

"'Why??' She asked." (p.23). I suggest using only one punctuation where necessary. Using two question marks to end a sentence can be considered unprofessional, and it's unnecessary. Additionally, the dialogue tag should be a part of the sentence. Correction: "'Why?' she asked."

"Well, she would have lots to do. I thought as I scanned the room." (p.28). This should be one sentence. Additionally, I suggest italicizing the thought. Correction/Suggestion: "Well, she would have lots to do, I thought as I scanned the room."

This chapter was on the shorter side, but it was very easy to read and understand! There were several grammatical errors that I've spotted, so I suggest tackling those first. Additionally, I noticed you don't have many descriptions in your first chapter. I suggest focusing on describing the scene, setting, and some of the little details. That way, your readers can be fully engaged within your story.