Blue has been asleep for 25 years.

When he wakes up, he finds himself in a different world. One made of injustice and rebellion. A new world created from the war and hatred between humans and machines.

The worst part of it all? He's a machine.

Blue is uncovered by a girl named Red whose on a mission to find her parents that disappeared 12 years ago. The two must now venture into a war-ridden America together, with Blue doing his-all to protect Red.

Throughout their journey, Blue begins to feel things a robot shouldn't. Emotions forbidden for machines. Compassion, curiosity, and love.

He knows he shouldn't have fallen in love.

He knows it's not normal but what's so bad about the forbidden love of a robot?

I enjoyed the cover because it gave me a feel for what your story's about, and it draws in the right audience for your story. From the way the font is presented to the author's name on the bottom, it's professional and I can tell a lot of thought has been put into the cover. Well done here!

This title is appealing, carefully chosen, and expresses your story well. The only reason why I took off a point here is because I feel that I've seen many sci-fi stories that have "stars" in their title. If you choose to stick with this, make sure that it's really relevant to your story, and try to have an open mindset on any other title ideas that may pop into your head during the writing process.

I enjoyed the concise and organized blurb! It was well written, and I got the gist of your story. The only thing I suggest you could improve on here is to write out your numbers "twenty-five" and "twelve." There is a minority group of readers who feel that numbers that aren't written out show the laziness or unprofessional side of the author, so in order to keep all your readers happy, you might as well just avoid that problem altogether by writing them out. Along with that, I've noticed you've used an unnecessary hyphen "his-all" and you slipped up your tense. Your blurb is written in present tense, using words such as "is" and "finds." However, in the sentence "He knows he shouldn't have fallen in love," you switched into past tense. I suggest replacing "shouldn't have" with simply "shouldn't." You're also missing a few commas here and there, such as in the last sentence. The word "whose" should also be replaced with "who's" because you're saying Red is on a mission, not that it is her mission. I've also noticed throughout reading your story that Red is the protagonist here. I suggest rewriting your blurb to be in Red's perspective, because even if Blue is also a protagonist, Red's POV comes first for the first five chapters, and you don't want to give your readers something they didn't want (for example, readers who came looking for a story in a male's POV).

I enjoyed the start of the story! Your writing was clean of errors, and the diction used here was especially lovely. I learned a lot about the protagonist from the first paragraphs, and I got a taste for your writing style. I was impressed!

Throughout your writing, I found a lot of grammar mistakes. The first and most important one is that I've noticed you often got confused with your punctuation and capitalization, especially concerning your dialogue. If a dialogue tag accompanies your dialogue (he said, she exclaimed, he yelled, etc), it is part of the dialogue sentence, not a sentence of its own. A correct example of this would be, "'I hate you,' she said." or "She said, 'I hate you.'" When an action tag accompanies your dialogue (she grinned, he frowned, they jumped), it is separate from the dialogue sentence, a sentence of its own. A correct example of this would be, "'I hate you.' She turned, running away." or "She turned, running away. 'I hate you.'" In summarization, if a dialogue tag comes after your dialogue, the start of the dialogue tag shouldn't be capitalized, and the dialogue can end in anything except a period. If an action tag comes after your dialogue, the start of the action tag should be capitalized (as it's the start of a sentence) and the dialogue can end in anything except a comma.

The next concerning thing is your use of commas. Keep in mind that commas are used to separate several clauses. Think of a sentence as containing several topics. You want to separate each topic with a comma (though there are a few exceptions). You can research this on your own later, but I've spotted a lot of missing commas, and the occasional unnecessary comma. In future writing, ask yourself if the comma is needed or not.

Additionally, you have some tense slip-ups throughout your story. Keep in mind that your story is set in present tense, so words such as "is" and "doesn't" should be converted to "was" and "didn't." I pointed out a few tense slip-ups to you, so it's up to you to find the rest.

I found a lot of problems with your spelling. There were some times where I found typos that could easily be fixed. In the future, I suggest carefully proof-reading your writing before uploading on Wattpad. I've pointed out a few of these mistakes to you, but you have to find the rest on your own. Along with that, I found that you often experimented with your pronouns. You've already introduced your protagonist, Red, so you should only stick to referring to her as "Red" or "her." I see a lot that you write 'the girl" or "the pink-headed girl," which will confuse your readers. To make it simpler, I suggest sticking to using subject pronouns (she/her).

Along with that, you've mixed up your singular and plural words. In future writing, ask yourself if the object in a sentence is singular or plural, and make sure you stick with it. For example, if there are five birds, you wouldn't write that there "was" five birds, you'd write that there "were" five birds. However, I saw that you confused yourself with this often, and I've pointed a few out to you.

Lastly, I suggest focusing on the conjugations of your sentence. Stick to the current flow of the sentence. Instead of saying, "She grinned, picking up the stick, hit herself on the head," say, "She grinned, picking up the stick, hitting herself on the head." Can you see how I've properly conjugated "hitting" into the sentence? You have these kinds of sentence structures often in your writing, and because of the complexity, you mix up your conjugations. Because this can be confusing, I suggest working on simplifying your sentence structures. It's easier for your readers to see, and easier for you to avoid mistakes like this.

I enjoyed the idea you started off with! It's unique and different, and I didn't know what to expect while reading it. I can see you put a lot of thought into the world-building part of your protagonist's story and addressed different issues present in the character's world. Your plot is organized, well thought out, and I was impressed with the details of it.

For the most part, I was easily able to identify the differences between your characters. I could really see Red's fiery spirit and the dynamics between her and her friends. This isn't something you have to apply to your story since you already have plenty of it written, but in the future, when planning out your characters, never give them names starting with the same letters. "Red" and "Reem" sound similar because they both start with "R," and your readers aren't as used to them as you are. That means they may have a harder time distinguishing who is who.

I was impressed by your diction and descriptions! I was able to see the voice in your story and differentiate it from other stories I've read. I was entranced by your wandering sentences and strong vocabulary. However, it's still a little foggy. What I mean by that is that I'm not so sure you broke past the barrier yet; of you being comfortable enough to fully express yourself. It feels like you're holding yourself back in a way, adhering to the rigid expectations of writing a story. When writing, you need to let those go. Just focus on getting the words out of your head, and that's when they'll sound the most natural. That way, you can go back and edit it later and still bring out the fullest potential of your story. Along with that, the grammatical/spelling errors and inaccurately complex sentences were in the way of me being able to fully appreciate your writing style completely.

Your transitions were very seamless and natural! There weren't any awkward time skips or sudden scene transitions, it was all very subtle and gradual. I took off a point here because I also noticed that you used the word "then" often, becoming repetitive in your transitions. Your readers are bound to notice this as well, so try to experiment with different ways to transition without using the same structure over and over again. If you read other stories by your favorite authors, I suggest taking a look at how they transition their scenes. What tactics do they use, and how can you apply them to your story?

"From the oldest to the youngest to the shortest to the tallest." (p.2). You should have a comma here to separate the two clauses. Correction: "From the oldest to the youngest, from the shortest to the tallest."

"'Excellent performance!' her boss sprinted to her." (p.7). These should be two separate sentences, as "her boss..." is not a continuation of the dialogue sentence, so "her" should be capitalized. Correction: "'Excellent performance!' Her boss sprinted to her."

"He was a stubby fat man with a bald head that he wore a two-dollar wig to cover up." (p.7). You should separate your descriptive words with a comma, and I suggest you restructure this sentence to tighten/shorten. Correction/Suggestion: "He was a stubby, fat man with a two-dollar wig he wore to cover up his bald head."

"Red displayed the fake smile, 'thank you, John.'" (p.8). Again, there's an action tag in front of the dialogue, so they should be separated with a period and not a comma. Correction: "Red displayed a fake smile. 'Thank you, John.'"

"The stubby fat man followed her..." (p.9). You're missing a comma here. Along with that, you've already provided this exact same description for him earlier. Since your readers know who he is now, try to establish a bond with his character to his name and simply refer to him as "John followed her..."

"He rubbed her cheek, 'you're free to go for today. I'll see you tomorrow night.'" (p.19). Again, these should be two separate sentences as you have an action tag attached to the dialogue and not a dialogue tag. That means the two should be separated with a period instead of a comma, and the start of the dialogue should be capitalized.

"Red dug into her bag..." (p.22). You already said her name in the beginning of the paragraph, and I find it awkward that you're saying it again. I suggest you replace it with the subject pronoun "she."

"Sure the streets were dirty but that was understandable." (p.24). You're missing commas here. Correction: "Sure, the streets were dirty, but that was understandable."

"Once she reached the tiny store, she jumped off her skateboard, grabbing the board, and walking into the store." (p.25). You have an unnecessary comma here. Correction: "Once she reached the tiny store, she jumped off her skateboard, grabbing the board and walking into the store."

"'You can never get a break,' Red scoffed, 'you know what they're fighting about now?'" (p.32). You have the wrong punctuation at the end of your sentence, and you need capitalization. Keep in mind that theses should be three separate sentences. I see this often throughout your writing, and I've only pointed out a few, so make sure to find the rest on your own. Correction: "'You can never get a break.' Red scoffed. 'You know what they're fighting about now?'"

Another example of the same problem is in paragraph 43. You should also write out the number "twelve."

"The stars were bright and vibrant, the moon sat above, observing humanity below." (p.52). Make sure to have proper conjunctions to string the clauses together. Correction/Suggestion: "The stars were bright and vibrant and the moon sat above, observing humanity below."

"'Red!' a shriek erupted and a tall guy sprinted to them, beaming." (p.79). You need capitalization here. Correction: "'Red!' A shriek erupted and a tall guy sprinted to them, beaming."

"'What a great way to start the night.' She thought in pure dislike." (p.101). Here, you don't need extra quotations since she's thinking, and you italicized it, and this is one whole sentence. "She" shouldn't be capitalized, as it isn't the start of a sentence, and the period should be replaced with a comma. Correction: "What a great way to start the night, she thought in pure dislike."

"'... brothels, a scrapyard,' Ken shrugged..." (p.131). The comma here should be replaced with a period. Correction: "'... brothels, a scrapyard.' Ken shrugged..."

"It was a wretched sight to most but a beautiful sight to Red." (p.2). You need a comma here. I also suggest replacing "sight" with "one" the second time you use it to avoid repetition. Correction/Suggestion: "It was a wretched sight to most, but a beautiful one to Red."

"'I've got a very tough crowd out there,' John said, 'don't disappoint and I might consider the raise, hm?'" (p.10). These should be two separate sentences. That means the first sentence ends after "Jon said," and "don't" should be capitalized to indicate the beginning of a new sentence. Along with that, you're missing a comma. Correction: "'I've got a very tough crowd out there,' John said. 'Don't disappoint, and I might consider the raise, hm?'"

"He chuckled, 'you need me more than I need you.'" (p.41). Again, these two sentences need to be separated. This is the problem I'm seeing the most throughout your chapter reviews. Correction: "He chuckled. 'You need me more than I need you.'"

"Red entered the dance floor, the music and dancing bodies swallowed her whole." (p.47). You incorrectly conjugated "swallowed" in this sentence. Correction: "Red entered the dance floor, the music and dancing bodies swallowing her whole."

"The bus station it is." (p.55). Your story is set in past tense, but you slipped up and wrote in present tense here. Correction: "The bus station it was."

"Red didn't look at him but she knew he was there." (p.58). You're missing a comma here. Correction: "Red didn't look at him, but she knew he was there."

"'I think you've got the balls, kid. And I also think John had it coming,' Craig sat beside her, sympathetically." (p.60). You have an unnecessary comma here, and these should be two sentences, not one. Correction: "'I think you've got the balls, kid. And I also think John had it coming.' Craig sat beside her sympathetically."

"'That's just how things are so why whine about it?'" (p.68). You're missing a comma here. Correction: "'That's just how things are, so why whine about it?'"

"The city lights were dull to her now and as she passed the expensive buildings, cars, and flashing lights." (p.74). This sentence is incomplete. To make it complete, take out the "as" or include the next sentence to be part of this one.

"A sad sign escapes her lips and she sits up from her bed. She snatches the phone off the cabinet, weary and lost within her thoughts." (p.83). You have a lot of tense slip-ups here, and you mis-wrote the word "sigh." Correction: "A sad sigh escaped her lips, and she sat up from her bed. She snatched the phone off the cabinet, weary and lost within her thoughts."

I've noticed that the word "fake" is extremely repetitive throughout your writing. Whether you're writing that Red "fake smiles" or "fake chuckles," I'm seeing it more than I want to. What other synonyms can you replace it with?

"Reem stepped into the living room clutching bags from designer stores only available in the Central." (p.2). You're missing a comma here. Correction: "Reem stepped into the living room, clutching bags from designer stores only available in the Central."

"Reem sighed, 'fine, I'll look for him myself.'" (p.6). These are two sentences. "Reem sighed" is a sentence by itself, and the dialogue isn't a continuation of the sentence. Correction: "Reem sighed. 'Fine, I'll look for him myself.'"

"'Don't be so modest,' Reem relaxed onto the chair across from Red..." (p.11). Again, "Reem relaxed..." is a sentence by itself, not a continuation of the dialogue. Correction: "'Don't be so modest.' Reem relaxed onto the chair across from Red..."

"Her breath hitches in her throat, she struggles to find the right words, her hands cold and paralyzed." (p.12). You have tense slip-ups here. Correction: "Her breath hitched in her throat and she struggled to find the right words, her hands cold and paralyzed." Did you also see how I restructured the sentence to make it more fluid and less awkward?

"She storms to the windowsill, gripping it, her hands tightly clasping the cool wood." (p.16). Again, you have tense slip-ups here. In addition, you already wrote that she was "gripping" the wood, so you don't need to repeat it twice. Correction/Suggestion: "She stormed to the windowsill, gripping it tightly."

In paragraph 32, I suggest you write out numbers.

"My mother was on the other side of that line and she is alive." (p.43). You need a comma here. Correction: "My mother was on the other side of that line, and she is alive."

From paragraph 43 to 44, since the same person is speaking, you should leave paragraph 43 without a dialogue mark, to indicate the speech is continuing.

In paragraph 51, make sure to write out numbers.

"It wasn't easy you know?" (p.64). This isn't phrased as a question, so there shouldn't be a question mark at the end. Along with that, you're missing a comma. Correction: "It wasn't easy, you know."

"It sounded so close yet so far away." (p.69). You're missing a comma here. Correction: "It sounded so close, yet so far away."

"And yet, she is still the first to walk down the ladder." (p.last). You have a tense slip-up here. Correction: "And yet, she was still the first to walk down the ladder."