"I have spoke to God and he has abandoned us."

These were Kim Taehyung's last words in 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 life.

A few secrets about a hidden experiment, a guilty murderer and his despicable friends.

A peculiar tale following a story of cruel death, a crueler fate and the cruelest reincarnation.

"I'm sorry for what I did."

Could be Kim Taehyung's last words in 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 life.

I was impressed by the complexity of your cover, and I feel that it portrayed your story and genre very well. There's almost too much going on with your cover, however. Your background is very elaborate, and as a reader, I would have appreciated a clean and simple title color/font to starkly contrast that complexity. You can keep it as it is, but I suggest keeping that in mind if you ever decide on getting a new cover.

Your title is not only unique, but it invokes engagement with the reader. It raises questions and adds an air of mysteriousness to your work that can draw in potential readers. You've done a wonderful job coming up with a title to fit your story.

For the most part, your blurb was clean and precise. I still found a few things to nitpick at. For example, in the first sentence, because you have the filler word "have," the word "spoke" should be conjugated to fit that context. The correct way to say this would be: "I have spoken to God..." Another way to write this could be to just be rid of the "have" completely, and simply say, "I spoke to God..." In the two sentences in the middle, you are listing things, and each thing listed should be separated with a comma. Additionally, the last sentence is technically incomplete as it is without a subject. If I were to fix all these, your blurb would look like this:

"I have spoken to God, and he has abandoned us."

Those were Kim Taehyung's last words in 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 life.

A few secrets about a hidden experiment, a guilty murderer, and his despicable friends.

A peculiar tale following a story of cruel death, a crueler fate, and the cruelest reincarnation.

"I'm sorry for what I did."

These could be Kim Taehyung's last words in 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 life.

I also changed "these" to "those" in the second sentence to avoid repetition with the last sentence, but this is optional.

I appreciated how you brought me straight into the story. You began with where Taehyung's story may have been triggered to start; where his personality began developing and becoming obvious to those around him. This was an intriguing start, and you gave readers exactly what they wanted when they came to read this book; which was, essentially, to read about a psychopath. I took off a point because there were still a few grammatical errors in the first few paragraphs, but I'll point those out for you in your chapter reviews.

You had some comma mistakes in your writing. Commas are used to separate different clauses. There are two types of clauses: Independent and dependent. They both have subjects (who/what is doing the action), and a predicate (the action being done). The difference between the two is that an independent clause can stand alone as its own sentence, while a dependent clause depends on another clause to make sense. If more than one clause is joined together, they should be separated with a comma. For example, this sentence, "I cried, then Billy ran away," there are two different independent clauses. One is "I cried," and the other is "Billy ran away." You'll notice that they're separated with a conjunction and a comma. You often misuse commas in this sense or forget to add them. Commas can also be used to separate an introductory phrase or word before the main clause. In the sentence, "Today I went to work," the independent clause is "I went to work," and you'll notice that it has a subject "I" and a predicate "went." The word "today" is excluded, and needs to be separated with a comma. The correction is: "Today, I went to work."

Additionally, I noticed the amount of comma splices used as well. A comma splice is joining two different independent clauses together, and separating them with a comma, but not a conjunction. An example of this is: "I went to work, I drove in my car." These are two different independent clauses, "I went to work" and "I drove in my car." They both have predicates and subjects, and are separated with a comma. However, you must separate them with a conjunction as well. Without a conjunction, this turns into a comma splice. You have two options in this case. You can either replace the comma with a period and turn it into two different sentences, or add in a conjunction. In this case, the correction can be, "I went to work, and I drove in my car," or "I went to work. I drove in my car." You have many cases of comma splices in your writing, which I've pointed out for you. There were many that I haven't pointed out, so make sure to do that.

I noticed that you had unnecessary capitalization, or you were missing capitalization in certain places. The beginning of a new sentence, a certain person, place, or thing, must always be capitalized. The next time you capitalize (or don't capitalize), keep this rule in mind.

You often also slipped up in your tense. Whether your story is set in past or present tense, you need to pick one and stay in it. If you're in past tense, you should use words such as "didn't" and "wanted." If you're writing in present tense, you should use, "don't" and "want." I've shown a few examples where you slipped up your tense below, so keep this rule in mind for future writing.

While I didn't find typos, I did find instances where you had repetition with your words, misplaced/unnecessary filler words, or incorrectly conjugated words in your sentences. These were uncommon enough for me to assume they were just mistakes, so I suggest deeply editing your chapters before uploading to avoid these kinds of mistakes.

I was enthralled and pulled in by the intensity of your plot. You had a strong concept and portrayed your characters very strongly, making it easy for me to enjoy the story. I also appreciated the darker side of your story and your character, and you did a wonderful job at pulling out strong emotions from within me. I did notice that there were inconsistencies with your story flow. For example, your lack of or the overwhelming amount of details took away from the story, and I'll expand on this later when talking about your voice and story flow. I also suggest doing more research on several things, such as juvenile detention. I found that the juvenile detention was unrealistic compared to the real world, such as officers displaying dangerous weapons right in front of the children and the descriptions of the children within. I've mentioned this further in your chapter review, but if you intentionally made it so juvenile detention in your story was much more sinister and its inhabitants more evil, I suggest explaining why to your readers. How is it so, why is it so, and how it affects your plot.

I was fascinated by the impressions your characters left on me. You used vivid imagery and diction to paint pictures of their personalities in my mind, which I commend you on. I noticed, however, that you often used generic and repetitive descriptions to physically describe them. Essentially, each new character you introduced to the story, you either described them physically the same. All the attractive characters in your story were described the same way, while the unattractive were described in the same generic way. I suggest switching up your descriptions and to stray away from being cliché or generic. Your readers will most likely forget about eye or hair color, but will remember unique physical flaws and quirks, such as scars, habits, or memorable reactions unique to your characters.

As always, your voice is vivid and lovely. Your diction and vocabulary are superb, and it really suits your style of writing. I did notice the amount of details in your story took away from the story flow. I noticed that you spent a lot of time describing unimportant things (such as eye color) and not enough time on world-building. I suggest restricting expanding on the insignificant details. Instead, focus on removing repetition, strengthening the more important scenes, and making sure it doesn't negatively impact your writing. I also noticed that your descriptions seem to always revolve around color. I suggest trying to write outside of your comfort zone and try to use similes/metaphors and sensory detail. For example, instead of describing a certain emotion and associating it with a color, you could define it with a specific memory that gives your character that feeling. You also have beautiful diction, but I noticed you have repetition with certain words. Instead of reusing words several times, as it takes away from the newness and novelty-quality in your writing, I suggest using synonyms or words that aren't used as often.

As I've mentioned above, you had details in unimportant parts of your narrative, while lacking details in the more important scenes contributing to the plot. This made your story pacing slow significantly in some parts, and I found myself skimming over repetitive descriptions. Sprinkle your descriptions evenly throughout your writing while removing repetition, and your story flow will significantly become smoother. One way to do this could be to compare a scene that isn't important to the plot to a scene packed with action, dialogue, and intensity that contributes greatly to the plot. Obviously, the latter should be more descriptive to provide a better reading experience for your audience, but if this isn't the case, I suggest analyzing how to fix this. And if it's the other way around, try to understand how to remove excess information in scenes that aren't as important to the plot, making a greater contrast between the two types of scenes.

"The first time, anybody called..." (p.1). This comma in the sentence is unnecessary, as it's not a separate clause or introductory phrase that needs to be separated. Correction: "The first time anybody called..."

In paragraph 4, "hyung" is a title, and therefore should be capitalized. This applies to anytime you write a title, whether it be "Umma" or "Appa" or "Unnie."

"When Jungkook finally manages to reach Taehyung; Taehyung finds himself instantly looking at Jungkook's big, doe-eyes." (p.5). The semicolon is better off replaced with a comma, and since you already have his name in here, you don't need to repeat Taehyung's name. You also have a filler word that could be removed for clarity and replace a filler word with one that makes more sense in this context. Correction/Suggestion: "When Jungkook finally manages to reach him, Taehyung finds himself looking into Jungkook's big, doe-eyes."

"At first, it isn't that bad, Taehyung simply laughs; a sinister sound that could curdle blood." (13). You have a comma splice here. If two or more clauses are joined with a comma and without a conjunction, you should either add in a conjunction or replace the comma with a period. In this case, I suggest applying the latter. Correction: "At first, it isn't that bad. Taehyung simply laughs; a sinister sound that could curdle blood." Additionally, if Taehyung isn't having evil intentions right in this moment, his laughter should be normal and genuine.

"The sharp, serrated edge of the pen sunk deep into the eye-socket, meeting flesh that is soft and pudgy." (p.14). You have tense slip-ups here. In the first half of the sentence, you write in past tense, but switch to present in the second half. This is also the case for the sentences earlier in this paragraph and in the one above as well. Make sure to stay consistent in your tense. Additionally, this sentence is awkwardly phrased. I suggest rewriting it to avoid passive voice. Correction/Suggestion: "The sharp, serrated edge of the pen sinks deep into the eye socket, meeting soft and pudgy flesh." Notice how I also removed the hyphen, as it's unnecessary.

"Taehyung watches, with a blank stare..." (p.16). The comma is unnecessary here.

"And the last thing he hears is Jungkook's pathetic little whimpers." (p.23). The word "whimpers" is plural, so "is" should be conjugated to fit that context. Correction: "And the last thing he hears are Jungkook's pathetic little whimpers."

In the second half of this chapter, you separated sentences that should be just one. For example: "'Psychopath.' His father says..." This should actually be one sentence, "'Psychopath,' his father says..." but you separated these into two different paragraphs. I suggest keeping it as one, and the same suggestion applies to the other same structures you use. Or, you can rewrite the second paragraph as: "What his father says..." If this doesn't make sense to you, please ask and I can clarify!

"But, oh hyung. I did mean it. Taehyung wants to cry to his beloved elder brother." (p.36). This should be one sentence, and you need capitalization. Correction: "But, oh Hyung. I did mean it, Taehyung wants to cry to his beloved elder brother."

In paragraph 1, keep in mind that "daddy" and "mummy" are titles, and should always be capitalized. You also have a few instances where you slip in your tenses. I suggest either keeping it in present tense or past tense (I suggest the former, since the incident recorded in the journal is something that is currently happening).

"Primal, agonising and heart-wrenching." (p.3). Since you're listing descriptions here, you should separate each word with a comma. Correction: "Primal, agonising, and heart-wrenching."

In paragraph 5, "gold ring" doesn't and shouldn't have a hyphen in between.

"Once again, fear shook Taehyung like a rag doll as his father stalked closer to him." (p.7). You slipped up in your tense here. You were writing in present tense, so make sure to keep that consistent throughout your writing. Correction: "Once again, fear shakes Taehyung like a rag doll as his father stalks closer to him."

"... and his Dad's fists and salty words..." (p.11). Here, "dad" shouldn't be capitalized because there is a possessive pronoun in front (his). Additionally, I suggest keeping the title the same. I was a bit startled to go from seeing the very formal form, "father" to switching to a casual "dad."

"The pigeon deserved it after all." (p.22). You slipped up in your tense here. It looks like you're trying to write in present tense, but you keep switching to past tense. Additionally, a comma is needed here. Correction: "The pigeon deserves it, after all."

"Not Taehyung, Taehyung is a six-year-old who is bloodthirsty." (p.24). You have a comma splice here. To fix a comma splice, you can either replace the comma with a period, or add in a conjunction with your comma. In this case, you should replace the comma with a period. Correction: "Not Taehyung. Taehyung is a six-year-old who is bloodthirsty."

In paragraph 27, you repeated the word "is" twice.

"But I'll make sure that tonight, that the gun underneath my bed, is used for the right reason." (p.29). You have a repetition with the word "that," and you have unnecessary commas. Correction: "But I'll make sure that tonight, the gun underneath my bed is used for the right reason."

In paragraph 30, "nighttime" should be one word, and the hyphen is unnecessary.

"... alongside the steady rhythm of the cricket's chirruping." (p.31). Is there really just one cricket chirping? I suggest removing the "the" that indicates it's just one cricket. Additionally, the apostrophe isn't necessary, as this could be interpreted more clearly when it isn't seen as possessive. Correction/Suggestion: "... alongside the steady rhythm of crickets chirruping."

"Taehyung could already feel the exhilaration and excitement..." (p.35). Again, you slipped up in your tense here. Correction: "Taehyung can already feel the exhilaration and excitement..."

"Caught or dead? Choose which one." (p.46). You need a comma here. Additionally, you have unnecessary filler words, and I suggest removing them for more effect and impact on your readers while still maintaining the clarity. Correction/Suggestion: "Caught, or dead? Choose."

In paragraph 55, "dad" and "mum" should be capitalized, as these are titles.

"Loving parents... It says on their gravestones but Taehyung disagrees..." (p.2). You need a comma here. Additionally, despite the ellipsis going on, this is still the same sentence and the continuation of the same thought, so the capitalization is unnecessary. Correction: "Loving parents... it says on their gravestones, but Taehyung disagrees..."

"... until Seokjin was eighteen, Seokjin had gulped down an invisible ball in his throat at that, and smiled." (p.5). You have an unnecessary comma here, and you also have a comma splice. Correction: "... until Seokjin was eighteen. Seokjin had gulped down an invisible ball in his throat at that and smiled."

In paragraph seven, "hyung" shouldn't be capitalized, as there is a possessive pronoun in front, "his."

In paragraph 8, "Taehyung-ssi" is a very polite way to address someone, and is typically done between two unrelated, professional adults. For children, this isn't as common as both are young, so it's a bit weird to have them address each other as such. I suggest simply writing Taehyung as a "hyung" to Jungkook.

"Huge, concrete statues tower over Taehyung, and Taehyung glares at them all." (p.20). Here in this paragraph, you've already written Taehyung's name, so there's no need to do it twice. Suggestion: "Huge, concrete statues tower over Taehyung, and he glares at them all."

"Taehyung know what's about to happen..." (p.25). You incorrectly conjugated "know" within the context of this sentence. Correction: "Taehyung knows what's about to happen..."

"Jae-Ho's eyes search for Taehyung, and they land on him, and Taehyung smirks." (p.27). This sentence is awkward. Notice the repetition of the word "and" and similar clause structure. I suggest rephrasing this to avoid repetition and be rid of the awkwardness. Suggestion: "Jae-Ho's eyes search for Taehyung, and when they land on him, Taehyung smirks."