Amara and her family leave Louisiana after a massacre killed her father. Her pack, the Oniji, has been hunted by The White Claw since their forced arrival in the 1700s. The Oniji, a small pack from West Africa, is the only one in the world that harnesses the power of witchcraft. Now in the small town of Mahigan, Amara and her family seek refuge in hopes of escaping their persecution.

Huritt, the alpha of the Apisi, grapples with a new drug outbreak within his pack. The drug, Ice, is a hallucinogen that makes users unable to control when they shift. He must now find a way to control the outbreak before the damages are beyond repair.

However, when Amara opens a bakery across the street from Huritt's office, she slowly falls for the charming alpha. It is easy to see that their affection expands past trivial love at first sight, but with all that is at stake, is following her heart worth the risk?

I enjoyed the color scheme you used for the cover. Your title was able to stand out, and your cover was very neat/professional looking. I'd say that the photo used is on the duller side, so if you can, I suggest focusing on the filters of the photo, and experimenting with how to crop it to appeal with the title placement. Otherwise, I had a good first impression with your cover!

I definitely enjoyed your title! It was easy to remember and represented your story (especially the fact that it was a werewolf story). I also found the title charming, and it intrigued me further along with the cover. Well done!

From reading your blurb, I found several things wrong with it. You had a few grammatical errors, such as your tense slip-ups. It seems like you're trying to set this blurb in present tense, but you accidentally switched some words into past tense, such as "killed," which should be "kills." Along with that, you included unnecessary information. The reader does not need to know the history of the Oniji pack. That means they don't care when the pack arrived, where they came from, or how the massacre happened. That is what the actual story is for. The main points here are that after a massacre that kills her father, Amara's family leaves Louisiana to seek refuge in the small town of Mahigan. There, she meets Alpha Huritt, who is struggling to control a drug outbreak in his pack. When Amara opens a bakery right across Huritt's office, love begins to bloom. Those are the main points you should stick to, meaning you should remove any information that can be explained later. If you expose too much information to potential readers, it may be hard for them to absorb. That's why I advise making it as simple as possible. Chances are, if they're browsing through other stories among your own, and if you don't hook them with the first sentence, they're leaving.

Right off the bat, you set the mood of the story. I was able to visualize the setting and get a taste for your writing capabilities. All in all, it was a great start to your story. However, you had some grammatical errors that caught my eye. I'll explain this further in your chapter reviews.

The most urgent mistake I've found in your writing is your punctuations concerning your dialogues, and your capitalizations within your dialogues. If your dialogue is accompanied with a dialogue tag (he said, she yelled, they shouted, describing the way someone says something), the dialogue tag is a continuation of the dialogue sentence. For example, it doesn't make sense for the clause, "She said," to be a sentence by itself. The dialogue should end in a comma to indicate that the sentence isn't complete, and the start of a dialogue tag is not capitalized, as it's not the start of a new sentence. The opposite goes for action tags. If your dialogue is accompanied by an action tag (she grinned/he sighed/they walked away, basically an action), the action should not be part of the dialogue sentence. The dialogue doesn't help the action tag make sense; the action tag should be a sentence by itself. Therefore, the dialogue should end in a period to signify the end of the sentence, and the start of the action tag should always be capitalized, as it's the start of a new sentence. Of course, the punctuation may vary. Exclamation marks and question marks can end a dialogue regardless of the tag accompanying it, as long as if it's a dialogue tag, the dialogue never ends in a period, and for an action tag, it never ends in a comma.

Example of dialogue + dialogue tag: "'I'm okay,' she said." OR "She said, 'I'm okay.'"

Example of dialogue + action tag: "'I'm okay.' She forced a smile." OR "She forced a smile. 'I'm okay.'"

You also had a lot of comma mistakes. Keep in mind that commas are used to separate different clauses within a sentence, whether they're independent or dependent. An independent clause has a subject (who/what is doing the action) and a predicate (the action being done by the subject). Oftentimes, a sentence has two independent clauses, joined together with a conjunction. In the sentence, "I cried then Billy ran away," there are two independent clauses here. One is, "I cried," and the other is, "Billy ran away." Both have a subject and a predicate, and they're joined together by the conjunction, "then." Because of this, the two clauses still need to be separated with a comma, the correction being: "I cried, then Billy ran away."

Dependent clauses are just like independent clauses: they also have a subject and a predicate. However, dependent clauses are exactly like what they sound like; they're dependent on another clause. They don't make sense by themselves. For example, the clause, "I decided not to," has both a subject and a predicate, but it needs more context to make sense. There should be another clause attached or a sentence before it that it depends on making sense. When joined to another clause with a conjunction, the dependent clause should still be separated with a comma as well.

Commas are also used to separate an introductory phrase or word before the main clause. In the sentence, "Today I went to work," the independent clause is "I went to work," where the subject is "I," and the predicate/action is "went to work." The word "today" is not included in the clause, and therefore should be separated with a comma. The correction would be: "Today, I went to work." This is a lot of information to take in, but try to keep these rules in mind for the next time you're writing.

I found several places where you needed capitalization and you had tense slip-ups, which I've addressed below as well. This is a lot of information to take in, so I suggest also doing some more research on these topics on your own.

I did find the occasional typo in your story, and I've made sure to point them out to you in your chapter reviews. I also found places where you were missing important filler words. I suggest thoroughly proof-reading/editing a chapter before uploading on Wattpad (if you don't already) in order to catch any mistakes or typos you've made.

I'll admit that I took off some points because of the originality of the plot. There's nothing wrong with writing a werewolf story, but make sure to keep in mind that there is an overwhelming amount of werewolf stories on this platform, all with various forms of the same plot. I have to give you credit for more originality in terms of writing a werewolf story, as you executed the plot without following all the plot guidelines that many other werewolf writers do. I'm sure you'll take this story down an interesting path that sets it apart from other stories, but always be thinking on how to make your story wildly different from others. After all, readers only want to read something new, not something they've read countless times before.

While I was able to connect with your protagonist and other characters, I feel that you didn't do a great job at portraying their emotions. Especially with the way you wrote the mother's feelings when her mate dies here, it reminded me of other stories where a writer tried to express emotion, but didn't quite break through. Try to really put yourself in the mother's shoes. Don't write her pain as a blurry thing that the main character observed through her own pain; because that's how it felt for me. The emotions you wrote felt rushed and wrong, so I suggest slowing down and finding more diction and vocabulary to powerfully express these feelings.

I enjoyed your writing voice! You didn't have repetitive phrases, and you often had thoughtful and insightful ideas about your characters that helped me connect with them on a much deeper level. Your writing was organized and clean, except for the grammar errors. All you need to do now is focus on cleaning up the errors I've mentioned, and your writing voice will immensely improve!

For the most part, your story flow was smooth and natural. However, there was one part of the story where the transition was awkward. In chapter four, Amara was speaking with Bly in the bakery, and then suddenly she was getting ready for the party at home. This transition was awkward, and you didn't indicate that time had passed. I suggest you do so, and I've actually also pointed this out in your chapter reviews.

"The cabins walls and roof were covered in holes..." (p.1). By not adding an apostrophe to the word "cabins," you're insinuating that there is more than one cabin. I suggest adding a comma, or simply turning the word singular. Correction: "The cabin's walls and roof were covered in holes..." OR, better yet, "The cabin walls and roof were covered in holes..."

"... ten people crouched around a single lit candle." (p.2). Since you're listing words here separate to the clause, you should separate it with a comma. Correction: "... ten people crouched around a single, lit candle."

"... still in his mechanics uniform, said 'I am tired of moving my family every time one of us is killed.'" (p.3). The dialogue is separate from the dialogue tag accompanying the prior dialogue. What this means is that the, "... still in his mechanics uniform, said," is part of the first sentence, and should end with proper punctuation. The dialogue here is the start of a new sentence. Correction: "... still in his mechanic's uniform, said. 'I am tired of moving my family every time one of us is killed.'"

"... before the other members hushed him franticly..." (p.5). Here, you misspelled the word, "frantically." Correction: "... before the other members hushed him frantically..."

"A boney light-skinned boy, Benard, turned to Kofi, 'but what if we lose?'" (p.6). Again, you need to separate the different word from the main clause. Along with that, the dialogue is a separate sentence from the action tag. The action tag should end in a period to signify the end of the sentence, and the beginning of the dialogue should be capitalized, as it's the beginning of a new sentence (this suggestion applies to your next paragraph as well). Correction: "A boney, light-skinned boy, Benard, turned to Kofi. 'But what if we lose?'"

"'They've found u—' before Petunia..." (p.9). Since the accompanying action tag of the dialogue is a new sentence, the beginning of it should be capitalized. Correction: "'They've found u—' Before Petunia..."

"Sadden howls filled the air..." (p.13). You need to properly conjugate the word "sadden" in this sentence. Correction: "Saddened howls filled the air..."

"'Please,' his voice cracked as a sob traveled through his body, 'please just let me go.'" (p.15). Since the "his voice cracked as a sob traveled through his body," is an action tag, it's a separate sentence from the two dialogues. That means the punctuation in the first dialogue should end in a period, to signify the end of the sentence. The beginning of the action tag should be capitalized (as it's the beginning of a new sentence), it should also end in a period to signify the end of the sentence, and the beginning of the next dialogue should be capitalized as well. Correction: "'Please.' His voice cracked as a sob traveled through his body. 'Please, just let me go.'" I also added a necessary comma.

"He stood naked towering over Benard's shaking body." (p.16). You're missing a comma here. Correction: "He stood naked, towering over Benard's shaking body."

"... and I am still in shock." (p.1). So your story is set in past tense, but here you slipped into present tense. This happens often throughout your story, so make sure to correct these kinds of mistakes. Correction: "... and I was still in shock."

"A pit filled my stomach, 'What do you mean Kofi died?'" (p.5). Since the dialogue is accompanied with an action tag, these should be two different sentences. That means the end of the action tag ends in a comma. You're also missing a comma here. Correction: "A pit filled my stomach. 'What do you mean, Kofi died?'"

"My grandmother sat in front of the altar whispering into a stone bowl." (p.8). You're missing a comma here. Correction: "My grandmother sat in front of the altar, whispering into a stone bowl."

"I asked skeptically looking into the contents of the bowl." (p.11). Again, you have a missing comma here. By not adding a comma, it's hard to tell whether you're saying that she asked skeptically, then looked into the bowl, or if she asked, then skeptically looked into the bowl.

"I felt around my stomach and looked inside of my jeans, 'No, I'm still a black woman'" (p.15). You need to replace the comma with a period, as it's the end of the sentence. You're also missing punctuation at the end of the dialogue. Correction: "I felt around my stomach and looked inside of my jeans. 'No, I'm still a black woman.'"

"We would sit hours imagining the grand opening..." (p.24). You're missing a filler word here, and you need a comma. Correction: "We would sit for hours, imagining the grand opening..."

In paragraph 27, "b-line" should be "beeline."

"'Now wait just one minute,' she shrugged off my hands, pulling the covers back over her body, 'Slow down. I can hardly understand you over your blubbering.'" (p.9). You need proper punctuation in several areas here, as well as a necessary comma. Correction: "'Now, wait just one minute.' She shrugged off my hands, pulling the covers back over her body. 'Slow down. I can hardly understand you over your blubbering.'"

"Patches of hair grew in all the wrong places as if it tried to change into a wolf but failed." (p.19). You're missing commas here. Correction: "Patches of hair grew in all the wrong places, as if it tried to change into a wolf, but failed."

"In the Onji, we believe that this sacrifice is a test from the gods of our strength and minds. But every time is harder than last. I want to be loyal to my pack and its traditions, but I can't fully understand reconciling killing an innocent being before it could prove itself worthy." (p.21). You have tense slip-ups here, and you're missing a necessary filler word. Correction: "In the Onji, we believed that this sacrifice was a test from the gods of our strength and minds. But every time was harder than the last. I wanted to be loyal to my pack and its traditions, but I couldn't fully understand reconciling killing an innocent being before it could prove itself worthy."

"This one will work." (p.22). This is another tense slip-up. Correction: "This one was going to work."

"And if the whispers from the ancestors are right then it worked." (p.24). You're missing a comma here. Take note of the fact that the comma usually accompanies the conjunction. Correction: "And if the whispers from the ancestors are right, then it worked."

"Well were you able to smell your mother when you entered the house?" (p.26). Again, you're missing another comma here, as the word "Well" is an introductory word to the sentence, and not part of the main clause. Correction: "Well, were you able to smell your mother when you entered the house?"

"This past week, I finally opened my bakery, and I'm exhausted. It seems like everyone in September had either a baby shower or a birthday party." (p.1). You have tense slip-ups here. Correction: "This past week, I finally opened my bakery, and I was exhausted. It seemed like everyone in September had either a baby shower or a birthday party." These tense slip-ups continue throughout the next through paragraphs as well.

"'I've been meaning to come by here. Everyone said your cakes are the best in town,' She said." (p.7). The beginning of the dialogue shouldn't be capitalized, as it's not the beginning of a new sentence. Correction: "'I've been meaning to come by here. Everyone said your cakes are the best in town,' she said."

"I bit my lip, 'Fine, I guess I can go.'" (p.19). Since this is an action tag accompanying the dialogue, it's its own separate sentence. That means the punctuation at the end needs to be replaced with a period to signify the end of the sentence and a start of another. Correction: "I bit my lip. 'Fine, I guess I can go.'"

"Have you met my older brother Huritt?" (p.20). You need a comma here. Correction: "Have you met my older brother, Huritt?"

"I took a deep breath as I stared into the mirror and shakily smeared on the red lipstick." (p.27). I'm confused here. She went from talking to Bly in the bakery to suddenly getting ready to go to Bly's house. If there was a time skip here, you need to address it. Otherwise, it could confuse the reader and make the transition awkward and abrupt.

"Thank you, mama." (p.33). Here, "mama" should be capitalized as there isn't a possessive pronoun in front of it (her/his/their/my/your). Correction: "Thank you, Mama."

"I smiled sadly, meeting her eyes in the mirror, 'I miss dad.'" (p.36). Here, you have incorrect punctuation after the action tag. The word "dad" should be capitalized as well, since there isn't a possessive pronoun in front of it. Amara is referring to a specific person here. Correction: "I smiled sadly, meeting her eyes in the mirror. 'I miss Dad.'"

"Don't worry mama." (p.38). Again, "mama" should be capitalized. You also need a comma here. Correction: "Don't worry, Mama."

"Hey Bly," (p.4). You need a comma here. Correction: "Hey, Bly,"