The Secretary of the LOSVO is missing, and along with him, a case containing the instructions to create a deadly bio-virus, far more dangerous than any black plague. The four agents of the Vespian Emeralds along with Adrian Ranks, the Head of Special Missions Department, are up against one of the most puzzling cases of their lives, dealing with a criminal who is not what he seems.

And as though things aren't complicated enough, shocking revelations about family histories leave the girls in disbelief. Three of them, to be a exact.

What is their mission and what is the Secretary's true motive? Is it a game of vendetta or is it merely for pleasure?

I appreciate that your cover hints at the genre (action/mystery) with the images used and the font of the title. However, I feel very indifferent with this cover; it doesn't call out to me like another cover might. The placement of the title in its entirety feels iffy to me, and the color scheme used seems to represent more of a fantasy element in the story. Of course, you're welcome to keep it as it is, but if you ever choose to upgrade the cover in the future, I have some amazing cover shops featured in my reading list that you can check out!

Honestly, there isn't much to say here. The title is unique, and as a reader from the mystery genre, I would've been hooked in by just the title. It also uniquely represents your story, meaning it's included actively within the plot and cannot apply as a title to other stories by other authors. The principal thing I'm concerned about with titles is the originality and repetition. However, there is nothing to worry about here, as your title is both creative and represents your story to its full capacity.

Your blurb is packed and very informational. I have nothing against that, as it doesn't give away too much details to a potential reader, and appropriately makes sense to readers that may have come from the first book. I noticed that overall, your sentences (especially in the first paragraph) are on the longer side. There were about three commas tying in average-sized clauses that could stand alone as separate sentences. As long sentences can affect the clarity of the readability for your audience, I suggest restructuring them in a way so the length of your sentences isn't as daunting as they appear. There are also a few commas that, if you kept the blurb the same, would be necessary to add as well. You can ask me where if you're curious. Additionally, in the sentence, "Three of them, to be a exact," the "a" is unnecessary (I'm assuming it's a typo?).

Immediately, I get the sense that we're diving straight into the story (even if it's mostly crucial background information). It's packed with useful information used to navigate through the story, and the style of writing seems casual in a way that makes me wonder who is presenting the introduction. It also makes me eager to learn more and potentially find a source for the personality I got from this brief chapter. Specifically, for your hook, it started off with a question that had me intrigued—and was also necessary to know before starting the first chapter. I don't have any problems with the way it started, but if I'm nitpicking, I'd suggest restructuring some sentences in the beginning to deliver any points on point, and I noticed that in your first paragraph, you mention "community" three times. How can you restructure that sentence to avoid this repetition? The same can apply to any areas in the beginning that feel unnecessarily drawn-out as well.

You struggled with your punctuation and capitalization with dialogues. If your dialogue is accompanied with a dialogue tag (he said, she yelled, they shouted, describing the way someone says something), the dialogue tag is a continuation of the dialogue sentence. For example, it makes little sense for the clause, "She said," to be a sentence by itself. Therefore, it's part of the dialogue sentence. The dialogue should end in a comma to show that the sentence isn't complete, and the start of a dialogue tag is not capitalized, as it's not the start of a new sentence. The opposite goes for action tags. If your dialogue is accompanied by an action tag (she grinned/he sighed/they walked away, basically an action), the action should not be part of the dialogue sentence. The dialogue doesn't help the action tag make sense; the action tag should be a sentence by itself. Therefore, the dialogue should end in a period to signify the end of the sentence, and the start of the action tag should always be capitalized, as it's the start of a new sentence. Of course, the punctuation may vary. Exclamation marks and question marks can end a dialogue regardless of the tag accompanying it, as long as if it's a dialogue tag, the dialogue never ends in a period, and for an action tag, it never ends in a comma.

Example of dialogue + dialogue tag: "'I'm okay,' she said." OR "She said, 'I'm okay.'"

Example of dialogue + action tag: "'I'm okay.' She forced a smile." OR "She forced a smile. 'I'm okay.'"

You had some comma mistakes in your writing. Commas are used to separate different clauses. There are two types of clauses: Independent and dependent. They both have subjects (who/what is doing the action), and a predicate (the action being done). The difference between the two is that an independent clause can stand alone as its own sentence, while a dependent clause depends on another clause to make sense. If over one clause is joined together, they should be separated with a comma. For example, this sentence, "I cried, then Billy ran away," there are two different independent clauses. One is "I cried," and the other is "Billy ran away." You'll notice that they're separated with a conjunction and a comma. You often misuse commas in this sense or forget to add them. Commas can also be used to separate an introductory phrase or word before the main clause. In the sentence, "Today I went to work," the independent clause is "I went to work," and you'll notice that it has a subject "I" and a predicate "went." The word "today" is excluded, and needs to be separated with a comma. The correction is: "Today, I went to work."

You had some comma splices as well. A comma splice is joining two different independent clauses together, and separating them with a comma, but not a conjunction. An example of this is: "I went to work, I drove in my car." These are two different independent clauses, "I went to work" and "I drove in my car." They both have predicates and subjects, and are separated with a comma. However, you must separate them with a conjunction as well. Without a conjunction, this turns into a comma splice. You have two options in this case. You can either replace the comma with a period and turn it into two different sentences, or add in a conjunction. In this case, the correction can be, "I went to work, and I drove in my car," or "I went to work. I drove in my car."

You included extra spaces where they aren't needed, specifically with your dialogue and action tags. I've pointed some out in your chapter review(s) below, so make sure to correct these.

You also seem to be confused with how to separate paragraphs. Whenever someone new begins to speak, a new paragraph should be started. If Sarah and Johnny are having a conversation, and Sarah says, "hey, how are you?" when Johnny responds with, "I'm great!" That should be a new paragraph. That way, your readers aren't confused with who is still talking and who isn't.

With your punctuation within dialogue markings, there were a few times you included more than one punctuation. If you end the dialogue with a comma, period, exclamation mark, or question mark, ellipsis, etc, within the dialogue markings, you don't need any other punctuation after the dialogue markings.

There were several times I found misspellings or little typos within your writing, which is more than I would've wanted to see. I suggest proof-reading or editing your draft more thoroughly before uploading to Wattpad. That way, any silly typos can be avoided and the overall quality of your writing won't be disturbed. I also found some repetition with certain diction choices in some of your chapters, which I've pointed out below. I suggest avoiding that and focusing on introducing a variety of diction choices and vocabulary to your story.

There isn't a lot that I know well about your story so far, especially as it seems to contain information that readers should know from the previous book (although the introduction certainly helped). However, I can still see that the plotline is strong and all the chapters are meaningful and affects the plot in some way or the other. You've clearly done some research (or already know) on some topics introduced to your readers, which makes your writing sound very official and clear in certain times, which I've appreciated. I found that the dynamics of some of your scenes were muted or slow. In moments of triumph or anxiety, I suggest using stronger diction to convey this mood to your readers, as it all felt very flat. Additionally, you had some awkward transitions, especially with your dialogue. In the earlier chapters, your characters had a lot of filler dialogue; dialogue that isn't important to the story. I suggest cutting back on that and focusing on the more important aspects of the current scene.

As I've mentioned earlier, there were some moments where your characters felt flat because of the descriptions you've used to describe them and their scenes. You also used the same writing style/voice for each character, which made them sound similar to one another. Other than that, it was easy to identify who was who based on names.

I appreciate the quality of your writing voice. It's mostly clean and easy to understand, and your writing style is unique to only you, which I've recognized. This might seem repetitive, but again, there were some places in the story where it felt slow because of the muted descriptions of scenes. You focused more on the technical aspects compared to the emotional side of your scenes, so no emotions were invoked within me. I suggest using dynamic and interesting language to spice it up a bit and bring more life to your story.

The pace of your story was very consistent, if not slow at times. There were no transitions that I was confused about, and you did a great job at explaining each scene, setting, and current mood of the story. Now, I suggest you tackle all the filler dialogues and dragging scenes and incorporate more dynamic diction choices/dialogue to keep the flow of the story going.

"We usually tell them to go refer to the previous book, and stop asking stupid questions like Rene tends to ask when she's not had her tea yet." (p.2). With this kind of sentence structure, a comma is unnecessary, as this can stand as its own clause. The correction would be: "We usually tell them to go refer to the previous book and stop asking stupid questions like Rene tends to ask when she's not had her tea yet." However, without that comma, the sentence feels pretty long. Instead, I suggest keeping the comma, but adding in filler words to make it more clear these are two clauses. Alternative correction: "We usually tell them to go refer to the previous book, and to stop asking stupid questions like Rene tends to ask when she's not had her tea yet."

"Three of the most powerful ones, the Indian, Japanese and Italian mafias, were the original super villains." (p.4). When writing a "list" in a sentence, there should be a comma after each "item" listed, save for the last item. That includes the second-to-last-item (this specific comma is known as the Oxford Comma). Correction: "Three of the most powerful ones, the Indian, Japanese, and Italian mafias, were the original super villains." Additionally, just like "superheros," wouldn't "supervillains" be written as one word? Ultimately, I believe that's a decision of yours to be made, but I feel hesitant when reading it as two words.

In paragraph 5, "underdeveloped" doesn't require a hyphen in between.

"Now those people who were directly affected by the murders, like close friends or relatives of the victim would obviously desire justice and seek revenge." (p.5). I had to reread this sentence several times because of the comma placements. I suggest putting a comma after "now," (this is optional) and after "victim" (not optional in terms of grammatical accuracy). Correction: "Now, those people who were directly affected by the murders, like close friends or relatives of the victim, would obviously desire justice and seek revenge."

"They became super villains too eventually." (p.5). I suggest adding a comma here. Correction: "They became super villains too, eventually." Without a comma, it feels as though "eventually" is redundant in the sentence and adds unnecessary weight.

"Efficiency and speed were two things that were offered in the Super Villain community that people desired most to achieve their objective." (p.8). This sentence is on the longer side, and I suggest removing any filler words that add to that length. Suggestion: "Efficiency and speed were two things offered in the Super Villain community that people desired most to achieve their objective."

Typically, as "NAZI" is an acronym, all letters should be capitalized. (p.12).

"The temperature had dropped a few degrees and the golden and red maple leaves on the grass was a sign winter was soon approaching." (p.1). Because of the repetition of the word "and," I suggest avoiding this in areas where it's unnecessary. For example, instead of saying "golden and red maple leaves," you could also say "golden-red," if you don't care for the specific details of leaves (that is, being there are two separate types of leaf colors on the grass).

"An open window on the second floor of the mansion indicated that there was already the bustle of daily work going on in the mansion." (p.3). You used "mansion" twice in this sentence. As you've already indicated in the first half of the sentence that the setting is a mansion, you don't need to mention it again. Suggestion: "An open window on the second floor of the mansion indicated that there was already a bustle of daily work." If that's too abrupt of an ending, I'd also suggest, "An open window on the second floor indicated that there was already the bustle of daily work going on in the mansion."

"Neat" and "orderly" are close synonyms for each other, so I suggest using a different adjective to replace one of them in paragraph 4. You could also use this opportunity to introduce a stronger description to enhance the reading experience for your audience.

"'Right,' Veronica nodded." (p.6). Since a new character is speaking after Rene, I suggest starting a new paragraph with this sentence. Additionally, the action tag and the dialogue are not meant to be one sentence. A dialogue tag would be included in the sentence, as it describes the way someone says something, but as this is an action tag ("Veronica nodded"), the same rules do not apply. Veronica cannot nod the words out into the air. The punctuation of the dialogue should reflect that these are two separate sentences. Correction: "'Right.' Veronica nodded."

"Oh hi!" (p.7). You need a comma here. Correction: "Oh, hi!" When Camilla responds to Rene, her response should also be the beginning of a new paragraph, as a new person is talking.

"'She's the perfectionist,' she shook her head as the other two laughed out loud at the established fact." (p.9). As it is an action tag following the dialogue and not a dialogue tag, it should be a separate sentence, not a continuation of the dialogue sentence. The punctuation/capitalization should reflect that; that means capitalizing on the beginning of the action tag and replacing the comma in the dialogue with a period (to indicate the end of the sentence and the start of another). Correction: "'She's the perfectionist.' She shook her head as the other two laughed out loud at the established fact."

In paragraph 10, the ellipsis is known as a punctuation, so you don't need a comma after the ellipsis in the dialogue.

"Both Rene and Veronica had brought the bikes that they had left at their place, to the Chase Estate a couple of days ago." (p.11). You have an unnecessary comma here. Correction: "Both Rene and Veronica had brought the bikes that they had left at their place to the Chase Estate a couple of days ago."

"Ah thanks, Cam!" (p.12). You need a comma here. Correction: "Ah, thanks, Cam!"

"... she replied, with a small smile." (p.17). The comma is unnecessary here.

In paragraph 18, you use the adverb "hurriedly" twice. I suggest replacing one of them to avoid the repetition.

"'I get that a lot from Ronnie too,' she grinned." (p.19). The action tag should be a separate sentence from the dialogue. Correction: "'I get that a lot from Ronnie too.' She grinned."

"'... I see,' she nodded." (p.23). The action tag should be separate from the dialogue. You're probably beginning to notice the repetition with this mistake, so I suggest focusing on finding these kinds of errors when editing or writing in the future. Correction: "'... I see.' She nodded."

In paragraph 25, the beginning of the action tag, "she grinned" should be capitalized to be "She grinned" as it's the start of a new sentence.

You need to capitalize on the beginning of the sentence in paragraph 1. It also looks like part of the sentence was broken up, although I'm not sure. Feel free to let me know!

"Veronica smiled, with a small wave, the papers still in her hand." (p.5). You have an unnecessary comma here. Correction: "Veronica smiled with a small wave, the papers still in her hand." Additionally, when Adrian responds to Veronica, his response should be the beginning of a new paragraph.

"Yeah, we've got not leads so far and that's highly frustrating." (p.7). In this sentence, "not" should be "no." I also suggest adding a comma. Correction: "Yeah, we've got no leads so far, and that's highly frustrating."