"Time may bend itself around the individuals roaming this universe, but the Ending does not," the Portal thundered in its tinny, computer-generated voice. "The Ending has been written into your script since before your planet formed from hot dust and cosmic debris. It is an immovable wall in the stream of time."

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Whilst conducting a research mission with a piece of equipment able to scan time, Captain Vincent Triggs stumbles across a disturbing discovery: The End of Time. As he wrestles with his psyche, he finds solace in his relationships with those around him; his mother, his best friend, the guy he finds himself slowly falling for as the months tick by and the End of Time approaches.

I love the way the title and author's name is presented here. The only problem is the photo. I'm not sure how it connects with a story in a way that isn't generic. How can you incorporate a deeper meaning into your cover so your readers can have a lightbulb moment when they figure it out? I suggest requesting for a new cover on Wattpad, because this one doesn't make me want to read your story.

Wow. This is the kind of title that got all up in my face. It's unique, different, and demanding to be read. I love your title, because it's an indicator for what genre your story is set in, and draws a lot of potential readers to your story! Clearly well done here.

The blurb was so well written. The structuring of your sentences were concise and organized. I took off the point because the quote from your story isn't necessary. It may be important to the story, but readers may have to look at it several times to decipher its meaning; it holds no significance to them. Instead, I suggest providing a better quote from your story that your readers can immediately click with. For example, if your protagonist tells someone they've discovered the End of Time, that's a unique concept that your readers will be curious about.

With your hook, you're diving straight into your story and showing off your writing capabilities. I got a peek of your writing voice, your character, and the content of your story. It was really well written, and I can see you've put a lot of thought into it. A solid 5/5.

One frequent error I've caught throughout chapter one was your use of commas. While most of the time you used them correctly with a further understanding than most other writers I'd critiqued, there were a few spots here and there that you missed. Keep in mind that a comma is used to separate several clauses throughout a sentence. In future writing, I suggest looking closely at the sentence you just wrote, and ask yourself whether it can be better restructured, and if it needs a comma or not.

In addition, I've also taken notice of the punctuation at the end of your dialogue sentences. While it looks like you've gotten the gist of how to use punctuation when a dialogue tag accompanies the dialogue, I can't say the same for your action tags. An action tag follows a dialogue, often describing an action (he grinned, she ran away, they frowned, etc). An action tag is not part of the dialogue sentence; in fact, it's a sentence of its own. This means that the beginning of the action tag should be capitalized (as it's the start of a sentence) and the dialogue prior to it should end in anything except a comma. An accurate example of this includes: "'I don't know.' He frowned." Here, you can thoroughly see that these two sentences are separated from the indication of capitalization and punctuation. I've mentioned this in your chapter review as well.

Is it wrong that I scanned your chapter, looking for mistakes to point out? I was sorely disappointed, as I found none! I was impressed by the lack of errors in your story, and I can clearly see that you've taken the time to thoroughly edit and proof-read your story methodically. Well done!

I love the idea/concept you started off with! Writing a story about the End of Time is certainly interesting to think about, and probably more so to read about. I was excited while reading this chapter, and I was not disappointed. You presented deep, realistic characters, and your world-building was just as incredible.

From reading your chapter, I was able to see that your protagonist was a deep, intelligent thinker. What I particularly liked was that you didn't have to provide a description about his physical or internal appearance; I got an idea for his mindset right away. The names you used were unique as well, and I love the realistic thoughts and everyday details you've provided to help me get to understand your character more.

What can I say? Your writing voice enthralled me. I learned so much just by reading your first chapter. I was thrilled with your choice of diction and style of writing. I got a clear representation of your writing style, and it was all very organized and understandable—which can be hard in writing sci-fi and world-building. I've learned a few more vocabulary words as well, and I got a peek at what you were like behind the screen.

Though there were a few spots where I've noticed repetition in your transitions, they were small enough that I hardly noticed. I enjoyed the different ways you've moved a scene along, and I especially enjoyed how they were very natural and seamless; gradually leading up to the plot and triggering action of your story.

The first thing I've noticed is that your paragraphs are exceptionally long. Paired with your advanced vocabulary and thoughtful, well-structured sentences, readers may struggle with reading without skimming/skipping over some parts. To make it easier for readers, I suggest breaking up each paragraph into shorter paragraphs.

"They'd switched the Portal back on for answers, after Holst had rushed onto the bridge, waving it in the air like a madman..." (p.5). You have an unnecessary comma here. Correction: "They'd switched the Portal back on for answers after Holst had rushed onto the bridge, waving it in the air like a madman..."

"'It's not on, you've got to switch it on,' Triggs had sighed when he'd seen the blank screen." (p.5). These are two separate sentences. Because the dialogue is accompanied with an action tag, the action tag is a sentence by itself; so the two should be separated with a period and not a comma. Correction: "'It's not on, you've got to switch it on.' Triggs had sighed when he'd seen the blank screen."

"... the Portal beeped enigmatically, in its tinny robot voice." (p.9). You have an unnecessary comma here. Correction: "... the Portal beeped enigmatically in its tinny robot voice."

"'That's comforting,' Triggs sighed, wishing the damn thing wasn't so entitled." (p.18). These should be two separate sentences, as there's an action tag after the dialogue. Correction: "'That's comforting.' Triggs sighed, wishing the damn thing wasn't so entitled."

I'm noticing a repetition of the phrase "he felt like..." throughout your writing. How else can you start restructuring your sentences to avoid repetition here?

"Triggs wanted to ask Holst if he really believed the Portal, wanted to shake him and shout that he couldn't possibly fall for an AI with a superiority complex telling him that time was going to end (despite the niggling feeling of doom that writhed like a worm at the bottom of his gut, insisting to him that he ought to be terrified)." (p.28). Can you see how abnormally long this sentence is? You can restructure this to tighten/shorten and separate this into several sentences. Suggestion: "Triggs wanted to ask Holst if he really believed the Portal. He wanted to shake him and shout that he couldn't possibly fall for an AI with a superiority complex telling him that time was going to end (despite the niggling feeling of doom that writhed like a worm at the bottom of his gut, insisting that he ought to be terrified)."

"Later, after they finished up their scans and filled their data logs, and after Triggs had submitted a report to InterSpace like the Good Little Captain he was, Holst tried to explain what he thought of the End of Time to him one evening over a game of holographic chess." (p.31). Again, this sentence is very long. I suspect that you're able to restructure this on your own, and I encourage you to use your writing voice and skills to shorten/tighten this down.

"In my mind it's the state of Existence..." (p.32). You're missing a comma here. Correction: "In my mind, it's the state of Existence..."

"InterSpace swept in, and he was subjected to a volley of questions that he could only answer half of." (p.34). You're missing another comma here. Correction: "InterSpace swept in and he was subjected to a volley of questions that he could only answer half of."

"... he was patted on the back and told to return to his ship, sit his ass on the captain's chair and command them all towards their next adventure (albeit a little politer)." (p.34). You're missing a comma here. Correction: "... he was patted on the back and told to return to his ship, sit his ass on the captain's chair, and command them all towards their next adventure (albeit a little politer)."

In paragraph 35, "god" should be capitalized as you're referring with an allusion here.

I had such a blast reading through your first chapter! I was captivated by your thorough descriptions, thorough world-building, and intricate characters. I definitely felt a lot smarter reading this and also learned a thing or two! One of the small grammatical errors I've caught included punctuation at the end of a dialogue sentence, and the occasional missing comma. If you brush up your manuscript and thoroughly edit it, your story will be more than ready to go!

Congratulations! Your book has earned at least ninety points in my review—and therefore will be added to my reading list!