"The guy was more muscular than the last time I saw him, which could be the result of his infatuation with basketball and constant visits to the gym." (p.1). Instead of referring to the mystery character as "the guy," I suggest replacing it with "he," as "the guy" is typically used to refer to an unimportant character or stranger/side character in the story. Additionally, this first chapter seems reserved to describe this "guy" and again, as a reader, I would've skipped right past it. Instead of providing generic/cliché descriptions, I suggest using more thoughtful descriptions such as his expression, body language, and the emotions your protagonist would've felt at seeing him.

"I slowly made my way towards him with a smile resting on my face, to hide the perspiration forming at the back of my neck, and held out my hand for our not-so-secret handshake." (p.2). You have an unnecessary comma here. Correction: "I slowly made my way towards him with a smile resting on my face to hide the perspiration forming at the back of my neck and held out my hand for our not-so-secret handshake." The description of their actual handshake was also very slow and monotonous. I felt no emotion from their actions; it felt like watching a handshake between two robots. I suggest adding more lively descriptions to make the description come to life.

"I snickered and feigned confusion while scanning my normal, trimmed nails, as I tilted my neck to the side." (p.5). If her nails are normal, then why mention them? You'd typically mention her nails if they weren't normal. I also suggest restructuring this sentence to be less awkward and flow more smoothly. Suggestion: "I snickered and feigned confusion, scanning my nails while I tilted my neck to the side."

"... he retorted back." (p.6). To retort is to reply in answer, so "back" is redundant and takes away from the impact of the dialogue tag. I suggest removing it.

"I let go of my nails, and softly jabbed him in his chest with my fist. (p.7). The last time I checked, she was scanning her nails, not holding onto them. Also, the comma is unnecessary.

"'Still fond of weird insults, I see,' he laughed." (p.8). You have incorrect punctuation/capitalization regarding the dialogue and action tag. "He laughed" is an action, and doesn't describe the way he said the dialogue. Therefore, it should be a separate sentence, and this should be reflected from ending the dialogue with a period and capitalizing on the beginning of the action tag (neither of which was done). Correction: "'Still fond of weird insults, I see.' He laughed."

"My arms coiled around his long neck while his hands were wrapped around my waist with chin on top of my head." (p.9). You're using passive voice here. Again, passive voice is saying something was done, rather than simply stating that something happened. You also have unnecessary filler words. Correction: "My arms coiled around his neck while his hands wrapped around my waist, his chin on top of my head."

"'It has been such a long time, hasn't it?' He murmured softly from above my head." (p.10). The dialogue tag is part of the sentence. "He murmured" is describing the way Valientine says something, and should be a continuation of the dialogue. That means not capitalizing the beginning of the dialogue tag, as it's not the beginning of a new sentence. Correction: "'It has been such a long time, hasn't it?' he murmured softly from above my head."

"'You're too old, buddy.' I reminded him in a joking manner and pulled away..." (p.11). The dialogue tag should be included in the dialogue sentence. That includes replacing the period with a comma to indicate that the sentence continues. Correction: "'You're too old, buddy,' I reminded him in a joking manner and pulled away..."

"'Thirty's not too old.' He defended." (p.12). Again, the dialogue tag should be part of the sentence. You need to replace the period within the dialogue with a comma, and capitalization on the beginning of the dialogue tag is unnecessary.

"His good looks were like cherry on top, and helped him spread his name, and promote his work all around." (p.15). You need a definite article in there, and you have an unnecessary comma. Correction: "His good looks were like the cherry on top and helped him spread his name and promote his work all around."

"We weren't friends since birth, heck, we didn't even live in the same country or continent." (p.17). You have a comma splice here. Correction: "We weren't friends since birth. Heck, we didn't even live in the same country or continent."

"We met in really peculiar circumstances, never in my dizziest daydreams, I would have imagined remaining friends with him for so long, yet here we are, two old pals, reacquainting after a very long time." (p.17). This is an abnormally long sentence. You have a comma splice and misplaced commas. I suggest restructuring this to flow more smoothly together. Correction/Suggestion: "We met under peculiar circumstances. I wouldn't have imagined remaining friends with him, even in my dizziest daydreams. Yet here we were, two old pals, reacquainting after a very long time." Notice how I corrected the tense slip-up as well and removed any unnecessary filler words.

"'I really liked that girl.' I admitted." (p.19). The dialogue tag should be included within the sentence. Correction: "'I really liked that girl,' I admitted."

"Amidst my Nana's nervous ramblings, I tried to suppress a sigh. To say she was nervous, would be the biggest understatement ever, even bigger than my mother was totally against me and her going together for a voyage to France." (p.21). Because there is a possessive adjective in front of "nana," it doesn't need to be capitalized. You also have a repetition for the word, "nervous." This sentence is poorly constructed and you have several conjugation errors. Correction: "Amidst my nana's ramblings, I tried to suppress a sigh. To say she was nervous would be the largest understatement ever, even larger than my mother being against me and Nana voyaging together to France."

"No need to prolong the inevitable, I thought finally letting out the trapped sigh, I turned my face towards my rarely wrecking grandma, who was nervously chewing on her fingernails, which now barely covered her bony fingers." (p.22). You have misplaced commas here. Additionally, I suggest italicizing thoughts to make it clear to your audience. You mention "nervous" again, and "rarely wrecking" is an unusual and confusing way to describe her grandma. Correction/Suggestion: "No need to prolong the inevitable, I thought, finally letting out the trapped sigh. I turned my face towards my rarely non-composed grandma, who was chewing on her fingernails. They barely covered her bony fingers." Notice how I split this into several sentences to avoid a long sentence structure.

"It can change a sophisticated lady to a crude one." (p.22). You have a tense slip-up here. Correction: "It could change a sophisticated lady to a crude one."

"The mitochondria inside the cells of her fragile leg, suddenly started generating too much ATP's, causing her to spend them by bouncing it up and down." (p.22). This is a long and unnecessary explanation for her grandma bouncing her legs up and down. Your readers are not here for a science lesson. Not only that, but this doesn't invoke any emotions within me. Because of the detached explanation, I don't feel nervous for her grandmother. Instead, focus on describing the nervousness. For example, the jittery nerves could cause her to bounce her knees impatiently up and down, etc.

"I could totally picture her muttering profanities under her breath when I declared that we would fly for our trip." (p.23). The word "totally" is redundant here, and I noticed that it's pretty repetitive throughout your chapters. Additionally, I have to assume that your character was there to tell her grandma they were flying for the trip. That means she wouldn't have to imagine her "muttering profanities under her breath," because if she was there, she would've seen it.

"'Just think of your calming moments with Pops.' I tried to soothe her down." (p.24). The dialogue tag should be included within the dialogue sentence. Additionally, "down" is redundant in this context. Correction: "'Just think of your calming moments with Pops,' I tried to soothe."

"They were supposed to grow old together, but only my Nana did, Pops didn't." (p.25). You have a comma splice here. "Nana" doesn't need to be capitalized because there is a possessive adjective in front. Correction: "They were supposed to grow old together, but only my nana did. Pops didn't."

"... she wore her strong woman shoes..." (p.25). You need hyphens here. Correction: "... she wore her strong-woman-shoes..."

"'... you should also know what it feels to be left alone and have patience.' She mumbled under her breath, definitely giving herself a mental pep talk to not show weakness." (p.28). The dialogue tag should be included in the dialogue sentence. Correction: "'... you should also know what it feels to be left alone and have patience,' she mumbled under her breath, definitely giving herself a mental pep talk to not show weakness."

"I really do. I thought." (p.29). This should be one sentence. Correction: "I really do, I thought."

"Her eyes were full of sleep, still." (p.32). You have an unnecessary comma here. Correction: "Her eyes were still full of sleep." Notice how I also restructured this to flow more smoothly.

"It was where she met my Pops and they got married, not in Paris though, where we were right now." (p.32). You have comma splices here. Correction: "It was where she met my pops and they got married. Not in Paris though. Where we were right now." Additionally, you could expand upon this—they got married on the plane?

"Mundane" and "monotonous" are synonyms for each other, so I suggest you choose one in paragraph 32.

"I was a lot alike her." (p.33). "Alike" should be "like." Additionally, in paragraph 33, you described that they looked almost the same except for their eyes. You proceeded to describe her nana's eyes, but not her own. Was that intentional? Because as a reader, you led me to believe you'd describe the differences in their eyes.

"As I was running, someone once again crashed into me making me stumble and control my legs yet again." (p.35). You have passive voice here. Additionally, what do you mean by "control my legs"? If she stumbled, wouldn't she lose control? This is also an odd way to describe her losing control. It feels detached and clinical. Correction/Suggestion: "As I was running, someone once again crashed into me, making me stumble and lose control of my legs yet again." Notice the necessary filler words I've added, as well as the comma.

"Thank you and I'm really sorry for pushing you." (p.44). You need a comma here. Correction: "Thank you, and I'm really sorry for pushing you."

"... I saw my Nana accompanied by a beautiful looking blonde, heading towards our direction." (p.46). Here, "nana" shouldn't be capitalized, as there is a possessive adjective in front of it. Additionally, you could elaborate here. Why was she polite and friendly with the handsome man, but instantly disliked the blonde girl?

"'Nothing that can't be cured by medicines.' She spoke, cutting me off with a reassuring smile that engulfed her pretty face." (p.48). The dialogue tag should be a continuation of the dialogue sentence. Correction: "'Nothing that can't be cured by medicines,' she spoke, cutting me off with a reassuring smile that engulfed her pretty face."

"The blond - I meant - Holly replied with a smile on her face." (p.50). The hyphens are misplaced. Additionally, technically, it should be "blonde," as you're referring to a girl, not a boy. Correction: "The blonde - I meant Holly - replied with a smile on her face."

"The man who bumped into me earlier was making his way towards us, smiling and holding a phone in his hand." (p.51). Again, you have passive voice here. It has a weak impact on your audience and adds weight to your sentences. Suggestion: "The man who bumped into me earlier made his way towards us, smiling and holding a phone in his hand."

"Cue the vomit, I absolutely hated PDAs." (p.52). You have a comma splice here. Correction: "Cue the vomit. I absolutely hated PDAs."