When Nora Wilder joins the police force, her colleagues think she is useless. They think she isn't cut out for being a cop.

But when murders start happening in her town and secrets start surfacing, she has her mind set on proving her colleagues wrong.

But she can't do it alone.

No matter how much she wants to.

The cover looks very professional and well made. I enjoy the way the title and author's name is presented neatly. However, I feel that it doesn't fully portray your story well. It doesn't give me the sense that it's in the mystery/romance genre. You can certainly keep it as it is, but it doesn't draw me in or make me want to read your story.

From reading your title, I can tell that this is a murder/mystery story. However, almost all murder mysterious include knives and secrets, so I find this title to be generic. It also looks random, as though you tossed two words together. Unless this phrase itself holds a significance to your story, I suggest you change the title to something that has a better ring and importance to your plot.

Your blurb is short and concise; it clearly outlines the plot of your story here. I immediately got a sense of what your story was about without trying too hard to understand it, so I'm impressed here! The only thing is that there are some parts that are awkward and could be restructured. For example, when saying, "They think she isn't cut out for being a cop," I suggest restructuring this and perhaps adding an elaboration, such as, "They think she isn't cut out for being a cop, and the worst part is that she's starting to believe it too." It has a nice note of finality to it.

I enjoyed how your writing was free of any mistakes and brought me into the setting of your story. I took a point off here because starting off a story with a phone call interrupting a character's thoughts is pretty cliche and generic; many authors who aren't sure where to start their story tend to start this way. Along with that, you want to show your readers your full capabilities of your writing, and hook them as fast as possible. How can you restructure these sentences and make them more captivating to read? What descriptions can you add, sensory detail, and really make your readers look through your protagonist's eyes?

The huge thing I've noticed was an overwhelming amount of punctuation and capitalization errors. Keep in mind that if a dialogue tag (he said, she said, he exclaimed, they yelled, etc) accompanies your dialogue, the dialogue itself should end in a comma to signify that the sentence isn't over, and the dialogue tag is always a continuation of the dialogue sentence. Since the dialogue tag isn't a new sentence, that means the start of the dialogue tag should never be capitalized as well. An accurate example of this is: "'I know,' she said." However, if there's an action tag (he cried, she ran away, they hit the wall, etc) accompanying your dialogue, the dialogue should end in a period to signify the end of the sentence, and the action tag is the start of a new sentence. That also means the start of the action should be capitalized because it's the start of a new sentence. A correct example of this would be: "'I know.' She grinned." In summarization, if a dialogue tag comes after your dialogue, the dialogue should end in anything except a period, and the dialogue tag is never capitalized. If the action tag comes after your dialogue, the dialogue should end in anything except a comma, and the action tag is always capitalized.

I've also noticed your comma errors and tense slip-ups. The basic rule of commas is that commas are used to separate different topics within a sentence. In future writing, ask yourself whether your sentence needs a comma or not. I've caught quite a few of these errors in your writing, but keep in mind that I've only pointed out a few. The rest are for you to find while editing. Along with that, your story is set in past tense, but you often slip up and write in present tense. Make sure to avoid that in your writing.

I have caught several spelling and writing typos throughout your writing. I've pointed out a few for you in your chapter reviews, but make sure to thoroughly edit and proof-read your writing before uploading on Wattpad.

I like the idea you started off with here. While it has the basic foundations of any mystery/thriller going on, I can see it's stemming from an original idea in your head. There were several plot holes, however. First off, Nora is a police officer working on cases, likely the violent/crimes field. So why is she accepting an emergency call, when that's the job of a 911 dispatcher? Along with that, there are certain rules and policies that apply in terms of putting kids in foster homes or investigating cases. Typically, an officer will arrive at the scene right away, trace calls, collect evidence, and visit the homes of the victims. Your protagonist did none of that. If it's her case, then why didn't she collect the reports, and why didn't she go to the scene of the crime? I was also confused by the random pet-name you've thrown in there from Aaron. I can see that Nora's chief will be her love interest in this story, but it's unrealistic in a real-life setting for two adults to not remain professional, especially when investigating a murder crime. People who don't have their police badges/IDs cannot enter police stations and directly go to visit specific officers. Typically, when reporting something, people generally go to a specific area of a station, where a specific group of officers will help them. It doesn't make sense that Nora's brother just walked in and talked to her, especially since the reader doesn't know who he is, why he's there, and how he knows the information. What is his occupation? Next time you write a story with a complex occupation, I suggest doing extensive research before assuming what happens and hoping you're right.

Is there a physical description you can use to describe Nora? I also didn't get a great visual at her surroundings. What does the station look like? Where is the coffee machine located, and who are her fellow co-workers? These small details help enhance your writing and bring out your characters in a story. Along with that, if Nora's an officer in the violent crimes department, why are there spots where she was incompetent in her job? For example, stalling when she should have been rushing to a crime scene, or asking the wrong questions. The same applies to Aaron. He's the chief, so he should have noticed first that the victims look similar, not Nora. And Nora should have assumed he already connected the similarities, because that is often the first thing identified between victims in a crime case, and the most obvious. Try to think in a detective's mindset and don't put out obvious observations.

I enjoyed the simplicity in your writing here! It was clear and understandable, and your events were well organized. The only protest I have is that I've noticed a lot of repetition in your writing, whether it be the vocabulary, or your sentence structures. For example, I've noticed you use an excessive amount of dialogue tags (she said, he said) after you dialogues, but not a lot of action tags. How can you incorporate them in and change up your sentence structures, rather than have paragraphs saying he said, she said, then he said something again? Another example is how your character continues to be brought back into the present by a phone call or a person. It's increasingly repetitive, and is there a different reaction for your protagonist rather than having the same situation happen over and over again?

Your transitions here were very seamless and natural! The only complaint here is that I often find that you start off the chapter in the same way (with a phone or a topic relating to a phone). How can you change things up a bit and surprise your readers?

"The blaring sound of my phone ringing brought me out of my thoughts and back to the present." (p.1). As I've mentioned above, this isn't the best start to your story. If you decide to keep this intro to your story, I suggest that you add to it. Can you describe the sound of the ringtone? How did it startle your character, and how did they react to it? These things can help build up your character for your readers.

"'... of duty today.' An awfully familiar voice spoke through the phone." (p.4). This is one whole sentence, as there's a dialogue tag after the dialogue. That means the dialogue should end in a comma, and the word "an" shouldn't be capitalized, as it isn't the start of a new sentence. Correction: "'... of duty today,' an awfully familiar voice spoke through the phone."

"'... your everyday phone.' she said." (p.6). You did a good job at not capitalizing "she" as it isn't the start of a new sentence, but that also means the dialogue should end in a comma to indicate that the sentence continues. Correction: "'... your everyday phone,' she said." You have the same problem throughout your entire chapter, so make sure to remedy this issue as you go through and edit/proof-read.

"It was hard coming in to work every day and seeing the same faces who laugh and call you unkind things." (p.11). Your story is set in past tense, but you have several tense slip-ups. Along with that, I suggest you refer to your character instead of your audience. Correction: "It was hard coming in to work every day and seeing the same faces who laughed, and called me unkind things."

"Why did I still work there?" (p.13). Replace "there" with "here."

"There was heavy breathing on the other side and then a blood-curdling scream." (p.16). You're missing a comma here. Along with that, she's a police officer, not a 911 operator. Typically, a police officer would be informed of a case indirectly. To be informed directly by a victim is the job of a 911 operator. Along with that, shouldn't your protagonist answer with the name of her station, not her name? Make sure to do more research on the job of a police officer before you start writing about one, because there are bound to be readers who will point out things that are false in how you describe the job description.

In paragraph 18, I suggest you write out numbers.

"I ran out of my office and sprinted to the chief's office effortlessly dodging my fellow officers along the way." (p.21) You're missing a comma here. The word "effortlessly" isn't necessary here, as you already have a strong verb use, and it's in an awkward place. Correction/Suggestion: "I ran out of my office and sprinted to the chief's office, dodging my fellow officers along the way."

"I pushed open the door and walked over to his desk and placed myself in one of the chairs." (p.24). You have a repetition of "and" here, so I suggest you restructure this sentence to avoid that. You're also avoiding a comma. Correction/Suggestion: "I pushed open the door, walked over to his desk, and placed myself in one of the chairs." Along with that, you could easily tighten and shorten this sentence, rather than trying to make it complicated or fancy sounding. "Placed myself in one of the chairs," could easily be just "I sat down," and it would have a much better impact on your readers.

"'I-I think there has been a murder or at least something bad has happened.' I said in a rush." (p.26). You have the wrong punctuation at the end of this sentence. Additionally, this doesn't seem like a reasonable thing for an officer to say on duty. Logic comes first, emotions later. If she was a competent officer, she would've asked to trace the call and go to the scene of the incident immediately, instead of telling her chief that there was an accident—because as a police officer, it would be obvious that it's an accident if someone calls. Since she gave out unnecessary information and waited for her chief to give her obvious orders, she wasted time. Unless you're trying to portray that she's new and incompetent at her job, I suggest you remove this.

"He looked up from some files when I entered and gave me a tight lipped smile." (p.3). You're missing a comma here. Along with that, what's a stronger verb you can use other than "gave"? Along with that, add a hyphen here. Correction/Suggestion: "He looked up from some files when I entered, and [sent/tossed] me a tight-lipped smile."

"'Looks like you were right.' He eventually said." (p.4). Wrong punctuation and capitalization here. Take note that this should be one whole sentence, as "he eventually said" is not its own sentence; it's a continuation of the dialogue sentence. Correction: "'Looks like you were right,' he eventually said."

"Looks like someone was in a bad mood." (p.6). Your sentence structure here is repetitive to the one I mentioned above, with the use of "looks like." Also, you slipped up with your tense. Correction: "Looked like someone was in a bad mood."

"'Just hand me the files.' I said holding my long-sleeve covered arm out." (p.11). You have the wrong punctuation at the end of the dialogue, you're missing commas, and you've presented unnecessary information. Correction/Suggestion: "'Just hand me the files,' I said, holding out my hand."

"He just looked at my arm, battling with himself." (p.12). You have a split-infinitive here, and there are some readers out there who don't like them. If you can avoid using them completely, then I suggest doing so since they're often unnecessary and fillers. Suggestion: "He looked at my arm, battling with himself."

In paragraph 15, I suggest you write out numbers.

"'... zoned out.' I lied." (p.17). You have the wrong punctuation at the end of this sentence. Correction: "'... zoned out,' I lied."

In paragraph 21 and 23, I suggest you write out numbers. By doing so, you'll look less lazy and more professional to your audience. Along with that, the children of the recently deceased are often visited by the officers on the case. Naturally, those working on the case will drop by the house of the victim, ask for family, and make sure to talk to the children if there are any. Your protagonist and the chief were on the case, so why didn't they check the victim's profile until a day later, when they should have identified the victim immediately and ask for a report? Why did they wait to drop by the house? In real life, this is unrealistic, and anything could have happened to the kids by now.

"'Whatever you say, Princess.' He said." (p.32). You have the wrong punctuation and capitalization issue here. Along with that, I was weirded out with this statement. They're professional adults, working together. Then, out of nowhere, he gives her a cliche pet name? If he has a thing for her, the right thing to do would stay professional while on the job and meet together afterward. I just found this to be random and odd. Along with that, there is protocol to follow with putting children in foster care. They can't just not bring the kids to foster care just because Nora said so. In that case, there would be some legal consequences she'd go through.

In the rest of your chapter, I suggest you write out numbers. You also have the wrong punctuation/capitalization errors as I've mentioned above, so make sure to correct them all and find them on your own.

In paragraph 2, I suggest you write out numbers.

"His voice wasn't urgent but calm." (p.6). You're missing a comma here. Correction: "His voice wasn't urgent, but calm."

"The things we do out of dedication." (p.7). You have a tense slip-up here. Correction: "The things we did out of dedication." In addition, earlier Nora clearly stated that she wanted the case, but now that they have a lead, she's reluctant to follow through. As a police officer, she would've known she'd have late nights and early mornings trying to crack this one, and now she's contradicting herself. Try to keep your plot and facts straight.

In paragraph eight, I suggest you write out numbers.

"'Another murder.' He said bluntly." (p.13). You have the wrong punctuation and capitalization error here. Correction: "'Another murder,' he said bluntly." You have the same problem in paragraph 17.

In paragraph 20, make sure to write out numbers.

"I read the file over an over noticing how similar she was to our other victim." (p.20). You have a typo here, and you're missing a comma. Correction: "I read the file over and over, noticing how similar she was to our other victim."

"Does the have a number on her wrist?" (p.23). You're missing a word here. Correction: "Does the victim have a number on her wrist?"

"'Those aren't just numbers.' Someone said from the doorway." (p.26). You have the wrong punctuation and capitalization here. Correction: "'Those aren't just numbers,' someone said from the doorway." Along with that, what is her brother doing here? I know Nora is wondering the same thing, but try to add some more context for your reader. Wouldn't Nora's first question be, "What are you doing here?" Is he a police officer as well? What's his occupation?

"What do you mean Hunter?" (p.29). You're missing a comma here. Correction: "What do you mean, Hunter?"

"I don't know why he was growling..." (p.2). You slipped up on your tense here. Correction: "I didn't know why he was growling..."

You have unnecessary capitalization in paragraph 3. Correction: "...my brother."

"'Yeah, no shit.' Aaron said." (p.5). You have the wrong punctuation at the end of your dialogue here. Correction: "'Yeah, no shit,' Hunter said."

At this point, you really need to let your readers know who the heck Hunter is, why he has this information, and what he's doing here. It's confusing to have him just conveniently drop by the station and leave. I understand you're adding an element of mysteriousness, but some context you need to add. Is he a police officer, or a detective on the case? If not, how did he get into the station, and why? You can't just have him leave and explain something else entirely to your readers (about him dumping his girlfriend and leaving for the army, it's not necessary here, it doesn't explain why he was here).