It's the Year 2045. Space Travel has become far more convenient- but not for Raye. For Raye, it only speaks of pain and lost memories.

16-year-old Rayelyn Eraz has only ever known the endless stars, always and forever taunting her. Reminding her she is all alone. Trapped, terrified, lonely. She hasn't had human contact in years, after her father sent her away, ensured she would never come home.

So when an accidental landing at Planet 45-3K shows that she isn't the only human out there, Raye must decide if she can trust these people..or if they have much darker plans, plans that would involve the end of Raye's whole world...

Your cover is vibrant and unique and represents your genre and story very well. It is professional looking, as well as creative. I can see how it relates to your story concept, and can easily draw in readers from the sci-fi/fantasy genre.

Your title is unique, creative, and does a wonderful job at representing your story and plot. It pulls in the right readers from the right genre, and hints at the turn the story takes at. Well done!

I was impressed by the clarity of your blurb, as well as the well-constructed sentences you've used. I still have a few suggestions to add, such as including necessary filler words and shortening/tightening some areas. I noticed that you often used Raye's name repetitively in the first few sentences, making the sentences overall sound choppy and awkward. Instead, for the most part, I suggest replacing "Raye" with "her." You also used punctuation that could be replaced with different punctuation as well. If I were to join all these suggestions together, your blurb would look like this (optional, although recommended):

It's the Year 2045. Space Travel has become far more convenient- but not for Raye. For her, it speaks only of pain and lost memories.

16-year-old Rayelyn Eraz has only ever known the endless stars, always and forever taunting her. Reminding her she is all alone. Trapped, terrified, and lonely. She hasn't had human contact in years after her father sent her away, ensuring that she would never come home.

So when an accidental landing at Planet 45-3K shows that she isn't the only human out there, Raye must decide if she can trust these people... or if they have much darker plans; plans that would involve the end of Raye's whole world...

I also noticed that in your blurb, you often had extra spaces between your words, so be on the watch for those. Additionally, notice that in one of your ellipses, you used (..) instead of the necessary (...). I corrected that for you and also added in some restructuring and commas to make the sentences flow more smoothly. Again, this is optional, and I also encourage you to add your own corrections that you deem fit for your blurb.

I was impressed by the philosophical start to your story. You brought me into your protagonist's mindset and wrote with clarity and remarkable writing capabilities. I have a few things to point out, however, including the fact that you included many facts and information in just the first paragraph. I can guarantee that many readers will skim over this information, mainly because of how it's all clumped together. It would be easier to comprehend and absorb if this was broken down into several paragraphs, and this also applies to your other beginning paragraphs in this chapter. Additionally, I always suggest writing out numbers one to ten, and even above ten, too. The reason for this is that not writing out numbers can break the flow of the story for certain audiences, as there is a fraction of readers who like to read numbers, not see them. And this is a story anyway, so your readers will be reading, regardless.

You struggled with your punctuation and capitalization with dialogues. If your dialogue is accompanied with a dialogue tag (he said, she yelled, they shouted, describing the way someone says something), the dialogue tag is a continuation of the dialogue sentence. For example, it doesn't make sense for the clause, "She said," to be a sentence by itself. Therefore, it's part of the dialogue sentence. The dialogue should end in a comma to indicate that the sentence isn't complete, and the start of a dialogue tag is not capitalized, as it's not the start of a new sentence. The opposite goes for action tags. If your dialogue is accompanied by an action tag (she grinned/he sighed/they walked away, basically an action), the action should not be part of the dialogue sentence. The dialogue doesn't help the action tag make sense; the action tag should be a sentence by itself. Therefore, the dialogue should end in a period to signify the end of the sentence, and the start of the action tag should always be capitalized, as it's the start of a new sentence. Of course, the punctuation may vary. Exclamation marks and question marks can end a dialogue regardless of the tag accompanying it, as long as if it's a dialogue tag, the dialogue never ends in a period, and for an action tag, it never ends in a comma.

Example of dialogue + dialogue tag: "'I'm okay,' she said." OR "She said, 'I'm okay.'"

Example of dialogue + action tag: "'I'm okay.' She forced a smile." OR "She forced a smile. 'I'm okay.'"

I noticed that you also had comma mistakes in your writing. Keep in mind that commas are used to separate different clauses within a sentence, whether they're independent or dependent. An independent clause has a subject (who/what is doing the action) and a predicate (the action being done by the subject). Oftentimes, a sentence has two independent clauses, joined together with a conjunction. In the sentence, "I cried then Billy ran away," there are two independent clauses here. One is, "I cried," and the other is, "Billy ran away." Both have a subject and a predicate, and they're joined together by the conjunction, "then." Because of this, the two clauses still need to be separated with a comma, the correction being: "I cried, then Billy ran away."

Dependent clauses are just like independent clauses: they also have a subject and a predicate. However, dependent clauses are exactly like what they sound like; they're dependent on another clause. They don't make sense by themselves. For example, the clause, "I decided not to," has both a subject and a predicate, but it needs more context to make sense. There should be another clause attached or a sentence before it that it depends on making sense. When joined to another clause with a conjunction, the dependent clause should still be separated with a comma as well.

Commas are also used to separate an introductory phrase or word before the main clause. In the sentence, "Today I went to work," the independent clause is "I went to work," where the subject is "I," and the predicate/action is "went to work." The word "today" is not included in the clause, and therefore should be separated with a comma. The correction would be: "Today, I went to work." This is a lot of information to take in, but try to keep these rules in mind for the next time you're writing.

You included extra spaces where they aren't needed, specifically with your start and end of your sentences. I've pointed some out in your chapter review below, so make sure to correct these.

I didn't notice any typos and was impressed with the quality of your writing. I still pointed out some examples where fillers words were needed or could be replaced, although there were limited examples. Overall, you've done well in this area!

The plot/concept you introduced was clean, concise, and intriguing. It presents well to your sci-fi/fantasy-loving audience, and you introduced your protagonist and setting well. The only thing I would point out is that as a reader, I would have wanted more world-building happening. You could hint more at the state of Earth when your character left. For example, did she ever wonder how it was faring, and does it indirectly or directly, in a way, influence where and how she is today? I also would have wanted more descriptions with the ship she was in right now. Its conditions, and also outside the ship. As I'm reading, I'd want to feel like I'm really somewhere else. You could mention how she first felt being in space and compare it to how used to it she is now. However, I'm mostly nitpicking here, and while this isn't necessary, it adds an element of novelty and adventure to your story that your readers would want to explore.

I appreciated how you introduced your character, as well as described her. Not only did you provide a visual for me to imagine in my head, but you also connected it with her background, and hinted at the bittersweetness she felt. I got a clear idea of her despair, her hope, and the feeling of being stuck. As a reader, I was able to relate with and sympathize with your character. A solid 10/10!

I was impressed by your clear writing style and presented quality of your story! The way you narrated this first chapter was clear and organized. I did notice that there was some repetition with your words, such as reusing words like "mutter." I encourage you to use online dictionaries to look up synonyms of words you feel you have used too much. This way, you can spice up your vocabulary/diction and continue to hook the readers in without boring them with the repetition. Additionally, once you are confident with your polished piece, you can begin to think about adding in sensory detail, metaphors, and similes. While optional, they can add a sense of otherworldliness to your story, which would be necessary, considering your character is literally out of this world.

For the most part, your story pacing was smooth enough that I didn't have any problems with it. I noticed that you had one or two abrupt transitions, such as when your character suddenly had a memory of her and her father. I found that transition to be too fast and awkward to be considered natural, so I suggest taking the time to write this scene several times, and find which one appeals to you the most. Does it gradually transition into the memory? Additionally, if you provide memory flashes to your readers, I suggest describing them in depth to really enhance the feeling of being in the past. It sticks with your readers, and when it's most important, they'll be able to recall that memory and apply it to how the character acts, speaks, or feels. This applies to other transitions you have that you may think are too awkward. You can also look at the writing of other authors and find their strengths in transitioning. How can you capture that feeling into your own writing while keeping it your own?

"I don't even get why they would send a 12-year-old to space, alone." (p.1). You have an unnecessary comma here, as this is only one clause. Additionally, as I've mentioned before, it's best to write out numbers. Correction/Suggestion: "I don't even get why they would send a twelve-year-old to space alone."

"I wonder what my Father is doing now..." (p.2). Here, you have the possessive noun "my" in front of "father." That means "father" doesn't and shouldn't need to be capitalized. It's only when the character is being specific and referring to their parent without a possessive noun that the title is capitalized.

"'Of course he hasn't.' I reprimand myself out loud, 'I've only been gone for..6 and a half years,' My heart sinks as I realize. 6 and a half years." (p.3). You used incorrect punctuations and capitalization regarding your dialogues. The dialogue tag, "I reprimand myself" is a dialogue tag of the first dialogue, meaning the dialogue and the dialogue tag is one sentence. This means the dialogue shouldn't end in a period, as it's not the end of the sentence. The second dialogue tag is the beginning of a new sentence, so the dialogue tag coming prior should end in a period, not a comma. Additionally, the second dialogue should end in a period, as the action tag following it should be its own sentence. Correction: "'Of course he hasn't,' I reprimand myself out loud. 'I've only been gone for... six and a half years.' My heart sinks as I realize. Six and a half years." Notice how I also completed the ellipsis and wrote out the numbers.

"'And, I've let myself get distracted again' I mutter, tucking my wrench back into my toolbelt." (p.4). You have an unnecessary comma in the dialogue, and you need to end the dialogue with some kind of punctuation. Correction: "'And I've let myself get distracted again,' I mutter, tucking my wrench back into my toolbelt." I ended the punctuation with a comma because the dialogue tag following it is a continuation of the sentence, not a new one.

"I trace my finger down the side of the frame, before pulling back and continuing to my room, which is located at the West Wing of the ship." (p.13). You have an unnecessary comma here, as there are only two clauses presented, not three. Correction: "I trace my finger down the side of the frame before pulling back and continuing to my room, which is located at the West Wing of the ship."

"Looking in the mirror I say, 'Yup, Cookie Monster.'" (p.16). You need a comma here. Correction: "Looking in the mirror, I say, "Yup, Cookie Monster.'" Additionally, I noticed that you have some extra spaces between your words, particularly between the end of a sentence and the start of a new one. Make sure to stay mindful of this, and clear up the excess spaces.

"... I complain loudly..to nobody of course." (p.21). Here, you need a comma. An ellipsis officially has three dots as well, not two (as I'm sure I've mentioned before). To expand on this further, if you use two dots instead of three, it indicates that words have been omitted, usually in quoted material. An example of the two ellipses is in an article; when there is a quote and you see the two-dot ellipsis, it means the quote has been shortened and certain words have been taken out for clarity. The two-dot ellipsis should not apply to your writing here. Correction: ".. I complain loudly... to nobody, of course." You can notice how I used the two-dot ellipsis when quoting this phrase in the beginning, because I've eliminated the beginning of the sentence.

In paragraph 24, you misspelled the word "Goddamn." It's a combination of "God" and "Damn" so there are two d's.

"'And even weirder,' turning away, I add that to my mental checklist..." (p.29). You used incorrect punctuation/capitalization regarding your dialogue. Since this is a dialogue and action tag, these should be two separate sentences. That means the dialogue should end in a period, to indicate that the sentence ends. The beginning of the action tag should be capitalized, to indicate that a new sentence begins. Correction: "'And even weirder.' Turning away, I add that to my mental checklist..."

"But on the bottom shelf, are 3 classics, antique books now." (p.30). You have an unnecessary comma here. Correction: "But on the bottom shelf are three classics, antique books now." I also wrote out the number three. Additionally, when you're listing things, if it's only two items listed, commas are not needed. I'm referring to the sentence, "The library is small and contains mostly instruction manuals, and documents." (p.30). Only two items are listed, so you need to get rid of the comm in between.

"Preparing to land, in 30 minutes." (p.37). You have an unnecessary comma here, as this is just one clause. Correction: "Preparing to land in 30 minutes."

I appreciated the in-depth explanations and advanced writing skills you've applied to your writing! I still noticed some grammatical errors you struggled with, including the use of commas and punctuation/capitalization regarding your dialogues. All you need to do now is polish your draft and get rid of those extra spaces!