"'What's up Donovans,' A voice says behind us." (p.5). The capitalization of the dialogue tag should reflect the fact that it's a continuation of the entire sentence. Additionally, you need a comma, and if the voice is addressing all the boys, then there should be an apostrophe after "Donovans" to address that. Correction: "'What's up, Donovans'?' a voice says behind us." Notice how I replaced the punctuation with something to fit the phrasing of the dialogue.

"I thought all the Jocks and cheerleaders liked to hang out together, since when do they have tension?" (p.8). Here, "Jocks" shouldn't be capitalized. You have a comma splice as well. Correction: "I thought all the jocks and cheerleaders liked to hang out together. Since when did they have tension?"

"'Y-your Jeremy's older brothers, right?' her voice coming out small and timid. Awww." (p.22). The contraction should be "you're," as in "you are." The capitalization regarding the dialogue should reflect that these are two different sentences. Additionally, keep in mind that the ending part, "Awww," can be considered patronizing and offensive in this context. She isn't a child, and this can be considered as indirectly looking down on someone. I suggest removing it, unless your want your character to sound like this. Correction/Suggestion: "'Y-you're Jeremy's older brothers, right?' Her voice comes out small and timid."

With Madisyn, you have her stuttering a lot. If you want to show that this is normally how she speaks, you can include all the ellipses in her speech in the beginning of her introduction. However, the reader can understand that and apply that whenever they're reading her dialogue, so I advise against adding the stutters and ellipses in all of her dialogues. Instead, you could just say that she stuttered the words out. This will clear up readability and sound more natural.

"'Careful, she may be cute but that's jail bat man. Did you forget that you are 18? That girl can't be no older than like 15,' I laugh as he pouts." (p.25). You need commas here. You misspelled the word "bait," as well. I suggest writing out numbers to stay professional and avoid breaking the flow of the story. Also, there is a lot of pouting going on throughout these chapters. Frankly, the more you use this word, the more I think of an immature child. You must be careful, because if you overuse words such as "pout," they can become boring and even annoying to a reader. Correction/suggestion: "'Careful. She may be cute, but that's jail bait, man. Did you forget that you are eighteen? That girl can't be no older than, like, fifteen." I laugh."

"'I'm not' Jason says, narrowing his eyes." (p.32). You need punctuation at the end of a dialogue sentence. Correction: "'I'm not,' Jason says, narrowing his eyes."

"Shit if Madisyn boobs were showing he would have been looking at them too... shit me too." (p.34). You need to replace "Madisyn" with "Madisyn's." Additionally, you need commas. Correction: "Shit, if Madisyn's boobs were showing, he would have been looking at them too... shit, me too."

"' I hope the next girlfriend he get's is fucking fantastic because Ashley's a fucking shit show' Ian growls." (p.37). Again, you need capitalization at the end of the dialogue. Additionally, you have an extra space, and an unnecessary apostrophe. Correction: "'I hope the next girlfriend he gets is fucking fantastic, because Ashley's a fucking shit show,' Ian growls." Notice how commas also tend to come before a conjunction.

"My black boots are heavy on the tiles as I stride to the class Mar placed me in a few days ago." (p.45). You have tense slip-ups. "Tile" should also be "tiles." Correction: "My black boots were heavy on the tile as I stride to the class Mar placed me in a few days ago."

"'Well the heeled combat boots, chains, and the corset is a dead giveaway,' he smiles showing off his bright sparkling teeth." (p.50). You need commas here. The capitalization/punctuation regarding your dialogue should reflect that the action tag is a separate sentence from the dialogue. Correction: "'Well, the heeled combat boots, chains, and the corset is a dead giveaway.' He smiles, showing off his bright sparkling teeth."

"'My dad, he was an assassin,' I say with a blank face and the class goes silent." (p.69). You have a comma splice here, as well as a missing comma. Correction:"'My dad. He was an assassin,' I say with a blank face, and the class goes silent."

"Weak" (p.80). You need punctuation to end a sentence.

"Her voice was dry and full of boredom." (p.94). You have tense slip-ups here. Keep in mind that you need to stay consistent in present tense.

"'What's up Mark, mind if I sit?' She questioned." (p.103). The capitalization should reflect that this is one sentence, and the beginning of the dialogue sentence is not the start of a new sentence. You also need a comma. Correction: "'What's up, Mark, mind if I sit?' she questions." Notice how I also corrected the tense slip-up.

"'We are all seniors, it's nice to meet you.' I say attempting to be polite." (p.122). You have a comma splice here, and incorrect punctuation regarding the dialogue. You're missing a comma as well. Correction: "'We are all seniors. It's nice to meet you,' I say, attempting to be polite."

"'Aren't you adorable,' Mar giggles?" (p.124). I'm not sure why there's a question mark, but I will assume that it's unintentionally placed. The action tag and dialogue should be separated as different sentences as well. Correction:"'Aren't you adorable?' Mar giggles."

"'Their triplets, baby. I don't think it matters' She states." (p.135). "Their" should be replaced with "they're." You also need punctuation at the end of the dialogue, and the beginning of the dialogue tag shouldn't be capitalized, as it's not the beginning of a new sentence. Correction: "'They're triplets, baby. I don't think it matters,' she states."

"I like this new girl. The voice in my head says, causing me to growl." (p.155). This should be one sentence. Correction: "I like this new girl, the voice in my head says, causing me to growl." I'm also noticing a repetition of the word "growl."

"We sat in silence for a while until she spoke 'I wanted to get away from your friend.'" (p.164). You need punctuation, and you have a tense slip-up. Correction: "We sit in silence for a while until she speaks. 'I wanted to get away from your friend.'"

"It's only 1:15 we have plenty of time. It's a quick trip. I want ice cream,' she smirks and holds out her hand." (p.197). I suggest writing numbers to not break the flow of the story. You need commas, and the capitalization/punctuation regarding the dialogue should show that these are two different sentences. Correction: "It's only one-fifteen. We have plenty of time. It's a quick trip. I want ice cream.' She smirks and holds out her hand." Notice how I corrected the comma splice as well. But now, if you read this aloud, it sounds awkward because most sentences are about the same length. I suggest experimenting with sentence structure and length to avoid this.

"She smirks 'I'm just trying to learn and pay attention." (p.2). You need punctuation to separate the dialogue and action tag. Correction: "She smirks. 'I'm just trying to learn and pay attention."

"'I don't care about this stuff I just wanted more time with you,' she looks into my eyes." (p.7). The dialogue tag and the dialogue are separated and should be two separate sentences. The punctuation and capitalization regarding the dialogue should reflect that. Correction: "'I don't care about this stuff. I just wanted more time with you.' She looks into my eyes." Notice how I also corrected the run-on sentence.

"'Fine,' she snatched the goggles out of my hand and put them on as I placed mine back on." (p.12). You have the incorrect punctuation/capitalization regarding your dialogue. Additionally, you must stay consistent with your tense (which in this case, is present tense). Correction: "'Fine.' She snatches the goggles out of my hand and puts them on as I place mine back on."

"What the hell was that?" (p.31). You have a repetition of this phrase, as it appears once again two paragraphs later. I'd love to know if that was intentional. Also, make sure you're using the right tense.

"I place my bag in my locker to get ready for gym when a pair of arms are wrapped around my neck and a warmth on my back." (p.34). You have passive voice here. Passive voice is when you say something is done rather than saying something happens. Additionally, a warmth on his back what? Correction: "I place my bag in my locker to get ready for gym when a pair of arms wrap around my neck and [I feel] a warmth on my back."

"'You don't get to turn that around on me,' She pouts." (p.44). These are two sentences. The dialogue tag is not continuation of the sentence, and the punctuation of the dialogue tag should be a period, as it should signify the end of a sentence and the start of another. Correction: "'You don't get to turn that around on me.' She pouts." Additionally, at this point, all of your characters are pouting. It's excessively repetitive and it feels like I'm reading the same thing over and over again. Be cautious when reusing vocabulary choices.

"Your brothers and cousin's are popular and your uncle is loved by basically every woman in town." (p.49). You have an unnecessary apostrophe in "cousin." It's not supposed to be possessive, and just like "brothers" doesn't have one, "cousins" shouldn't either. You also have some filler words you could get rid of for clearer readability. Correction: "Your brothers and cousins are popular, and your uncle is loved by every woman in town." Notice the comma I added as well.

"'I'm serious,' She pouts." (p.50). "She pouts" is an action tag. It is something that she is doing, and doesn't describe how she says something. Therefore, it should be a separate sentence. By ending the dialogue with a comma, you're showing that this is one whole sentence, even though it should really be two. You need to replace it with a period to show that it's the end of the sentence and the start of another. Additionally, this is another example of you overusing "pout."

"'... would make me not touch you for at least a week,' I glare playfully at her as she gasps dramatically." (p.53). Again, you have the incorrect punctuation regarding your dialogue. Keep in mind that the action tag doesn't describe how someone says something, so it should be a separate sentence altogether. You also tend to use a lot of adverbs (playful-ly and dramatical-ly) which can begin to sound repetitive. I suggest cutting back on those. Correction: "'... would make me not touch you for at least a week.' I glare playfully at her as she gasps." Removing adverbs (-ly) also clear up readability for your audience.

"I stand in the storage closet for another two minutes to be sure that no one sees me before slowly opening the door. I peak out to see the halls completely empty. I walked back towards my locker and decided to skip gym today." (p.57). I suggest reading this section out loud. If it sounds awkward, it's because it is. The beginning of each sentence starts with "I," which is repetitive and a technique I suggest avoiding. You're also showing, not telling. I cannot see this scene in my head because there is no elaboration from his actions or decisions.

"'Alright, just don't over do it, you did have soccer practice during lunch, don't overexert yourself,' he looks at me in concern." (p.61). You have several comma splices here. Additionally, "overdo" is one word, not two. Notice how you have repetition as well. "Don't overexert yourself" and "don't overdo it" is the same thing. Correction: "'Alright, just don't overdo it. You did have soccer practice during lunch.' He looks at me in concern." I also suggest noticing how I appropriately separated this into two sentences, as the action tag is separate from the dialogue.

"I stare back at him straight faced before he frowns to himself." (p.68). You need commas here, as well as a hyphen. Correction: "I stare back at him, straight-faced, before he frowns to himself."

"I walk in the lunchroom to see Mae and Lia sitting at a round table in the back of the lunch room Mae already biting into her taco." (p.69). This is a run-on sentence. You need commas to separate the clauses. Correction:"I walk in the lunchroom to see Mae and Lia sitting at a round table in the back, Mae already biting into her taco." Notice how I removed "lunch room" as you've already mentioned it in the beginning of the sentence. Also, you use the word "pouting" again later in this paragraph.

"'That's what tv shows and movies made it seem like' Lia says dully looking back at her phone." (p.74). Here, "tv" should be capitalized, as it's a shortened version of "television." You need commas here and punctuation between the dialogue and dialogue tag. Correction: "'That's what TV shows and movies make it seem like,' Lia says dully, looking back at her phone." I also changed the tense form of "made" as it's not something that happened in the past, as a fixed past event. It's something that can be applied to the future and present as well.

"' It's boring,' Lia says dully as I giggle and Mae rolls her eyes." (p.82). You have repetition here, you're missing some commas, and you have an unnecessary space at the beginning of your dialogue. In paragraph 74, you already described Lia as saying something "dully," so I suggest not reusing that as a dialogue tag in the same scene with the same character. Correction: "'It's boring,' Lia says [insert here] as I giggle, and Mae rolls her eyes."

"'Oh, I'm sorry.' She frowns with a cute pout 'Maybe the Senior auction will be good entertainment for you girls." (p.83). You need punctuation between the action tag and the dialogue. You also have unnecessary capitalization. Correction: "'Oh, I'm sorry.' She frowns with a cute pout. 'Maybe the senior auction will be good entertainment for you girls." Also, again with "pout."

"I lean on the table starting to smirk with Mae." (p.89). You need a comma here. Correction: "I lean my elbows on the table, starting to smirk with Mae." Notice how I added necessary filler words to make this sound plausible. Either that, or, "I lean against the table, starting to smirk with Mae."

"Jeremy is the only non senior that hangs out with the popular crowd." (p.100). You need a hyphen here. Correction: "Jeremy is the only non-senior that hangs out with the popular crowd."

"Hey hey hey, it's okay." (p.101). You need commas here. Correction: "Hey, hey, hey, it's okay."

"... I state as I eye Lia 'Mark, are you going to be in the auction?'" (p.108). You need to add appropriate punctuation between the action tag and new dialogue. Correction: "... I state as I eye Lia. 'Mark, are you going to be in the auction?'"

"... hell he isn't even aware he has powers so that's worse!" (p.114). You're missing commas here. This is a frequent mistake that happens constantly throughout your chapters, resulting in run-on sentences, misplaced commas, and sentences that sound like they convey different meanings than what they actually convey. Correction: "... hell, he isn't even aware he has powers, so that's worse!"

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