Once they turn a certain age, two shall be chosen. Who they are, is uncertain. What will happen is clear. They will go outside the wall that the city has been isolated in for centuries-no one ever comes back.

Your cover is organized, but it was hard for me to understand how it represents your story. Using photos of girls as a cover is generic and doesn't draw in readers looking for a certain genre. In this case, your story is a sci-fi/fantasy story, but your cover doesn't indicate that at all. I suggest getting a new cover that represents your story and genre well.

I'm not sure how the title connects with your story, but you're good as long as it, in a way, represents your story. I didn't find any other stories on Wattpad with the same title, and it's simple and clean. Of course, you can keep your mind open for new title possibilities, but it's up to you whether you think that's necessary or not.

I appreciated the mysterious aura you wove into your blurb, as well as the length. It was short, concise, and didn't give away too much information. However, your blurb also looks very empty without necessary information. For example, you could include your protagonist's name, and their purpose in this story. You could also rephrase some sentences with awkward structures, but again, it's up to you. I suggest including a triggering action (what sets your protagonist on his/her journey) and some kind of obstacle in his/her way that could draw in potential readers.

You included some beautiful imagery in your hook, but it was also lacking. You want to use the hook to introduce your character. That doesn't mean straight-up listing your protagonist's name, age, hair color, etc. It means you should introduce the current mood of the story, hint at their personality and habits, and include their reactions to something that may or may not happen. This way, your readers can become familiarized with your characters and connect with them on a deeper level. There was also some awkward phrasing happening, but I'll point that out in your chapter review.

You often slipped up in your tense. Whether your story is set in past or present tense, you need to pick one and stay in it. If you're in past tense, you should use words such as "didn't" and "wanted." If you're writing in present tense, you should use, "don't" and "want." I've shown a few examples where you slipped up your tense below, so keep this rule in mind for future writing.

You had the occasional slip up with your punctuation/capitalization regarding your dialogue. Your dialogues are typically accompanied with dialogue tags (she said, he yelled, they shouted, describing the way someone says something), and action tags (she grinned/he sighed/they walked away, basically an action). A dialogue tag is a continuation of a dialogue sentence, meaning that the dialogue itself should end in any punctuation but a period, and the beginning of the dialogue tag is never capitalized, seeing as it's not the beginning of a new sentence. The opposite goes for an action tag, which is a separate sentence. That means the dialogue should end in any punctuation but a comma, and the beginning of the action tag is always capitalized.

Example of dialogue + dialogue tag: "'I'm okay,' she said." OR "She said, 'I'm okay.'"

Example of dialogue + action tag: "'I'm okay.' She forced a smile." OR "She forced a smile. 'I'm okay.'"

I noticed the amount of comma splices used as well. A comma splice is joining two different independent clauses together, and separating them with a comma, but not a conjunction. An example of this is: "I went to work, I drove in my car." These are two different independent clauses, "I went to work" and "I drove in my car." They both have predicates and subjects, and are separated with a comma. However, you must separate them with a conjunction as well. Without a conjunction, this turns into a comma splice. You have two options in this case. You can either replace the comma with a period and turn it into two different sentences, or add in a conjunction. In this case, the correction can be, "I went to work, and I drove in my car," or "I went to work. I drove in my car." You have many cases of comma splices in your writing, which I've pointed out for you. There were many that I haven't pointed out, so make sure to do that.

You also conjugated some words incorrectly and inaccurately used contractions. I've pointed out some examples below.

While I didn't spot any typos, you still misused and mis-wrote words, included/left out unnecessary filler words, or incorrectly conjugated words within a sentence. I've pointed out some examples in your chapter review, but purposefully left out a few for you to find on your own when editing later.

Your plot was lacking. You didn't establish the setting, and I couldn't tell whether they lived in a magical world such as Harry Potter's or another (since your genre is fantasy), or if it was based on realistic settings. You need to spend some time brainstorming your world-building. You also wasted a lot of your attention on minor, insignificant details, such as physical descriptions and clothing. I didn't connect with your characters, and you could also establish their emotions better. These details significantly slowed the pace of your story, and for a few parts of your story, you were wandering away from your plot. Make sure that whatever you write contributes to the plot.

As I've mentioned earlier, I didn't connect with your characters. When you were describing your characters, you were info-dumping, and only included insignificant details. For example, does the clothing your protagonist wear help move the plot along in any way? Additionally, using generic descriptions such as hair and eye color does not help me, as a reader, to understand and connect with your characters. Chances are that most readers will gloss over this information or forget about it as soon as they read about it. Instead, focus on establishing quirky habits, physical and unique flaws or talents, and their personality. This leads me to my next concern, which is your protagonist's personality and emotions. Your character, throughout this entire chapter, was very dull and subdued. This made her unmemorable and took away from the experience of reading this chapter. Emphasize her unease, her happiness, or her sadness. And when she does get emotions, don't write them so abruptly. For example, when Lyric runs into her enemy, Tristan, she went from zero to one-hundred within the span of a second. While it's understandable for her to get so worked up about meeting someone she doesn't like, you were essentially contradicting her needs with her actions. The way you described their past meetings, you made it seem like she just wanted to be as far away from him as possible. Yet, when they met at this moment, she immediately turned on him instead of walking away. Her anger doesn't make sense to me, since she chose to speak to him. If her inability to control herself is part of her personality, try to establish that better for your readers instead of having such an abrupt transition.

Your writing voice was very simple and clear. This made it easy for me to understand what was going on and to absorb the information you presented. Your grammar mistakes still crowded your writing voice, so by clearing those up, your writing style can have a better chance of standing out. And when you feel that you're ready, I also suggest experimenting with the different sentence structures to use, your vocabulary and diction choices, and way of writing descriptions. Another way to do this is to look at the works of your favorite authors and see how their writing voice stands out to you.

For the most part, the pacing of your first chapter wasn't too fast or too short. However, you did have some awkward transitions that were lacking in different ways. For example, you skipped over your protagonist leaving her home. In this part, you could take some time to describe her mood, and where she lived. Who and what about her guardians? Were they home, and if not, why weren't they? Why didn't they accompany your protagonist? You needed to include more information in your transitions. Additionally, there were a few places where your pacing slowed to a crawl because of your clothing and physical descriptions.

"I shut my eyes as I let it clean my face." (p.2). This sentence is off. Water cannot clean your face. You clean your own face with water. I suggest rephrasing this so that it clearly states that your protagonist is washing her face with water. You can keep the imagery flowing as well.

In paragraph 4, I suggest writing out numbers. That includes the number "twelve." That way, your writing looks more professional and less lazy for your readers, as well as keeping the flow of your story. You also have info-dumping, which is explaining the backstory of your story. This is unnecessary and can turn readers off. You don't need to say it; you can show it. By showing step by step how your protagonist gets ready, goes to where she needs to go, and gets what she needs to get, you can teach your readers what's going on without making it sound like a history lesson. In addition, by withholding the information until absolutely necessary, your readers will keep reading, wondering what would "happen today."

"So I put on a sleeveless black flared dress with a strap that wraps around my neck, along with the golden piece of cloth that goes around my waste." (p.6). You have a misspelled word here. "Waste" should be "waist." This is a basic vocabulary word, so I suggest looking up diction you aren't entirely sure of. Additionally, as a reader, I completely glossed over this information. Chances are, readers came here to read about what happens and your character's journey, not their wardrobe. Keep the physical descriptions to a minimum and don't describe unnecessary things. Unless her clothes contribute to the plot, I suggest removing that information.

In paragraph 11, having bad eyesight has nothing to do with the clearness of your eyes. You insinuated that your protagonist didn't have bad eyesight because she had "perfectly clear" eyes. I suggest rephrasing it to mean that her vision was perfectly clear.

"Finally, it is my turn, I wring my hands as I step inside and a warm air greets my face." (p.20). You have a comma splice here. Just as a reminder, a comma splice is combining two or more clauses with a comma while excluding a conjunction. To fix a comma splice means to replace the comma with a period, or add in a conjunction. In this case, the former is the better option. In addition, air is a mass noun, meaning that it cannot be counted. Thus, it's impossible to specifically say "a warm air." You also need a comma, and it's better to not describe things using body parts unless purposefully trying to stay disconnected from your character and audience. Correction: "Finally, it is my turn. I wring my hands as I step inside, and warm air greets me."

"Without looking up, he says." (p.21). By ending this with a period, you're essentially saying that this is the end of the sentence. It's clearly incomplete, and the dialogue is a continuation of this sentence. In order to connect the two, the period must be replaced with a comma. Correction: "Without looking up, he says,..."

"Even though it is a popular last name too, almost no one in our city has it." (p.21). This sentence is contradicting itself. If barely anyone has it in your protagonist's city, then it can hardly be called "popular." I suggest rewriting it as though to say the surname is rare, or the side character would recognize your protagonist as her father's daughter from her full name.

"... and into a space where a ton of towers made a forest." (p.29). You have a tense slip-up here. Make sure to stay consistent with your present tense (this applies to your next paragraph as well). Correction: "... and into a space where a ton of towers make a forest."

"Nonetheless, the guy still climbed up there, and dropped the cat once it was near the floor unceremoniously." (p.34). You have more tense slip-ups here. You also awkwardly phrased this to sound like he dropped the cat when it was unceremoniously near the floor, although I suspect you meant that he dropped the cat unceremoniously. Correction/Suggestion: "Nonetheless, the guy still climbs up there and drops the cat unceremoniously once it's near the floor."

"You remember last time, do you?" (p.39). Because of the wording you used, you're essentially saying, "You remember last time. Do you remember last time?" This is repetition. Correction: "You remember last time, don't you?" This suggestion applies to the other times you use this phrase.

"'You shouldn't talk that way,' he frowns, 'my father could expel you, and it might cause you trouble.'" (p.41). By including a tag with your dialogue sentence, you're describing how someone says something. However, you included the action tag, "he frowned," with your dialogue sentence, which doesn't make any sense. How can he frown those words out of his mouth? It should be its own separate sentence. Correction: "'You shouldn't talk that way.' He frowns. 'My father could expel you, and it might cause you trouble." I also find it hard to believe that she could be expelled for talking.

"... the kind still in her eyes." (p.47). Here, "kind" is being used as a description, so should be properly conjugated into the context of this sentence. Correction: "... the kindness still in her eyes."

"... once you get your companion, your alone..." (p.53). Here, "your" should be actually "you're," which is a contraction for "you are."

In paragraphs 56 and 57, you have a repetition for the word "possible."

I enjoyed the concept you included with your story, but you either had vague details, or left them out altogether. I wasn't sure whether this story was set in an entirely fantasy-world, or if it was simply set in a real-life world. You have a lot of work to do with your world-building, restricting your info-dumping, and the smaller details, such as grammar and sentence structures. Otherwise, I enjoyed the pacing of the first chapter, and you portrayed emotions here well.