One late night (or early morning) accident tangles the lives of two people into a deep knot.

Elyssa and Olivia have differences. But what they share is much more deeper.

They share one fear and one dark past. And one growing crush on each other.

They are not aware of this yet, though. So, come along for the ride if you want to see their journey through fear and feelings

I appreciated the organization of the cover. It is very clean and professional looking. You could have done more with the photo, such as sharpening, adding filters, and adding some color. The presentation of the title could be improved as well, and you could add more creativity. Overall, it is a good cover, but as a reader, it doesn't have a very good chance of drawing me in.

I'm very undecided on the title. It may have a connection to your story, but how big of a connection is it? Does it fully represent your story and does it portray your story's genre in the best way possible? This seems to be a romance or teen fiction story, so I suggest finding a better title that represents your genre without being generic or cliche. What title appeals to you that only applies to your story?

Your blurb was short and concise, but it was also generic and empty. I suggest adding more information from the plot to intrigue potential readers. Along with that, you have some excessive information. In the beginning of your blurb, I suggest choosing either writing "one early morning" or "one late night" instead of writing them both, as it breaks the flow of your writing. You have an extra, unnecessary space in your first sentence, and most of what you wrote applies to many other stories. The purpose of your blurb is to draw in readers and show why and how unique your story is.

I enjoyed the humorous aspect you weaved into your hook. You took a light-hearted, philosophical approach to your hook. While it made me smile, you also had many grammar errors just in your first paragraph. I'll elaborate more on this in your chapter reviews.

You struggled with your punctuation and capitalization with dialogues. If your dialogue is accompanied with a dialogue tag (he said, she yelled, they shouted, describing the way someone says something), the dialogue tag is a continuation of the dialogue sentence. For example, it doesn't make sense for the clause, "She said," to be a sentence by itself. Therefore, it's part of the dialogue sentence. The dialogue should end in a comma to indicate that the sentence isn't complete, and the start of a dialogue tag is not capitalized, as it's not the start of a new sentence. The opposite goes for action tags. If your dialogue is accompanied by an action tag (she grinned/he sighed/they walked away, basically an action), the action should not be part of the dialogue sentence. The dialogue doesn't help the action tag make sense; the action tag should be a sentence by itself. Therefore, the dialogue should end in a period to signify the end of the sentence, and the start of the action tag should always be capitalized, as it's the start of a new sentence. Of course, the punctuation may vary. Exclamation marks and question marks can end a dialogue regardless of the tag accompanying it, as long as if it's a dialogue tag, the dialogue never ends in a period, and for an action tag, it never ends in a comma.

Example of dialogue + dialogue tag: "'I'm okay,' she said." OR "She said, 'I'm okay.'"

Example of dialogue + action tag: "'I'm okay.' She forced a smile." OR "She forced a smile. 'I'm okay.'"

I noticed that you also had several instances where you left out punctuation in your dialogues. Just like ending sentences, dialogues need to be ended as well. Just because you add a dialogue mark to the end doesn't mean it's a complete sentence. It isn't complete until you add a punctuation mark at the end. I've pointed out some examples of this below.

You had a lot of comma mistakes. Keep in mind that commas are used to separate different clauses within a sentence, whether they're independent or dependent. An independent clause has a subject (who/what is doing the action) and a predicate (the action being done by the subject). Oftentimes, a sentence has two independent clauses, joined together with a conjunction. In the sentence, "I cried then Billy ran away," there are two independent clauses here. One is, "I cried," and the other is, "Billy ran away." Both have a subject and a predicate, and they're joined together by the conjunction, "then." Because of this, the two clauses still need to be separated with a comma, the correction being: "I cried, then Billy ran away."

Dependent clauses are just like independent clauses: they also have a subject and a predicate. However, dependent clauses are exactly like what they sound like; they're dependent on another clause. They don't make sense by themselves. For example, the clause, "I decided not to," has both a subject and a predicate, but it needs more context to make sense. There should be another clause attached or a sentence before it that it depends on making sense. When joined to another clause with a conjunction, the dependent clause should still be separated with a comma as well.

Commas are also used to separate an introductory phrase or word before the main clause. In the sentence, "Today I went to work," the independent clause is "I went to work," where the subject is "I," and the predicate/action is "went to work." The word "today" is not included in the clause, and therefore should be separated with a comma. The correction would be: "Today, I went to work." This is a lot of information to take in, but try to keep these rules in mind for the next time you're writing.

You included extra spaces where they aren't needed, specifically with your punctuation. I've pointed some out in your chapter review(s) below, so make sure to correct these. You also often slipped up in your tense. Whether your story is set in past or present tense, you need to pick one and stay in it. If you're in past tense, you should use words such as "didn't" and "wanted." If you're writing in present tense, you should use, "don't" and "want." I've shown a few examples where you slipped up your tense below, so keep this rule in mind for future writing. In addition, I noticed that you had unnecessary capitalization, or you were missing capitalization in certain places. The beginning of a new sentence, a certain person, place, or thing, must always be capitalized. The next time you capitalize (or don't capitalize), keep this rule in mind.

While I didn't find many typos, I noticed many instances where you used unnecessary filler words, or left out important filler words. I've pointed out some examples below, but it's crucial to include these words, or it sounds like you're writing a bulleted list rather than an actual story.

In terms of originality, while I appreciated the concept you used where there was a girl in a gang instead of a typical bad boy, everything else was pretty much the same. I found myself disappointed with the turn of events. I was able to predict every single thing, and there were some questionable scenes playing out. First of all, how does Olivia even know self-defense? She didn't grow up in a household where it was necessary to learn to protect oneself, so you need to include some background information on how she knew to defend herself. You brushed over some important information, such as more detail about what gang Elyssa was associated with, their goal in detail, and why a big gang would even care about finding Olivia, even as a witness. Realistically, they'd probably have some kind of protocol for dealing with witnesses, and it's not like they'll all go after this one random girl at the same time; she isn't perceived as a threat. One thing I was wondering about was when Elyssa texted and told Olivia to get out of the place, why didn't Olivia just show Elyssa's texts to everyone else? Then, they would know that it was incorrect information and would help Olivia get out of there. Unless these people aren't to be trusted, it doesn't make sense why Olivia would take the harder route. And even if these people weren't to be trusted, it's not like Olivia knows that, and realistically, she would have used Elyssa's texts as evidence that something was wrong. So there were some plot holes, and some of Olivia's actions didn't match up with her background. Explain these, please, and try to avoid generic clichés as presented in this story.

You had a habit of not using your characters' names. For example, you always referred to people as "Blond guy" or "Tall guy." First of all, you aren't referring to them as titles or substitute names, so there should be a definite article in front. Along with that, just introduce their names. Don't wait a whole chapter and then drop their names. It's too confusing for your readers to remember all these names. I didn't even learn Olivia's name until chapter 2, and her name was only mentioned once in chapter two. Because of that, it was hard to remember her name. You could have introduced Corey's name much earlier as well. Overall, I didn't have strong connections with your characters, and you should focus more on establishing a bond between your readers and characters.

I enjoyed your sometimes-humorous and light-hearted content in your first five chapters. However, it was hard to appreciate your writing style. You had so many grammar mistakes littering your writing, and I had to read several paragraphs more than once to understand what you were trying to say. For now, focus more on cleaning up your spelling/grammatical errors. Then, you can think about incorporating metaphors, similes, and figurative language. After all, every story should have an artistic side to it. One thing I also noticed that made me struggle to stay engaged with your writing was your lack of emotions. Normally terrifying scenes were very normalized in your writing. I wanted to read about Olivia's nervousness, adrenaline, or sadness on certain topics. You didn't do a great job at expressing her feelings, and because of that, Olivia felt very monotonous to me. Find different scenes where certain emotions should be involved and take notice of where you could strengthen to engage your readers.

Your story pace was average for the most part. You weren't too fast or too slow, and I was never confused with where the story was at the moment. You had some awkward transitions, such as in chapter one. You started out with a philosophical thought, then awkwardly transitioned to writing that your character was thinking about that while getting dressed. It was an abrupt change for me and didn't feel natural. I suggest going to your favorite writers on Wattpad and see how they transition.

"If I was asked to describe my life with one word I would say-chaotic. Do you know the usual metaphor of humans being Hamsters and living inside their cage of comfort?" (p.1). You have several things wrong with this. You're missing many commas that should be separating your clauses here, you have an unnecessary hyphen, and "hamster" shouldn't be capitalized. Correction: "If I was asked to describe my life with one word, I would say chaotic. Do you know the usual metaphor of humans being hamsters and living inside their cage of comfort?"

"A hamster who feels attraction for both genders." (p.2). Here, your story is set in past tense. However, you need to stay consistent with your tense. That means not slipping up into present tense. Correction: "A hamster who felt attraction for both genders."

"I was already used to it so it didn't disturb me that much but Casey scrunched her face and shook her head slowly. 'Liv, I get it, you want to run away from your family, but did you really had to get the crappiest apartment available?' She joked but it didn't hide the annoyance in her tone." (p.4). You need commas here. You also have a comma splice, and the comma should either be replaced with a period or include a conjunction. You didn't conjugate "have" properly into the sentence, and "she" shouldn't be capitalized, as it's not the beginning of a new sentence. Correction: "I was already used to it so it didn't disturb me that much, but Casey scrunched her face and shook her head slowly. "Liv, I get it. You want to run away from your family, but did you really have to get the crappiest apartment available?' she joked, but it didn't hide the annoyance in her tone."

"But not Casey of course. She is too naive to notice it." (p.6). You have a tense slip-up here, and you're missing a comma. You also spelled "naïve" wrong. Correction: "But not Casey, of course. She was too naïve to notice it."

"'I have to keep my expenses on a minimum, remember? I don't get a money check at the end of every month like you.' I said and jokingly hit her with a pillow. She rolled her eyes. 'Touché'" (p.8). You misused a filler word, and you're missing necessary commas. Along with that, since the dialogue tag accompanying the dialogue is a continuation of the sentence, the period at the end of the dialogue should end with a comma. Additionally, you need to start a new paragraph when someone new speaks, and dialogue always needs punctuation at the end. Correction: "'I have to keep my expenses to a minimum, remember? I don't get a money check at the end of every month like you,' I said, and jokingly hit her with a pillow. She rolled her eyes. [new paragraph] 'Touché.'"

"Even though I hate to admit it, I need my parents to help. Financial help at least. Like I get it I am not the daughter you dreamed about but I am still your child. You can't just abandon me because I have different life choices than what you expected me to have." (p.11). You have tense slip-ups here, you're missing commas, and you're directly addressing your audience. I suggest avoiding words such as "you" and "your" and replace the subject pronouns with "they" and "they're." If you're trying to make it as a direct thought, then you should italicize her thinking. Correction: "Even though I hated to admit it, I needed my parents to help. Financial help, at least. Like, I got it. I was not the daughter they dreamed about, but I was still their child. They couldn't just abandon me because I had different life choices than what they expected me to have." OR: "Even though I hated to admit it, I needed my parents to help. Financial help, at least. Like, I get it. I am not the daughter you dreamed about, but I am still your child. You can't just abandon me because I have different life choices than what you expected me to have."

"Luckily there was this shop a few blocks away from my place which was open 24 hours." (p.19). You need commas here. You should replace the definite article with an indefinite article. In addition, you should write out numbers to stay professional. Along with that, it looks like you tried to say the shop was open for twenty-four hours a day, but because you didn't add the last part, you're basically insinuating that the shop is only open for twenty-four hours, and then closed forever. Correction: "Luckily, there was a shop a few blocks away from my place which was open twenty-four/seven." OR "Luckily, there was a shop a few blocks away from my place, which was open twenty-four hours a day."

"I pick chocolate and coke then get to the checkout. As I walk outside and open my coke I hear voices from the corner." (p.23). You have tense slip-ups here, and you're missing commas in the appropriate places. Correction: "I picked chocolate and coke, then got to the checkout. As I walked outside and opened my coke, I heard voices from the corner."

"But when it is 5 in the morning in the dark back street of the 24 hours open store." (p.28). This sentence is incomplete. The next sentence should actually be a continuation of this one. You should write out numbers, and you should probably give that "twenty-four hours [a day]" store a name. Correction: "But when it was five in the morning in the dark back street of the twenty-four/seven store, it was really fucking silent."

"'See you around.' I said and slowly turned and started to back away." (p.34). This should be one whole sentence, as a dialogue tag cannot be a sentence by itself. Correction: "'See you around,' I said, and slowly turned and started to back away."

"Usually, I can't keep them closed and now they didn't want to open." (p.3). You have a tense slip-up here. Make sure to stay consistent with your tense. Correction: "Usually, I couldn't keep them closed, and now they didn't want to open." I also added a necessary comma.

"I was in a dimly lighted room and I think." (p.4). This sentence is incomplete. And you think what? In addition, "light" should be properly conjugated into this sentence. Correction: "I was in a dimly lit room and I think.... [finish the sentence]"

"Holy shit, I got in to criminal stuff." (p.5). The word "into" should be one word. "Holy shit, I got into criminal stuff."

"Her dark black hair was let down now and her clothing was more colorful. but she still carried her dark aura with her." (p.8). I believe you meant to include a comma instead of a period. Correction: "Her dark black hair was let down now and her clothing was more colorful, but she still carried her dark aura with her."

"I shrugged." (p.13). You have a repetition of using this phrase often. I suggest avoiding the repetition.

Since in paragraph 14, you're using "cool girl" as a title, it should be capitalized as, "Cool Girl."

"'Shit, so much for wanting to eat something.' I mumbled to myself." (p.20). The dialogue tag, "I mumbled to myself" is a continuation of the sentence. It cannot stand alone as a separate sentence. That means the dialogue should end in a comma and not a period to signify that the sentence continues. Correction: "'Shit, so much for wanting to eat something,' I mumbled to myself."

"'You, monster.'" (p.28). You have an unnecessary comma here. Correction: "'You monster.'"