Camryn Archello moves to Florida hoping for a peaceful life to help her move on from her trauma. Instead, she's thrown back into a world of danger and manipulation when the Russian mob put a hit on her again. As if she hasn't enough on her plate already, there is a girl that seems too obsessed with her, and another that is hell-bent on destroying her.

Juggling between high school drama and her own personal problems are too much to bear, but when both worlds entwined, Camryn may just dig her own grave even deeper.

"Luca, are we... together?"

"I pissed off the big boss - who is intent on killing me - for you. What do you think?"

I enjoyed the simplicity and the mood of the cover. However, I feel that it doesn't portray your story in the best way, considering that the blurb includes a Russian mob and some mystery included. As a reader, if I was looking for this kind of story, I wouldn't be drawn in by the cover, and if I was a teen fiction reader, I wouldn't be drawn in by the blurb. Make sure that the cover matches your story and genre. Additionally, the lines at the bottom and top were distracting, as there could be more creative ways to include your name and series. This, however, is optional, and only a suggestion for you to take into consideration.

I can't fully comprehend how the title connects with your story. From what I can tell, it seems like you labeled this in the teen fiction and romance, but seems to lean more towards the mystery/thriller genre as well, with the aspects you've included. The title itself can work well with teen fiction, but from the direction this story is headed in, it doesn't seem to fit in with your story. Additionally, it's generic, and I suggest finding a title that applies to your story only. There are many stories out there with the same title as yours, but using a title that is unique to you and original can prevent having other stories with the same title. That can include having a character's name as the title, a symbolic object or place, or the triggering action that sets the story off.

You have a lot of filler words included in your blurb that take away from the clarity of the situation. If words such as "that" or "to/too" are unnecessary, then I suggest taking them out. You also have some grammatical errors. For example, the word mob is technically singular, so the surrounding words should be conjugated to fit that context. Additionally, "entwined" should be conjugated to fit the context as well. It should be "entwine" or "are entwined." Pay attention to the structuring of your sentences. How can you keep them clean and concise while also tightening/shortening them?

The beginning of your story was lovely and well put-together. You brought me, as the reader, right into your character's mindset. Your descriptions were lovely and there were barely any grammar mistakes. I will point out that at first, I was confused by the sudden "bang." I immediately thought it was some kind of gunshot, not the character falling. To make it more clear for your readers, I suggest expanding on that, and describe more of how the character fell. For example, you could say her knees collided with the ground as she fell. Simply saying that there was a bang and she stumbled could mean anything. For example, there could have been a sound external from her, and she could have stumbled from surprise or fear. Try to clear that misunderstanding for your readers. Additionally, you could also experiment with expanding the peace and state of tranquility your character was in before she fell. That way, there's more of an impact on your readers and a starker contrast between your protagonist's changing emotions.

You struggled with your punctuation and capitalization with dialogues. If your dialogue is accompanied with a dialogue tag (he said, she yelled, they shouted, describing the way someone says something), the dialogue tag is a continuation of the dialogue sentence. For example, it doesn't make sense for the clause, "She said," to be a sentence by itself. Therefore, it's part of the dialogue sentence. The dialogue should end in a comma to indicate that the sentence isn't complete, and the start of a dialogue tag is not capitalized, as it's not the start of a new sentence. The opposite goes for action tags. If your dialogue is accompanied by an action tag (she grinned/he sighed/they walked away, basically an action), the action should not be part of the dialogue sentence. The dialogue doesn't help the action tag make sense; the action tag should be a sentence by itself. Therefore, the dialogue should end in a period to signify the end of the sentence, and the start of the action tag should always be capitalized, as it's the start of a new sentence. Of course, the punctuation may vary. Exclamation marks and question marks can end a dialogue regardless of the tag accompanying it, as long as if it's a dialogue tag, the dialogue never ends in a period, and for an action tag, it never ends in a comma.

Example of dialogue + dialogue tag: "'I'm okay,' she said." OR "She said, 'I'm okay.'"

Example of dialogue + action tag: "'I'm okay.' She forced a smile." OR "She forced a smile. 'I'm okay.'"

You had a lot of comma mistakes. Keep in mind that commas are used to separate different clauses within a sentence, whether they're independent or dependent. An independent clause has a subject (who/what is doing the action) and a predicate (the action being done by the subject). Oftentimes, a sentence has two independent clauses, joined together with a conjunction. In the sentence, "I cried then Billy ran away," there are two independent clauses here. One is, "I cried," and the other is, "Billy ran away." Both have a subject and a predicate, and they're joined together by the conjunction, "then." Because of this, the two clauses still need to be separated with a comma, the correction being: "I cried, then Billy ran away."

Dependent clauses are just like independent clauses: they also have a subject and a predicate. However, dependent clauses are exactly like what they sound like; they're dependent on another clause. They don't make sense by themselves. For example, the clause, "I decided not to," has both a subject and a predicate, but it needs more context to make sense. There should be another clause attached or a sentence before it that it depends on making sense. When joined to another clause with a conjunction, the dependent clause should still be separated with a comma as well.

Commas are also used to separate an introductory phrase or word before the main clause. In the sentence, "Today I went to work," the independent clause is "I went to work," where the subject is "I," and the predicate/action is "went to work." The word "today" is not included in the clause, and therefore should be separated with a comma. The correction would be: "Today, I went to work." This is a lot of information to take in, but try to keep these rules in mind for the next time you're writing.

I noticed the amount of comma splices used as well. A comma splice is joining two different independent clauses together, and separating them with a comma, but not a conjunction. An example of this is: "I went to work, I drove in my car." These are two different independent clauses, "I went to work" and "I drove in my car." They both have predicates and subjects, and are separated with a comma. However, you must separate them with a conjunction as well. Without a conjunction, this turns into a comma splice. You have two options in this case. You can either replace the comma with a period and turn it into two different sentences, or add in a conjunction. In this case, the correction can be, "I went to work, and I drove in my car," or "I went to work. I drove in my car." There were many that I haven't pointed out in your chapter reviews, so make sure to do that.

You often slipped up in your tense. Whether your story is set in past or present tense, you need to pick one and stay in it. If you're in past tense, you should use words such as "didn't" and "wanted." If you're writing in present tense, you should use, "don't" and "want." I've shown a few examples where you slipped up your tense below, so keep this rule in mind for future writing.

You also had an overwhelming amount of mistakes regarding your conjugation in your sentence structures. Since this is a vital skill to learn, I suggest researching it on your own and applying what you learn to your writing, since I already have a lot of information provided in your grammar section.

While I didn't spot many typos, there were many instances where you misused a word or confused a word for another. I suggest brushing up your basic vocabulary and diction to strengthen them, as these are common vocabulary words you're mis-using. I've pointed out some examples for you in your writing.

Considering this is a story with mystery and also, the mafia is involved, this should be more of a thriller/mystery and romance story, not a teen fiction/romance genre. I've mentioned this above as well, so I suggest rethinking what genre it's really in. I also saw a lack of world-building, such as where your protagonist lived and went to school. You could have provided more descriptions to make your readers feel like they were really living Camryn's world. Additionally, you had some very generic and cliché scenes. For example, the antagonist (Violet) being in a past relationship with the male lead is very cliché in Wattpad stories. Additionally, you painted all your characters in a very obvious way. Their relationships and personalities were just like in many Wattpad characters, and I would have wanted to see more personality development in that area. You struggled with generic concepts, but you did have the mystery dreams and forgotten memories of your protagonist that propelled your story forward. However, you cannot rely only on that. What other obstacles/conflicts are there?

As I stated earlier, you struggled in this department. Many of your characters were cliché and underdeveloped. For example, you wrote Violet as the classic "mean girl" in your story, and I would have liked to see more internal struggle within her. Try to show all her sides, and if she is that mean, explain why and how. Does she have to be at the top of her clique? It could be interesting to see a power struggle between her and another girl, instead of automatically painting her as already having everything. In contrast, I enjoyed how you realistically portrayed Camryn. You showed how she was nice to people she liked, but outwardly rude to those she considered inferior to her. As the main character, it's important to not under-develop someone, and I was pleased with your thoughtful portrayal (although it did make me mad at your character a few times). Additionally, I suggest avoiding generic descriptions. For example, instead of describing hair color/eye color or body size, describe unique physical traits and quirks. They make your characters more memorable, while many readers will skip or skim over the generic descriptions.

By focusing on your conjugation and spelling errors, your writing will immensely improve by itself. For now, I suggest focusing on cleaning all your mistakes. Then you can begin to examine your writing. What of your sentence structures? Are they mostly smooth, or are they awkward? And if the latter, how can you fix that? Your goal in this section is to make your writing smooth and beautiful. By practicing, you can establish a unique writing style that makes readers gravitate to you. I also noticed that with some phrases, you had repetition, such as with the phrase, "I shrugged my shoulders." (which I will discuss and address in your chapter reviews). Try to expand your vocabulary and diction. What stronger synonyms can you use to replace basic verbs? How can you make your writing colorful and clean?

Again, in this area, it's also your goal to be smooth and even. In many areas, I was surprised by how abruptly you changed or transitioned into a new scene. Additionally, there were some scenes that were unnecessary plot, and could be removed altogether. Try to keep the pacing of your story smooth and even, meaning that you should not rush in places and slow down in others. Keep it all consistent. Another way to improve your story flow is to read more and look at how other authors like to transition. How can you apply that and incorporate that into your own writing?

"I placed my hands on my hip and did a tendu, move it into fourth position." (p.2). You have a conjugation error here. "Move" should be properly conjugated to fix the context of the situation here. Correction: "I placed my hands on my hip and did a tendu, moving it into fourth position."

"... random people just kept on greeting me with silly smiles on their faces." (p.11). You have unnecessary filler words here. This makes your writing seem amateur and as though you're trying to fill up extra space, so I suggest avoiding this. Remove words that the sentence can go without. Suggestion: "... random people kept greeting me with silly smiles on their faces."

"Angie, looking good babe..." (p.18). You need a comma here. Correction: "Angie, looking good, babe..."

"My steps faltered when I had the eerie feeling of someone watching me." (p.22). Here, it would be better for "had" to be replaced with "got." Still, you could improve and make this sentence stronger. Maybe her neck prickled with the eerie feeling of being watched, instead of just having an eerie feeling of being watched. Additionally, I was confused by the content of the rest of this paragraph. Why was the size of the girl important to note down for Camryn?

"... it made me feel exposed and insecure, now." (p.25). You have an unnecessary comma here. Correction: "... it made me feel exposed and insecure now."

I noticed that you hastily described her experience with the receptionist in this chapter. Nothing really happened in that scene, so it was unnecessary to describe it. This is a filler scene, and could be removed completely. Instead, you could write, "After receiving instructions from the receptionist..."

"Junior's lockers..." (p.37). By the use of the apostrophe here, you're essentially saying that the locker is for one person, specifically a person named Junior, just like saying, "Andie's locker," or "Cody's locker." Correction: "Juniors' lockers..." or, to clear things up, you could also say, "The lockers for juniors..."

"'Need help?' A sweet, feminine voice came." (p.42). This sentence is awkward. The word "came" is awkwardly placed, and you could use stronger verbs to replace this. Additionally, the "a'' isn't capitalized because it is a continuation of the dialogue sentence. It wouldn't make sense for "A sweet, feminine voice came" to be a sentence by itself. Correction: "'Need help?' a sweet, feminine voice came."

In paragraph 53, you introduced Penn in a rush. You didn't stop to describe her voice, or her appearance, which is interesting, considering you took the time to describe both for the girl who helped Camryn open her locker.

"'It's shorter and cute—like me,' she giggled." (p.55). Since the action tag is its own sentence, the dialogue should end in a period to indicate the end of the sentence, and the beginning of the action tag should be capitalized to show that it's a new sentence. Correction: "'It's shorter and cute—like me.' She giggled."

In paragraph 65, you don't need to capitalize "calculus." School subjects are not capitalized.

"Well, not a big fan, I supposed..." (p.77). "Supposed" shouldn't be in past tense. Correction: "Well, not a big fan, I suppose..."

In paragraph 85, "stop" should be "stopped," as it is something that happened in the past.

"I think the girls around me just perk up and beamed, fussing around with their hair." (p.95). You need to properly conjugate "perk" into the context, including making it past tense. Correction: "The girls around me perked up and beamed, fussing around with their hair." Notice how I also removed unnecessary words for clarity.

"... I was surrounded by friends, followers and random strangers." (p.2). When making a list of items, each item should be separated with a comma. Particularly with the second to last and the last item, there needs to be a comma (also known as the Oxford comma). Correction: "... I was surrounded by friends, followers, and random strangers."

"I could say that students hang out with their own cliques but, I'd be lying." (p.2). You need to stay consistent with your tense here, which is past tense, and you have a misplaced comma. Commas generally come before conjunctions. Correction: "I could say that students hung out with their own cliques, but I'd be lying."

"Angie was bantering with Iggy—a boyish girl with a unique personality, about the pros and cons of crushing on fictional characters." (p.6). You should replace the comma with another em dash here, to indicate that that particular thought has ended, and the continuation of the original thought continues. Correction: "Angie was bantering with Iggy—a boyish girl with a unique personality—about the pros and cons of crushing on fictional characters." Additionally, how does Camryn know about Iggy? She just moved here. And if Angie had told Camryn about her, make sure to include that to not confuse readers.

"It was gone in a second." (p.11). Earlier, you referred to Camryn's memories to be plural, but now you referred to "it" as singular. Make sure to correct it and replace it with "they."

"I spoke too fast and shoved a mouthful of salad." (p.14). She shoved a mouthful of salad where? Into her mouth? Make sure to complete this thought.

"I knew that in the families, everyone knew everyone—or the ones that matter, at least, but to get recognize only by having the same eyes as my father was slightly disturbing." (p.16). You need to properly conjugate "recognize" into this sentence, and you have a tense slip-up here. Correction: "I knew that in the families, everyone knew everyone—or the ones that mattered, at least—but to get recognized only by having the same eyes as my father was slightly disturbing." Notice how I also replaced the comma with an em dash to signify that the original thought continues.