Royal propaganda. Shapeshifter and cyborg rights. Interstellar border disputes. Space pirates. When the galaxy is united under one leader, there's always something threatening to send the entire regime crashing down, and Nicky Walker is about to be the last straw: just add a stranger named Aries and the guitar of his dreams.

Your cover is professional, creative, and representative of your story and genre. I can see the references in there for your story and blurb, and it draws in the right readers for your story. Kudos to your cover designer!

Because I've only read the first chapter, I didn't get to capture the full meaning of your title. However, from the little clues sprinkled in the blurb, cover, and your first chapter, I can see that your title was cleverly created to represent your story, and your readers will have a moment later in the story where they realize how the title connects. As long as your title does do that, then you're all good in this section.

I appreciate the short length of your blurb. It is concise and free of grammatical errors; I can see the effort put into your blurb. I have to say it is a bit vague, and as a reader, I'm not sure if it'd be enough for me to choose to continue. How can you structure your sentences to be memorable and intriguing? Try to define the triggering action of your story and provide more details that may bring in more readers.

You brought me straight into the mood of the story and into your character's mind. Your writing was free of grammatical errors, and I got a taste for your writing style and use of diction. The hook is a very important part in the story, and you executed it perfectly.

I noticed that with your dialogue, you often used one dialogue tag to lead into another dialogue. For example, you would say something like, "'Hello,' the woman trilled, 'Fine day, isn't it?'" You'll notice that because you ended the dialogue tag ('the woman trilled') with a comma, the next dialogue is still part of the sentence. Technically, this is incorrect. Since this is one whole sentence, the beginning of the next dialogue shouldn't be capitalized, as it's not the start of a new sentence. To correct this, you can either write it as, "'Hello,' the woman trilled, 'fine day, isn't it?'" OR, you can turn this into two separate sentences and write: "'Hello,' the woman trilled. 'Fine day, isn't it?'" I've pointed out some examples of this in your chapter critique.

You had some comma mistakes in your writing (hardly any). Commas are used to separate different clauses. There are two types of clauses: Independent and dependent. They both have subjects (who/what is doing the action), and a predicate (the action being done). The difference between the two is that an independent clause can stand alone as its own sentence, while a dependent clause depends on another clause to make sense. If more than one clause is joined together, they should be separated with a comma. For example, this sentence, "I cried, then Billy ran away," there are two different independent clauses. One is "I cried," and the other is "Billy ran away." You'll notice that they're separated with a conjunction and a comma. You often misuse commas in this sense or forget to add them. Commas can also be used to separate an introductory phrase or word before the main clause. In the sentence, "Today I went to work," the independent clause is "I went to work," and you'll notice that it has a subject "I" and a predicate "went." The word "today" is excluded, and needs to be separated with a comma. The correction is: "Today, I went to work."

There were no typing errors here! I'm going to assume you worked hard on editing and proof-reading your writing, because your first chapter was exceptionally clean of any spelling errors or misuse of diction!

Again, I only read your first chapter, but I was hooked in almost immediately. Even if the outside world wasn't quite described yet, I got clues of the setting, the mood of the story, and a vague idea of your characters' backgrounds. I was able to visualize everything very well, and you did a wonderful job at keeping the pace of the story steady and lingering on the more important details. A solid 20/20!

Just like your plot, your characters were described very well. You didn't dawdle on physical descriptions, and you cleverly helped me visualize their personalities through their actions and dialogue, rather than explaining their characters in huge blocks of paragraphs. I took off a point because there was a spot for Nicky where you could have expanded on the emotional side of his perspective. For example, when he was reflecting on how his loved ones died, you could tap into his emotions to let the readers know how the experiences affected him. Of course, you could have purposefully done so because it was only the chapter and it wasn't necessary to linger on these kinds of details, or the emotional aspect of things would be revealed later. Nevertheless, the reading experience becomes more real for characters when they begin to understand characters and personally connect with them. It also could have affected your audience more deeply when the assassin accidentally shot him. I would love to learn your thinking on this!

In this stage of your writing, your writing voice/style is well developed and honed. Your use of diction and vocabulary enhances the experience for your readers, as well as applying well to your genre and overall mood for your story. The techniques you used were outstanding and did a wonderful job to hook me, as the reader, into your story. I especially want to commend you on the ending scene. I noticed that your writing style took a different direction at the end. You began to join more clauses together and make your sentences seem more blurry and less coherent than before. You weaved in different thoughts with main thoughts, giving your readers the effect that Nicky was losing consciousness and helped them see the scene through his eyes, rather than simply stating that Nicky couldn't think clearly.

As I've mentioned in your plot development, your smooth story pacing helped enhance the reading experience for your audience, and me, as the reader. You didn't linger too long on the unimportant parts and didn't rush through the bigger scenes either. You took your time spreading your attention evenly throughout your first chapter, leaving a wonderful first impression on me.

"'Thanks,' she gasped out after downing it, 'Another?'" (p.8). If this is just one sentence, then "another" shouldn't be capitalized, as it technically isn't the start of a new sentence. If you intended to have it as a separate sentence, then the previous sentence should have ended in a period, not a comma. Correction: "'Thanks,' she gasped out after downing it, 'another?'" OR (a more recommended version) "'Thanks,' she gasped out after downing it. 'Another?'"

"... a symbol Nicky had never seen before: a tiny map of the Old World..." (p.9). It depends on whether you should capitalize after a colon, but the general rule is that if the second half of the sentence can stand alone as its own sentence, then the beginning should be capitalized. If not, then capitalization is not needed. Correction: "... a symbol Nicky had never seen before: A tiny map of the Old World..."

"'No,' he told the assassin, feigning boredom, 'Just the usual crowd here lately.'" (p.18). You need a comma here, and the dialogue tag should only be accompanying one dialogue part. If you intentionally have it so this is one sentence, the beginning of the second dialogue shouldn't be capitalized, as it's not the start of a new sentence. However, I encourage turning this into two separate sentences. Correction: "'No,' he told the assassin, feigning boredom. 'Just the usual crowd here, lately.'"

"'And, or course, cringe internally at their hopeless technique." (p.28). You're missing a dialogue mark to end the sentence. Correction: "'And, or course, cringe internally at their hopeless technique.'"

"I need results and I need them now." (p.37). You're missing a comma. Correction: "I need results, and I need them now."

"The knowledge did nothing to soothe his nerves, on the contrary, Nicky had no choice but to force his eyes shut..." (p.43). You have a comma splice here. A comma splice is when you join two or more clauses together with a comma, but without necessary conjunctions. To correct this, you can either add in a conjunction with the comma, or simply replace the comma with a period. In this case, I suggest replacing the comma with a period for better impact on your audience. Correction: "The knowledge did nothing to soothe his nerves. On the contrary, Nicky had no choice but to force his eyes shut..."

I was enthralled by the ending of the chapter. I appreciated the technique you used by stringing many clauses together to make your writing more blurry with less clarity; it really helped me understand the state your character was in. Really, really well done!

Your writing style and capabilities are very advanced, and there wasn't much I could offer you to help! I noticed a few grammatical errors here and there, and some areas where you could restructure your sentences to be less awkward, but there was nothing else to nitpick at!

Congratulations! Your book has earned at least ninety points in my review—and therefore will be added to my reading list!