Evelyn Myre never meant to swallow a star.

But one night, Eve gets out of bed, planning to spend a peaceful night sleeping beneath the twinkling stars. But life doesn't always go exactly according to plan, does it?

She makes it outside, but the night is far from peaceful. And the days that follow? They will make Eve regret ever wishing on that star.

Because sometimes, wishes come true.

I enjoyed the color scheme of your cover! It ties in with your title, and I can tell that a lot of thought has been put in choosing the right cover for your story. The title, however, is a little hard to see. You can keep the cover as it is, but I personally feel that it doesn't express your story as well as it should.

I did see a connection with the color green and your story! I have to admit that I'm still struggling to see it accurately and fully represent your story, but it could be because I've only read the first six chapters of your story.

Your blurb is clean of any grammatical errors, and it accurately represents your story. I did feel that your sentences were a bit plain. How can you restructure each phrase to be unique, eye-catching, and captivating? What kinds of similes and metaphors can you add? What about descriptions that are dreamy and beautiful? Don't be afraid to play around with your blurb until you think it shows off your writing capabilities to its fullest potential.

Since your hook is the same as before (except for the change of perspectives) my feedback is the same! It was intriguing, straight to the point, and captivating.

I definitely saw an improvement with your use of commas! There were still a few instances where you misused commas, but I've pointed them out for you, and hopefully you'll be able to spot the pattern of repetition with each mistake, and learn to correct them in future writing. I did find a few tense slip-ups, and there were words misused in certain situations. I've pointed them down in your chapter critiques as well.

I didn't find any typos in your writing! You did a wonderful job with editing and proof-reading your writing. There were some spots where questionable word choices were used, but I've made sure to point them out for you.

Honestly, I've seen a few instances where a writer used this concept; of having their wishes come true, and it slowly turns into something they shouldn't have tampered with. However, while reading your story, I felt like I was relearning these things all over again. You executed the plot perfectly and dived straight into the action. The wish about the hair color and eye color changes were unique and fresh, and I had a good laugh while reading it! (This part was copied and pasted from your previous review, as the plot remains the same). To add to this, I noticed that you mentioned the genre, for this was science fiction. From reading your first six chapters, I don't think this is the right genre for your story. There was mentioning of mysterious hair color changes, star-swallowing, changes in eye color, and dragons. This points to fantasy, but as these magical elements are presented in a realistic world setting, I believe the accurate representation for this story would be magical realism (which is exactly what it sounds like). Since magical realism is part of the fiction genre, I suggest placing this book in the fiction category (sounds unbelievable, with the contents of your story, I know. But I have researched this).

Still is 100% here! I was impressed with how you described each character in a simplistic way, often using allusion (referencing) someone who is easy to visualize, such as Professor McGonagall with Miss Riley. I appreciated that you didn't feel the need to overly physically describe each character and made sure to give each one their own voice. I wasn't confusing names or personalities with one another, which is obviously a good sign!

Because of how clean and clear your writing is, your writing voice is very easy to understand! Throughout reading your story, however, I found that there were a few spots where you had awkward sentences and very plain sentence structures. Don't be afraid to add in descriptive language, and when you're writing, don't focus on your grammar mistakes or typos. Write first, then you can go back to edit later. That way, you can get a good flow going without any awkward stops here and there.

My same advice here applies here from what I wrote about your writing voice. For the most part, however, your story transitions were very smooth and seamless. I found that you gradually led me from one scene to another without much problem. Well done!

"So I decided to sleep outside." (p.5). You're missing a comma here. Correction: "So, I decided to sleep outside."

"Memories of the days where my mom..." (p.8). Shouldn't the word "where" be replaced with "when"? Correction: "Memories of the days when my mom..." The same suggestion applies to the sentence, "Nights where it hadn't been only me..."

"My brain was screaming, 'Get out of there now before it crashes into earth and demolishes everything—including you!'" (p.24). Here, you're using passive voice, by saying something was done rather than simply saying that something happened. Along with that, since it isn't being spoken out loud, I suggest you get rid of the dialogue marks and italicize it instead. Correction/Suggestion: "Get out of there now before it crashes into earth and demolishes everything—including you! my brain screamed."

"For a split second, it froze, hovering in front of me, filling me with a glowing warmth, a warmth that felt like drinking sunshine and taking a warm bath and lying in the hot sand on a summer day." (p.28). Did you notice how abnormally long this sentence is? I suggest you split it into several sentences. Suggestion: "For a split second, it froze, hovering in front of me. It filled me with a glowing warmth; a warmth that felt like drinking sunshine, taking a warm bath, and lying in the hot sand on a summer day."

I noticed a repetition of the word "entered" in chapter 2. It's a weak verb; one that doesn't induce any emotion in the readers. What other stronger verb can you use? Some examples can include: stalked, sauntered, dragged oneself, and more. These verbs can reveal more of your character's personality; if they're cocky or timid.

"Could you put contact lenses in while someone's sleeping?" (p.13). You've written in two tenses here, so make sure to stay consistent. Correction: "Could you put contact lenses in while someone was sleeping?"

I noticed when you're talking about Eve's mom, you refer to her as "my mom," and it can get repetitive. Since you're writing in first person, I suggest switching it up once in a while and just write "Mom."

In paragraph 2, you used the word "brown" twice. How can you describe the color without getting repetitive? There are many shades of brown, such as chocolate, hickory, or gingerbread.

"... her smile looked exhausted." (p.2). If you want this sentence to have a stronger impact on your audience, I suggest replacing "looked" with "was," to be more direct. Suggestion: "... her smile was exhausted."

"Can we eat before you sleep, mom?" (p.3). Here, since you're referring to Eve's mom without using a possessive noun (my/your/her/his/their), "Mom" should be capitalized, as Eve's referring to a specific person. Correction: "Can we eat before you sleep, Mom?"

"'Of course, Evie,' my mom sighed." (p.5). Since the clause "my mom sighed" is an action tag, it is not a continuation of the dialogue; it is a new sentence. That means the dialogue should end in a period (to signify the end of the sentence), and the start of the action tag should be capitalized (as it's the start of a new sentence). Correction: "'Of course, Evie.' My mom sighed."

"I hadn't been able to help hoping she had done it." (p.18). This sentence is confusing. I suggest replacing "hadn't been able to" with "couldn't." Suggestion: "I couldn't help hoping she had done it."

"My mom looked shocked." (p.19). I'm beginning to see a repetition of the word "looked." Try to refrain from using this technique and directly say something was. Suggestion: "My mom was shocked."

"'But they're glowing!' She said, wringing her hands." (p.34). Since "She said..." is a dialogue tag, it's a continuation of the dialogue. If you think about it, "she said..." doesn't make sense as its own sentence. That means that since it's not the beginning of a new sentence, the start of the dialogue tag should not be capitalized. Correction: "'But they're glowing!' she said, wringing her hands."

"There was a rap at the front door, and I ran and opened it after checking who it was." (p.8). This sentence sounds awkward because of the word "and" being used twice. You can conjugate the word "opened" differently to avoid this situation. Suggestion: "There was a rap at the front door, and I ran, opening it after checking who it was."

"I tried to ignore her wince as she stepped on the crusty entry mat and the floorboards beneath creaked." (p.8). You're missing a comma here. This sentence also feels unfinished. Correction: "I tried to ignore her wince as she stepped on the crusty entry mat, and the floorboards beneath creaked [with each footstep?]."

"Then Oak groaned." (p.14). You're missing a comma here, as these are two different clauses. Correction: "Then, Oak groaned."

"She looked completely blown away..." (p.20). Again, you used the word "looked." I suggest replacing it with "was" to have a stronger impact on your audience.

"There's no way she'll believe I didn't do it. I don't have a perfect track record like you, Eve. She'll never believe me!" (p.1). You have some repetition in this sentence. You'll notice that Oak said her mother won't believe her twice. I suggest shortening it down to remove the repetition. Suggestion: "There's no way she'll believe I didn't do it. I don't have a perfect track record like you, Eve."

"Mom rubbed her eyes wearily and slid her hands down her face.he puffed her lips out like a fish." (p.8). You're missing a space here, and you seem to have written the wrong pronoun here. Correction: "Mom rubbed her eyes wearily and slid her hands down her face. She puffed her lips out like a fish."

"... I felt the weight of what had happened—and what could." (p.35). This sentence feels unfinished. Suggestion: "... I felt the weight of what had happened—and what could happen."

I suggest combining paragraphs 48 and 49 to be one merged paragraph.

"Maybe not every single year, but she always seemed to be there when someone wanted her, and she knew I hated being called out to the rest of the class, and she never did." (p.1). This sentence is rather long. How about you separate it into two different sentences? It'll give more clarity to your writing, and it'll be easier for your readers to comprehend. Along with that, I replaced some words to make more sense. Suggestion: "Maybe not every single year, but she always seemed to be there when someone wanted her. She knew I hated being called out in front of the class, and she never did."

"It'd be weird." (p.40). You're missing dialogue markings at the end of this sentence.

Your writing has cleaned up rather nicely, and I was impressed by the amount of effort put into each chapter! Your story so far has been light-hearted, fun to read, and I was struggling to find things to point out! I found that your story has a quality to it from other more serious, rigid stories. Well done!

Congratulations! Your book has earned at least ninety points in my review—and therefore will be added to my reading list!