Mahatma Gandhi had once said, "In a gentle way, you can shake the world." That is exactly what Shambhavi Sakshi Vyas wants to do.

Set in the backdrop of a fictional Army Academy the story takes you on the struggles faced by Shambhavi Vyas to become an Indian Army Officer. She wants the respect that she deserves, by earning it the right way.

She finds friendship, loyalty, and love.

She learns that not all men in uniform are jerks.

But what happens when her bitter past comes back to haunt her, risking everything she had longed for. Secrets are to be revealed. Obstructions emerge.

Secrets that threaten to break the reality of her life; obstructions that can throw her off course.

Hop onboard to witness Shambhavi, as she embarks upon a journey that is no short of an adventure than climbing a mountain the first time.

Your cover is very basic and minimalist. It doesn't look like a lot of effort has gone into it. How can you experiment with the font, and how it's presented? What filters can you add to the photo? I suggest that you request a new cover from a cover maker on Wattpad.

The title is fine as it is, but it's also generic. It doesn't help your audience understand what your story is about, or give it an aura of mysteriousness. You can leave it as it is, but I suggest finding a new title. It can be a quote from your story, a symbolic object, or relating to the moral/theme of your story.

The first main problem I see here is that your blurb is too long. Most of the information here is completely unnecessary, and you could restructure most of your sentences. A blurb is very important, as you're using this opportunity to showcase your writing skills to potential readers. You could brush up on your grammar (unnecessary commas) and your blurb didn't make me want to read your story. What is the principle plotline of your story? What is the main problem, and what's in the way of success? Those are the two things you should be including. Saying that secrets will be revealed and obstructions will throw her off course is a generic phrase often overused, and secrets and obstructions are in every story. This doesn't help your reader learn anything new. So she wants to become an Indian Army Officer. I suggest that you establish that she wants to become an Indian Army Officer, her motivation for it, and what's in the way of her success.

I really enjoyed reading your hook. It was well written and free of any grammatical/spelling errors. Your use of diction also enhanced the quality of your writing, and I like how you threw me right into the story.

For the most part, I was very impressed by your grammar use! There was only one main frequent mistake I've caught; that being your use of commas. You can do research more on your own, but commas are used to separate several "topics" within a sentence so as to not confuse your readers. For example, the sentence "she brushed her hair and then she went to school," has two different topics. One is that she brushed her hair; the other is that she went to school. It should be separated with a comma, and keep in mind that the comma often accompanies conjunctions (and, or, but, etc). Correction: "She brushed her hair, and then she went to school." The rules for commas do become more perplexing when the structure of your sentence becomes more advanced (for example, having more than two different topics in a sentence). You can either research it, or use a helpful writing site that will point out where and why a comma mistake for you. (I suggest ProWritingAid). There is also one instance in your story where I found an incomplete sentence. It seems like an unconscious error; a typo, but I suggest thoroughly proof-reading your chapters in the future before uploading them on Wattpad. That way, you can avoid mistakes such as these in your writing.

I didn't spot any typos in your story in terms of spelling, so well done! I did, however, notice that a few times, you've misused words. I've pointed a few out for you, but in future writing, I suggest that you think about your sentence before you write it. Does the verb or adjective you use make sense? Does it fit the situation and is it conjugated properly within the sentence? Don't be afraid to look up the definition of a word, or look up how a word is used. That way, you can continue to learn more.

I was impressed by the uniqueness of your plot. This is the first I've seen of a story like this on Wattad, and I was also impressed when I noticed that it was completed! I can really see that you put a lot of thought into your story and persevered to make it to the ending. I enjoyed the new aspects you've twisted into your story. Solid 20/20!

I'll admit that in the beginning, I struggled to find common ground with your character. The way you wrote about your character was very detached; not intimate enough. It made me feel as though you, as the author, was also struggling to learn about your own character. Hence, it made me feel awkward reading about Shambhavi. I suggest that when describing her actions, think about your readers. You don't want them to just know what she did; you want them to see what she did. How can you describe her actions so your readers can vividly visualize it? Play around with Shambhavi's thoughts. When she's nervous, describe the physical effects of her anxiety (sweaty palms, racing heart, etc). What about her happiness when she makes it into the academy? You could definitely play it up a bit, because I wasn't as excited for her as I should have been. Try to really describe the fullness of her heart, or the disbelief in her head. Describe the way her sisters celebrated at the news. Try to make your readers smile. Along with that, while I did appreciate the physical description you provided for Shambhavi, I also found that they were cliche and generic. I've seen a thousand descriptions of characters on Wattpad that sound almost exactly the same as yours. What's unique about Shambhavi? Maybe she has a faint scar on her cheek. Maybe she has an extremely long, swanlike neck. What are her features that make her stand out? They don't always have to be pleasant and appealing features. After all, she is human. What is she insecure about? What are her physical flaws, and how do they mark her up inside?

Your writing style is very factual, which I enjoyed. However, I found five things to point out for you about your writing voice.

You have weak verbs. I've noticed a repetition of weak verbs such as "went," and "gone." There are much more delicious verbs out there, such as "sauntered," or "vanished." This can have an immediate effect on your readers and enhance the reading experience. I've pointed out a few of these instances throughout your chapter reviews, but I guarantee there are so much more I haven't caught, so make sure to look for them on your own.

You could tighten your sentences. Oftentimes, your sentences are about a paragraph's worth long, and you string together endless clauses with commas. You can separate these into several sentences and get rid of filler words. In future writing, when writing a sentence, think about its structure. What is the best way you can write it out? How can you write it in a short and concise way that will make the most sense to your readers?

Show, don't tell. I often find that you say Shambhavi is nervous or happy. But you never take the time to describe these emotions. There are so many ways you can elaborate on her emotions, and I've expressed this concern when writing about your characters. These two things tie in together; to make your characters more human and relatable, you need to bring their feelings into light; make them more alive. You can do this through describing the physical effects of their emotions (tears, thudding hearts, sweaty palms, etc). You can also show this through actions (trembling fingers, clearing of the throat, bashful smiles, etc).

Write out your numbers. As a reader myself, I often found myself getting irritated when seeing that an author didn't bother to write out numbers. While not everyone is as picky as me, there are definitely some individuals out there that feel the same, and they may contribute significantly to the amount of attention your story receives. By not writing out numbers, it breaks the flow of the story for your readers, and ruins the build-up. Obviously, I understand that this wasn't related to being unprofessional or lazy (after all; I am a writer myself). However, some readers who have no experience in writing may not feel that way. To avoid vexed readers, please write out your numbers.

Passive voice. In your writing, you used a lot of auxiliary verbs (helper/unnecessary verbs in front of the verb, such as "she does go" when you could really just get rid of the auxiliary verb and say "she goes"). I've pointed a few out to you, but I encourage you to look for this in your writing yourself. Along with that, you often write that something is done to something, rather than plainly stating that something happened. Hence, you're unnecessarily lengthening your sentences and making it confusing with less of an impact for your readers. For example, instead of saying "she was laughing," just directly say, "she laughed."

Here, I mainly found no problem with your transitions. You clearly knew what you were doing here. However, there is something I found that is common with a lot of humans I do reviews for; your transition words. I've spotted that you move a scene along by using the word "soon" or "then." I suggest that you refrain from using these; those words are essay-transition words and can be awkward for your readers. Some methods to seamlessly transition better include describing the time stamp. If you're trying to show that some time has passed without making it blatantly obvious and awkward for your readers, you can describe the previous actions, such as "after washing up and brushing her teeth, she..." Or, you can start a scene by diving right into the action or the trigger of the action. For example, you could start right off with a bang by saying, "she walked in, and he was dead." Can you see how that starts the scene off? In addition, this transition is so jarring and captivating that your reader won't notice the sudden transition. There are so many other methods out there that you can focus on as well. What I love to do is read other books (always keep reading, you'll only improve your writing by doing so) and take note of how an author transitions or moves a scene along. Oftentimes, I'll encounter a clever way the writer steered the plot in the right direction, and I'll take note of it to incorporate it into my own story. You can do the same, and your writing will gradually improve along the way.

"Indian Officers Training Academy, also known as IOTA, was gearing up for a new batch of cadets." (p.1). Here, I suggest you use hyphens/em dashes to make your sentence more clear for your readers. Suggestions: "Indian Officers Training Academy—also known as IOTA—was gearing up for a new batch of cadets."

"The success of the hard work which went into the written and physical exams, depended on the outcome of the aforesaid interview." (p.2). Despite the length of this sentence, a comma is not necessary. Because of the way you restructured these several clauses to point to one topic, there's no need for separation. Correction: "The success of the hard work which went into the written and physical exams depended on the outcome of the aforesaid interview."

"Holding her head high, she went in." (p.4). Here, the verb "went" is weak. It's awkward and stands out in your sentence, distracting me from the content of your sentence. I suggest you replace it with a stronger verb, as simple as "walked" or "strode."

"She heard a slight voice..." (p.7). What do you mean by the word "slight?" It means small (but in degree), a person of their build, an insult, or to destroy. If you're insinuating that the voice was frail, thin, or small, then I suggest you use a better alternative to make this clear for your readers. There are some readers out there who will be unable to interpret this meaning you've incorporated into the word.

"She knocked at the door and a strong voice called out." (p.10). Here, these are two separate clauses; therefore, they should be separated with a comma. I suggest you replace "at" with "on." Along with that, you should make this its own paragraph along with his next words. Correction: "She knocked on the door, and a strong voice called out, 'come in.'"

In paragraph 12, you described the girl as "she went in." I can already see some repetition here with the word "went." I suggest you refrain from using weak verbs. It has a weak impact on your readers, and there are so much more vibrant words you could replace it with that can contribute to the personality. For example, she could "hesitantly tiptoe in" which would show she was shy. Or, she might have "sauntered" right in, showing her confidence.

"She thanked him sincerely and went to Major Khan's Office." (p.22). You're missing a comma here. Can you find it? Along with that, you've used the word "went" again. Can you see how the repetition of these words can exhaust your readers? I suggest you replace it and don't capitalize on the word "office" as it's not a specific thing.

In paragraph 1, I suggest you write out the numbers, "four weeks," "thirty days," and "seven-hundred-twenty hours." That way, your writing will look more professional and less lazy for your readers.

"She had gone back with a heavy heart but upon reaching home she had informed her two younger sisters that the interview went well." (p.1). You're missing a comma here. These are two separate topics and should be broken up with a comma. Correction: "She had gone back with a heavy heart, but upon reaching home she had informed her two younger sisters that the interview went well."

In your first sentence in paragraph 2, you're missing a comma. Can you find it? Feel free to ask me if you need help.

In paragraph 3, make sure to write out numbers "twenty-three" and "twenty-five."

"It was her sisters who had filled out the form and given her the application to be sent and reminded her that it was the last year she could enter." (p.4). You're missing a comma here. Along with that, since the word "and" is repetitive in this sentence, making it sound awkward, I suggest you restructure this sentence to avoid writing "and" more than once. Correction/Suggestion: "It was her sisters who had filled out the form and had given her the application to be sent, reminding her that it was the last year she could enter."

In paragraph 4, you already addressed that Nitya was the youngest. You don't need to write that she was the youngest anymore after that, your readers should be able to remember on their own. "Nitya the youngest" is getting repetitive in this chapter, almost as though it's part of her name.

"Shambhavi lightly smacked Adhya on her head, 'and you are one to say, soon-to-be wife of one squadron Mritunjay Bajaj.'" (p.11). These are two separate sentences. The comma in the first sentence should be replaced with a period, and the dialogue starting should be capitalized. Correction: "Shambhavi lightly smacked Adhya on her head. 'And you are one to say, soon-to-be wife of one squadron Mritunjay Bajaj.'"

In paragraph 13, I suggest you write out numbers.

In paragraphs 16 and 17, make sure to write out the numbers. If you don't, it'll disrupt the flow of your story and ruin the build-up for your readers.

In the second to last paragraph, make sure to write out numbers.

In paragraph 2, make sure to write out the number "fifteen."

"For her to leave them, was to neglect them, but she knew it would only be better for everyone's future." (p.3). You have an unnecessary comma here. Correction: "For her to leave them was to neglect them, but she knew it would only be better for everyone's future."

"Anisha and Shambhavi had been in constant touch with each other and no one could have guessed that the girls had met only a month ago." (p.4). You're missing a comma here. I also suggest tightening your sentence by getting rid of unnecessary auxiliary verbs ("helper" verbs, placed in front of the main verb). Correction: "Anisha and Shambhavi had been in constant touch with each other, and no one could have guessed that the girls met only a month ago."

In paragraph 5, you have an incomplete sentence. Make sure you add a period at the end of your sentence.

"Nitya did not say anything and just hugged her sister as hard as she could." (p.7). You're missing a comma here. Can you find it?

In paragraphs 10 and 11, make sure to write out numbers.

In paragraph 12, it's just one long run-on sentence. I suggest you rewrite it and separate them into several sentences, and don't forget to add commas when necessary.

"The bell rang and the girls all but ran to the mess." (p.18). You're missing a comma here. Correction: "The bell rang, and the girls all but ran to the mess."

In paragraph 19, "beautiful" shouldn't be capitalized as it isn't a specific person, place, thing, or the start of a sentence.

"Shambhavi hoped for everything to be smooth." (p.29). I've noticed that in your writing, you often state things. How can you be more artistic with your writing? You want your readers to delve deep into the story and look at your world with their own eyes. How can you describe that Shambhavi hoped everything would be okay? Did her heart thump erratically in her chest? Were there butterflies in her stomach?

I've noticed that the word "soon" is becoming increasingly repetitive in all your chapters when transitioning scenes. Is there a better way to move the situation along? Using "soon" or "then" is an essay-type transition, and can get boring for your readers. Don't be afraid to get creative. You could transition by writing what the character did during the time skip. For example, you could say, "after she washed and got ready, she..."