Kayla Highlander,a modest but feisty 22 years old woman,who is forced to take care of her little brother after the demise of her parents in a car accident.After a chance meeting with her and the almighty famous playboy Liam Hawkins where she later finds herself working as his personal assistant,she is forced to accept a job proposal in order to fend for her and her brother needs.

Liam Hawkins,age 25,a young billionaire who has everything at the snap of his fingers--money,power,women--you name it! But what happens when Liam meets feisty little Kayla who is willing to do anything for her and her brother even if it means getting married to him for a year?

One year,a contract, a determined woman,a player husband

What could possibly go wrong?

I enjoyed the way the title and author's name was presented. The photo is darker than I'd like it to be, and it does appear to be a vague and generic photo. What unique concept can you portray in your cover that will really draw in interested readers?

I can see that you have the right idea here with the title. It's short, it relates to the story, and it draws in the right readers. However, it's also cliche and generic. There are many stories on Wattpad about people hired to act out fake relationships, and almost always, the word "hired" is always in the title. Is there a unique way you can present your story without still appearing cliche and just another one of those hired girlfriend/boyfriend tropes?

The most concerning part of your blurb is the amount of grammar errors. If you read it closely, you'll notice that some sentences are incomplete (missing periods), using unnecessary commas, and missing spaces. Your blurb is also very cliche and sounds almost exactly like many other stories on Wattpad. For example, the idea that Liam Hawkins is a young billionaire who can have anything at the snap of his fingers is nothing new, and frankly, some readers may be tired of this cliche. Is there a way you can spice things up with the blurb? What else does Liam have besides his looks and wealth, and how can you portray that in your blurb? You're also missing some proper pronouns here, and the first paragraph sounds more like a summary report of a woman, not part of a synopsis. Ages aren't relevant in the blurb and do not contribute to the plotline at all. Along with that, I'd suggest that you write out numbers to not look lazy or unprofessional in front of potential readers. If you do all this and tighten up your sentences, your blurb could look something like this:

After a chance meeting with the famous playboy, Liam Hawkins, Kayla Highlander has no choice but to accept his proposition; if only to protect her brother and move on from the deaths of her parents.

Used to getting anything he wants with a snap of his fingers, Liam Hawkins doesn't quite know how to deal with feisty Kayla. But he's willing to do anything to help her and her younger brother, even if it means offering her a contract for a year—of marriage.

One year, one contract, and one disastrous marriage.

What could possibly go wrong?

It isn't the best blurb out there, but the point here is that your readers will be looking for something precise, easy to understand, and snappy. Can you notice how my version of your blurb is clean of any grammatical/spelling errors, and I removed any unnecessary information? This doesn't mean you should take this blurb, but look at it as an example for a decent blurb and try to form your own blurb structure. How can you create a unique synopsis in your own words?

I spotted no immediate grammar or spelling errors, but I took some points off for lack of creativity. Starting off the story with your protagonist waking up and falling on the floor from her alarm is very cliche. This intro to your story will not impress potential readers; after all, they're probably looking for something they haven't seen before. I suggest rewriting the hook with a different concept. It can be a symbolic reference to something, philosophical beginning, or just establishing the character and scene.

I've noticed that you tend to write run-on sentences, missing commas and periods. I suggest breaking up each sentence into smaller bits. That way, it'll be easier to read for your readers. Commas are used when separating different topics within a sentence, so keep that in mind for future writing: Is a comma necessary here? You've also have some dialogue/capitalization errors. Keep in mind that if a dialogue tag (she said/he said) accompanies the dialogue, it is a continuation of the dialogue sentence. This means the dialogue should end in a comma, and the dialogue tag should never be capitalized, as it isn't the start of a new sentence. If an action tag (she sighed, he grinned, they turned away, etc) accompanies your dialogue, it is a separate sentence from the dialogue. The dialogue should end in a period, and the action tag is always capitalized (the opposite of dialogue tags). In summary, if there is a dialogue tag after the dialogue, the dialogue can end in anything except a period, and the dialogue tag should not be capitalized. If there is an action tag after the dialogue, the dialogue can end in anything except a comma, and the action tag should be capitalized.

I found that you didn't capitalize words such as "Mum" and "Dad." If you don't add a possessive noun in front of those words (his/her/your/mine/their), they should be capitalized as you're referring to specific people. You should capitalize words only if they're the start of a sentence, specific person, place, or thing. There were a few instances where you unnecessarily capitalized, and I'll point it down in your chapter review.

For the most part, you didn't have any typos in your writing. I did find that you had some misspellings, and I've pointed one out in your chapter review. I suggest thoroughly proof-reading and editing this chapter to remove any spelling errors.

Upon reading your first chapter, I've immediately taken notice of five cliches you've used. First, starting the story with her falling out of bed. Second, the fact that she has dead parents who died in a car crash. Third, this seems to be the poor-girl-meets-rich-guy kind of story. Fourth, she bumps into a wall who turns out to be a guy. Fifth, that guy turns out to be a hot billionaire/her potential boss. These are extremely common in many stories on Wattpad, so I suggest finding your own way to start off this story. What other ways can Kayla run into Liam besides thinking he's a wall? Does Liam even have to be a billionaire? There are endless ways you can twist this story into your own and add your own inspiration/original ideas.

The only character descriptions were physical, and brief at that. All I gathered was that Kayla had a petite and curvy body, while Liam had blue eyes and apparently a hard chest that passed for a wall. Readers do appreciate being able to visualize their characters when reading a story, but it's more important to establish some other things about your characters as well. What are Kayla's passions, interests, and hobbies? What are her worries, and is she generally a happy or sad person? You want to convey this information to form a deeper bond with your audience. They want someone to relate to and understand on a deeper level than her body. Along with that, if you're going to provide physical descriptions, I suggest writing one for the side characters too. I'm sure many readers might want to know how cute Kayla's brother is, or how her parents looked on the day they died. If you don't convey the personalities here, your readers won't be able to sympathize with Kayla, since they don't know her at all.

Your writing voice has a lot of potential here, but I'm gathering that it feels like you're rushing the process of writing a story. Don't be afraid to take your time and describe the little details! We might not want to know everything about Kayla's morning routine, but we might want to know how she feels during it. Don't be afraid to lengthen your descriptions. I got the idea that your writing is more factual, but try tapping on the artistic side of you. How can you best structure a sentence? What metaphors/similes can you add in, and what about sensory detail as well? By doing this, your readers will have an enhanced experience in enjoying your story.

I found your transitions to be blunt, abrupt, and repetitive. The first thing I noticed was that you struggled with transitioning and marked each new scene with a timing. For example, you might start a new scene saying, "Ten minutes later..." Your readers do not need to know how long it took to do something. There are much more creative ways out there to transition, such as summing up what happened previously, describing something in detail in the new scene, or starting right with the trigger of the scene. If you look at other stories on Wattpad by your favorite authors, you can find that they have many ways of transitioning and take their time making it as seamless as possible.

"I stand hurriedly remembering that today is Evan's first day of school and I've got to get him ready for school." (p.4). This is a run-on sentence, and you're missing some commas. Correction: "I stand hurriedly, remembering that today is Evan's first day of school. I've got to get him ready for school." Did you notice how I've split this sentence up into smaller chunks? That way, it'll be easier for readers to comprehend without skimming over.

"'Wake up sleepy head' I say, as I shake him awake." (p.5). You're missing punctuation at the end of the dialogue, and you have an unnecessary comma here. You're also actually missing a comma as well. Correction: "'Wake up, sleepyhead,' I say as I shake him awake." In addition, I suggest taking the time to describe the brother as well. Incorporating descriptive language will help your writing voice become more vivid.

"'Aargh' he says, as he hurriedly jolts out of bed." (p.6). Again, you're missing punctuation at the end of the dialogue. Make sure to go through the entire chapter to fix this. You have an unnecessary comma, and I'm spotting a repetition of the word "hurriedly." Adverbs are unnecessary, anyway. The word "jolt" is already a strong verb, you don't need to describe it further. Correction: "'Aargh,' he says as he jolts out of bed."

"You may be wondering who I am... Hi I'm Kayla Highlander, I'm 22 years old and I stay in a two bedroom flat where I stay alone with my little brother after the death of our parents." (p.7). This is a run-on sentence, you're missing commas, and this is info-dumping. Info-dumping is presenting unnecessary background information at a completely irrelevant moment. If you want readers to know that she lives alone with her brother in a two-bedroom flat, I suggest casually describing the state of her home as she goes about her morning routine. You have wrong capitalization on the word "hi," and the protagonist shouldn't have to introduce herself to the readers. As a writer, I suggest adding in the details of the main character by having her brother call out her name, or describing a certain habit she has, such as gazing at her dead parents' photos.

In paragraph 8, you spelled "livelihood" wrong.

In paragraph 9, "mum" and "dad" should be capitalized since your character is referring to specific people, and you don't have possessive nouns (his/her/my/their/your) in front of the words.

In paragraph 14, I suggest you write out numbers. That way, you'll look more professional and less lazy for your audience. This applies to paragraph 15 as well.

"I hurry and put on a thin coat of mascara on my upper lashes and a subtle amount of lip gloss over my plump lips because I am not much of a make up person." (p.16). This is a run-on sentence. Along with that, "makeup" is one word, not two. I don't think this paragraph is necessary to the plot, or in moving the scene along. If it's true that Kayla isn't a makeup person, why are you describing her makeup routine in detail? Since she's not passionate about it, it isn't an important part of her routine, and shouldn't be shown here. I suggest turning your focus to her habits and personality instead.

"'Kayla are you ready for your interview?' he asked and I smilingly ruffle his hair." (p.18). The word "smilingly" is a weak verb, and I suggest you replace it with something stronger. You're missing a few commas. Along with that, you have a tense slip-up here. Your tense is set in present tense, but you wrote in past tense. Correction: "'Kayla, are you ready for your interview?' he asks, and I [fondly] ruffle his hair."

I want to point out that if different people are speaking, you should write their voices in separate paragraphs. In paragraph 18, Kayla's brother is speaking. When Kayla replies, that needs to be a separate paragraph.

You don't need to start each time skip with how many minutes have passed. Your readers won't be interested to know that ten minutes have passed while they ate, or that it took fifteen minutes to get to school. I suggest you replace your transitions with something more unique and less repetitive.

"I kiss his cheek waving at him as he runs to class." (p.21). You're missing a comma here. This is frequent throughout the chapter, so make sure you comb through thoroughly and correct these. Correction: "I kiss his cheek, waving at him as he runs to class."

"Sometimes, I wonder how my life would be if Evan wasn't in it?" (p23). Even if the character is wondering something, the phrase itself isn't written as a question, so there shouldn't be a question mark here. Correction: "Sometimes, I wonder how my life would be if Evan wasn't in it."

"Suddenly remembering why I was here, I hurriedly check my watch to see I have less than eight minutes to spare. I hasten up my steps only to bump into a solid wall." (p.25). You slipped up in your tense here, and again, the word "hurriedly" is becoming repetitive. You're missing a few commas. Along with that, keep in mind that the female protagonist "bumping into a solid wall" is a very cliche and overused way to introduce the male protagonist. Correction: "Suddenly remembering why I'm here, I hurriedly check my watch to see I have less than eight minutes to spare. I hasten up my steps, only to bump into a solid wall."

So Kayla enters the waiting room of the interview and randomly starts remembering her parents' death. This is awkward, out of place, and info-dumping. It doesn't make sense for her to suddenly start recounting the details of her past, especially right before an important interview. If you want to present this information to your readers, I suggest adding a reason to trigger the MC to feel this way. Perhaps she saw someone who reminded her of her mother, or a specific color of clothing reminded her of the day they died. She can't just sit in the corner and casually begin thinking of how they passed away.

I spotted some repetition and many cliches while reading this story, but I do see potential! If you brush up on your grammar skills and work to twist in new, unique concepts in this first chapter, you'll draw in readers and be able to present them with something new they hadn't expected!