Peculiarly dyslexic Peter Carlssin is not ecstatic to find out he is not a human. As he struggles to find his place in this new definition of 'world', chaos breaks. From a new-comer, he becomes the most wanted person in all dimensions. And his only hope to prove his innocence is an ancient artifact.

What is it? Where is it? How to find it? He doesn't know. But this twisted reality is more than just different.

Soon he finds himself in the midst of a long predicted war. And his fate has already been decided.

Which side is he fighting on?

Your cover suits your genre, and I felt that the color scheme used can bring in readers of the genre for your story—sci fi and action/adventure. However, the title isn't easily the largest text on your cover, and the font/placing of your title could be more appropriate to fit your story/genre. I suggest looking for new covers that better represent your story and draw in more readers.

It's hard to tell whether your title is relevant to your story, so it's up to you to decide whether it appropriately represents your story and genre. I got the general concept and mood of the story from your title, so if you feel that it portrays your story, you can keep it as it is. I also suggest keeping your mind open to other possibilities for titles that are equally (or more) memorable and interesting.

I appreciated that your blurb was free of any grammatical errors. I took off a point because there were some parts where your blurb felt awkward and forced. It should flow smoothly, but particularly in the second half, you've separated paragraphs where it isn't so necessary to do so, and I always recommend minimizing the questions used in a blurb with a maximum of two. How can you phrase your blurb in an interesting way to state the triggering action/dilemma, obstacles, overarching conflict, and include those involved in a short, concise way?

You started off with an exchange between the mother and son through a letter, and I immediately got a sense of the relationship between the two. I also appreciated that I couldn't spot grammatical errors right off the bat, and I got a sense of the protagonist's life/world and of those around him. There was an awkward spot in the first part of the hook. While unnecessary, I suggest combining the first two sentences to look like this: "I am all well and perfectly fine, thank you."

You struggled with your punctuation and capitalization with dialogues. If your dialogue is accompanied with a dialogue tag (he said, she yelled, they shouted, describing the way someone says something), the dialogue tag is a continuation of the dialogue sentence. For example, it doesn't make sense for the clause, "She said," to be a sentence by itself. Therefore, it's part of the dialogue sentence. The dialogue should end in a comma to indicate that the sentence isn't complete, and the start of a dialogue tag is not capitalized, as it's not the start of a new sentence. The opposite goes for action tags. If your dialogue is accompanied by an action tag (she grinned/he sighed/they walked away, basically an action), the action should not be part of the dialogue sentence. The dialogue doesn't help the action tag make sense; the action tag should be a sentence by itself. Therefore, the dialogue should end in a period to signify the end of the sentence, and the start of the action tag should always be capitalized, as it's the start of a new sentence. Of course, the punctuation may vary. Exclamation marks and question marks can end a dialogue regardless of the tag accompanying it, as long as if it's a dialogue tag, the dialogue never ends in a period, and for an action tag, it never ends in a comma.

Example of dialogue + dialogue tag: "'I'm okay,' she said." OR "She said, 'I'm okay.'"

Example of dialogue + action tag: "'I'm okay.' She forced a smile." OR "She forced a smile. 'I'm okay.'"

You had a lot of comma mistakes. Keep in mind that commas are used to separate different clauses within a sentence, whether they're independent or dependent. An independent clause has a subject (who/what is doing the action) and a predicate (the action being done by the subject). Oftentimes, a sentence has two independent clauses, joined together with a conjunction. In the sentence, "I cried then Billy ran away," there are two independent clauses here. One is, "I cried," and the other is, "Billy ran away." Both have a subject and a predicate, and they're joined together by the conjunction, "then." Because of this, the two clauses still need to be separated with a comma, the correction being: "I cried, then Billy ran away."

Dependent clauses are just like independent clauses: they also have a subject and a predicate. However, dependent clauses are exactly like what they sound like; they're dependent on another clause. They don't make sense by themselves. For example, the clause, "I decided not to," has both a subject and a predicate, but it needs more context to make sense. There should be another clause attached or a sentence before it that it depends on making sense. When joined to another clause with a conjunction, the dependent clause should still be separated with a comma as well.

Commas are also used to separate an introductory phrase or word before the main clause. In the sentence, "Today I went to work," the independent clause is "I went to work," where the subject is "I," and the predicate/action is "went to work." The word "today" is not included in the clause, and therefore should be separated with a comma. The correction would be: "Today, I went to work." This is a lot of information to take in, but try to keep these rules in mind for the next time you're writing.

You slipped up in your tense several times. Whether your story is set in past or present tense, you need to pick one and stay in it. If you're in past tense, you should use words such as "didn't" and "wanted." If you're writing in present tense, you should use, "don't" and "want." I've shown a few examples where you slipped up your tense below, so keep this rule in mind for future writing.

I noticed a few misspellings and some areas where filler or linking words were misused. I suggest strengthening your vocabulary and finding synonyms for basic diction used throughout the chapter. Focus on also shortening/tightening your sentences, as you often include more filler words than necessary.

I see a strong, general direction of your plot. I can tell you thoughtfully built up Pete's fictional world, as well as the protagonist himself. You have a habit of telling instead of showing, which took away from the plot. Rather than telling your readers that something happened, show them. This can strengthen readability and the overall experience for your audience. It also seemed like you struggled with writing out each scene. Near the end of each scene, you stalled a bit as though contemplating the best way to move on, and this is where your technique of telling instead of showing was the thickest/strongest. Including specific details in a thorough, concise manner can really help improve and move your plot along. As I was reading, it felt like you just stumbled upon the next scene, and decided to roll with it instead of cleaning up the confusing and awkward areas. This made it hard to focus on the conflict at hand, and you could expand on your protagonist's emotions.

As I've mentioned earlier, you struggled with portraying motions of Pete. I appreciated how I was able to be in his mindset throughout this chapter, and I got a strong sense of his character and personality. However, you often blatantly pointed out the obvious in his emotions and actions. For example, if he was confused when he took off his glasses, you spent some time describing that, but his recovery was surprisingly quick and short. Keep the length appropriate and keep the pacing consistent. Put yourself into your protagonist's head and describe how he's feeling, not what he's feeling.

You have a particularly unique writing voice that focuses on the basics of writing and storytelling. While it suits your story and genre, you also have a habit (as I've mentioned earlier) of telling, not showing. This can feel like an overload of information on your readers, and it can be boring/tedious to read. Experiment with your vocabulary, sensory detail, figurative language, and metaphors/similes to show your readers what's happening. If you can see the scene in your head, then it means you're showing. If you can understand what's happening but you can't see it, then you're showing. I suggest looking out for this flaw when editing your writing.

Your pacing was inconsistent at some times. You were more slow in the beginning of every scene, and near the end of each scene, you sped up and became more sparse with your details. At the same time, you used more unnecessary details to describe what was happening, making it feel like nothing was really happening, but yet it was still happening too fast. Brainstorm the best ways to transition from one scene to another, and when rereading your work, focus on where you think you rushed or went too slow.

In the letter, titles such as "mom" and "dad" should be capitalized if there is no possessive adjective in front of it (ex. his/her/my/yours/their). You have this mistake several times throughout this part, but I'm unsure of whether it's been done intentionally as your protagonist is struggling with writing emails. I'd love to know!

"I live away from my parents for a boarding school for rich kids." (p.7). You have repetition with the linking word "for" here. It's only used twice, but if you read it aloud, it can sound awkward and repetitive. I suggest writing it as this instead: "I live away from my parents at a boarding school for rich kids."

"I don't loathe my parents' money as they are the biggest philanthropist and I miss them but I guess you can't miss anything for too long." (p.7). You have some grammatical errors here. "Philanthropist" should be plural, since it's used to describe several persons. Additionally, you need commas. Correction: "I don't loathe my parents' money, as they are the biggest philanthropists, and I miss them, but I guess you can't miss anything for too long." Notice the amount of clauses and commas used. If possible, I suggest cutting this up into several sentences for clearer readability.

"Everything else grows out of focus and I can only see my shut down laptop clearly..." (p.14). You need a hyphen here between "shut" and "down." Correction: "Everything else grows out of focus and I can only see my shut-down laptop clearly..." You can take this a step further and remove "down" completely for clearer readability.

"That was pretty much it for me." (p.16). You have a tense slip-up here. Keep in mind that you're writing in present tense, not past. Correction: "That's pretty much it for me."

"I dust myself off, put my laptop in its bag and sit on my bed." (p.24). You need a comma here. Since you're listing actions here, each 'item' apart from the last should have a comma afterwards. The second-to-last 'item' needs a comma as well, although it is often overlooked. This particular comma is known as the Oxford Comma. Correction: "I dust myself off, put my laptop in its bag, and sit on my bed."

"He stops for a second then continues 'You have gym class today.'" (p.27). You need a comma separating the clause from the dialogue, and you need a comma. Correction: ""He stops for a second, then continues, 'You have gym class today.'"

In paragraph 35, you have tense slip-ups. Words such as "was" should be converted to the present tense form, "is." This happens several times throughout the chapter, so be conscious of this mistake when editing or proof-reading in the future.

"The main gate of my hostel building is now behind and I am walking towards the school." (p.48). Here, you're using a technique known as passive voice. Passive voice is saying something was done rather than simply stating that something happened. In the present tense form, it's saying something is happening, rather than stating simply that something happens. I suggest avoiding this technique, as it has a weaker impact on the audience. Suggestion: "The main gate of my hostel building is now behind, and I walk towards the school."

In paragraph 56, I suggest writing out numbers. By doing so, you can remain professional and not break the flow of the story. This applies to the time, height, etc.

In paragraph 63, you have an incomplete sentence. A sentence can be ended by a period, but by not adding one, the sentence is technically incorrect and incomplete.

"Mr. Grant asks me to stand and I do, 'Where is your mind, my boy?'" (p.65). The comma here should be replaced with a period. Since the beginning part of the sentence is an action tag, it shouldn't be part of the sentence. Correction: "Mr. Grant asks me to stand, and I do. 'Where is your mind, my boy?'" Notice the comma I've added.

You have a unique narrating voice, and I appreciated the thoughtful way you presented the mindset of your protagonist and of those around him. I suggest thoroughly editing and proof-reading to clean up your grammatical errors, and to focus on showing, not telling, as I've noticed you often tell your readers what happens rather than showing them.