𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮𝙗𝙤𝙙𝙮 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙪𝙡𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙡𝙙

"The only crime I have committed is that I am a woman. A woman who wears a crown."

Since Adaline, Queen of Aris was a child, the Kingdom of Eden has been after her crown and her blood. She has been forced to remain in hiding for twelve years, but she is of age, and won't hide for any longer. After an assassination attempt, she escapes to the Kingdom of Feyre's court, where she shall wed the next King of Feyre. An alliance that should save her kingdom, and her crown.

But the danger lies within the castle's walls and

Adaline must battle a cruel world of betrayal, blood shed and power, alone.

Nathaniel McKnight hasn't seen his future Queen in over a decade, believing she had passed. A shell of he once was, he doesn't believe he needs a Queen to run his country, but Adaline will never bow down.

But the cost of love is so much greater in the monarchy.

And neither of them are willing to give up their crown, because

there is nothing older or stronger,

than Royal Blood.

I enjoyed the color scheme included in your cover, and how the photos relate to your story and title. The way the title was presented was hard to see, and the font was smaller than I would have liked. The title should be the first thing that attracts a potential reader's eye. You can keep it as it is, but the cover is a little plain, and it doesn't do a good job at making me want to read your story .

I can tell that you put a lot of thought into your title. It's mysterious sounding and vague enough to draw in readers. There are, however, many stories that use this title. If your story is unique enough, I'm sure that you can pull this off. However, I also encourage thinking of different titles that better represent your story. This can be a specific phrase used repetitively throughout your story, a symbolic object, or important person.

I loved the way you ended the blurb. It connects with the title and provides a sense of finality. I enjoyed that you formatted your blurb so that you separated your paragraphs to make it easier for potential readers. However, I feel that the blurb is still longer than it needs to be. It's confusing, and you have a lot of unnecessary information. Not to mention that I've spotted several grammatical errors, including unfinished sentences, misused commas, and sometimes repetitive words. The primary points here are: Adeline has been in hiding. After escaping an assassination attempt, she escapes to marry the King of Feyre. That way, she can secure her crown from the Kingdom of Eden. Nathaniel believed his future queen was dead and believed he didn't need a queen. But after 12 years in hiding, Adeline isn't ready to back down. Neither of them are willing to give up their crown. My take on your blurb would be like this:

❝𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮𝙗𝙤𝙙𝙮 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙪𝙡𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙡𝙙.❞

"The only crime I have committed is that I am a woman. A woman who wears a crown."

After nearly twelve years in hiding, Adeline is of age to take her rightful place on the throne. But after escaping a harrowing assassination attempt, she flees to the Kingdom of Feyre to wed the king. An alliance that should save her kingdom, and her throne.

But the danger lies within the castle's walls, and Adaline must battle a cruel world of betrayal, bloodshed, and power alone.

Nathaniel McKnight hasn't seen his future Queen in over a decade, believing she had passed. A shell of he once was, he doesn't believe he needs a Queen to run his country. But Adeline will never bow down. The cost of love is so much greater in the monarchy, and neither of them are willing to give up their crown.

After all, there is nothing older or stronger than royal blood.

This is still pretty long, but can you see how I've shortened and tightened your blurb? All I did was take out unnecessary sentences and combine several sentences together. You don't have to use this format—in fact; I encourage you to think of your own style and way of shortening your blurb. One suggestion I have is when separating your paragraphs, double the space between them (hit "enter" twice) to clearly show that these sentences are separated.

There weren't any grammatical errors I could immediately spot, and I enjoyed how you started by establishing the scene, mood, and the characters. It didn't start off with a bang, but that's okay, since not every story can or should start with a triggering action. One thing I suggest hooking in your readers further is to describe the scene. I'm not encouraging you to write purple prose (excessive detail that breaks the flow of the story), but to perhaps mention what the brush of the wind feels like, or how the overgrown grass might tickle Addy's ankles. That way, the sensory detail will really draw in your audience to the story.

There were times where you needed commas, and the occasional times where you had unnecessary commas. Keep in mind that commas are used to separate different topics within a sentence. I've pointed out a few examples in your writing, but I purposefully left some out for you to find on your own. There were also a lot of times where you incorrectly capitalized or needed capitalization. Any specific thing, person, or place, or the start of a sentence should always be capitalized. For example, when Nate says, "Your Highness," it should be capitalized, because he's directly referring to a specific person (Addy). I've also pointed these out in your chapter critiques. You also get confused with your use of punctuation concerning dialogues. If a dialogue tag (she said, he exclaimed, they pointed out, etc) accompanies the dialogue, it's part of the sentence. It doesn't make sense for "she said" to be a sentence by itself. The dialogue should end in a comma (to indicate that the sentence isn't over), and the start of the dialogue tag should never be capitalized (as it's not the start of a new sentence). If an action tag (she grinned, he sighed, they ran away, just any action) accompanies the dialogue, it is a sentence by itself. That means the dialogue should end in a period (to signify the end of the sentence), and the start of the action tag should be capitalized (as it's the start of a new sentence). In summary, if a dialogue tag accompanies the dialogue, the dialogue can end in anything except a period, and the start of the dialogue tag should never be capitalized. If an action tag accompanies the dialogue, the dialogue can end in anything except a comma, and the start of the action tag should always be capitalized.

I spotted several instances where you had typos in your writing. I suggest combing thoroughly through your writing to find these, and I've also pointed a few out for you. You also misused apostrophes or were missing apostrophes. Before uploading any chapter on Wattpad, I suggest proof-reading and editing your writing to the best of your ability.

I've seen many stories on Wattpad following the same plot, or a similar one. However, I see potential with the direction you're taking here. As long as you strive to incorporate original concepts to your plot and not follow the same structure as countless other writers, your plot will be strong and executed well. Always be looking for ways to surprise your readers, as you don't want to bore them with the same things they've read before.

I loved the dynamics between your characters. You provided brief, but not overwhelming, descriptions of your characters, and established ties between their names. I got ideas of their personalities and their characteristics. You did well here!

I enjoyed the thoughtful descriptions you provided in your writing. The only thing in the way are your typos and grammatical errors. Just by cleaning those up, your writing voice will greatly improve. So I suggest focusing on your grammar first, then you can start thinking of how to incorporate similes/metaphors and sensory detail.

Your transitions were seamless and natural! Each situation led to the next and gradually pointed to the direction of the climax of your story. A solid 5/5!

"'Make me!' The raven haired girl called, sticking her tongue out in a gesture that Nathaniel's father would have killed someone for less." (p.2). This is one whole sentence, and the word "the" shouldn't be capitalized, as it's not the start of a new sentence. I liked how you smoothly incorporated this information about Nathaniel's father, but I suggest removing "less" as it takes away the comparison between the two. Along with that, there should be a hyphen. "'Make me!' the raven-haired girl called, sticking her tongue out in a gesture that Nathaniel's father would have killed someone for."

"Need I remind you I am your future King, not your current babysitter." (p.5). Here, "king" shouldn't be capitalized, as it's not placed with a proper noun (a name). This is also phrased as a question, so it should end in a question mark. To make this sentence smoother, I also suggest adding in a conjunction. Correction: "Need I remind you I am your future king, and not your current babysitter?"

"Oh please Nate," (p.6). You're missing a comma here. Correction: "Oh please, Nate,"

"... her raven hair..." (p.6). Since you've already used this description before, I suggest replacing it with a new description. After all, you don't want to bore your readers with the same repetitive words. You could simply use, "black," or "inky," or "midnight."

"'Dear Lord,' he muttered to himself, 'Please forgive my rudeness, your highness, but may I ask if you will continue these treacherous journey's you seem to enjoy when you are crowned.'" (p7). These should actually be two sentences. You need capitalization for "your highness" as he's referring to a specific person, and this sentence should end in a question mark. You've misused an apostrophe as well. Correction: "'Dear Lord,' he muttered to himself. 'Please forgive my rudeness, Your Highness, but may I ask if you will continue these treacherous journeys you seem to enjoy when you are crowned?'"

"... why must so many men feel the need to grant me their unwanted opinion as if they will run my country." (p.8). Again, this should end in a question mark as it's phrased as a question. Correction: "... why must so many men feel the need to grant me their unwanted opinion as if they will run my country?"

"The sudden thought of her departure made him sullen, as he bit his lip and looked away." (p.13). I suggest replacing the word "as," with the conjunction "and." Suggestion: "The sudden thought of her departure made him sullen, and he bit his lip and looked away." If you choose to keep this sentence as it is, then the comma is unnecessary, so you should remove that.

"'NO!' He said too quickly, startling the poor girl, 'Sorry, Addy...'" (p.16). The word "he" shouldn't be capitalized (as it's not the start of a new sentence). The comma here should also be replaced with a period. Correction: "'NO!' he said too quickly, startling the poor girl. 'Sorry, Addy...'"

"That's your majesty to you sweetheart!" (p.20). You're missing a comma, and you need capitalization. Correction: "That's Your Majesty to you, sweetheart!"

"'Your beautiful dress is torn.' Nate pointed out..." (p.24). This should be one whole sentence, not two. Correction: "'Your beautiful dress is torn,' Nate pointed out..."

"'And what about it?' She asked." (p.25). Since "she asked" is a dialogue tag, it's a continuation of the sentence. That means the start of the dialogue tag shouldn't be capitalized, as it's not the start of a new sentence. Correction: "'And what about it?' she asked."

"'And this is the future king of Feyre.' Addy said spitefully, which to her agitation only caused him to smile." (p.28). Again, the dialogue tag should be a continuation of the dialogue sentence. You also have an extra space here. Correction: "'And this is the future king of Feyre,' Addy said spitefully, which to her agitation only caused him to smile."

"'But my reputation!' She cried 'I can't be seen in the arms of you of all people.'" (p.34). Again, the clause "she cried" doesn't make sense as a sentence by itself, it should be a continuation of the dialogue sentence. You're also missing punctuation after the dialogue tag. I also suggest rephrasing this to be shorter and tighter. Correction/Suggestion: "'But my reputation!' she cried. 'I can't be seen in your arms, of all people.'"

"... into the crime hotspot f his Kingdom." (p.39). You have a typo here. You also have unnecessary capitalization. Correction: "... into the crime hotspot of his kingdom."

"... snarling 'Don't touch him.'" (p.44). You need punctuation here. Correction: "... snarling, 'Don't touch him.'"

"... illuminating the forbidden forest, It painted a beautiful sight..." (p.55). It looks like you've used the wrong punctuation here, indicating from the capitalization you used. Correction: "... illuminating the forbidden forest. It painted a beautiful sight..."

"Addy looked up, disgruntled to see the length of an arrow protruding from Nathans thigh." (p.58). You need an apostrophe here, as, "Nathan's." Along with that, I feel like the word "disgruntled" isn't the right word for this situation. "Disgruntled" means to be dissatisfied or mildly annoyed. I suggest using a stronger word, such as "alarmed" or "frightened."

I enjoyed the vivid storytelling of your story! You gradually wrote each situation to be contributing to the plot, and I didn't see any filler scenes. There were some repetitive words that I'm sure you'll catch if you go back to proof-read your story, and I caught some grammatical errors here and there. If you turn your focus on thoroughly editing this chapter, it will be a polished rough draft!