This story follows Ashlynn, a middle child with a need to fit in. She loves theatre, but she wants her parents to notice her, so she tries to be more like her sisters. She tries hard to fit in and loses friends along the way. Will Ashlyn be able to get her friends back and get what she wants? Or will her life spiral downward like it normally does?

I like the idea you went with the story cover. However, I don't believe that it fully represents your entire story. Is there a more creative way to represent your story with a cover? What about photo filters, text placement, and title sizing/style? You can also go to a cover designer on Wattpad if you feel that your story cover needs an upgrade.

The title is catchy and has a good ring to it. I was immediately intrigued by it, and it accurately represents your story. Just by reading the title, I already learned the basic concept of your story. Well done!

Your blurb is free of any grammatical errors and includes all the main points of your story. By reading your blurb, I was able to learn the content of your story, and you did a great job at conveying this information within a short and concise blurb. However, I took off a point because of the basic structure of your blurb. How can you make this more interesting? How can you show off your writing capabilities and hook in potential readers with strong and impactful sentences? I suggest playing around with sentence structures and finding ways to add an artistic element to your writing.

I spotted at least one grammatical within the first two paragraphs, although minimal. I'll point them out in your chapter reviews later on. What I enjoyed about your hook is that you brought me straight into your protagonist's mindset. I got the sense that she was a bit resentful of her sisters, and I also learned about her interests and way of thinking. However, the way you portrayed this information was messy. You info-dumped on your audience, meaning you spent a few paragraphs giving your readers a history lesson of your protagonist's sisters. Oftentimes, this is boring, and most readers will skim over this information. In order to really have your readers absorb all this information is to feed it to them, little by little. Instead of telling them, show them. For example, Ashlynn's parents could be talking about Amber's latest art piece, or Ashlynn could have a flashback of how her classmates treated her in her old school as having Carolyn as her older sister. This is a much more interesting way to portray this information, because by just writing about her sisters is like reading a long profile bio. I suggest rewriting this to interweave with the narrative of the story.

I noticed that you struggled with your use of commas. Oftentimes, you misplaced commas, used unnecessary commas, or were missing commas in a sentence. Comma uses can vary depending on the type of clause. An independent clause has a subject (someone/something doing the action) and a predicate (the action that is being done by the subject). An independent clause also doesn't depend on another clause to make sense; it can be its own sentence. For example, the clause, "I cried," has a subject, "I," and a predicate, "cried." If two independent clauses are joined together with a conjunction, they should be separated with a comma. For example, the sentence, "I cried then Billy ran away," has two independent clauses. One is "I cried, and the other is "Billy ran away." These two clauses are joined with the conjunction "then," and should be separated from one another. The correction would be: "I cried, then Billy ran away." Now, a dependent clause is just like an independent clause. But while it also has a subject and a predicate, it depends on another clause to make sense. For example, it doesn't make sense for the clause "I said," to be a sentence by itself. Although it has a subject and a predicate, it's connected to another clause. Dependent clauses should also still be separated from other clauses with a comma. Commas can also separate introductory words or phrases from a main clause. For example, in the sentence, "Today I went to work," the independent clause here is, "I went to work." It has the subject, "I," and the predicate, "went." You'll notice that the word "today" isn't included in the class. Therefore, it should be separated from the clause with a comma. The correction is: "Today, I went to work."

You also had trouble with your capitalization and punctuation with your dialogues. Like I've mentioned earlier, it doesn't make sense for the clause, "I said" to be a sentence by itself. You would want to know what was being said. The clause, "I said," is a dialogue tag, and usually accompanies a dialogue (it is part of the entire sentence, including the dialogue). A dialogue tag is an accompaniment to the dialogue that describes the way something is being said. A few examples include, "She said," "he yelled," and "they growled." Since dialogue tags are part of the dialogue sentence, the beginning of the dialogue tag is never capitalized (as it's not the beginning of a new sentence), unless it comes before the dialogue itself. For the punctuation of the dialogue, unless it comes after the dialogue tag, it can end in any punctuation but a period. The opposite goes for an action tag. An action tag is an action that accompanies the dialogue, a few examples being, "he walked away," "she sighed," and "they grinned." Action tags are separate sentences, and shouldn't be included with the dialogue. That means the beginning of the action tag should always be capitalized, as it's the beginning of a new sentence. The punctuation, unless coming after the action tag, should always end in anything but a comma.

Example of dialogue + dialogue tag: "'I'm okay,' she said." OR "She said, 'I'm okay.'"

Example of dialogue + action tag: "'I'm okay.' She forced a smile." OR "She forced a smile. 'I'm okay.'"

You also had a lot of tense slip-ups. Keep in mind that when describing the narrative, you should stay in past tense. Unless you're breaking the passage to address something directly to your readers, you should be using words such as "didn't" and "had" instead of "don't" and "have."

While I didn't find typos in your chapters, I found some instances where your wording was awkward, or you had unnecessary filler words. I've pointed them down in your chapter reviews below.

The concept and idea you're going for here is unique. However, it's also very common. I like that you included different concepts and established different characteristics, but it isn't enough. What plot twists can you add? How can you make the social manipulation and peer pressure of the "popular" girls really come to life in your story? Along with that, your narrative went all over the place. There were many places where you just told something to your readers, instead of showing them. I would have liked to see interaction and dialogue between your characters, instead of just a brief explanation of what happened. I would have bonded more with your protagonist and learned more of the people she surrounded herself with.

Like I mentioned earlier, I didn't get to bond as much with your characters. I learned the basic things, such as the fact that Amber was an artist and Carolyn was very popular, and that Ashlynn liked acting. However, you barely brushed the shallow end with these details. I didn't see interaction between the three sisters, and they were hardly in the narrative at all. The pacing of the story could slow down so the readers could experience an average day in Ashlynn's life without skipping to different places in the middle of explaining something. You were so focused on moving the story forward that I hardly got a glimpse of any of your characters.

Your writing style here is very simplistic, and almost fact-based. However, while that can be a good thing, too much of one thing can be bad for you. I suggest experimenting with the artistic side of writing. Don't forget to add similes/metaphors and sensory detail. Don't think of it as writing a diary, think of it as painting something, or dancing along to music. I also found that you had a repetition of starting your sentences with subject pronouns. For example, I'd see something like this: "I picked up the pencil. I worked on my homework for a few minutes. I looked up and realized what time it was. I rushed out the door to meet my friends. I barely got there in time." Do you see how awkward this is? Because each sentence starts with "I," it makes the flow of the paragraph sound awkward and stilted. You do this a lot in your writing, so make sure to work on avoiding these. Try to experiment with the lengths of your sentences as well. If all of your sentences in a paragraph are the same lengths, they begin to sound robotic.

As I've mentioned before, your story flow was all over the place. It was like you couldn't decide whether to show the dialogues and actual interactions between your characters, or to just summarize what happened and move on. I suggest organizing the pace of each chapter in your story. While the story was mostly well-paced, you jumped and rushed some things. For example, when Ashlynn was helping Toria with her math homework, you almost completely skipped over it. Your readers might want to see the way the two girls interacted with one another. How does Toria react when Ashlynn corrects her on a math problem? Is Toria focused when working, or does she get distracted easily? And does Ashlynn get frustrated with her? I want to see these dynamics within your writing, so don't forget to mention these instead of skipping them.

"I pushed my mashed potatoes around my plate as my older sister Carolyn, jabbered on and on about her more than perfect day." (p.1). You're missing a comma here, and you should have hyphens as well. Correction: "I pushed my mashed potatoes around my plate as my older sister, Carolyn, jabbered on and on about her more-than-perfect day."

"Back home in California, she was the Queen Bee of her class and I'm pretty sure she has that place secured again." (p.2). You're missing another comma here. These are two clauses here. One is "She was the Queen Bee of her class," where the subject is "She" and the predicate is "was." The second clause has the subject "I" and the predicate, "am." Therefore, these should be separated with a comma. Correction: "Back home in California, she was the Queen Bee of her class, and I'm pretty sure she has that place secured again."

"Let me put being Queen Bee this way, if there were rules to being popular..." (p.2). I suggest replacing the comma here with a colon. By using a comma, this turns into a comma splice. A comma splice is using a comma to separate independent clauses, rather than using an appropriate colon, conjunction, or semicolon. Correction: "Let me put being Queen Bee this way: if there were rules to being popular..."

"My other sister Amber, who is 13 is an artist." (p.3). You have misplaced commas here, and I suggest writing out the full number here. Correction: "My other sister, Amber, who is thirteen, is an artist."

"The play was Tangled, and I ended up doing so good, that the director cast me as Rapunzel and recommended that I get involved in other productions." (p.4). You also have misplaced commas here. Correction: "The play was Tangled, and I ended up doing so good that the director cast me as Rapunzel, and recommended that I get involved in other productions." Take notice how most commas accompany conjunctions.

"I spoon beef stew into my mouth just as my mom talks to me for like the first time ever," (p.6). You need commas here, and this sentence is actually incomplete. You shouldn't end a paragraph or a sentence with a comma. If the next sentence is a continuation of this sentence, then it shouldn't be separated into a different paragraph. Correction: "I spoon beef stew into my mouth just as my mom talks to me for, like, the first time ever, 'How was your day, Ashlynn?'" If you didn't notice, I also added a necessary comma in your dialogue.

In paragraph 7, you start almost all of your sentences with "I." This makes your paragraph sound stilted and awkward. I suggest playing around with sentence structure to avoid this.

"'Did you make any new friends?' My mom asks." (p.9). Since "My mom asks," is a continuation of the dialogue sentence, the beginning of the dialogue tag shouldn't be capitalized, as it's not the beginning of a new sentence. Correction: "'Did you make any new friends?' my mom asks."

"'... who I ate lunch with!' I say a little too enthusiastically, 'She is going to...'" (p.10). These are two different sentences, and should be separated with a period and not a comma. Correction: "'... who I ate lunch with!' I say a little too enthusiastically. 'She is going to...'"

"Oh, that's great honey!" (p.11). You need a comma here. Correction: "Oh, that's great, honey!"

"'Mom!' She whines 'That took me forever to make!'" (p.12). You're missing proper punctuation after the dialogue tag (this applies to your next paragraph as well), and the beginning of the dialogue tag shouldn't be capitalized as well. Correction: "'Mom!' she whines. 'That took me forever to make!'"

In paragraph 1, you have a series of sentences that all begin with the word, "I." This is repetitive, awkward, and stilted. Make sure to rewrite these to avoid this situation.

"Kiara, Kylee's twin sister walks up and opens the locker right next to mine." (p.1). You're missing a comma here. Correction: "Kiara, Kylee's twin sister, walks up and opens the locker right next to mine."

"'Oh, thanks.' She says." (p.3). A dialogue tag should never be a sentence by itself. It's always an attachment of dialogue. The period in the dialogue should be replaced with a comma to indicate the continuation of the sentence, and the beginning of the dialogue tag shouldn't be capitalized, as it isn't a new sentence. Correction: "'Oh, thanks,' she says."

"Yet for some reason, Kiara is considered popular AND pretty, where Kylee is considered neither." (p.5). Here, the word, "where," should be replaced with "while."

"She surprisingly enough stops me and says in her laid back way," (p.6). You need commas here to separate the different clauses. Along with that, this sentence is incomplete. The beginning of the next paragraph is actually the continuation of this sentence, so the two shouldn't be separated. Either move the beginning of the next paragraph to the end of this sentence, or start the next paragraph with this sentence. Correction: "She, surprisingly enough, stops me and says in her laid back way, 'Hey...'"

I find that you often start sentences with a subject pronoun. It's usually either "I" or "she." This is getting repetitive, and very obvious to your readers. It makes the narrative sound awkward and uncomfortable. Make sure to experiment with different ways to avoid this.

"You do know how to do geometry, right Ashlynn?" (p.5). You need a comma here. Correction: "You do know how to do geometry, right, Ashlynn?"

In paragraph 5, I suggest writing out numbers. That way, you can stay professional without looking too lazy to write them out. In writing, generally, you should always write out words if they are ten or less.

"'My, aren't you quick at math!' She says approvingly..." (p.7). Here, you shouldn't capitalize on the beginning of the dialogue sentence. Correction: "'My, aren't you quick at math!' she says approvingly..."

"'Math... I think.' I say. 'I've already taken Geometry though.'" (p.8). There are several things wrong here. The dialogue tag "I think" is a continuation of the dialogue sentence, so the punctuation should show that the sentence is continued, not finished. Along with that, you have unnecessary capitalization here. Correction: "'Math... I think,' I say. 'I've already taken geometry though.'"

"'... due to all the distractions that are involved.' She agrees, 'You must be 17 then.'" (p.9). You have incorrect punctuations here, incorrect capitalization, and I also suggest always writing out ages. Correction: "'... due to all the distractions that are involved,' she agrees. 'You must be seventeen, then.'" I also added a necessary comma.

You have several tense slip-ups throughout this chapter. Keep in mind that if you tense-shift, it should only be because you're speaking in the present. If your protagonist is talking about the past events, such as her day at school, that should be in the past, because it already happened. If she pauses to explain what her sister is like, that should be in present tense. I hope this makes sense!

"Sorry I can't." (p.20). You need a comma here. Correction: "Sorry, I can't."

"I feel bad that I just lost a friend, but I didn't initiate the fight." (p.31). You have a tense slip-up here. Correction: "I felt bad that I just lost a friend, but I didn't initiate the fight."

"'Toria!' Someone says 'Is this the new girl?'" (p.38). You need punctuation here, and youhave incorrect capitalization. Correction: "'Toria!' someone says. 'Is this the new girl?'"

"I think that It is going to be really fun." (p.41). You unnecessarily capitalized the word, "It." Along with that, how can you show this feeling instead of saying it? Were there butterflies in Ashlynn's stomach? Did her heart flutter with excitement? Correction: "I think that it is going to be really fun."

"I am pretty sure that I can still audition, but I don't know if I'm going to." (p.1). You have tense slip-ups here. Correction: "I was pretty sure that I could still audition, but I didn't know if I was going to."

"I shrugged my shoulders." (p.2). To shrug is to move one's shoulders up and down, so you don't need to add an extra "shoulders" in there. You're essentially saying, "I moved my shoulders up and down my shoulders." Suggestion/Correction: "I shrugged."

"'Okay.' I had said unsurely." (p.3). You have incorrect punctuation at the end of the dialogue here. Correction: "'Okay,' I had said unsurely."