Six people. One drunken mishap. And their life's very own twisted survival movie.

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Ciara Albright's ideal night outs usually consist of dancing, meeting new people, and a whole lot of alcohol. 6 hours into another one of those nights -- she finally realized the real meaning of 'ideal' when it turned into something else entirely.

The photo is very vivid and eye-catching. However, the title isn't very easy to see, so I suggest adding some shadows to your text and experimenting with the color/sizing/presentation. There's also a lot going on with the background, so you could try to minimize that as well, or crop out the girl into a different scenery. If that's too much work, then I suggest going to a cover designer on Wattpad.

The title is simple and easy to remember. I did find several other stories with the same title, or several variations of the same title. You can definitely keep the title as it is, but I also suggest looking for something less generic, and something that can only be used for your story for originality.

I appreciate the shortness of the blurb, the conciseness, and the mysterious intrigue you've pulled me in with. I found a few things that could be changed. For example, you should write out the word, "six." Generally, any number from one to ten should be written out. You're also missing some commas between clauses, and you have tense slip-ups. You wrote your blurb in present tense, but in the blurb, you have a case where you wrote "turned" instead of the present tense format, "turn."

I loved how you brought us straight into the story with MC's mindset and surroundings. The first line immediately had me intrigued, and I got a sense of the mood of the general story so far. There were a few grammatical errors from your second paragraph on, although I'll mention that later on in your chapter reviews.

I noticed that you tended to leave out punctuation in your dialogues. Just like ending sentences, dialogues need to be ended as well. Just because you add a dialogue mark to the end doesn't mean it's a complete sentence. It isn't complete until you add a punctuation mark at the end. I've pointed out some examples of this below. In addition, dialogues always need to be ended with dialogue marks at the end. I noticed that you didn't add a dialogue mark to the end of your dialogue when you used an em dash, which is incorrect.

Another mistake concerning your dialogue is the type of punctuation and capitalization you used in your dialogues. You struggled with your punctuation and capitalization with dialogues. If your dialogue is accompanied with a dialogue tag (he said, she yelled, they shouted, describing the way someone says something), the dialogue tag is a continuation of the dialogue sentence. For example, it doesn't make sense for the clause, "She said," to be a sentence by itself. Therefore, it's part of the dialogue sentence. The dialogue should end in a comma to indicate that the sentence isn't complete, and the start of a dialogue tag is not capitalized, as it's not the start of a new sentence. The opposite goes for action tags. If your dialogue is accompanied by an action tag (she grinned/he sighed/they walked away, basically an action), the action should not be part of the dialogue sentence. The dialogue doesn't help the action tag make sense; the action tag should be a sentence by itself. Therefore, the dialogue should end in a period to signify the end of the sentence, and the start of the action tag should always be capitalized, as it's the start of a new sentence. Of course, the punctuation may vary. Exclamation marks and question marks can end a dialogue regardless of the tag accompanying it, as long as if it's a dialogue tag, the dialogue never ends in a period, and for an action tag, it never ends in a comma.

Example of dialogue + dialogue tag: "'I'm okay,' she said." OR "She said, 'I'm okay.'"

Example of dialogue + action tag: "'I'm okay.' She forced a smile." OR "She forced a smile. 'I'm okay.'"

Another thing I noticed were your comma mistakes. You had a lot of comma mistakes. Commas are used to separate different clauses. There are two types of clauses: Independent and dependent. They both have subjects (who/what is doing the action), and a predicate (the action being done). The difference between the two is that an independent clause can stand alone as its own sentence, while a dependent clause depends on another clause to make sense. If more than one clause is joined together, they should be separated with a comma. For example, this sentence, "I cried, then Billy ran away," there are two different independent clauses. One is "I cried," and the other is "Billy ran away." You'll notice that they're separated with a conjunction and a comma. You often misuse commas in this sense or forget to add them. Commas can also be used to separate an introductory phrase or word before the main clause. In the sentence, "Today I went to work," the independent clause is "I went to work," and you'll notice that it has a subject "I" and a predicate "went." The word "today" is excluded, and needs to be separated with a comma. The correction is: "Today, I went to work." Without having correct commas in correct places, your writing turns into run-on sentences that don't make any sense.

Regarding your commas, you also had comma splices. A comma splice is joining two different independent clauses together, and separating them with a comma, but not a conjunction. An example of this is: "I went to work, I drove in my car." These are two different independent clauses, "I went to work" and "I drove in my car." They both have predicates and subjects, and are separated with a comma. However, you must separate them with a conjunction as well. Without a conjunction, this turns into a comma splice. You have two options in this case. You can either replace the comma with a period and turn it into two different sentences, or add in a conjunction. In this case, the correction can be, "I went to work, and I drove in my car," or "I went to work. I drove in my car." You have many cases of comma splices in your writing, which I've pointed out for you. There were many that I haven't pointed out, so make sure to do that.

I noticed that you had unnecessary capitalization, or you were missing capitalization in certain places. The beginning of a new sentence, a certain person, place, or thing, must always be capitalized. The next time you capitalize (or don't capitalize), keep this rule in mind.

Lastly, you struggled with your tense. You often slipped up in your tense. Whether your story is set in past or present tense, you need to pick one and stay in it. If you're in past tense, you should use words such as "didn't" and "wanted." If you're writing in present tense, you should use, "don't" and "want." I've shown a few examples where you slipped up your tense below, so keep this rule in mind for future writing. You often used both past and present tense in just one sentence, and this is incorrect. I only pointed out a few examples, and the rest are for you to find on your own.

You had several typos and mis-written words. I've pointed out only a few, but I'm sure there are more out there for you to find. When writing, I suggest slowing down to find more mistakes, and especially to proof-read your work before posting on Wattpad. You misused different filler words, confused the meanings of some basic vocabulary words, and added unnecessary filler words. It was to the point where I struggled to understand the context of your story. With more practice here and the habit of editing your chapters, you can clear up confusion and avoid these kinds of mistakes.

One thing I noticed was that the entirety of your five chapters was set in a bar. Your pacing was extremely slow, and I felt that most of your chapters were filler chapters, and unnecessary to the plot. I'll address this more in the 'Story Flow' grading section. You had many cliché scenes in your writing. An overused cliché scene is when the MC's best friend drags her to a bar. The MC half-heartedly protests against the ideas, but eventually gives in, gets all dressed up, goes to the bar, and meets a guy. As soon as I started reading this scene, I immediately predicted the rest of your five chapters. You don't want predictability in your story. Readers don't want to see the same thing over and over again, and especially on Wattpad, they'll probably have seen this kind of thing before. I would have appreciated a deeper side to your chapters and characters, and more original ideas incorporated in your story. You also had some info-dumping going on, especially with Yara's past. First of all, it's only the fifth chapter. Second of all, I, as a reader, don't even know her yet. She's still a stranger to me, and I didn't get to bond or connect with her. That probably means that the same goes for your other readers. Why should your readers care about her past when they don't even know her yet? I suggest establishing a deeper bond between your characters and readers before exposing this kind of information. Along with that, you didn't choose the right time to talk about it. It wasn't necessary to the plot yet, and you could have used this information later on at a very important part in the story. It seems like you tried to incorporate this to have your readers sympathize and connect with Yara, but it's not working. I suggest working on the organization of your scenes and focus more on the narrative than info-dumping.

In other news, I particularly enjoyed Ciara's mindset, especially when she was drunk. You exposed a very honest part of her, and her way of thinking was very entertaining and humorous. Most of it was filler paragraphs and chapters, but again, I'll address that later.

Like I mentioned earlier, you need to establish more of a bond between your characters and your readers. The way you narrated these chapters was messy, and it was hard to understand the dialogues with all the grammar errors. I want to see deeper sides to your characters. Don't just talk about them on the outside, think about them on the inside as well. In addition, it's probably a bad thing that the only name I remember is Yara. I had to search your chapters to remember Ciara's name; your main character's name. You didn't introduce her name until chapter 2, so you should find a way to incorporate her name into the first chapter. That way, it's easier to remember. You also centered most of the dialogues and information about Yara, and it feels more like this is Yara's story, just told in the best friend's POV. And as I said earlier, don't talk about any of your characters' backgrounds unless they're absolutely necessary and crucial to the plot at that moment. You don't have to do this for your story since you're already deep into writing it, but for future works, I also suggest giving your characters names starting with different letters. Especially at the beginning of the story, readers will easily confuse names, such as "Cass" and "Ciara."

It was hard to appreciate your writing voice because of your grammar mistakes. For now, I suggest focusing on cleaning up your grammar errors. Then, your writing voice will vastly improve on its own. Only then can you begin to extend your knowledge of your own writing style. Most writers don't even understand their writing style, but you should never write what comes to your mind as it is; raw and unedited. The mind is messy, so you need to find a way to organize the information before putting it down. Focus on making your writing as clean as it can possibly be. Then, you can begin to add your own unique signature to your words. Experiment with your vocabulary/diction, metaphors/similes, and figurative language. With a lot of practice, you can get there.

The pacing of the story was too slow. I understand that in one of your author's notes; you wrote that you noticed the slow pacing as well, but promised your readers it would get better. Your readers don't owe you anything. They don't have to stay and read 'till the end. They can easily exit out of your story as soon as they begin to feel even a bit bored. This is why instead of just promising that it would get better, fix it so that your story starts out already good. You had filler chapters, most of which could be combined into one whole chapter. My mindset was stuck in a bar for five whole chapters, and by the end, the repetition was really getting to me. I felt that I didn't learn as much as I should have from five chapters. I suggest you focus on combining chapters, getting rid of any filler paragraphs, and if you find that as you reread your writing that you're getting bored with it, chances are; your readers are too. Find a way to avoid this.

"I lunged at Yara and grab her by the shoulders. 'What!?' I shriek, 'Of course, he did...'" (p.2). You have a tense slip-up here. You need to choose whether to write in past or present tense, and you need to stay consistent with your decision. If you choose to write in past tense, "grab" should be "grabbed." If you choose to write in present tense, "lunged" should be "lunge." You also have a punctuation error and an unnecessary comma. Correction: "'What!?' I shriek. 'Of course he did...'"

"'Well, you said—" (p.5). Here, you forgot to add a necessary dialogue mark. Correction: "'Well, you said—'"

"'I said he didn't want to, I had to tell him, 'no condom, no sex', those exact words. It was horrible' I huffed, 'it was like scolding a little boy that he can't have his favorite toy until he eats his veggies.'" (p.6). You have incorrect punctuation marks here. You also have a comma splice, which is adding two separate clauses together with a comma without a needed conjunction or replacement with a period. You're also missing punctuation after the dialogue. Correction: "'I said he didn't want to. I had to tell him, 'no condom, no sex.' Those exact words. It was horrible,' I huffed, "it was like scolding a little boy that he can't have his favorite toy until he eats his veggies.'"

"Yara rolled her eyes, a string of mumbled curses leave her glossy lips, which make me feel a tad bit better than before." (p.7). You also have a comma splice here, and you're confusing singular words with plural words. Correction: "Yara rolls her eyes. A string of mumbled curses leaves her glossy lips, which makes me feel a tad bit better than before." OR "Yara rolls her eyes, and a string of mumbled curses leaves her glossy lips, which makes me feel a tad bit better than before." I'm going to assume that this is supposed to be in present tense, since you slip up so often that I can't tell what it's supposed to be, and I've corrected your tense slip-up here as well.

"Her recently-dyed blue hair, tied in a tight ponytail bobs up and down as she moves to the bed grabs my arm and tries to drag me off the bed rather harshly, 'We are going' she commands." (p.12). This is a run-on sentence. The action tag coming before the dialogue is its own sentence, and the dialogue should not be a continuation of it. You need punctuation after the dialogue, and you have misplaced commas. Corrections: "Her recently dyed blue hair, tied in a tight ponytail, bobs up and down as she moves to the bed, grabs my arm, and tries to drag me off rather harshly. 'We are going,' she commands." I also removed the second "bed" as you already used it twice in this sentence, and it wasn't necessary.

"Yara's partially unimpressed features morph into something more miffed when I don't move or make any attempts to wear the clothes she so gracefully handed me and choose to ignore her instead." (p.17). This is an abnormally long sentence. You're missing commas here as well. Correction: "Yara's unimpressed features morph into something more miffed when I don't move or make attempts to wear the clothes she handed me, and choose to ignore her instead." I also removed unnecessary filler words, as they were crowding your sentence, making it lose its meaning. This is optional, but highly suggested.

"'Oh fuck off' she groans, 'We're barely in the first week of October.'" (p.20). You need a comma here, and you misused the punctuation after the dialogue tag, as this should be two sentences. You also need punctuation at the end of a dialogue, always. Correction: "'Oh, fuck off,' she groans. 'We're barely in the first week of October.'"

"The disbelief in her tone was part infuriating and part understandable—mostly understandable." (p.25). You have tense slip-ups here, and you need to properly conjugate the word "part" into this sentence. Correction: "The disbelief in her tone is partly infuriating and partly understandable—mostly understandable."

"I do take pride in my sexual encounters but I guess Yara doesn't seem to share the same enthusiasm for my vibrant and spontaneous sex life which is apparent by the way she's scowling right now and murmurs something which sounds a lot like: 'How haven't you gotten STD yet?'" (p.30). This is a run-on sentence. Take notice of how abnormally long this is. You're also missing necessary commas between clauses. Correction: "I do take pride in my sexual encounters. But I guess Yara doesn't seem to share the same enthusiasm for my vibrant and spontaneous sex life, which is apparent by the way she scowls right now and murmurs something which sounds a lot like: 'How haven't you gotten STD yet?'" I also got rid of your passive voice, as passive voice has a weaker impact on your readers (passive voice is saying that something was done, rather than saying something happened).

"She sighs, 'Look I know what Grant did and it was unforgiv—" (p.36). You have incorrect punctuation after your action tag. The dialogue should not be a continuation of it. Additionally, you're missing a dialogue mark at the end of this sentence. This is a common recurrence relating to em dashes. Just because you have a hyphen or em dash at the end doesn't mean it doesn't need dialogue markings to close the dialogue.

In paragraph 40, I suggest you write out numbers.

"Yara laughed..." (p.43). You have a tense slip-up here.

"Her attempt at a crafty wink was enough for me to know that tonight is going to be an entertaining one, and I don't know if in a good way." (p.54). You have tense slip-ups here as well.