"Will you tell me a story?" She clutched the comforter between her hands, a tell-tale sign that she was afraid.

"A story?", he questioned, "I'm not the type of demon or human to share stories. It's not in my nature to do so."

Her grasp on the quilted blanket loosened and slightly bowed her head in disappointment then softly spoke. "Please, just one. I'm sure you're not a stranger to tales and legends of old."

The corner of his lips quirked upwards at his little swan's attempt to invoke some sympathy in him. And she was successful, rightfully so. He sighed bitterly then promised to himself that he'd only allow this to happen once and never again.

"All right. But what kind of story would you like?" Her head snapped up when he agreed. He watched as her round eyes bulged slightly as his darkened purple ones stared back at her, promising only carnal desire. "One that involves a charming prince and a helpless maiden or one that involves a big, bad demon that devours all that's innocent?"

+++

When Odette, mystified by the unknown and unseen, comes face to face with a nightmarish demon that promises to give her a taste of his forbidden fruit, her reality and everything she thought she knew comes crashing down in flames.

From the way the font is presented to the creativity of the photo used, your cover is very professional looking and well done! The only thing I would point out is that the photo quality seems to be blurry and faded. I'm not sure if it's intentional or not, but either way your cover seems to draw in the right audience for your story!

After reading your first chapter, I immediately got a lightbulb moment for the title, alluding to the whistling later in the chapter. It's a clever, unique name, and it matches the dark mood of your story.

From reading your blurb, it draws in the right audience looking for the dark romance genre. I did see that some of your sentences could be restructured, and you have some grammar issues as well. A cleaner version of your blurb would be:

"Will you tell me a story?" She clutched the comforter between her hands, a telltale sign that she was afraid.

"A story?" he questioned. "I'm not the type of demon or human to share stories. It's not in my nature to do so."

Her grasp on the quilted blanket loosened, and she bowed her head in disappointment. Then, softly, she spoke. "Please, just one. I'm sure you're not a stranger to tales and legends of old."

The corner of his lips quirked upwards at his little swan's attempt to invoke sympathy in him. And she was successful, rightfully so. He sighed bitterly, then promised to himself that he'd allow this to happen only once.

"All right. But what kind of story would you like?" Her head snapped up. Her round eyes bulged slightly as his darkened purple ones stared back at her, promising only carnal desire. "One that involves a charming prince and a helpless maiden, or one that involves a big, bad demon that devours all that's innocent?"

I've tightened some of your sentences and added necessary commas, while taking out unnecessary commas as well. You definitely don't have to use this improved version; in fact, I encourage you to edit your blurb on your own. That way, your blurb is entirely yours and you can show off your writing style.

I was impressed! While you didn't start the story off with a bang, you were still able to introduce your character, her personality, and eased me right into the story. I've already learned so much about Odette just from your first few paragraphs, and your writing was free of any grammatical/spelling errors. Well done!

The most concerning thing I've found was your use of commas throughout your chapter. You were either missing commas, or had unnecessary commas. The basic rule is that sentences should be separated by their "topics." For example, saying "she snarled with rage then ran away," there are two topics here. One is that she snarled with rage, and the other is that she ran away. Naturally, to avoid confusion, you need to separate them with a comma. The correction would be, "She snarled with rage, then ran away." However, the rules fluctuate and vary with more complex sentence structures, so I suggest you do more research on commas on your own, or use a writing site (ProWritingAid) that can point out these suggestions and help you learn more about commas.

The next thing I found throughout your chapter review was your misuse of punctuation and capitalization, especially with your dialogue. Keep in mind that if a dialogue has a dialogue tag after it (she said, he exclaimed, she called out, etc), the dialogue tag is not its own sentence. It's part of the dialogue sentence. That means that the sentence, "'I hate you,' she said" is one whole sentence. Because of that, you shouldn't end the dialogue in a period, because that indicates that "she said" would be its own sentence, which is inaccurate. Along with that, you shouldn't capitalize the start of your dialogue tag as I've noticed through your chapter, since it isn't the start of a new sentence. If your dialogue has an action tag after it (she ran away, he grinned, she gasped, etc), then it is its own sentence. That means the dialogue should not end in a comma, and the start of the action tag should be capitalized, as it's the start of a new sentence. An accurate representation of a dialogue with an action tag includes: "'I hate you.' She banged her fist on the table." So the basic thing to remember is that if a dialogue ends with an action tag, the punctuation of the dialogue can end in anything except a comma, and the start of the action tag should be capitalized. If a dialogue ends with a dialogue tag, the punctuation of the dialogue can end in anything except a period, and the start of the dialogue tag should never be capitalized.

I also noticed your lack of subject pronouns. Frequently throughout your story, I noticed you described things in clauses without clear subject pronouns. If you don't include subject pronouns, your reader will interpret the sentence differently. I've included and elaborated on this topic further in your chapter review.

Lastly, you seem to confuse the word "an" and "a." Keep in mind that the word "a" should only be used when the next word starts with a consonant (the opposite of the vowels), and "an" should be used when the next word starts with a vowel (a, e, i, o u, sometimes y). I've also expanded further on this in your chapter review, so be conscious about this topic in future writing.

I did catch some spelling errors throughout your story. I've pointed them out in your chapter review, but make sure to proof-read your story to catch these typos. Otherwise, your writing was clean of any spelling errors.

I can't say much about your plot since I've only read the first chapter, but I was impressed with how it was going so far. Although I've seen stories with similar plots on Wattpad, I got a taste for your characters and the overall mood for your story. Some tips to keep in your head while writing is to not stray from the main plot of your story, make sure to describe surroundings and situations at all times to keep your readers notified, and I suggest dropping hints to the main plot with each new chapter. That way, your readers can have a lightbulb moment when the actual plot is finally revealed.

I liked the insecurity you've incorporated for Odette and her flaws. It makes her a realistic and relatable person, and it's a fresh change from the flawless characters I see from other stories on Wattpad. I can tell that she's a smart, timid, and self-conscious teenage girl who doesn't know how to stand up for herself. I can definitely sense the character development and character arc through this story.

I did notice that while your diction is eloquent and your writing voice stands out, you often over-structure your sentences when you could simplify them and restructure them for your readers. Often, the simpler, the better. Rather than saying, "An alarmed sigh came from her lips," it would be better to say "she gasped." Believe it or not, it does have a better effect on your readers. I've also noticed that there are times when you write in passive voice. Passive voice is when you write that something is done by someone, rather than simply stating that someone did something. It's better to describe an action directly, so I suggest you avoid statements such as "she was crying" or "he was grinning as she was yelling at him," and instead directly write "she cried" or "he grinned as she yelled at him." This tightens your writing and has a lasting effect on your audience.

For the most part, your story flow was seamless and smooth. I did notice a repetition of the word "then." You often say that something happened, then something else happened. You tend to structure your sentences the same, so I suggest refraining from doing that. It can be boring for your readers if you have sentences that follow the same structure and the same length. Try to experiment with different transitions and find the one that works best with your story.

"Transferring thoughts onto paper and turning it into seamless sentences had her riddled, bringing her a sense of frustration and impending anger as she softly read the lines she wrote then re-read it again." (p.4). Here, you're referring to "thoughts" to be plural, so "it" should be replaced by "them." Along with that, you're missing a comma. Correction: "Transferring thoughts onto paper and turning them into seamless sentences had her riddled, bringing her a sense of frustration and impending anger as she softly read the lines she wrote, then re-read it again."

"Instead she had a scattered one filled with everyday teenage problems." (p.6). You're missing a comma here. Correction: "Instead, she had a scattered one filled with everyday teenage problems."

"Eleven thirty, she muttered." (p.7). I suggest that you add a hyphen or em dash here. Along with that, if she's speaking out loud, make sure to use dialogue marks. Correction: "'Eleven-thirty,' she muttered."

"This time, a sigh escaped her lips then distractedly twirled the ballpoint pen in her hand and leaned back against the rickety chair, wincing when a jolt of pain struck her back from slouching through the hours." (p.7). Can you see how abnormally long this sentence is? I suggest you tighten and shorten these sentences. Along with that, by not adding a subject pronoun, you're essentially saying that her sigh twirled the pen in her hand, which doesn't make any sense. Correction/Suggestion: "This time, a sigh escaped her lips as she distractedly twirled the ballpoint pen in her hand. She leaned back against the rickety chair, wincing when a jolt of pain struck her back from slouching through the hours."

"The stomach bump was evident once again and Odette rolled her eyes then abruptly teared her eyes away from the mirror." (p.11). You're missing a comma here, and you need to replace "teared" with "tore." Along with that, I've noticed that "then" is becoming increasingly repetitive here, so I suggest you refrain from using it as often as you do. Correction/Suggestion: "The stomach bump was evident once again, and Odette rolled her eyes before she abruptly tore her eyes away from the mirror."

"A scoff came from her." (p.13). This sentence could be restructured and shortened. I suggest you describe the action directly, as "She scoffed."

"Her thoughts brought her back to the week before when Odette and her mother went dress shopping for her prom." (p.15). You're missing a comma here. Correction: "Her thoughts brought her back to the week before, when Odette and her mother went dress shopping for her prom."

"The already dark room seemed to darken even more and the air noticibly lowered in temperature." (p.24). You're missing a comma here, and you spelled the word "noticeably" wrong. Correction: "The already dark room seemed to darken even more, and the air noticeably lowered in temperature."

"The chill in the air filled her with a sense of dread and a almost inaudible gasp left her as a extremely big, blackened mass of something zoomed past her, dissipating into nothing when it reached the corner of the room." (p.25). You're missing a comma here. Along with that, you seem to be confused with the word "a" and "an." The word "a" is used when the word coming after it starts with a consonant, while "an" is used when the next word starts with a vowel. In this case, you have two cases where the word coming after starts with a vowel, so "a" should really be "an." Correction: "The chill in the air filled her with a sense of dread, and an almost inaudible gasp left her as an extremely big, blackened mass of something zoomed past her, dissipating into nothing when it reached the corner of the room."

"Odette no longer heard the blackbirds chirping outside or the rustling of the oak tree from their backyard." (p.28). You're missing a comma here. Correction: "Odette no longer heard the blackbirds chirping outside, or the rustling of the oak tree from their backyard."

"Even the crickets was silent for once." (p.28). Here, you use the word "crickets" to be plural, so "was" should be "were." Correction: "Even the crickets were silent for once."

"The small area stayed darkened and she would've been like a blind man if it wasn't for the adjustment of her eyes." (p.29). You're missing a comma here. Along with that, the word "eyes" is plural, which means you should conjugate "wasn't" to fit the situation, as "weren't." Correction: "The small area stayed darkened, and she would've been like a blind man if it weren't for the adjustment of her eyes."

"The strange sound was never constant; the melody often jumping to a higher note then gently falling and pitch alternated between high and low." (p.32). You're missing a comma here, and you're missing the word "the." Correction: "The strange sound was never constant; the melody often jumped to a higher note then gently fell, and the pitch alternated between high and low."

"As Odette continued to listen, the only conclusion she came to, was that she was utterly and completely entranced." (p.33). You're using an unnecessary comma here. Correction: "As Odette continued to listen, the only conclusion she came to was that she was utterly and completely entranced."

"So this is the sound of heaven. She thought." (p.34). This should be one whole sentence. Correction: "So this is the sound of heaven, she thought."

"The back ache from earlier seemed to worsen with the chilled air and struggled to take deep, slow breaths." (p.35). By not using a subject pronoun, you're essentially saying Odette's back was struggling to breathe, not Odette herself. Correction: "The back ache from earlier seemed to worsen with the chilled air, and she struggled to take deep, slow breaths."

"'Who's there?' She called out to the darkness." (p.37). The dialogue tag after the dialogue is still a continuation of the sentence, so the capitalization isn't necessary as it isn't the start of a new sentence. Correction: "'Who's there?' she called out to the darkness."

"'Please, come back.' She croaked." (p.40). Again, this is one whole sentence. By ending the dialogue with a period, you're saying that "she croaked" is its own sentence, which it isn't, as it would be an incomplete sentence. Correction: "'Please, come back,' she croaked."

"Wonder would spread throughout her as she noticed his inhuman eyes then it would be replaced by pure terror as she saw the thick, spiraling horns that extended from his scalp." (p.45). You're missing a comma here. Correction: "Wonder would spread throughout her as she noticed his inhuman eyes, then it would be replaced by pure terror as she saw the thick, spiraling horns that extended from his scalp."

I enjoyed the vivid prose you included throughout your chapter! It was dark and lovely, and it gave me a sense of your writing style and story plot. I did spot several grammar problems that I've pointed out, so if you work on fixing those and apply them to the rest of your chapters, your story will be good to go!