Goblin and Vampire affairs were strongly forbidden. When Elise Lee found out the vicious Goblin King was her mate, everything was drowning into a darkish twist.

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After the rejection of her ex mate, she distracted herself to pursue her dream job - being the best guardian, just like her legendary parents.

The consulate promoted her to be an Elite guardian out of the blue. Ironically, her first mission was to protect and handle the secretive mystery of a notorious Goblin King. Things started to fall apart when they caught on feelings above the mate pull.

Fire meeting ice.

Everything went downhill as hell as she decided to cross to the Goblin's realm. Aside from the Goblin King, someone powerful who wanted her dead was lurking near her.

How will they balance the goblins and vampire realm if hatred and war is becoming love? Would she be able to be the best Guardian and protect the guardians HQ? Or will she choose to join the dark side of the Goblins? Either way she was doomed because she was not who she really thought she was.

I was impressed by your cover! It looks well professionally made, and draws in the right audience for your story. I can see you put a lot of thought in finding the right cover. Kudos to your graphic designer!

I was surprised by how much I enjoy your title. It's different from other generic story titles, and it seems to hold a heavier meaning that I've yet to find out. Well done!

The first huge thing I found were your tense slip-ups. You switched tenses in the middle of a sentence, and it happens often in your blurb. There was a lot in your blurb that could be restructured and tightened to have a better, long-lasting effect on your reader. There's also a lot of unnecessary information in here. If you really don't want to get rid of this excess information, I suggest you provide the full synopsis within your story, and present a shortened version of it in the blurb. The focal points here are that Elise gets rejected from her mate, she throws herself into the honorary work of being an Elite guardian, and she gets assigned to protect the Goblin King. She finds out she has another chance at love, but it also turns out that the Goblin King isn't the only one she should watch out for. Try to write this in only a few sentences. My take on your blurb would be:

Goblin and vampire affairs have always been strongly forbidden. When Elise Lee found out her vicious Goblin King was her mate, everything began to drown in this dark twist.

After the rejection of her ex-mate, Elise threw herself into her newly promoted work of being an Elite Guardian. Ironically, her first mission was to protect the Goblin King, but her world fell apart when she learned they were fated to be together. Learning to navigate growing feelings and dangerous thoughts, Elise thought she had it handled.

But it turned out the Goblin King wasn't the only one to watch out for.

This isn't my best writing, but you can roughly see how I've centered the blurb around one principle idea and built around it. Along with that, keep in mind that "vampire" shouldn't be capitalized, as it isn't a unique concept or referring to a specific person. I've done some restructuring here and cleaned up your tense slip-ups. This doesn't mean you should copy and paste my blurb as yours (sadly, it's happened before) (it also doesn't mean you should take my blurb and tweak a few parts and call it your own either), mainly because I don't know your story as well as you do. It should be up to you to decide which parts you should or shouldn't include, and build your own blurb with that, with your own writing voice.

What I enjoy is that you threw me right into the story with no hesitance or nonsense. It's intriguing and pulled me right in. A suggestion I have is when writing, replace the bold words with italics, because to a reader it may not feel like part of the writing, but that the author is addressing them directly. It can break them away from the flow of the story and can be distracting. Along with that, you're incorporated two tenses in your first sentence, so make sure to correct this tense slip-up and stick to the main tense of your story (I'll address this later in your chapter review).

The main issue I've found with your grammar is that you struggle with conjugating words in the right context. You can do more research of this on your own, but I've pointed out a few of these mistakes and explained them to you in your chapter review. Along with that, you often misused commas, whether they were unnecessary or necessary. Keep in mind that commas are used to separate the different "topics" of a sentence, as a way to not confuse your readers. However, some more complex sentence structures often are exempt and have their own rules for commas. Since it's hard to keep track of where a comma is needed, I suggest you get a helpful writing site that will suggest where commas are needed (such as ProWritingAid).

Additionally, there were a lot of tense slip-ups. Your story is set in past tense, and it should stay that way. If you see any phrases written as though describing this moment, right now, it's in present tense and should be converted to past tense.

I've also noticed that you confuse your conjunctions at the end of a sentence, mainly dialogue sentences. Keep in mind that your dialogue can end in any punctuation except a period if there's a dialogue tag afterwards (she/he said), or it can end in any punctuation except a comma if there's an action tag afterwards (she ran away, he grinned, etc). A dialogue sentence with an action tag are two separate sentences, while a dialogue sentence with a dialogue tag is one complete sentence. Example of a dialogue sentence + action tag: "'Let's eat breakfast.' she reached over to grab some plates." Example of a dialogue sentence + dialogue tag: "'Let's eat breakfast,' she said."

Well done here! I found no spelling mistakes. There were a few confused switch ups with some words here and there, but these can be easily fixed with some proof-reading, editing, and AI help (writing site). I've pointed out a few examples of these in your chapter review.

While I've seen stories with vampire mates, an overwhelming amount of books with werewolf mates, this is the first I've seen where you've mashed together vampires, werewolves, and goblin kings. It's a fresh and unique idea, and I was extremely excited about your story plot! I love how you've layered several problems on top of each other, such as the fact that Elise gets rejected, then she finds her new mate, but she's also in danger! And all the tiny details in between only enhances your story.

Unfortunately, I didn't get a strong visual for your character. If you haven't already, I suggest you provide brief physical descriptions for each character as soon as they're introduced. That way, your characters and your readers can form an instant bond, and your readers won't confuse who is who. Along with that, try to give your characters some more depth. It was a little strange to see Peter do a three-sixty with his personality, especially considering that people aren't like that in authentic life. Usually, there's always an explanation behind actions, or something that motivated the bad person to do what he/she did. "A villain is just a victim whose story hasn't been told." — Chris Colfer. Try to reach within your characters and magnify their personalities. That way, your readers can classify each person by their personality. "Oh, this character is the perky one!" or "Oh, this is the grouchy guy."

I can see a definite writing style in your storytelling. I can tell that your descriptions are often brief and straight-forward. The only problem here is that your writing voice is often clouded and broken up with grammatical errors. I also suggest that you incorporate some more descriptive language in your writing. Don't be afraid to slide in a simile/metaphor and don't leave out the sensory detail. How can you describe things by feel, taste, sight, smell, and ear?

For the most part, your story flow was very natural. However, there were several times where I've caught that you use repetitive transition words, such as "soon" and "then." Keep in mind that these aren't necessary. There are so many better ways to move a scene along. Often, you can start by summarizing the previous scene, describing what triggers the scene, or starting with a surprising remark. If you look at other stories, you can observe how your favorite authors transition their scenes, and do they do it seamlessly? How can you incorporate that into your own writing?

" was all it takes for this moment." (p.1). Here, I suggest you replace the bold words with italics (and the same applies to the rest of your bold words throughout this chapter). Along with that, you're incorporating both past and present tense here. Considering that your story is set in past tense, you should convert this entire sentence to past tense. Correction/Suggestion: "Six years was all it took for this moment."

"Squeaking as the pressure forced on the evenly hard and soft texture as two bodies collided with each other in swift movements." (p.2). This sentence is long and confusing. I suggest that you break it up into several parts, so it's more understandable for the reader. You're also missing a comma; keep in mind that with the word "squeaking," you're referring to the cushion, so the comma shows that it's an indirect continuation of the sentence. Correction/Suggestion: "Squeaking, as two bodies collided with each other in swift movements; forcing pressure on the evenly hard and soft texture."

"Mr Lex, the werewolf coach, shouted at my direction. I knew the coach wasn't calling out to me." (p.4). This sentence can be restructured and tightened, and I suggest that you replace the word "at" with "in." Correction/Suggestion: "Mr Lex shouted in my direction. I knew the werewolf coach wasn't calling out to me." Did you see how I've still conveyed the same information about Mr Lex here without breaking out of the narrative and action tag?

(p.5). Again, I suggest you replace the bold part with italics. Along with that, keep in mind that you should still have a period at the end of the onomatopoeia. This applies to the rest of the repeats of this word.

"The opponent of mine was the despicable person who literally ruined my life and turned my belief of soulmate into a myth." (p.9). This is a long, run-on sentence. You could restructure, tighten, and shorten here. There are a lot of word replacements I'd suggest as well, and you've confused plural with singular. Correction/Suggestion: "My opponent was the despicable person who'd ruined my life and turned my belief of soulmates into a myth."

"Eyeing him like a predator circling its prey, I could feel his mind barrier weakened and fear dripping out of him as his eyes lost focus on me." (p.13). Here, the word "weakened" should be written as a present tense, since you already propped up this sentence with a past tense word "could." Along with that, you could get rid of unnecessary filler words. Correction: "Eyeing him like a predator circling its prey, I could feel his mind barrier weaken and fear dripping from him."

"I huffed out a relief breath and smiled in satisfaction as if I won a noble guardian emblem." (p.17). You're missing a comma here to separate the two clauses. Along with that, the word "relief" should be conjugated into "relieved" here. Correction: "I huffed out a relieved breath and smiled in satisfaction, as though I won a noble guardian emblem."

"More like, the rejected mate finally punched revenge to her ex-mate." (p.21). The word "punched" should be replaced here, as it doesn't quite fit in with the context. It sticks out awkwardly. You also have an unnecessary comma here. Correction: "More like the rejected mate finally [delivered/got] revenge to her ex-mate."

"For that, I'm eternally grateful." (p.23). You should convert this sentence into past tense. Correction: "For that, I was eternally grateful."

"He being scared of me was hilarious to my ears." (p.26). Here, the word "he" should be replaced with "him." Along with that, I suggest you describe Elise directly, instead of describing her body parts. That way, you can tighten and shorten this sentence. Correction: "Him being scared of me was hilarious to me."

"Since I didn't have any mission going on, I had to trained." (p.32). It looks like you're missing a word here. Correction: "Since I didn't have any mission going on, I had to be trained [or "I had to train."]."

"'Don't be too proud of yourself. I'll make another scar on your left temple and you'll regret it forever looking down on me.' Peter spat." (p.34). You're missing a comma here. Along with that, "Peter spat" is a continuation of the dialogue sentence. By ending the dialogue with a period, you're signifying that "Peter spat" is a sentence by itself. This incorrect; therefore, the period should be replaced with a comma. Correction: "'Don't be too proud of yourself. I'll make another scar on your left temple, and you'll regret looking down on me forever,' Peter spat."

"I laughed wickedly by myself." (p.42). Here, I suggest you replace "by" with "to." Correction: "I laughed wickedly to myself."

In paragraph 44, "hanged' should be replaced by "hung."

"Realization dawned on me for the fact - He used me." (p.52). Here, I suggest replacing the filler words. Along with that, "He" shouldn't be capitalized, as it isn't the start of a new sentence. In addition, the hyphen doesn't work well in this sentence; I suggest you replace it with a colon. Correction: "Realization dawned on me for this fact: he used me."

"The flush on her face and the heating scenes on her head gave me an exact info of why she was so occupied." (p.75). Since you're being specific, the indefinite article "an" should be replaced with a definite article "the." Along with that, some filler words can be replaced. Keep in mind that you should spell out all the words. "Info" should be "information." Correction: "The flush on her face and the heating scenes in her head gave me the exact information for why she was so occupied."

"'You better.' She huffed, 'that's why I hate vampires.'" (p.82). Here, "she huffed" is a continuation of the previous dialogue sentence, and not part of the next dialogue sentence. Therefore, the first dialogue should end in a comma, "She" shouldn't be capitalized (as it's not the beginning of a sentence) and "she huffed" should end in a period. Correction: "'You better,' she huffed. 'That's why I hate vampires.'"

"The dimmed lights illuminating the empty corridor." (p.89). I'm not sure if this is part of your writing style or not, but this sentence is grammatically incorrect. It's incomplete and doesn't have a complete clause. This happens often throughout your writing, so I suggest you go through and fix all these mistakes. Correction: "The dimmed lights illuminated the empty corridor."

Now that we've addressed he's her ex-mate, I suggest you start referring to him as "Peter" in the second half of your chapter. That way, you can establish a tie with him for your readers, and they won't forget about him as easily.

"'Ms Lee. Took you quite a while.' Simon said in a sarcastic tone." (p.93). This is one whole sentence, not two. Therefore, the period at the end of the dialogue should end in a comma and not a period. Along with that, wouldn't Simon speak with a sarcastic tone, instead of in a sarcastic tone? Correction: "'Ms Lee. Took you quite a while,' Simon said with a sarcastic tone."

It was a pleasure reading through your chapter! I can see that a lot of effort and editing went into it. There were a lot of grammatical issues I've caught, but with time, these can be corrected and your writing style will continue to evolve.